


Asunder (Previously called 'Legacy')

by smallenoughtofit



Series: Legacy [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: (briefly) - Freeform, Abuse, Actual plot, Angst, Awkward Parenting, Battles man, Brainwashing, Break Up, Character Deaths, Children, Crockpot Slow Burn, Dad Kylo, Dancing, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Finn Gets a Last Name, Finn is a Jedi, Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Ghosts, Force dreams, General Leia Organa - Freeform, It's all Snoke, Just a ton of pining, Lightsaber Battles, Lightsabers, Not Related, Papa kylo, Pining, Poe and finn are classy exes, Pregnancy, Reformed dark side rey, Rey's last name is Jedi because I say, Reylo Baby, Slow Burn, Snoke is bad, Stormpilot, The Force is really actually not that interested with what humans are doing, Time Skips, Torture, Unplanned Pregnancy, War, Wedding, Well senator disguise actually, costume changes, couples they fight together stay together, falling back in love, is it slow burn if they never fall out of love, lightsaber battles are amazing, like super slow burn, literally star-crossed, lots of pining, platonic coparenting, redemption arc, senator, slow ish burn, these jedis use blasters, time and distance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-11 01:25:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 107,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8947663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallenoughtofit/pseuds/smallenoughtofit
Summary: When Luke Skywalker refused to train Rey in combat, she turns to the only one who will: Kylo Ren. After three years of training with the Knights of Ren, Rey finds herself trapped in a crossroads, forced to choose between a life with her lover or the safety of her child. Raised in a family separated by time, space, and the Force, the secret child of Kylo Ren and Rey Jedi finds himself caught between the legacies of the Force, his parents, and the war the Galaxy has been fighting for millenia.





	1. The Choices We Make About the Lives We Live Determine the Kinds of Legacies We Leave

**“The choices we make about the lives we live determine the kinds of legacies we leave.” - Tavis Smiley, The Other Wes Moore: One Name, Two Fates**

Finn kept a firm grip on his blaster, walking quickly down the hallway towards the room where Rey was being kept. He looked at one of the security screens, watching the live feed of Rey. She sat patiently on the cot, weaponless and without any supplies. Finn stood there, scratching his chin. He hadn’t seen her so close or so calm in more than 3 years. He glanced up when he heard running footsteps approaching. Poe ran up to him, his cheeks pink after running from Transportation. “Is it really her?” Poe asked.  
“Yes,” Finn said, stepping back and gesturing at the feed. Poe looked down, holding his breath for a second before asking, “is she back? Has Luke seen her?”  
“No. She surrendered, but I wouldn’t expect anything from her. She’s still First Order.”  
“BB is asking after her. What should I say to her?”  
“The truth. Rey is here, but we can’t trust her.” Finn looked up when Poe put a hand on his arm and smiled grimly at him. He tried not to linger on the face that this was the first time Poe had touched him so comfortably since the breakup. Ironically, Rey had been part of the events that brought them together romantically and now, it seemed, platonically again. It seemed there was nothing like a traitorous prison capture to force aside the lingering awkwardness between exes. Finn swallowed and nodded at Poe, walking over to the door of the room where Rey was kept, squared his shoulders, and opened the door.  
Rey had removed her outer tunic when Finn returned She sat on her cot, staring off into space, silent and tense as ever. Finn could see why she had become such a compliment to Ren. When she had onced exuded a focused, dogged, hope, now she had a controlled power about her. She felt like a pressurized canister. Finn wondered if Snoke had sought her out simply for her goal-centered patience. She was an invaluable foil to Kylo Ren’s insecurity, self-hatred, and rage.  
“It’s been a long time.” Rey said, looking at Finn. Her expression was controlled, but Finn could see the deep exhaustion and pain. He’d known her once, even if she’d just spent 3 years in bed with the First Order. "How's Poe?"  
"Fine." Finn said too quickly. "Trouble in paradise?" Rey said, raising an eyebrow. "We broke up a few months ago. It was amicable." Finn said, trying not to snarl. He didn't want her trying to use Poe as leverage if this went south. "Wow, I have missed a lot." Rey said, blinking in surprise. “You were the one that left.” Finn said flatly.  
“That’s true.” Rey said, looking away and picking a speck of mud off of her boot. “I was training for a while and then was under the guidance of the Supreme Leader.”  
“So how has it been being Snoke’s servant? It must have been great to go from starving on Jakku to following orders from Kylo Ren.”  
“The dark side freed me.”  
“Snoke controlled you and you know it. You killed people. Good and innocent people died on your orders.”  
“The Supreme Leader is wise.”  
“Snoke will kill you for getting yourself captured.”  
“The Supreme Leader knows his plans and the truth. He will bring order to the galaxy.”  
“We won’t let him. He’ll kill you for the failure.”  
“The Supreme Leader is wise.” Rey said, but there was a hesitation in her voice, now.  
“Why do you keep saying that?!”  
“I don’t know!” Rey snapped, “I don’t know why! It’s just the first thing that pops into my head!”  
“He’s conditioned you to trust him so that he can control you!”  
“Get out.” Rey snarled, suddenly, something dark leaping into her eyes.  
“You are not in control here.” Finn barked back.  
“Get out!” Rey shrieked at him. Finn felt the metal barrel of his blaser shift next to his leg and heard a crunching sound. He glanced down and saw the muzzle had been crushed like a tin can. He backed away,watching tears well up in Rey’s eyes. He slipped out of the door, a little disturbed at the sight. He hadn’t seen Rey cry since Kylo Ren murdered Han Solo. Perhaps she was now mourning the death of her ignorance of Snoke’s true nature or she was trying to deceive him.  
Finn leaned against the wall of the hallway outside the room. At moments like this, he felt the less-pleasant side effects of Force Sensitivity. Rey’s distress was actually overwhelming to him. Finn took a deep breath, steadying himself and shutting Rey out of his mind. Luke could handle Rey’s emotions when he arrived, but Finn had work to do in the meantime. He walked to the secure storage room. The guards didn’t hesitate to allow him inside, recognizing Commander Finn immediately. Rey’s saberstaff and supply pack were waiting on the table for him. He walked over and noticed a knife on the table as well, likely pulled from Rey’s boot. You could take the girl off of Jakku, but you could never take the scavenger out of the girl.  
He unzipped Rey’s bag carefully. He doubted it was rigged, but in this day and age, he’d rather be safe than sorry. He had nothing to worry about. Finn sorted through Rey’s belongings slowly, laying them on the table. Rey was still a very restrained and frugal person, judging by the single spare set of clothing and minimal supplies she’d brought on this mission. Rey’s clothing was surprisingly soft and Finn found himself caught off-guard by the amount of gray shore wore. The material had looked black from a distance, but now he saw that Rey dressed in shades of dark gray. Finn pulled her garments aside to see more basic supplies. He pulled a hairbrush, shoes, tooth brush, tooth cleaning powder, and a towel from the bag and laid them aside. At the very bottom of the bag was a large black garment. He lifted it up, feeling the material. It was much larger and coarser than anything else. He lifted the garment up by the shoulders, watching it fall taller than him. The black tunic was much too large to be Rey’s. He knew it must by Kylo Ren’s.  
Finn grabbed an empty pack from Supply, filling it with the clothes and other non threatening items Rey had brought. He held onto the sircoat, hoping he could use it for leverage, if Rey was uncooperative. He stared at it for a moment, remembering the sight of Ren at Starkiller Base four years ago, the rage in his expression, the dark red glow of the lightsaber on his face. Finn shook himself, bringing his thoughts back to the present, and walked back to Rey’s room. He scanned his palm and the door slid open quietly.  
Rey glanced up at him, then at the bag, but didn’t speak. She sat up and moved towards the head of her bed wordlessly, turning her eyes back to the blank wall next to her bed. Finn lay the bag at the end of Rey’s bed. She reached out and grabbed the handle, but didn’t open it.  
“Do you want the robe?” Finn asked, watching her face.  
Rey turned, her hazel eyes narrowed. “I thought you’d have some respect for property.”  
“Not a traitor’s property. Besides, it’s not yours. It’s Kylo Ren’s.”  
“Same difference,” Rey murmured.  
“Oh, that’s sweet. Has he proposed yet?” Finn asked, rolling his eyes. Rey’s grip on her bag tightened. _Touchy subject,_ Finn thought, stepping back to sit by the far wall, the robe still in his hand. “Why don’t you tell me why you’re here and I’ll give you this.” He said, lifting the robe up.  
“I’m here for Skywalker.” Rey said, “I told your soldiers that boarded my starship. I have information on matters that concern him.”  
“And Luke Skywalker is supposed to come running whenever you call?” Finn asked, raising one dark eyebrow. She’d apparently grown arrogant during her time away.  
“For this, he should.” Rey said, “I left the First Order.”  
Finn wasn’t sure what surprised him more, her words or the regret she spoke them with. He stood up and crossed the room, angry at her presumptiveness. Rey was strong in the Force but she couldn’t just rejoin the Resistance on a whim, “You expect to rejoin the Resistance? How do we know we can trust you?”  
“I do not want to rejoin the Resistance.” Rey said firmly. “I want to speak to Skywalker.”  
Finn paused and leaned against the wall by the door, one hand on his blaster. He paused and looked at Rey for the first time, inspecting her carefully. She was very still, exhaustion rolling off of her in waves. There were dark circles blooming under her eyes like bruises, contrasting sharply against the white of her skin, which was paler than he’d ever seen it. She did not look well and when he reached through the Force, he realized how taxed she was, physically and emotionally. She had not rest or eaten since they had captured her, almost a day ago and her body seemed to be handling the deprivation even more poorly than usual. He wondered if she was ill for there was a frailty and defensiveness in her emotions that hadn’t been there the last time he’s seen her, as an ally or as an enemy.  
“Do you need something to eat? I don’t know when you left, but you’ve been here all night. I know the First Order is big on structured mealtimes.”  
“Ren had me eat before I left,” she said, glancing at him, “he always did, before every mission.”  
Finn stared at her, his eyebrows coming together. “You really love him.” He said.  
“Yes,” Rey said without hesitation, “he taught me everything. The Supreme Leader has made him strong.”  
“Then why are you _here?_ ” Finn growled, his grip on his blaster tightening.  
“Because I am pregnant.” Rey said, looking away from him and at her gloved hands. Finn took a deep breath, unable to find the words to communicate his shock. The Resistance knew Ren was particularly fond of Rey and that they were believed to be a couple, but the idea of them having children was astounding. Finn stared at her and saw her look at him. Her gaze was steady, but he saw the fight leave her. There was still defiance in her stance, but he saw her accept both her condition and the finality of her position. She was never going back to the First Order or to Kylo Ren. Tears shone in her eyes again, but Finn realized some of that might not be false. Exhaustion, emotion, and grief could actually be driving her towards this. Finn couldn’t decide either way, but he didn’t have to worry much longer: he could feel Luke Skywalker’s presence. He turned away from Rey, dropping Kylo Ren’s sircoat onto the floor behind him, walking out into the hallway.  
Finn looked down the hallway, feeling both anxious and relieved by Luke’s approach. He waited several moments until he saw the jedi round the corner, his robes flapping around him. Luke was white-faced when he reached Finn, R2D2 and Poe trailing after him. “Only you have seen her?” Luke asked.  
Finn nodded, mouth dry, “Luke…”  
“What?” Luke asked.  
“She said was was pregnant.”  
“Draw blood and test her, now.” Luke said, looking at Finn and Poe. “Only the the three of us see the results.” 

 

Luke, Poe, and Finn sat awkwardly in the med bay, watching the little machine process Rey’s blood, scanning for various conditions. The report was printed after the longest hour of Finn’s life. Luke looked down at the report. His blue eye widened, then he turned to the tech, “Destroy that sample and clear the results.” Luke held onto the paper, then walked back to where Rey’s things had been kept. Luke passed the report to Finn. He scanned the report, glancing past the blood sugar and cardiac report ot the little box at the label at the bottom. Finn held his breath when he saw the text PREGNANCY: POSITIVE. Finn leaned against the table and held the paper out to Poe and pressed his hands to his eyes, resting his elbows on his thighs, “So it’s true.”  
Poe stared at the paper for a second, then looked between Luke and Finn, “What do we do now? We can’t just let her go and we can’t kill her and if we hand her to the courts, they’ll have to publicly reveal her pregnancy. How long will it take before the First Order breaks down our door to get her back, do you think?”  
“They don’t yet know we have her,” Luke said, his face grave, “but you’re right. We can’t hand her to the Third Republic or let her go. We’ll have to decide something else. First, let’s see why she came here. She wanted to be captured and I want to know why.” He stood up, giving Poe and Finn a splitsecond to collect themselves before they walked down the hallway again. Finn crossed in front of Luke, pressing his hand to the security panel and letting the jedi enter first.  
Luke stalked into Rey’s room. “Your results came back,” He said, passing the sheet to Rey. “How did you know?”  
“Personal test. I took one while investigating something for the Order.”  
“Why did you come here, Rey?”  
“Because you are the only one who has a hope of keeping this child from the Supreme Leader,” Rey said. Her voice was flat, emotionless, and matter-of-fact. Whatever trust and affection she had felt were gone, replaced by a cold honesty, unencumbered by ceremony. This was a matter of necessity for her alone.  
“You believe your master would harm your child?” Luke asked.  
“I believe my child will be second to the greater purpose of the Supreme Leader and I can’t risk that. It will die.”  
“Die?” Poe asked quietly, “Snoke will kill your child?”  
“Not intentionally,” Rey said, “The Supreme leader wants trained soldiers, new knights for Kylo Ren. He will see the power of this child and want him trained as soon as humanly possible, too soon.”  
“What does Ren think?” Finn asked, leaning against the door.  
“He doesn’t know.”  
“It is Ren’s, isn’t it?” Poe asked quickly, standing up straighter.  
“Yes.”  
“You haven’t told him?” Poe sounded very confused.  
“No. He’s too close to the Supreme Leader. I had to leave. I couldn’t risk him, too.”  
Luke stared at Rey. Finn knew Luke had never really believed the rumors of Rey’s attachment to Kylo Ren, but now he had the proof in front of him, both on the paper in Rey’s face. She actually seemed to care for Ren.  
“I can feel Ren ,now. I was supposed to contact the First Order ages ago. He’s scared for me.” Rey murmured, “They haven’t found my ship yet. Do you have it or did you leave it?”  
“We left it. I am sure there are trackers on it.”  
“There are,” Rey said, looking down, “he’ll figure out where I am, now.”  
“And where are you?” Luke asked, “You’re our prisoner? Our ally? You can’t just waltz in here and be welcomed back. Why should we trust you?”  
“You don’t have to trust me,” Rey said, “just hide me until the baby is born.”  
“And let you take it back to Snoke?”  
“No,” Rey said, “if you want to arrest me after the baby is born, fine, but wait until it’s safe.”  
“We’ll hide you.” Luke said, looking at her, “I’ll have Leia make something up, a reason for the 4 of us to be out. No one will know about your pregnancy.”  
Rey nodded, “Thank you, Luke.”  
“I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for all our sakes.” Luke said, walking out of the room.  
The three men left Rey alone. Poe stared at the video projection,watching Rey curl up, clutching Ren’s sircoat and pressing her nose into it. Poe watched her, his eyes were sad, “This is going to be hard for her.”  
“Why do you care?” Finn asked.  
“She saved BB-8. I gotta believe there’s good there.”  
Finn hoped he was right. 

*****

Rey took a deep, steadying breath. She tightened her grip on Kylo’s sircoat. She closed her eyes, pressing her face into the fabric. Skywalker, Finn, and Dameron were standing outside of the room, probably watching her. She should sit up, keep her face fixed, and reveal no weaknesses to them, but she couldn’t. She hadn’t slept in at least a 24 hour cycle, probably longer, and she had little energy to put on a facade. Skywalker knew she was pregnant and had agreed to shelter her. There was nothing else left to worry about on that front, at least not yet. Part of her knew that, if she feel asleep, she would dream of Kylo Ren, which she couldn’t bear yet. She closed her eyes, curling herself around the sircoat as sleep finally closed up around her.

 

Rey felt like she’d barely closed her eyes when she was awoken by a sharp jab in her shoulder. She sat up slowly, putting a hand up to gently push the Resistance fighter’s blaster away from her, “Don’t point that at me.” She muttered, looking into the tense face of the guard. The mirialan was young, probably some new recruit or a grateful refugee looking for a way to repay Organa and her organization. She was tempted to spook the young fool, just to demonstrate his frightened state, but figured that would get her shot.  
“Put your hands out, slowly.” The soldier said, pulling cuffs from his belt. Rey held her wrists out, allowing them to put the cuffs on. She heard the little mechanism inside charge up. They didn’t trust her. _Good,_ she thought, _it means they’re not too stupid to keep me alive._  
The fighter stepped back, “Alright, stand up slowly and come this way.” His voice was tense and shaky. Rey almost felt pity for this poor soldier, obviously stuck in command when he had no experience or talent for command. How desperate was the Resistance if they were giving official positions to adolescents who could barely fire a blaster accurately. She rolled her shoulders and stood, “Should I bring my belongings?”  
“No,” the soldier said, too quickly, “you’ll be coming here.”  
Rey reluctantly put Kylo’s sircoat down and stood there awkwardly for a moment, “Are we going to start moving or just stand here gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes?”  
One of the Resistance soldier’s blinked, caught off-guard by her sarcasm, and Rey resisted the urge to laugh. The original soldier moved behind her, nudging her with his blaster out the door.  
Rey walked from her cell to Leia’s quarters, passing through long hallways. People stopped and stared at her as she passed. She smirked as their hands flew to belts, looking for some comfort in their weapons. The guards that were with her all had their blasters primed. Rey wondered if any of them actually had any idea of what she could actually do. The dark side pooled around her, but she left it be. Her own strength was sufficient for now.  
Sykwalker and Finn were waiting by the door to what Rey assumed was General Organa’s office, both calm and collected in their posture. Rey could feel the general’s presence behind the door and the general’s frustration. The old woman must be having a hard day, which would make her irritable towards Rey’s presence, at best. At worst, Leia Organa would be hostile, which would put Rey in danger. Rey felt anxiety tighten its grip around her throat for a moment, then took a deep breath to calm herself. She wasn’t weak or vulnerable here, whatever they might think or feel.  
“Do not try to escape.” Skywalker said, pressing a hand to the scanner by General Organa’s door, his blue eyes cutting through Rey like a knife.  
“Trust me, if I planned to escape, you’d know.” Rey muttered. Why would she try to leave? Where could she _go?_  
General Leia Organa sat at her desk, straight-backed and proud. Her gray hair was styled in a single braid wrapped around her head. She looked almost exactly as she had  
“I’d heard you were here.” Organa said, her brown eyes focused on her face. Rey could feel the general reaching out through the Force to see what she was thinking and how she was feeling. The general’s powers were limited due to her lack of training, but she was very confident in them. Rey pulled the Force around her, creating an artificial shell around her, keeping out Organa’s probing mind.  
A soldier grabbed Rey around the arm, guided her around a chair, and sat her down in front of General Organa. Rey leaned back in her seat, holding up her bound hands “Love the accessories.” She said, wiggling her wrists within the cuffs. “Do you think you’ve got these in gold? Silver’s not really my color.”  
“We’ll get right on that.” The general muttered, "I think the armed guards are a bit much.” She said, waving them away gently, “A jedi and a captain are sufficient.”  
The young mirialan let out a little noise of hesitation, but Organa turned her sharp brown eyes on him and he fell silent, inclining his head and walking out of the office with his troops.  
“I thought you would at least wait until they’re adults.” Rey said, watching them leave, “That mirialan looks barely full grown, much less able to command a squad.”  
“Concerned about the welfare of my soldiers?” The general asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Not particularly,” Rey said, “but killing children is more difficult than adults, emotionally.”  
“Not for Kylo Ren, apparently.” Finn snarled from behind her.  
“I said difficult, Finn,” Rey said, rolling her eyes, “not impossible. Besides, he gave them a chance.” She heard a shuffle as Finn took a step forward and Luke threw an arm out to catch him. It was rather fun to watch Finn squirm like this. He pretended to be in control and perturbed, but he wasn’t built for this life. So much freedom strained him.  
“How is my son?” The general asked quietly when Finn settled back against the wall. Rey felt Luke tense behind her and call on the Light side to calm himself.  
“He’s very well. He was when I left him,” Rey said. The general’s eyes were like Kylo’s and discussing him while looking into such a familiar face was too much; Rey looked down at her cuffed hands curled in her lap.  
“How long has she been here?” Organa asked  
“27 standard hours.” Finn said.  
“I see.” Organa said, turning her head to look Rey in the eye, “And she came willingly?”  
“She surrendered when we aimed an ion cannon and all of our laser cannons at her.” Finn muttered, “So she mostly just avoided getting blasted out of the sky.”  
“If you are as good at firing your weapons as you are at hiding your bases, I would be more concerned if you were aiming for Hosnian Prime,” Rey said, frustration bubbling bitterly inside of her, “Oh _wait_!”  
Organa stared at Rey, taken aback by the outright cruelty of the joke, “What happened to the girl from Jakku?” She asked quietly.  
“She got strong.” Rey muttered.  
“She _got_ pregnant.” Skywalker snapped.  
Rey’s jaw twitched.  
The general looked at her, “And the father is…?”  
“None of your business.”  
“Kylo Ren.”  
Leia Organa looked at Skywalker, “You want me to smuggle her out of here? Make it look official?”  
The old Jedi nodded and the old woman sighed. “It will take some time.” She said, “I’ll find some mission, smuggle her onto the ship off the ledger. You’ll need Chewbacca. His bowcaster will put her down if need be.”  
Rey bit the tip of her tongue, thinking of the star-shaped scar on Ren’s waist from that same bowcaster. She remembered how he’d been bruised there for months afterwards, even when she’d joined the First Order. She was strong, but was certain that she did not want that gun to be used on her.  
“I’ll also send a doctor, someone trained with combat medicine as well.” Organa said, scratching at her chin, “What are your plans afterwards?” The general asked, her gaze sharpening. Rey looked up at her, resisting the urge to recoil under her searching eyes.  
“I have none.” Rey said. “The Resistance is my plan.”  
“I’m supposed to believe that getting pregnant made you good?” The general sneered.  
“This isn’t about good and evil. This isn’t about order or chaos. This is about power and control. It always is and always will be.” Rey snapped, her hands twitching within the cuffs now.  
“The dark side still has its talons in you.” Leia said.  
“The little girl who destroyed Starkiller is gone,” Rey said, “I am the dark side, Leia and so is your son. This child will be safe and then, when it’s old enough, it will be powerful.”  
“You came here to prevent your child from being a weapon and yet you want to make it a weapon on your terms.” The general said, leaning forward in her seat.  
“My child will be strong.” Rey retorted, curling her hands on the desk. The dark side swirled around her and she felt the edge of the desk bend beneath her grip. “Kylo Ren’s heir will be just as great as him. This child will be strong in the Force and you know it! I won’t leave him or her weak just because you pretend to have morals!”  
The general’s face went white.  
“That’s enough!” A strong hand closed around Rey’s arm, yanking her upright. Rey turned and found herself facing Luke’s blue eyes, which were cold as ice, “You’re going back to your room.”  
“You mean my cell.” Rey snapped back.  
“Call it what you want.” Luke retorted gruffly, marching her out of the door. 

 

 _“Does your master know you are here?” Ren asked, circling her. Rey took a shallow breath. She hated feeling pinned this way, but knew it was the only way he’d feel secure around her, for now._  
_“Luke Skywalker is not my master.” Rey said, bitterness coiling inside her stomach. She saw Ren pause, his masked head tilting slightly. He walked closer to her, “What is this darkness I see in you, scavenger?”_  
_“I’m done being restrained.” Rey said, remembering Luke’s efforts to control her, to limit her. She’d spent her entire life relying on Plutt for her survival, forced to take his insults, but she did not travel across half the galaxy to be treated like a child. She had to keep herself safe and Luke Skywalker was too weak to give her any real weapons._  
_“What makes you believe my offer still stands?” Ren asked. His unlit lightsaber glinted in his hand, but Rey was more concerned with the weapon he wielded with his other hand: The Force. Rey shoved out against the unseen bonds wrapped around her. Kylo Ren stopped his pacing and took a step towards her. Rey was tired of this back and forth. She drew all her frustration and exhaustion into her chest, cutting through the bonds with the white-hot rage that filled her._  
_Kylo Ren took a step back, raising his hand. He was expecting a fight, but Rey only kneeled down, hearing his adjusted breathing change. “I, Rey, swear myself to the Knights of Ren and to the First Knight, Kylo Ren.” She said, feeling her fingers brush against the cold metal of her lightsaber, where she’d dropped it a moment before. “I will be your apprentice. I embrace the Dark Side.”_  
_“I accept you.” Kylo Ren said automatically. Rey could feel a quick-paced excitement flood through the man before her, “but I am not your master. You will obey me and the Supreme Leader. You will learn the true power of the Force.”_  
_“What will you show me?” Rey asked. She tilted her head up to watch Ren take a step closer to her. The dark Jedi extended a hand to her, his glove cool against her bare hand, gently pulling her to her feet, “Everything.”  
_

 Rey didn’t open her eyes when she heard the mechanical lock of her cell door slide into the unlocked position. She took a slow breath, savoring the memory of Ren’s gloved hand in hers for another moment.  
“Sit up, put her palms against the wall,” A voice called through the comm. Rey sighed, standing up and walking over to the wall to place her palms against the cool metal walls. She wanted to punch something, but thought of her precarious position and thought better of it. She still didn’t feel like getting blasted.  
A familiar beeping reached her ear and Rey pressed her lips together. She hadn’t seen BB-8 since she’d left to see Luke. She could hear the excitement in the droids rapid beeping. Rey wondered if the pilot had told BB8 that Rey had left the Resistance, or if the droid thought she had been with Luke this entire time.  
“Stay back!” A guard’s voice barked. Rey heard the sound of a stun baton charging behind her and heard BB’s queries as to _why?_ she couldn’t go to Rey. The guard clearly didn’t speak binary and Rey heard him swear and raise the baton, anger rolling off of him in sticky waves. Rey turned and threw him back against the far war, channelling her emotions and guilt into her grip.  
“Are you alright?” Rey asked, pinning the guard and turning to look at BB8. The droid rolled back slightly, her scanner practically twitching as she searched over Rey. BB8’s scanner settled on Rey’s middle for a moment and Rey clenched her teeth, knowing the droid had sensed the change in Rey’s body already. Rey pressed her finger to her lips, watching BB8’s scanner move to her face before the droid straightened and rolled back as Luke, Finn, and more guards walked inside. Rey heard another stun baton charge to her left and ducked underneath it, backing against the wall. Electricity could not be recommended for pregnant women.  
Skywalker's eyes met Rey’s and he stepped forward, “Leave her be.” He said, pulling his lightsaber out, “I’ll handle her.”  
Rey felt herself relax, leaning back against the wall. The guards filed slowly out of the door, leaving her alone with Skywalker and whoever else he’d brought. The familiar form of Chewbacca waited by the door and C3PO’s worried voice filled the quiet room. Rey looked over the familiar people: Skywalker, Finn, Chewbacca, General Organa, C3PO, R2D2, and BB8. She settled on the one face she didn’t know, a tall, dark-skinned woman with high cheekbones and intelligent brown eyes.  
“This is Vox Chi,” Organa said, watching Rey intently, “she’s going to be the sixth member of your ship.”  
“What’s she here for, security? I thought Chewbacca’s grease-mark-maker blaster was here for that.” Rey said, eyeing the woman. If she was Chewbacca’s back-up, she had to pack some serious skills.  
“She’s a medic with the Resistance.”  
“Great, so we’ve got battlefield medicine covered.” Rey muttered.  
The woman stepped forward, raising an eyebrow, “My training is in human prenatal care.”  
Rey blinked and turned to look at her. Doctors like that made good money and were always in demand, pretty much everywhere in the galaxy. She saw the General step forward, probably expecting Rey to snap at the doctor. Instead, Rey merely said, “How’d you end up stitching wounds for the General, here?”  
“The first Order has to be stopped and it turns out I’ve got a knack for stitching.”  
“Are you as good at delivering babies as you are at giving lip?”  
“I’m better.” Dr. Chi said, crossing her arms.  
Rey smirked, brushing her hair back behind her ear. She liked this doctor and saw why Leia Organa favored her; Leia was drawn to pragmaticism and an acerbic wit.  
“Okay, enough banter,” The General said, stepping forward, “There’s work to be done. No one outside of this room is going to know anything for now. We’re setting up a false trail for Rey’s location and no one knows where Luke is going.”  
“How effective do you think that’s going to be?” Rey asked, trying to bury the anxiety bubbling up inside of her, “I mean, I found this base.”  
“You found where some of our ships were parked, but not the base itself.” Organa said, raising her eyebrows defiantly, “I doubt even you could have found our actual base, not without getting blasted out of the sky and dragged here.”  
Rey huffed, “Okay, fine.” Frustration prickled at her and she knew she needed to keep a cool head. She didn’t want to spend the next nine months in handcuffs for being snipped with the General. Organa didn’t want to hurt Rey, not while she was pregnant, but Rey doubted that the Resistance would prevent itself from making her life as uncomfortable as they could get away with. She was the enemy, deal or no deal, and Rey didn’t see a lot of fluffy pillows and luxuries in her future, not like she needed them.  
“We are going to tie you down and hold you in your room until the ship is fully stocked.” Organa’s face was determined and more lined than Rey remembered seeing it.  
“Tie me _down_?" Rey asked, eyebrows rising, “I’m not some animal that was to be chained up!”  
“Could have fooled me.” Finn sneered.  
Rey swallowed, a swift spike of darkness cutting through her. She didn’t look over her shoulder as Finn was suddenly forced back against the wall hard enough to smack his head against the hard metal.  
“You know what-”  
“Enough,” Organa said, waving a hand in exasperation, Rey, we’re going to put you on the ship at 0400 standard time, between the watches. I doubt you’ll be there more than an hour.”  
Rey ground her teeth together, “Fine.” She said, “Now get out.”  
“You can’t tell us-” Finn blustered, but Leia Organa cut across him:  
“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited to finally include reference to past stormpilot. While I love stormpilot, I don't think their relationship would last in this Universe and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. And then I remembered that they're wonderful classy men who could handle breaking up and remaining professionals and friends. So there's a lil tidbit in there for you.
> 
> (New chapters are posted every other Tuesday for now, however I'll post the first 5 sooner since they're already done.)


	2. If There Is To Be Reconciliation, First There Must Be Truth

**“If there is to be reconciliation, first there must be truth.” - Timothy B. Tyson, Blood Done Sign My Name : A True Story**

Rey did her best to sleep while she waited to be put on the ship. They’d given her new clothes, a Resistance prisoner jumpsuit, but let her put her old clothes in her bag. Rey wondered if Skywalker and Organa had totems of Ben Solo still, just like she had Kylo’s sircoat. Curling the strap of her bag around her first, she wondered if some soldier would toss her bag into the trash chute on their way to the _Glass Blue_ just to spite her.  
Rey looked up as the door slid open. The mirialan and his squad walked in, followed by Finn. Rey took a deep breath, gripping her bag tightly, and stood up, “Is it time to go?”  
“Yeah.” Finn said, holding out a hand for her bag. Rey passed it to him, watching as he handed it to a woman with a shock of magenta hair. Rey settled her eyes on the woman for a moment, swiftly searching her feelings. The woman winced at Rey’s presence in her mind.  
“Stop it!” Finn snarled, grabbing Rey’s arm, but she kept at it. She could tell the woman was young, compassionate, and full of honor. She was intimidated by Rey, but didn’t hate her automatically. She was more concerned with grand ideas of the Resistance and the First Order than individual grudges. She joined out of a sense of duty, not a personal tragedy. Rey’s prized possessions were safe in her hands. Relieved, Rey pulled out, making sure the woman could tell she had her mind back.  
Rey turned her head to see Finn glaring at her, “Don’t do that!” He snapped. Rey shrugged, but said nothing.  
Finn glared at Rey for a moment, then grabbed a piece of cloth from his pocket. Rey looked down at it. She hadn’t noticed it before.  
“What is that for?” Rey asked.  
“We don’t want people to see your face,” Finn said, stepping closer and pulling at the edges of the cloth, opening it. It was a hood.  
“Don’t put a hood on me,” Rey snarled, rearing her head back. Finn rolled his eyes, “Just keep quiet.”  
Rey closed her eyes as the hood was put on her, then opened them. She wrinkled her nose against the rough fabric of the hood, trying to see anything through the threading.  
“Take this off me!” Ray said, “I’ll use the Force, make myself unnoticable-”  
“And escape?” Finn said, “I’m not stupid. I don’t think so. Now, shut up and let’s go.” Rey felt hands on her arms, clapping her handcuffs on her, and leading her towards the door.  
Rey panted under the hood. She hated being unable to see and breathe clearly. That had been the worst part of life on Jakku: the oppressive and cloying heat under the cloth she’d had to endure to keep sand out of her lungs. Rey swallowed, hemmed in under the dark hood, as large hands lead her roughly through the corridors of the ship. Rey heard a door open somewhere to her right and had a heartbeat’s notice before she was lead through it.  
Cool air brushed the exposed skin of her neck under the hood. She took a deep breath, glad for the fresh air, and resisted the urge to wriggle free. It would be so easy to call on the Force and send these overconfident fools flying. Instead, she was forced to endure a humiliating walk across a near-silent hangar. She nearly stumbled when they reached the loading plank of the ship, but her guards kept a firm grasp on her, forcefully marching her up onto the ship. They walked her down several tight turns and through a door that slid open with a soft noise.  
Rey tried not to gasp when Finn finally lifted off the hood, sateing her burning nerves with deep, calming cool breath instead. “Come on,” Finn said, walking over to the bed and leading Rey along  
“What now?” Rey asked, looking around her room. It was Spartan- a simple bed with a plain headboard, a desk, a dresser, and a pair of doors that likely lead off to a ‘fresher and a closet.  
“We’re going to cuff you to your bed.”  
“Excuse me?” Rey asked, turning on her heel.  
“We’re going to cuff you so you don’t get free.” Finn said, “Come on. Don’t fight. This isn’t about humiliating you. It’s about keeping you still. It’s Organa’s idea.”  
Rey paused for a moment, feeling frustration bubble up inside of her. She hated this- all of it. She walked forward to the bed, sitting down and refusing to look at Finn as she placed her wrist against the metal of the bedpost.  
This was utterly humiliating. Rey allowed Finn to slip the handcuffs around the bedpost to cuff her there, “Why are you gagging me?” Rey asked.  
“because I’m mean like that,” Finn muttered, “We have to keep you quiet, whatever happens.”  
Rey let Finn tie the cloth over her mouth, keeping it closed. She didn’t want to cut the corner of her mouth. Finn’s eyes lingered on her face, but he found no satisfaction in seeing her like this. She closed her eyes as the troops filed out and leaned the back of her head against the metal headboard.  
As time passed, it took everything she had not to fidget. Whenever possible, Rey sat very still, leaned back against the headboard, and watched people pass by her door. The cuffs dug into her wrists and the cloth Finn had put over her mouth cut in a little, but she knew it could be so much worse. Rey rested her temple on her hands, watching the footsteps of the people loading supplies onto the ship.  
It took ages for them to keep unpacking everything from supply or wherever. Rey hoped they were bringing on was good. As the noise of the crew passing through settled into a low hum, Rey let her mind wander to her own body, taking stock of herself. Her stomach rumbled; she’d need food very soon. Other than that, the aches in her body weren’t pressing and she could probably get by with a long break in the ‘fresher and a decent night’s sleep.  
After a while, Rey allowed her mind to wander, thinking back to the last time she’d had any real sense of security, before she’d found out she was pregnant. She could remember that moment exactly: when she’d first woken up in the morning, exactly two weeks before she’d left the First Order. She closed her eyes, settling back into the memory, letting the comfort and warm wash over her.  
She hadn’t opened her eyes immediately, choosing to curl up tighter under the thick blanket on her bed instead. Ren had sensed her waking and reached out tentatively, tracing up her arms and into her hair, “You have to to wake up.” He had murmured, bringing his face closer to hers so his breath brushed over her ear.  
“You’re the one who wakes up late.” Rey had reminded him, allowing him to pull her closer and wrap his arms around her. “Why are you so happy?”  
“I don’t know.” Ren had actually sounded unsure, but his doubts had scattered when she buried her face in his neck.  
The serene peace she felt evaporated as the ship rumbled into life : they were taking off. She opened her eyes, looking around as her body slid away from the headboard and her weight settled on her wrists. She yelped, trying to turn her hands and grip the metal bedpost, fighting against the pull of gravity on her body.  
_The least they could do was actually secure me, rather than just chain me up,_ Rey thought, grimacing around her gag at no one in particular. She heard a dull roar as the engines hit the atmosphere and sighed when the weight on her wrists eased and they leveled off.  
Footsteps echoed in the hallway next to her for a moment before her door slid open with a hiss. It was Finn, blaster drawn and trained on her. Rey rolled her eyes; it wasn’t as if she planned on trying to escape. He didn’t need a weapon unless he planned on hurting her, which would be uncommonly stupid. He crossed the room, settling on the bed next to her. The lamp next to her caught the beads of sweat on his dark forehead. His frustration, anger, and anxiety rolled off him with a strength that caught her off-guard.  
“If you bite me, I _will_ punch you.” Finn said reaching behind her to untie the gag. Rey rolled her eyes at his dramatism.  
“Why are you so angry?” Rey asked, watching Finn’s dark eyes. He didn’t look at her, but ground his jaw, glowering.  
“You’re a prisoner, not a project.” Finn said, “I don’t know why they don’t just drop you in some high-security box, snag your kid, and leave you to rot.”  
“Careful,” Rey said, trying to smooth away confusion at the venom in his tone. He’d been angry at her from the moment she arrived, probably since her desertion nearly four years ago, but she hadn’t expected him to be so blatant about his desire to punish her, “that sounded almost like something a darksider would say.”  
“You’d know, wouldn’t you?” Finn said, hauling her ungraciously to her feet when her hands were free.  
“I would.” Rey said, standing up a little straighter. His discomfort at the comparison hadn’t been lost at her. The man was untrained and probably had no idea how much he was projecting and how vulnerable that left him.  
Walking up through the main curling hallway, Finn kept one hand on his elbow and marched Rey into the main room, sat down, and chained her to the table.  
“Am I going to be tied up everywhere I go?”  
“Yes,” Finn said immediately.  
“If you prove that you’re a threat, we’ll give you more leeway.” Luke said, sighing, walking back in the room, “She’s our charge, not our prisoner.”  
“I’m not going to be putting up much of a fight for long, anyway,” Rey said. “You’ll definitely have the upper hand before long.”  
Rey glanced down at her bound hands.  
“Your wrists are going to be bruised tomorrow,” Dr. Chi said, sighing. “Please be nice. I don’t want to have to treat hairline fractures in your wrists in a few weeks.”  
“I’m not the one being mean!” Rey said, “I haven’t done anything to deserve this!” She said, wiggling her restrained hands.  
“You mean _besides_ D’Qar?” Finn asked venomously.  
“That’s different.” Rey said quietly, “that’s war.”  
Finn snorted and crossed his arms.  
“Can we focus?” Dameron chimed from his place at the far end of the table, taking a swig of his cafa.  
“Right,” Finn said, his tone becoming much more businesslike. There was the Commander Finn, cog in the bureaucracy, that Rey had been looking for, “We’re going to have to work together to maintain the ship,” Finn said, “all of us.”  
Rey rolled her eyes, “Of course. I’ll scrub freshers with my hands in cuffs because I owe you all so much for saving me.”  
“Someone will have to handle meals…” Finn said, glancing around. His eyes settled on Chi for a moment too long and snorted.  
“You think I’m able to cook because I’m a woman? I went straight from school, where I had no money for food to cook, to the Resistance, where someone else did the cooking.” Dr. Chi said, raising an eyebrow at Finn.  
“I’ll do it!” Rey said.  
“No.”  
“I fed myself for years.” Rey snapped, “Just because-”  
“Alright! Alright!” Finn said, “Rey will handle feeding everyone and we’ll just have to trust that she hasn’t poisoned us. Anyone volunteering to scrub ‘freshers?”  
“How about we approach it this way,” Skywalker said, sitting down at the table next to Dameron, “Everyone is responsible for cleaning their own room, we’ll work together on the training hall and-”  
“Has anyone checked if this ship has any maintenance droids?” Rey asked suddenly.  
Rey heard the dull sound of BB8 rolling over to her, **“Designation [GENERAL ORGANA] has equipped transporter [BLUE GLASS] with maintenance droids.”**  
“Any cleaning droids?” Rey asked, turning to attention to the droid.  
**“Series [CL CLEANING DROIDS] : Model [CL 89] : Designation [CL 89-607], Designation [CL 89-609]. Series [T3 UTILITY DROIDS] : Model-”**  
“It’s okay, BB,” Rey cut across her, “I just needed to know about the cleaning droids. Thank you.”  
“What did she say?” Finn asked, looking down at BB8.  
“You still don’t know Binary?” Rey asked, frowning, “You’ve been friends with her for 4 years and you still can’t understand her?”  
“That’s my business,” Finn snapped, “What did she say?”  
“There are two cleaning droids on board. That should be more than enough.” Rey said, “They’re CL Cleaning Droids, so they’ll engage on a regular schedule.”  
“Well, that simplifies my life.” Dameron said, leaning back in his chair and grinning, “I’ll just focus on flying this thing.”  
“Good enough for me.” Dr. Chi said, rubbing behind her ear thoughtfully. She glanced over at Rey, “When did you last eat?”  
“It’s been awhile.” Rey admitted.  
“Hang on,” Dr. Chi said, standing up and walking to the galley storage cabinets. She snagged a packaged bar and tossed it to Rey, “It’s standard rations. It’s not very tasty, but you need the nourishment more than taste right now.”  
Rey took a bite of the compacted bar, chewing slowly. It was solid, tough, and rather tasteless, but she was glad for _something_.  
“The Galaxy’s Best and Brightest, ladies and gentlemen,” Rey muttered. She brushed some falling strands of hair behind her ear, debating whether she should just go back to her room. They might not even let her go on her own, but it was worth a chance, just to get some peace.  
Rey stood up and saw Finn’s hand move to his blaster, “By the Force,” She snapped, “I just wanted to go to sleep. Can I do that without an armed guard?”  
“Well, you’re not exactly a good person, are you?” Finn said, standing up, “so we’re not gonna let you go.”  
“Then unchain me and walk me back!” Rey snapped. She felt the darkness rise and twist around her. There was a sharp snapping noise and the pressure on her wrists lifted dramatically. She looked down and saw that, in her anger, she’d snapped the loop Finn had fed her handcuffs through. She heard a small mechanical whine and turned her eyes towards Finn. His blaster was trained on her, charged.  
“Finn…” Skywalker’s voice was calm yet firm as he stood up, “Leave her. She lost her temper, that’s all.”  
“Kylo Ren loses his temper and destroys whole comm panels, why would she be any different?” Finn asked.  
“You have to trust-”  
“Trust her?” Finn snapped incredulously.  
“Trust _me_.” The aging Jedi said seriously.  
Finn turned his eyes onto Skywalker, searching him for a moment, then back to Rey. His gaze flickered over her face for a second, and then down to her abdomen. She followed him and realized she’d put her hands protectively over her front without realizing it. Finn sighed and put his blaster back in his belt, “Sorry.” He muttered.  
“Is there anything else you need, or can I go?” Rey asked, trying to put aside the fear that had  
“Actually, Rey,” Dr. Chi said quickly, “I need a private interview with you.”  
“Why?” Rey said, so tired she didn’t even care how whiny she sounded.  
“Basic information about your background, your health care, and things like that.” Dr. Chi explained, waving her hands.  
“Why not them?” Rey asked immediately, nodding at Dameron and Finn.  
“This is about your prenatal health, Rey,” Dr. Chi said, “I have their most recent physicals, anyway.”  
“Do I have to do it with these on?” Rey asked, holding up her hands.  
Dr. Chi said “no” at the same time that Finn said “yes” and Rey resisted the urge to stomp her foot or use the Force on the cuffs.  
It was Dameron, actually, who broke the tie. He stood up, snagged the key from Finn’s belt and slowly unlocked her cuffs, looking her in the eye, “Here.” He said gently, watching her.  
“Thank you, Dameron.” Rey said, rubbing her wrists. She nodded to Poe, then turned and walked back to her room, “Doctor, if you want an interview, you’re coming with me.”  
Rey didn’t bother to see if she followed or say a word or look back at the doctor as she walked down the hallway back to the room she assumed was hers. She tried to appear at least somewhat confident as she walked in and sat on her bed, rubbing her hands together, “What do you want to know, doc?”  
“We can do a more in-depth exam later,” Dr. Chi said, leaning against the doorframe, “I just want to have a basic idea about your health and the father’s health, to keep in mind for the future.”  
“Fine.” Rey said, grinding her teeth a little. She just wanted to be alone, just wanted to forget about everything for five minutes; Rey was so tired and frustrated she could feel the darkness scratching at the back of her mind.  
“Is this your first pregnancy?” Dr. Chi asked.  
“Yes.”  
“Any history of-”  
“Family history is out.” Rey said, “I don’t know my family or anything about them.”  
Dr. Chi closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Good, she’s frustrated, too.  
“When was the end of your last cycle?” The doctor asked, speaking in a forced pace.  
“About 8 or 9 standard weeks ago?” Rey said, closing her eyes and thinking.  
Dr. Chi pulled a small holopad out of her jacket and scrolled through it, “General age of first cycle?”  
“Sixteen.” Rey looked down as the doctor looked up at her. She knew it was late. Most of her preeteen years were spent on the verge of starvation. She’d never had enough spare nutrients for things like reproduction, not until she got good, in her late teens. The doctor said nothing, nodding and moving on.  
“Drugs or alcohol use?”  
“Nothing regular,” Rey said, “I’ve had Corellian wine, but drugs aren’t my thing.”  
“Father’s age?”  
“I told you I don-”  
“I mean the baby’s father.” Dr. Chi said gently.  
Rey said nothing. Skywalker, Finn, and the General may have known she was with Kylo, but she wasn’t telling this strange doctor anything about him. It would be too easy to reveal a weakness they could use against him.  
“You’re not going to tell me who the father is?” Dr. Chi asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“No, not you.” Rey said defiantly, leaning back on her hands  
“Look, could you at least tell me _about_ him?” The doctor countered, moving off the wall and walking closer to where Rey was sitting, “I want a general idea of what I’m dealing with, health wise. I know he was or is Resistance, because Leia gave me redacted files from when he was born, so I can do digging and waste my time and learn more than you want me to or you can answer my questions and we can move past this.” Her dark eyes looked into Rey’s. She wasn’t bluffing.  
Rey ground her teeth together, fighting the urge to kick her, “Fine.”  
Vox looked down at her holopad, “How old is the father?”  
“Early 30s”  
“Height?”  
“6’2”, I think.” Rey said, “We never actually sat down and discussed our medical history.”  
“So you don’t know him well.” Dr. Chi said, raising her eyebrows.  
Rey felt a hot spike of frustration cut through her and curled her hands into fists. Of course the doctor would assume this was a fling, “I never said that. We were busy fighting the Resistance and didn’t spend our free time taking our measurements.”  
The doctor sighed, “I didn’t mean to insinuate anything, Rey. I’m sorry. I know the First Order has basic physical standards all Stormtroopers have to make, but I doubt you’d have a relationship with one of their footsoldiers. Is the father from higher command?”  
“Yes, but he was active,” Rey said, the corner of her mouth rising in a smile she couldn’t completely stifle, “Part of our free time together was spent training sparring.”  
“Did he have any chronic illnesses or genetic conditions that you know of? Something that wouldn’t be in his file from birth?” The doctor asked.  
Rey shook her head. No, Kylo was healthy, even with the scars on his face and body, “I don’t have anything either. Or, not anything that I’ve been told about.”  
“I think that’s all I need,” Dr. Chi said finally, putting her holopad away, “I’ll get more about your history when I do an in-depth exam later on this week.” She turned and paused at the doorway, biting her lip, “I do have one more question. It’s a bit personal, but it’ll help me gauge your mental state.”  
“What is it?” Rey asked, staring into the doctor’s dark eyes.  
“Do you love him?”  
“I do.” Rey said, nodding and pressing her lips together. Emotion flooded through her, clouding her judgement and reminding her how much she missed Kylo. She turned away from the doctor, partly afraid she’d start crying and partly afraid she’d start talking about him and say too much. She heard the doctor exit the room and she sighed, hoping finally for some peace.  
Rey was able to sit in still silence for about three full seconds before she sensed someone walking down the hallway : Skywalker was coming to see her.  
“ _What_ do you _want_?!” Rey groaned, flopping back on her bed.  
“I wanted to forewarn you. I am going to work with you while you’re on this ship.” Luke said, standing in her doorway, arms crossed over his chest.  
“Why would I agree to that?” Rey asked.  
“Because you’re going to get more frustrated as time goes on. You’re going to get more emotional, tired, and stressed as time goes on. You need a way to keep the darkness at bay, Rey. I know you’ve felt it at the edge of your mind.”  
“I’ve got it under control.” Rey growled.  
Skywalker stepped into her room and waved his hand, closing the door behind him, “I know you didn’t mean to break that clasp earlier. You need help.”  
Rey looked up at him for a long moment. He looked even more old and tired than he had three years earlier. His face was lined and his blue eyes were sad. She could feel the guilt and worry he felt about her. _Serves you right,_ She thought, _I could have been your apprentice, but you were so focused on controlling me that you couldn’t accept my power._


	3. You Never Understand Life Until It Grows Inside of You

**“You never understand life until it grows inside of you.” ― Sandra Chami Kassis**

Rey sat down in the training room carefully, crossing her legs and looking at Luke Skywalker. She withheld the urge to fidget with the edge of her pants and forced her spine to stay straight as Luke sat across from her. As Luke settled himself on the floor, Rey self-consciously tugged her shirt away from her body. There was no way he could _tell_ she was pregnant, but she still felt awkward about it.  
“Are we meditating?” Rey asked, rubbing her knee and not looking away from Skywalker.  
“Not in the typical tense.” The aging Jedi said, “I want you to tap into the Light.”  
“Are you kidding me?” Rey huffed, rolling her eyes.  
“I said I was going to train you,” Skywalker said, “We’ll start with traditional meditation and then move into something else.”  
“Fine.” Rey grumbled, closing her eyes and rolling her neck. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.  
“Calm yourself,” Luke said slowly and gently, “breathe in deeply and out deeply. Think of the Force, feel it and reach into it.”  
“I know how to meditate, old man.” Rey muttered, a flicker of frustration flashing through her.  
“Who is teaching whom here, Rey?” Skywalker said calmly.  
“You are teaching me.” Rey said, unable to keep the pouting note out of her voice.  
“Correct. Now, feel the Force and reach into the Light. Surrender your frustrations, hesitations, feelings, and worries to it. Let go of all of your aches and pains and embrace the serenity.”  
Rey found, with difficulty, she could pull her mind away from the ache settling into her lower back and her frustrations at Skywalker. She reached out and felt Luke and everyone in the ship: Poe was at the helm, humming contentedly with BB8 at his heels, Finn was in his room working on something, judging by the tension she could already feel in his shoulders, and the doctor was in the med bay, reading or doing something else quiet and contented.  
Skywalker’s voice broke through her spiritual exploration of the ship: “Focus on yourself, Rey. The Force lives in you, too.”  
Rey resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but reached her consciousness beyond the ship or her own body, into the Force itself. She felt the Light for a moment before Skywalker cleared his throat. Rey opened her eyes, struggling to keep her tenuous connection, and looked at him as he stood up.  
“Follow my movements,” Skywalker said, “Feel the Light. Call it to you and through you.” He slowly moved, stretching his arms out. He turned his foot out away from his body, bending at the knee. Rey huffed again, stood up, and mirrored his motions.  
Rey reached over her head, spreading her fingers and reaching deeper into the Light. She found her own grasp on the dark side loosening, although its tether to her was still strong. She could sense the Force flowing through Skywalker. He was serene, more than she’d ever seen.  
As Rey reached outward to her next form, keeping her back straight, she thought of Darth Vader. Kylo Ren had spoken about him with reverence, but Rey had always wondered about his downfall. How could a man so secure in the dark side have been seduced by the light so quickly? Even she, immersed as she was, felt no serious desire to abandon her power.  
Rey couldn’t find her answer, but decided one thing: there was no way Luke Skywalker could ever abandon the light side of the Force. He thrived in it more than she ever did.  
As they moved through each form, with each breath, Rey felt the great, bright warmth of the Light settle into her chest. She could sense Luke as he moved and found she didn’t have to look at him frequently to match his movements. A powerful sense of understanding and connection filled her; for an Order that swore off attachments, the Light spent a lot of time building connections  
Rey’s weight fell effortlessly into the last form, her feet in front of each other, her body turned and her arms stretched out, one before her and one behind. She blinked, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Luke’s hand level with hers. It was unnerving to be so at peace so close to someone she wasn’t allied with, someone she didn’t like. Rey straightened, pulling her hand in closer to her body again, not looking at him.  
“That, Rey, was the Light.” Skywalker said gently, inclining his head to her.  
“Is that all?” Rey whispered, trying not to betray her own feelings.  
“Of the Force?”  
“For today.” Rey said flatly, looking at her bare feet, her shoes in her hand.  
Skywalker was silent for a moment and Rey could feel his pale eyes cutting through her until he finally said: Yes, you may go.” 

Rey avoided everyone for the rest of the day, sneaking food from the galley and eating alone in her room. BB8 came to check on her, but didn’t press or disturb her, which Rey appreciated.  
She spent most of the day both thinking about and avoiding any conclusions on what had occurred that morning. She didn’t agree with Skywalker. She didn’t agree with Skywalker. Luke Skywalker was a glorified hermit that pledged himself to a path that couldn’t protect him. He had forsaken power and security in order to keep the moral high ground, Rey reminded herself. She was not so foolish.  
However, try as she might, Rey couldn’t shake the memory of the peace she’d experienced while engulfed in the light. After several hours, an itch appeared in the back of her mind as she thought about her experience, one she couldn’t settle. She finally broke, throwing her shoe across the room out of sheer frustration. At the same time, she felt Kylo reached out to her through the Force. He barely brushed the edges of her mind, sensed her frustration and pain, and retreated, burning with fury. Rey didn’t bother to correct him. 

*****

Rey looked up when Finn walked into the kitchen, reading a holopad with a grave look on his face. She nibbled on a tasteless ration bar in a brave attempt to stave off her daily morning sickness. Her only consolation was that most women get over it after the first trimester. She had less than a month before she could put the memory behind her.  
“Have you seen these transmissions?” Finn asked Poe, holding up his holopad, frowning.  
“Which ones?” Poe asked warily, rubbing the side of his mug with one thumb.  
“The Knights of Ren are tearing apart the galaxy, looking for something.” Finn said, shaking his head, “Twisted monsters, all of them.”  
“They’re not monsters.” Rey said quietly.  
“Excuse me?” Finn snarled, whirling on her.  
“You think too much about good versus evil and right versus wrong.” Rey said, sipping glass of juice and enviously watching Vox pour a steaming mug of caffa. The doctor had insisted she give up caffeine and alcohol, the sadist.  
“What do you mean?” Luke asked carefully, cutting across whatever angry retort Finn had been prepared to level at her.  
“You are so worried about how you are different than the First Order that you miss on how you are alike. The Resistance is a large and independent organization, so is the First Order. The Knights of Ren operate independently of the First Order, but they still have to eat, move undercover, and maintain contact. You think of them as a group of mindlessly violent psychotic maniacs, but they’re not. They function much closer to the Jedi generals of the Old Republic than even bounty hunters.”  
Rey took another sip of her juice as they all stared at her, “Kylo Ren may be your enemy, but he’s not thoughtlessly violent and pure evil. You disagree with him and you fight against him, but you have to remember that he’s also a person, with flaws and merits.”  
“How can you defend him?” Finn said, exasperated. “You’ve seen what he’s done, you’ve helped. Think of what he’s done to me, to Poe, to the galaxy, to you.”  
“What has he done to me?” Rey asked, frowning and sitting up straighter.  
“He changed you.” Finn said, lowering his voice, “You used to be-”  
“Vulnerable.” Rey interrupted, “I was weak, exposed, and dependent on others. He taught me how to defend myself, how to use the Force, and the power of the dark side.”  
“No one is all good or all bad. You may hate Kylo Ren, but he’s not some mindless creature intent only on killing. He has faults and virtues, just like you. He’s not a monster. He’s not evil. He’s not insane.”  
“Virtues.” Finn scoffed, “I was a Stormtrooper under him, Rey. I’ve seen first hand the kind of virtues he has.”  
“I was his apprentice and his knight.” Rey said carefully, keeping her temper at bay. If she got angry now, Finn would just brush her aside, “I’ve seen the kind of person he is with his mask off, when it’s his friends around him, not just the soldiers under his command. He trains all of his knights himself. Kylo watches us, helps us become strong and healthy. He never berated me when the light tempted me or I failed. He holds himself to an impossibly high standard, but he was temperate and kind with us.”  
Finn stared at her, open mouthed.  
“I fell in love with him for a reason.” Rey muttered.  
“You fell in love?” Finn asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“Hence the reason we are here.” Rey said, rolling her eyes. It wasn’t like she was some 10-credit prostitute on the seedy side of Coruscant. She’d been Kylo Ren’s whatever-she’d-been for a while, although Finn seemed to have forgotten  
“What- oh.” Finn said, looking thoughtful, like his mind had been opened to some new possibility.  
“What?” Rey asked.  
Finn looked down, “I just figured- I'd started to think- I thought he forced you to be his apprentice, to join the dark side, to- well, _everything_.”  
Rey felt something inside snap and a dam in her chest broke.  
“He didn’t rape me!” Rey shouted, standing up and glaring at Finn, “Everything about our relationship was mutual and consensual.”  
“Rey, I just mean- well, he gets into people’s minds and-” Finn bleated, but the comment only angered her further. She was stronger because of Kylo, happier because of Kylo. The dark side had made her strong, but the light only saw things in good and evil, right and wrong. People like Finn couldn’t accept strength or power or attachments born out of the freedom of the dark side.  
“I love him every bit as much as he loves me!” Rey shouted, slamming her fist on the table so hard that Vox lifted up her caffa, afraid it would spill, “You can’t separate the me that is here from the me that you met on Jakku and from the me that was a knight of Ren, so you villainize Kylo so you can wrap your mind around this. It’s pathetic and weak and I won’t allow it.” Rey heard the tightness in her own voice and felt a hot prickle behind her eyes. She was crying from a mixture of frustration and hurt, but refused to let the tears fall She missed Kylo, but weakness in herself wasn’t something she was going to tolerate, especially in front of Finn.  
Finn looked at her, mouth still open. He finally closed his mouth and looked at the floor, “I didn’t realize-”  
“Well, you should have,” Rey snapped, turning away. She’d lost control with Finn, which she hated. Finn was bitter and snide and she couldn’t let him see her break, ever.  
The room sat in cold and awkward silence for a long moment until BB8 rolled in curiously and Poe broke the tense moment: “Is he really so different?” the pilot asked, sounding genuinely curious.  
“Yes,” Rey whispered. She stood and walked out of the room, unable to spend another minute with any of them.

*****

“Okay, so I get Rey isn’t due for another 6 months,” Poe said, but have we thought about where we’re going to go after this?”  
“That is something we need to consider,” Luke said, “I am fond of all of you, but I would like to interact with people who aren’t you at some point in the future.”  
“I’ve actually thought about that a bit,” Vox said, leaning across the table a little, “If at all possible, this child needs to spend his or her first 2 years on a human-compatible planet. Not a ship, a planet.”  
“Can it be green?” Rey said without really thinking. If she was going to spend her two years somewhere, she’d like to stay away from harsh places like Jakku “I’m done with sand.”  
“I see no reason why not.” Luke said, clearly pleased that Rey was taken an interest in their plans. In the three weeks since her argument with Finn, Rey had begun to open up more to the other members of the crew, who in turn kept their opinions and news of the war away from her. This system was imperfect, but kept the peace on the Blue Glass intact.  
“You are his or her mother.” Poe said, sipping his caffa and nodding.  
“Yeah, but not really,” Finn said flippantly, his eyes on some form or transmission on his holopad.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rey asked, turning to face him.  
“I mean, you used to be Kylo Ren’s lover. This kid is his. You still use the dark side and you don’t exactly have a personal history that screams ‘Engaged Parent Material’.” Finn said, not looking up at her.  
Rey felt like she’d been slapped in the face. She’d been cordial to Finn ever since their fight, but clearly, his bitterness had not abated.  
“Well, you’re just going to have to get over that. You can’t take it away-” Rey began carefully,  
“Technically, we can.” Finn said, looking up at her, his eyes narrowed.  
“Finn,” Skywalker began, but Rey was already on a warpath.  
“How dare you!?” Rey snapped, digging her nails into the table as she felt the cool power of the dark side collect on the edges of the room, drawn in by her fury, “You can’t just keep me here for nine months and then send me away!”  
“You’re still a traitor and a murderer!” Finn snapped back, setting the holopad down and turning his furious gaze on her, “How long before you turn us over to Kylo Ren again? One the kid is old enough to train, you’ll take him or her back and you’ll send the First Order to our door! There’s no way you can keep it! There’s no way you can be trusted not to turn us in again. You’re obviously in love with Ren still. How can we ever trust you?”  
“I gave him up for them!” Rey snarled, standing. Fury pounded through her, obliterating all thought or reason, “I gave up everything for this baby and there is no going back!” Everything around her bent. Reality curved, fractured and blasted outward as shadows blurred her vision.  
“Rey!”  
Rey stopped and turned to glare at Skywalker, whose blue eyes were as hard and cold as ice, then took stock of herself. In her frustration, she’d called upon the Dark Side without meaning to. It coiled around her like agitated smoke, ready to be used or dismissed. Rey chose the first option, not looking at Luke. She slammed Finn back in his chair, shoving both back against the far wall, pressing him against it. The chair was bolted to the floor and it made a horrible shrieking noise that she ignored. There was no way in this galaxy she was going to let Finn tell her what to do or how to raise her child. There was no way she would allow this disrespect to continue any longer.  
Part of her wanted to destroy him, to remove this threat, to let the Dark Side swallow her and him and to choose her own destiny again.  
The rest of her felt his fear and the fear of everyone else in the room. None of them wanted to separate her from her child, but she didn’t care about that right now. Now, all she cared about was her anger at Finn and the power she had to sate her fury.  
“Rey, you can’t sustain the dark side like this!” Skywalker pleaded, “It has side effects. You know this. Your baby isn’t even fully developed. How will this affect them?”  
“I can’t-”  
“You have to.” Luke said firmly, reaching a hand out to her, touching her arm, “Do you love your baby?”  
“Yes!” Rey said, tears welling in her eyes, her voice cracking.  
“Do you love Kylo Ren?”  
“Yes.” Rey was hiccupping, trying to keep her voice coherent, even as the Force raged within her and around her.  
“You you want your baby, Kylo Ren’s child, to live, to truly live- whole and complete and healthy, then you must let go of the dark side.”  
“But how?”  
“Surrender to the Light.” Skywalker said. He spoke like it was the easiest thing in the galaxy, like he was asking her to take a deep breath, “Just surrender to the Light. Give up the dark side.”  
“If I give up the dark side, I’ll have no power. How can I keep myself safe?” Rey asked.  
“We’ll keep your safe. And you’ll keep us safe. Rey, you and i both know you lost the man you loved the moment you got on that pod. Don’t lose your child, too.” Luke said gently.  
He was right. Rey knew he was right. She couldn’t tell him that, couldn’t humble  
Rey closed her eyes and reached into the Force. Immediately, she saw her own conflict, the light blooming in her chest and the dark dominating her head and limbs. On consolation, the one thing she noticed that kept any hesitation away was the tiny flicker of light in her abdomen: her baby, shielded by the light the whole time.  
Rey took a deep breath. She thought about Jakku, about the lonely nights and biting sand and scavenging for pants and hunger and fear and Unkar Plutt and the times she’d killed bandits for her own safety. She thought of the First Order, of the battles they’d fought and the villages they razed and the crooked men they had bribed and dealt with and the Stormtroopers she’d ignored in their silent suffering and the fear and pain Snoke had leveled at her.  
Rey thought about Kylo. About his temper and fear and loneliness and how he was as much a balm to her as she was to him. He was gone from her forever, or she was gone to him forever. The pain of it rose up and nearly overwhelmed her.  
But then she thought of her child- his child- cocooned in the Light. This child could live, could really live and be loved. This child could escape all that pain and fear if only she could loosen her grip, could let go of her power, could trust her friends. If only she loved her child enough.  
And she did. 

*****

Rey walked into the practice room. Skywalker wasn’t there, but Rey selfishly wanted to train a little and beat him at sparring today. His combative hold on the Force was much stronger than hers, which frustrated her to no end. She settled into her usual routine: Jedi forms, jogging, and lifting things with the Force. She had stopped using the dark side and had found her skill with the light lagging behind her master.  
The doctor had stressed light exercise, but Rey knew her own body. She could handle her training for a few more weeks. She looked up when Skywalker walked into the training room. He wasn’t dressed for combat training, but was wearing heavier and looser robes, which he reserved for their few meditation only days.  
“Master?” Rey questioned, turning on her heel to face him, “Is something wrong?”  
“I’m not going to spar with you,” Luke said, “you have to do some physical work, but not more.”  
“Vox got to you, didn’t she?”  
Luke smiled at her.  
Rey rolled her eyes, sitting down on the mats, “but you still want me to medicate on the Light side of the Force?”  
Again, Luke smiled and Rey swallowed down her frustration. 

 

Late that night, Rey lay awake in bed, staring at her blank ceiling. She lay very still, keeping her eyes closed for a long time. Now that she had some sense of safety and security, she found a new feeling was crawling its way slowly up her throat.  
Her bed was comfortable by traditional standards and she knew this, but it was also colder than she was used to. She technically fit into it, but she actually missed the way Kylo crowded her sometimes when they slept off the base or off the Finalizer.  
Rey missed him. They bed was only a symptom of the actual problem: she missed Kylo Ren. Her mind lingered on Kylo. If he was here, he be the one lying awake, not her. She always always fell asleep before him. He tended to lay on his back, reach across the space between them, and tracy lazy patterns on her back or arms or hair until he rolled onto his side. He would put an arm around her, probably her waist, and finally find enough contentment to sleep.  
After what felt like hours, Rey gave up. She wondered if a midnight snack would help, or at least make her feel better. She crawled out of bed and wrapped herself in a shawl, creeping down to the galley without waking anyone. She passed the bridge and saw she wasn’t the only one awake. Poe Dameron sat at the helm, watching the scanners and the dark skies.  
Rey slipped passed him, pouring a hot sweet drink Vox had recommended for her. She made a mug for herself and for Poe. She walked back to the bridge and sat down beside him, “Here, I brought you something to drink.”  
Poe started, but recovered quickly, “Thank you.” he said, accepting the mug and watching her, “It’s late, shouldn’t you be sleeping?”  
“I’m still not used to sleeping alone anymore.” Rey said quietly.  
“I didn’t think…” Poe began, but Rey shook her head and said, “Poe, Ren and I were not a one-time thing. We’ve were together more than a year. I may have spent most of my childhood alone, but I had grown used to having him there.”  
“Oh.”  
Rey looked at Poe for a moment. She could almost see his mind racing as his eyebrows come together. She reached out to his mind without invading it, reading his general thoughts and realized he was trying to picture her and Ren like a happy, contented couple out of a holodrama and was having trouble. Rey snorted as he pictured Kylo’s helmeted head on the charming torso of a well-dressed man enjoying a picnic with his lady love.  
“You guys shared a room?” Poe asked, leaning back in his chair and trying to school his features into a more attentive expression, ”for how long?”  
“About a year and a half,” Rey said, “I trained with him for like 10 months and then Snoke took over my education.”  
“How long until you started dating?” Poe asked, eyebrows raised.  
Rey shrugged, “We never really dated.”  
“You were never exclusive?”  
“Kylo Ren isn’t the kind of person you call your ‘boyfriend’,” Rey explained, “We just, gradually fell in together. It wasn’t something we talked through. It just happened.”  
“Wow. Nothing can ever be easy for you, can it?” Poe teased.  
“No, not really.” Rey said, laughing.  
“You did love him didn’t you?” Poe asked.  
“I do, yes.” Rey said, looking at the stairs in front of them. They were cold and distance. When she was a child, she had looked at the stars at a promise that, somewhere, out there, she was wanted and loved and had a family.  
Now, Rey knew the stars were distant and unfeeling. They burned too hot to see the troubles of others.  
“When did you realize you were in love with him?” Poe asked gently.  
“I realised I had feelings for him during my training, when I was still his apprentice.” Rey said, “But I did not have a dramatic epiphany and declare him to be my great love.” She said sarcastically.  
“When did you figure it out, though?” Poe asked.  
“I can show you.” Rey offered, looking at Poe, “I’d have to enter into your mind, however.”  
“I think I’ll live,” Poe said, “Let me see this non-dramatic turning point.”  
“Okay,” Rey said, turning and putting a hand to his face. She closed her eyes, calling upon the memory and drawing it to the forefront of her mind. Poe took a deep breath as the memory washed over him.  
_Kylo and Rey stood bleary-eyed and quiet in the ‘fresher. Kylo sat on the edge of the tub, brushing his teeth with his eyes closed. He was shirtless and his pale torso with criss-crossed with silver stars. It felt intimate to see him like this, like he was intruding on something cherished and trusted. Kylo was barefoot and sleep-headed. Who knew a Jedi got bedhead?_  
“That’s not a very dramatic.” Poe said as Rey withdrew from his mind.  
“No, Rey said, “but it’s what happened.”  
“Why did you fall in love with him?”  
“Why did the Supreme Leader see potential in me? Why did you remain with the Resistance?”  
“I don’t understand you.”  
“How could I not love someone who taught me how to belong and how to be strong?”  
“You were always strong.”  
“Not in the way I am now.” Rey said, sipping her drink and looking out at the stars, “Please, Poe. I’m tired. I don’t want to argue this tonight.”  
“Okay.” The pilot said. He let the comfortable silence settle between them as they both watched the sky outside. 

*****

Kylo Ren’s anger was overwhelming. He was destroying half a forest on whatever planet he was on. Rey gave up on her forms, too overwhelmed by his anger, and sat down heavily on the floor. She felt his fury rage on and on and the destruction was startling. Unable to stand it, she opened herself up to him, trying to get him to see she saw alright, hoping he’d settle himself. He did not.  
Instead, Kylo paused for only a moment before he went back to whatever he was doing, ignoring her. Ren shut Rey out of his mind sharply. She choked back a sob, opening her eyes to see Luke’s shadow ahead of her. She hadn’t heard him come in, but he’d clearly sensed her distress.  
Luke put a hand on Rey’s arm, “I didn’t realize…”  
“That I still check on him? That I still care?” Rey snapped, kneeling on the mat, “Well, I do!”  
“Rey…”  
“No,” Rey turned, looking up at Luke, wiping her eyes, “He’s not a monster or a fling. I care about him as much as he cared about me and now…” She took a deep breath, her throat closing as tears blurred her vision, “now I’ve lost him.” She pressed her hand to her forehead, unable to stop herself from crying now. She pulled her knees up, trying to quiet her thick and choking sobs. She heard a quiet rustle of fabric as Luke kneeled next to her. He was going to judge her for this or write it off as hormones. He didn’t understand how or why she could love Kylo and be here. She didn’t want to hear a lecture from him or a dissertation on the mysteries of the Force, but she couldn’t muster the words to tell him to leave her alone, so she curled herself up tighter.  
Luke slowly wrapped his arms around her, his beard brushing against her hair, and held her tightly as she continued to cry, “I may not know the Kylo Ren that you do,” Luke said gently, “but I miss him, too.”  
Rey nodded, unfurling herself to let Luke hug her close to his chest. Her cheek pressed against the coarse fabric of his robes and one of her arms curled around the ever-growing curve of her stomach. She felt Luke take a shallow breath and glanced up to see there were tears in Luke’s eyes, too. Rey was not the only one here who had lost people and sacrificed things for the good of the galaxy.  
“He hates me,” Rey murmured after a long time, wiping her eyes, “He hates me and he shut me out.”  
“No, he doesn’t.” Luke said, “From what our spies have seen, the First Order still believes you have been kidnapped and are being imprisoned by the Resistance. Ren believes your thoughts are being monitored by me. He’s a man who believes the woman he loves is in danger. That’s not hate your feeling, Rey. That is desperation and fear.”  
Rey leaned back and nodded, “When he finds out, he’s going to be so betrayed.”  
Luke looked at her for a long moment, then down at his hands, “War was never easy, but I am sorry you are caught in the middle.”  
Rey turned her head to search his face, taking in the blue eyes too old for his age, the lines on his face, and the gray in his beard. “Thank you, master.” She murmured, standing up and walking to her quarters without another word. 

*****

“Have you thought about names?” Vox asked, gently rubbing a sensor over Rey’s exposed belly.  
“Yes, but I haven’t picked one.” Rey admitted, staring at the ceiling, “It’s a little hard when you don’t know what you’re having, much less who, you know?”  
“Trust me,” Vox said gently, “You are not the first parent to agonize over this.”  
“I want to work the name Quorvin in there somewhere.” Rey said.  
“Why?” Vox asked, turning her dark eyes off of the displays and onto Rey’s face.  
“Quorvin was a scavenger on Jakku. He worked under Unkar Plutt for a while, then worked off his debt and helped me when I was first scavenging alone on the big destroyers. I would have starved without Quorvin. He gave me portions when Plutt decided he needed to ‘stop being soft’ on me.”  
“What happened to him?” Vox asked, reading a particular screen intently, “Is he still on Jakku?”  
“No,” Rey said, sighing and closing her eyes, “He got tossed into the sinking fields. He didn’t want to give up his haul and paid the price for it.”  
“I’m sorry.” Vox whispered, turning to Rey and watching her.  
“It’s alright.” Rey said, swallowing back her emotions, “I- I don’t want to sound callous, but Jakuu was like that. People just died.”  
“I’m sorry.” Vox said, “I do have some good news: we’re at the point where we can see the sex. Would you like to know?”  
“S-Sure.” Rey said, resisting the urge to hold her breath. This was all suddenly feeling more real. Her baby was a person, a person with a gender and a name and a personality, one day.  
Vox moved the little wand around carefully, her eyes focused intently on the display. After a moment, she smiled, pointing to the screen, “Okay, so here is baby’s head. Now, this over here means you’re having a boy.’  
“A boy?” Rey stared at the vague shifting display, unable to process the reality. A boy. She was going to raise a son. Tears pricked her vision as she thought of the man this tiny blur would grow into. Would he have the Force? Would she be enough for him? Would he look like Kylo?  
“Rey?” Vox’s gentle voice broke through her thoughts.  
Rey’s through closed, but she took a deep breath and stuttered, “I-I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay.” Vox said, “This is an emotional process. Are you excited?”  
“It’s just so much.” Rey said, “On Jakku, children are a liability. I didn’t think I’d ever be in a position to have any.”  
Vox nodded, helping Rey sit up and fix her clothes, Well, I’m here every step of the way.”  
“Thanks, Vox.” Rey said, getting to her feet and smiling to herself. 

*****

 _Rey reached out tracing a thumb across Kylo’s mask. He had kneeled down before her, watching her rest. She’d been injured by blaster fire while fighting the Resistance the night before. Arya Ren had carried her to safety, but the First Order had won the battle, so Rey was content._  
_“Are you hurting?” Kylo asked, not moving away from her touch._  
_“Not really. I’ve felt worse.”_  
_“Forgive me. I was prideful and reckless. I should not have gambled with your safety.” Kylo Ren said, looking down at the floor. There was a new and large scratch in the front of his mask, embedded with dirt and grime. She wondered if he’d removed it since the battle._  
_“Why not? You gamble with yours. Because I’m a woman?” Rey asked, trying to sit up and wincing as pain flared in her side. She touched the bandages, hearing Ren’s voice modulator glitch as he made a noise of protest. Rey sighed and lay back down. Even after a year of training and a month as his knight, she still felt unprepared for the realities of war. However, what she lacked in experience she made up for in strength and power. Rey lay down and watched Kylo’s mask. He might be able to hide his face from her, but his breathing was irregular; her condition greatly disturbed him._  
_“Because you’re my knight.” Ren said, his voice thick even through the modulator._  
_Rey lay back on her pillow, looking at him, sighing, “I’m not your student anymore, Kylo. You made a mistake and someone got hurt. That someone happened to be me.”_  
_Kylo said nothing, his shoulders hunched forward. Rey reached out, pressing the catch behind his head to release his mask, glad he didn’t protest. She pulled it off of him, careful not to cuff his head, and set it aside. He looked exhausted. His skin was pale, purple shadows stood out like bruises under his dark eyes, and his scar stood out sharply against his skin. Rey could see the guilt, frustration, and pain in his face._  
_“Tell me, would you be this upset if I was any of your other knights?” Rey murmured after a moment._  
_“Yes,” Ren said, looking her in the eye. He was lying. She could see it in the way his lip twitched and he tried to keep his face neutral. He’d never lied to her like this before. She sat up and winced, a hand flying to her side. Rey glanced up and saw his eyes widen as every wall he had crumbled down._  
_“I know you’re lying,” She said, sensing his guilt, his fear, and his longing through the force. This was more than compassion or even favor. This was real and genuine affection._

Rey sat up, pressing one hand to her mouth and the other to her belly. Her son kicked encouragingly. _A son._ Tears welled in her eyes. Vox had told her a few weeks ago she was expecting a boy, but in the past few days, another man had dominated her thoughts again: Kylo Ren.  
Rey looked outside the window, watching the Raydonian night sky. She was due any day now, although landing on a planet yesterday had definitely made it all feel real. She was having a baby, her baby, and soon.  
_Oh Force,_ Rey thought sleepily, lying back down, _please let this all be as simple as possible._

*****

“I hate this!” Rey groaned, hugging a pillow and closing her eyes.  
“I’m sorry.” Finn said, passing her the cup of ice chips Vox had left for Rey. He was supposed to wait with Rey like Vox and Luke set up the med bay because, apparently, Rey wasn’t going to actually give birth for several hours. “Just think, it’s been three hours. You only have so many more to g-”  
“Finn! We’ve got company!” Poe shouted over the intercom from the cockpit, his voice urgent, “Luke, take over “Emotional Support Duty. I need Finn to scout the surface, now!”  
Finn met Rey’s strained face, then touched her arm as Luke gave some generic response over the intercom, “You’re going to be fine. This will all work out.”  
“I can tell you don’t believe that.” Rey said.  
“Give me 10 minutes out there and I will.” Finn said lightly.  
“Come back in 1 piece.” Rey said as Luke stepped through the door  
Finn nudged her arm and grinned, “You too.” He waved and walked towards the door.  
“How are you?” Luke asked, sitting next to her. His blue gaze was gentle and he lightly touched her face, smoothing her hair out of her eyes.  
“I’m not ready, Luke. I’m not ready.” Rey gasped suddenly, leaning against her headboard as another contraction passed. She hated this. This was worse than anything else. Why did people do this on purpose? She wasn’t ready to be a parent or a jedi or anything! Fear and worry swelled up in her, closing her throat and filling her eyes with tears. Luke, however, only smiled indulgently at her and put a hand on her arm.  
“You don’t get to decide that, Rey,” Luke said kindly, “Don’t worry, you’re okay. You’re ready.”  
“Come on, Rey, we’re going to walk to the med bay, okay?”  
“Okay.” Rey said, nodding and letting Luke help her up. As they made their slow progress to the door, Rey asked, “Master?”  
“Yes?”  
“Are you going to stay with me?” Rey had never felt the love or protection of a parent, but she needed it now.  
“Of course, Rey.”  
“Thank you.”


	4. His Heart Is Too Full, and No Words to Release It

**“His heart is too full, and no words to release it.” - Gabrielle Zevin, The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry**

Finn stepped off the _Blue Glass_ and carefully looked around, cursing the low green trees and brush. He knew Rey loved being surrounded by foliage and he had to admit that the weather was comfortable, but he felt totally blind. He’d have a better look if they were somewhere barren and dry. Even- dare he think it- Jakku would be preferable to this.  
“Use the Force, Finn.” He muttered, really hoping this _was_ how the Force worked. He had so little training and experience, even as Luke’s only “apprentice” for more than three years. The war always got in the way of training. Finn took a deep breath and closed his eyes, giving the surrounding terrain up as a bad job. He reached out into the forest around him, feeling for life forms within the Force, or, the Force within the life forms near him. Most were barely blips on the radar: plants, small animals, even a larger herbivore of some kind just out of his reach, but after a moment he felt something larger and more… dense, or complicated, he couldn’t decide how else to think about it. He focused in on the thing, deciding it was what Poe had seen. He really really hoped it was just some animal or another and that he could just get back on the  
_Blue Glass._  
The thing crept closer as the sky overhead darkened quickly. If Finn hadn’t been so intent on scanning for whoever their intruder was, he would have been surprised both by the speed and severity of the night. Thunder rumbled nearby as the creature reached the top of a little hill a hundred yards away and Finn’s heart fell onto his stomach: It was Kylo Ren.  
He pressed the call button on his comm, glad both his hand and his voice were steady: “Poe, get ready to take off.” Finn said into his communicator, watching the dark figure turn at stare at him. So, Kylo Ren didn’t know it was him. Ever since their encounter on Starkiller, whenever he’d crossed paths with Finn, Ren had attempted to destroy him with what Finn could only describe as zeal.  
“What, why?” Poe responded, a real panicked edge to his voice.  
This time, Finn couldn’t keep the tremble out of his voice, “It’s Kylo Ren. The person is Kylo Ren.”  
Kylo Ren walked slowly and carefully down the hill toward the Blue Glass as Poe’s voice echoed from Finn’s comm, “Finn, get back on the ship, come on.”  
“How long will it take you to prep for flight?” Finn asked.  
“Ten minutes at least.” Poe said, his voice tense.  
“I can buy you ten minutes.” Finn said. He actually saw the moment that Ren recognized him. He was only 30 feet away and Finn watched his spine stiffen and a cold determination settle over him. His dark robes fluttered in the winds, which were picking up speed and tossing tiny grains of dust into the air. Finn looked at Kylo Ren’s face, hidden behind a mask that was different than he’d remembered, with silver metal bands crossing over the front of his mask. Finn took a deep breath to steady himself, remembering how Ren’s saber had felt slashing through his spine. The places where his cybernetic spine met his skin itched, but Finn rolled his shoulders, tightening his grip on his blaster, preparing for the fight he knew was coming.  
Kylo ignited his lightsaber, his mechanical voice calm and almost friendly “Hello, FN 2187.”  
Finn’s jaw clenched. No one called him that anymore. Finn held his breath. He could hear Kylo Ren approaching. He had to buy them enough time for Poe to prep for flight.  
“Rey is here. I can feel it.” Ren said, the sarcasm evaporating from his voice, “You have failed to keep her from me, traitor.”  
“We haven’t been keeping her anywhere.” Finn said, smirking at the irony of him being called ‘traitor’. He felt a sudden and intense pressure on his mind and threw up walls, forcing Kylo Ren out. Frustration curled in his stomach, but Finn refused to call upon it, instead focusing on the calm determination that Luke had taught him to summon from the Light. With a final push, he forced Kylo Ren’s consciousness back into his own mind and the other man let out a low growl of frustration behind the mechanical modulator of his mask.  
Finn drew his blaster with his right hand, extending his left hand. He took shot after shot at Kylo Ren, who simply deflected them off his lightsaber. Most of them refracted off into the trees around them, but a few glanced back at Finn, who used the Force to knock them aside.  
“You’re a jedi now, are you?” Kylo Ren taunted, walking closer even as Finn fired shot after shot at him, “You think you can use the Force and cowardly weapons, traitor? You’re nothing but a defective stormtrooper!”  
Finn grit his teeth, shoving his anger aside and focusing on the Light. He had Rey, Poe, and Luke to protect. He couldn’t afford to be angry.  
Without warning, Kylo Ren’s demeanor changed with an almost vengeful fury. He closed his fist and Finn took advantage of his distraction, aiming for several shots to his right arm and shoulder, which he knew Rey had damaged on Starkiller. Several shots met their mark and Kylo Ren doubled over, grabbing his shoulder. After another moment, he let out a roar of fury, throwing out his hand and using the Force to shove Finn back several paces, knocking his blaster out of his hand  
“What are you doing to her?” Kylo Ren shouted. His voice was rough, even though the mechanization. Finn’s eyes narrowed, unsure what Ren was talking about. He called on the Force for himself, shoved Ren back, pulled his spare blaster from his belt, and pointed it at Ren, “Stay back!”  
“You’re seen me stop blaster beams before.” Ren snarled in return, fury rolling off of him in waves, “Let Rey go before I tear your starship apart!”  
“And you’ll kill her with us!”  
“I will find her! The Resistance can take her as far as they want! I will find her! You cannot keep her from me!” Kylo shouted, doubling over again. Finn aimed his blaster at Kylo’s face, but only managed to clip the side of Kylo’s helmet. The other man pulled it off in a single savage motion, tossing it aside.  
Stepping back into the hold of the ship, Finn clenched his jaw, the red glow of the engine lights giving his dark skin a ruddy tinge as he raised his blaster again. “We’re not keeping her,” The former stormtrooper said. Kylo Ren’s face twisted with anger and he straightened.  
“I can feel her pain! You are torturing her right now!” The knight of Ren shouted.  
“Luke!?” Finn shouted into his communicator.  
“What?!” Luke asked tensely.  
“Tell me next time Rey has a contraction. Ren’s tapped into her nervous system, I think he can feel her pain.”  
“Alright!” Like called. Finn waited for a moment, watching Ren pull himself up to his full height. Finn aimed his blaster at Ren’s other shoulder and pulled the trigger. Ren barely had time to deflect the blast off his saber.  
“How much longer until we take off?” Finn asked.  
“2 minutes,” Poe called, “just hang on.”  
Finn took another shot at Ren, but he glanced it off of his saber, growling. He nearly doubled again as Luke’s voice alterting him to Rey’s next contraction.  
,“She will tell you nothing!” Kylo Ren shouted, slashing out aimlessly at the air in front of him.  
“We’re not hurting her!” Finn shouted back.  
“I can feel her pain!”  
“We’re not causing that!”  
Ren stood, sticking his hand out and reading into Finn’s mind again, but Finn repelled him.  
“Let her go! I can heal her! I will leave you be!” Kylo Ren blurted desperately.  
“We aren’t holding her!” Finn fired again, three times quickly. He clipped Ren’s arm and Ren clapped a hand there, seeing blood, as Finn took the opportunity to run onto the ship.  
“Rey is mine! I will never stop searching for her!” Kylo shouted, rushing after Finn.  
“She came to us!” Finn bellowed at him, shoving him back and yelling loudly over the wind, “She joined the Resistance of her own accord!”  
“All clear, Finn!” Poe’s voice echoed from this comm unit.  
“Hang on.” Finn said into his wrist, eyes on Kylo Ren, “Wait until I close the hangar. I don’t want him to be able to follow us.”  
“Hurry!” Poe said.  
“No!” Kylo Ren snapped back, fear and anger flooding his face in equal measure. “I can feel her pain. She’s in there, in pain. What have you done!?”  
Something flickered in Finn’s expression, but he hardened his features after a moment, “That wasn’t us. We’ve done nothing but help her. We’re her family.”  
“ _I_ am her family.” Kylo Ren snarled, struggling as Finn shot him in the leg, “She and I, we only have each other.”  
“Not anymore.” Finn said, closing the hangar before he could reach it. The ship took off, leaving Ren behind. 

*****

Rey looked up as Vox led Finn into the Med bay, walking past the operating room and into a little rest room, where Rey was laying in a bed, cream-colored blankets pulled up and a tiny dark-haired figure curled on her chest. Finn looked exhausted and wind-swept, and he walked stiffly. Rey wondered if he’d been sitting on the floor all this time. That would definitely be a lot on his prosthetic spine.  
“What’s his name?” Finn asked quietly, walking to sit on the little spare cot next to Rey.  
“Jonas. Jonas Quorvin,” Rey murmured, kissing her son’s head again. She pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes, tears leaking free. Ren should be here. She thought about what would have happened if she’d stayed with the First Order. She would have been in some metal medbay, surrounded by droids, but Ren would be there. She would have passed her son to him without hesitation, watched the wonder in his face as he held the little baby.  
But instead, Rey had Finn and Luke. She had safety and a chance to raise her son as far away from Snoke as possible.  
She could still feel Kylo Ren’s rage and grief, even so many light years away. Looking at Luke and seeing the deep sadness in his eyes, she knew he could feel it, too.  
“Hi Jonas.” Finn said, leaning closer to peer at the baby. He’d never really seen babies before, not so close. His time as a stormtrooper had been spent dealing with the more indelicate and unpleasant parts of life. He grinned as Jonas opened his eyes dazedly at him, “Oh my gosh Rey you made a tiny adorable human.”  
Rey laughed thickly, “Here, you can hold him.” she said, letting Finn’s strong arms move forward and scoop Jonas from her grasp. He paused and kissed her forehead, not caring that she was sweaty and exhausted. Rey pressed her lips together, glad for her friend’s support.  
“Hey, BB, come here, I gotta show you something.” Finn said, turning to see the little droid roll hesitantly into the room. He leaned down to show the baby to the droid. Jonas let out a little croaking noise, nearly about to start crying, but Finn looked down at him, “Hey, don’t do that. You’re mom’s not going to let me hold you if you do that. You’re okay.” He said, bobbing up and down a little to soothe the infant. Jonas quieted and yawned and BB8 let out of a low _“woooooooow”_ noise, rolling forward slightly to get a better look at the **[Designation : TINY SQUISHY HUMAN].**  
He looked at Rey, then at Jonas, and rolled over to her. Rey reached out and gently touched the top of BB8’s head, smiling, “Don’t worry BB, you’re not being replaced.”  
Rey turned her attention back to her son and, after a moment, her face broke into another smile. “Look at him,” Rey whispered, “He’s so beautiful.”  
“He’s so cute.” Finn said, smiling. Rey looked over at her son, settled comfortably in Finn’s arms, and felt her throat close up a little with emotion. He had a tuft of black hair, but his eyes and nose were the same shape as hers.  
“He’s got my eyes.” Rey murmured, “Look at him.”  
“He does.” Vox said, sweeping stray strands of her dark hair out of her face, “I have to borrow him to do some tests, is that okay?” She asked Rey gently, “I need to test his hearing and a few other things.”  
“Okay.” Rey said, watching as Vox scooped her son out of Finn’s grasp. She tried not to notice the way Finn’s dark eyes lingered on Vox’s face.  
“He’s a sweet baby,” Vox said, “very easy and perfectly healthy.” She let Vox take her son out of the room and turned her attention back to Finn.  
“Was that…?”  
“Kylo Ren, yes.”  
“He had to pick tonight of all nights.” Luke said, shaking his head.  
“I hope the distraction helped.” Rey said quietly, looking down at her hands.  
“What distraction?” Finn asked.  
“Ren tapped into my mind, so I let him into where the pain was,” Rey said, “I couldn’t shut him out, so I have him what he was looking for: my current condition.”  
Finn laughed lightly, “That was clever.”  
“I thought so.” Rey said. She smiled sadly. “Was he…?” She sounded hesitant and he knew why.  
“Ren was heartbroken, but unhurt.” Finn said.  
Rey nodded, blinking away the wetness that had creeped into her eyes, “Thank you.” She whispered.  
“No problem.” Finn asked, leaning over and hugging her gently. He was polite enough to ignore the tears that dripped onto his shirt, which she was glad for. 

*****

Kylo Ren stalked into his quarters, his breathing barely controlled and regular. He had just told the Supreme Leader of _her_ treachery. Supreme Leader Snoke had not blamed Kylo, instead, in his infinite wisdom, he had merely leaned forward on his great black carved throne and cupped his twisted jaw thoughtfully. His words still echoed in Kylo’s mind, “I must admit that this is my error, Kylo Ren, not yours. In my ambition and faith in my own powers over the Force, I encouraged the traitor too much. I ignored the warning signs, such as her refusal to take the name of Ren. I now wonder if her… personal regard for you was merely a front to distract us both.”  
Kylo had stiffened at his words, but Snoke at merely continued, “The idea of a union between two powerful Jedi… I admit I thought it too good to be true, but I was as eager for it as anyone. Perhaps too eager.”  
Kylo reflected on the way the Supreme Leader had regarded him, pityingly, like a child, “I do not blame you, Kylo Ren. Despite your power, you have the same weaknesses as any other sentient being. We shall both we wiser in the future.”  
“Yes,” Kylo has said, finally speaking, “We shall.”  
“And Kylo,” The Supreme Leader had added, almost as an afterthought after dismissing him, “This anger? This pain? Remember it when you next see her on the battlefield.”  
“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Kylo had replied.  
Now, Kylo stood in apartments he hadn’t been in for 2 weeks. In all honestly, he hadn’t lived here in months- not since _she_ left. This was just a place he forced himself to exist in while waiting for leads. It was just the place he him himself away when the rage and fear and hopelessness welled up inside of him so much he couldn’t breath or sleep or keep the tremble out of his heart.  
He removed his helmet and tossed it onto the bed that no longer smelled like her, but that he still only used half of. He turned slowly on his heel, trying to find a single spot in this horrifyingly familiar place that did not remind him of her. He couldn’t.  
Rage and hot, bitter grief flooded him, calling forth rolling waves of the dark side to him, fuelling more of his oppressive fury until it exploded out as he lit his blade. He attacked the bed first, burning through linen and mattress and mark metal with a wordless and terribly fury. Everything she owned- garment, books, tools, all of it- met a superheated end on his blade. He demolished everything that had once been hers, that had once been theirs. He neither targeted nor spared his own belongings. She’d touched all of his clothes at some point. If one boot or shirt was incinerated, it didn’t matter.  
Lastly, he turned to her bedside table, saber raised, and stopped.  
Her two little plants were there. They were a little wrinkled at the leaves, but had actually survived these many months of his clumsy care. He remembered when she’d brought them back from. It had been on that mission that he’d realized her regard for him was beyond comrades. It was then that’d she’d become his mechanism for tamping down the pain that threatened to consume him daily.  
Kylo extinguished his lightsaber and tossed it away. He hit his knees, sobbing into his hands for the first time since the he had woken up to a scarred face and the reality of his father’s death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you guys are waiting to see Rey and Kylo in the same room and I promise that is coming (but not for a lill bit. However~ in the mean time we get the rebuilding of friendships AND some nice Finn v. Kylo AND the introduction of Jonas. 
> 
> And yes, before you ask, lil baby Jonas is going to be best buddies with all of the droids and will probably master binary before he speaks English. I mean, look at who his mom is. 
> 
> Coming next: Jedi coparenting.


	5. How Little We Understand of the Gifts We Have Been Given or the Shape of the Path We Took to Reach Our Salvation.

**“How little we understand of the gifts we have been given or the shape of the path we took to reach our salvation.” - Harley King, What I was Meant to Forget**

**_Stormtroopers have been reported on the surface of_** -

The corner of Rey’s holopad case was surprisingly scuffed, now that she noticed it. 

**_Storm troopers have been reported_** \- What time was it, again?

 ** _Stormtroopers have been reported on the_** \- Luke and Jonas didn’t get back for another 90 minutes.

 **Stormtroopers have** \- _Oh, I give up,_ Rey thought. She groaned in frustration, flopping back on her bed and closing her eyes, tossing her holopad onto her pillow. She’d found herself rereading the same sentence of her report eight times. She knew she had to finish it because it involved important information about troop maneuvers and the First Order’s possible plans based on intercepted information, but her brain was not working today, apparently. Rey looked at the time and sat up, scrambling to the ‘fresher so she could wash her hair and change her clothes before Jonas and Luke returned home. She hurriedly threw on some clothes and dried off her dark hair, already thinking about the plans she had to spend time with Jonas when he got back. She was so preoccupied that she didn’t notice what she was doing until she felt the sensation of fingernails on her wrist. 

Letting go of the bundle of long dark hair she’d been holding, Rey looking down at her wrist and smiled to herself, reaching for the little jar she now stored her hair ties in. On Jakku, she’d only ever had 3 at a time and had kept them in her hair or on her wrist, but now she had the luxury of a salary and long hair. 

Rey stood up straighter and stared at her reflection in the mirror above the sink by her fresher, slowly and deliberately pulling her hair into the twin braids she’d adopted after moving back to the Resistance. She had decided to change it, unable to continue the same appearance that Jonas had spent his first year with. She had grown used to the change, but sometimes, on days like today, she’d catch herself putting her hair in the old three buns. Also, on days like this, Rey found herself thinking about Kylo and the Knights of Ren. Even five years later, she was reminded of the ones she’d loved in the first order. It was mostly in the little things now, like when she tended the plants on her window sill or managed Jonas during a temper tantrum or read reports about certain members of the Knights of Ren. Sometimes, it was an accident, too, in its own way, like trying to put her hair up in a style she hadn’t worn since Jonas was in diapers. 

Taking a deep breath, Rey looked into her own face. It was odd to spend any time on her appearance. She’d only ever had the vaguest ideas of her appearance, vague outlines in dark glass and washed metal and the faces of other human women on Niima Outpost. Now, she could see it clear and it didn’t feel like her. 

Rey looked over at the images of Jonas, Luke, Leia, Finn, and Poe she kept on her desk. She picked up a silver-framed one that played a tiny moving image on a loop, the one of her holding Jonas and making him wave at the camera. She knew that it was obviously maternal to have these pictures, but she honestly hoped people would just assume it was sentimentality. She was sure they would. They had to, because she needed those pictures. She needed to see her little dark-haired baby giggling at her, back when she’d been his mother and not his master. Back when she’d murmured lullabies and stories about his father to him. 

Swallowing back the emotion that had crawled into her throat, Rey walked out of her room, moving towards the main hangar. The past 6 weeks without Luke and Jonas had been extremely long and frustrating. She leaned against the railing, watching the ships arriving. She looked down at her hands, tracing the old burn scar on the back of her wrist from a sparring accident back with the First Order. She’d never seen Kylo so controlled in his anger, his fury focused on his own weapon than anyone else. Rey shook her head, trying to clear it, as Jonas and Luke’s ship arrived.

A few technicians rushed forward to greet the ships and she watched them waving their little bright orange sticks, guiding the ship into position. She jogged down the waiting platform towards the ship, which was starting to offload. Technicians, soldiers, and others all poured off the ship, scattering across the hangar, but Rey only had eyes for one person. Luke’s familiar graying head bobbed through the crowd, but she focused on waist-height, searching for a familiar head of dark curls. Her heart leapt at the sight of Jonas’s smiling face, rushing towards her. 

“Master Rey!” Jonas said, running up and hugging her tightly. He stepped back and jumped up and down excitedly, “I lose a tooth, look!” He said, pointing at the gap, grinning proudly.

“Wow!” Rey said, kneeling down to see better. She tossed one of her braids over her shoulder, focusing on her son’s face, “Look at you, growing up so fast!”

“Master Luke let me put it in the airlock and shoot it into space!” Jonas said, jumping up and down again, “It was so tiny out there in the space. It was so cool!” 

“I bet it was.” Rey said, “Did you do anything else?”

“Poe and Zhet took me to the main deck today!” Jonas said, shaking his messy black curls out of his face as Luke, Poe, Finn, and another man she didn’t know walked over. 

They did?” Rey said, looking between the three of them. 

“I went to the bridge and saw them run drills” Jonas said, bouncing up and down in his excitement.

“Run drills?” Rey asked, looking at Finn, who was unwilling to meet her eye.

“May not have been drills.” Luke muttered, stepping closer to her and speaking into her right ear so that Jonas couldn’t hear. 

Rey looked at him sharply, moving so quickly that the dangling earring she wore in her left ear smacked her in the cheek, eyebrows raised, “You did what?”

“You still sure you’d rather be a jedi than a soldier?” Poe asked Jonas loudly and cheerfully, grinning. 

“Yeah.” Jonas said, oblivious to the seriousness of the adults around him, “Orders are fun, but I like lightsabers better.”

“Good.” Rey said, schooling her frustration into a smile and patting her lightsaber, “You’ll get one of these when you’re old enough.”

“I’m going to be the best jedi ever!” Jonas said, punching the air. 

“I’m sure you will.” Rey said, “Now, head on back to our quarters with R2. I have to talk to Master Luke and the others for a moment and then I’ll follow you and you can tell me all about the drills.” She said, smiling pleasantly at Finn, Poe, Luke, and the strange soldier. They all looked terrified, but Jonas didn’t notice. Instead, he turned to R2D2 and said, “Come on, R2!” before running off towards the personnel apartments, the old droid rolling along in his wake. 

Rey watched him until he was safely in the personele wing before turning back to her companions, her eyes finding Luke first as the four men turned towards her, looking sheepish.

“Were those drills that my padawan just witnessed?” Rey asked, crossing her arms and looking from guilty face to guilty face.

“No.” Finn said, his dark eyes meeting hers only for a moment before flicking away, “I mean, they were only a few TIE fighters and a much smaller class warship, but no, those were real First Order craft.”

“You let a 4 year old on the bridge of a starfighter during a firefight?” Rey asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I was younger when I went on my first battleship.” Finn said.

“That’s helpful, because everyone takes advice from the First Order about raising children.” Rey said, hands on her hips, “was this before or after the brainwashing?”

“...before.” Finn muttered.

“You three are going to be the death of me.” Rey said, shaking her head disappintedly at her friends.

“Ma’am, we were never in any real danger.” The stranger said, stepping forward. Poe looked over at him, clearly desperate for his friend to avoid engaging, but Rey turned to him, raising an eyebrow. She took in his sharp, dark eyes, brown skin, high cheekbones and the long ponytail pulled high on his head before she noticed the rank on his uniform.

“Do you usually bring civilians onto your deck in combat situations, commander?” Rey asked, “Do you make a habit of putting innocents in harm’s way when they are under your care?”

“Is a jedi ever really a civilian?” The commander countered, waving a hand, “They were generals under the old Republic and lead the fight against the Empire.”

“They are when they’re children!” Rey shot back, hands flying to her hips, frowning, “I don’t care if they’re in stormtrooper armor. A child is a child and should not be near an active military operation, am I understood?”

The commander blinked, but nodded, “Yes, ma’am.” He said, stepping back, “I need to go speak with the General.”

“She’s going to chew you out, too,” Rey snapped, leftover venom slipping out of her before she could stop it, “In case you’re not prepared.”

“At this point,” The man said, “I’d willingly face down Kylo Ren than try to argue with you again.”

Rey rolled her eyes, “Be on your way, soldier.” She said. Still, she found herself watching him as he nodded a farewell to the others and jogged away, back to the commander center of the base itself. 

“Well, if you’re not going to run us through with that lightsaber,” Luke said lightly, “Could we head back to our quarters? I’d like to sit down, maybe change my robe, make sure Jonas and R2 haven’t destroyed anything.”

“Fine.” Rey muttered, “But Jonas is still my favorite of the group at the moment.”

“He’s always your favorite.” Finn teased.

“Well, he’s the cutest.” Rey said, smirking. She and Finn both burst out laughing when Poe nodded seriously. Luke, however, remained silent and Rey looked over her shoulder. Poe and Finn waved goodbye, saying they had to go check their weapons into the armory, but Rey was focused in on the the half-anxious, half-hopeful expression on Luke’s bearded face. 

“What’s the face?” Rey asked, Luke as Poe and Finn walked off to be debriefed.

“Well, I was going to ask you something,” Luke said, “but now I’m a little scared. You’re not exactly in a pleasant mood.”

“I’m perfectly pleasant.” Rey snapped, then sighed and ducked her head, blushing, “Okay, fine, what is it?”

“I want to know how you’d feel about taking on a padawan- Rey, hear me out!” He added, stepping closer as she groaned and turned away.

“Luke, you know how I feel about this.” Rey said.

“I know,” Luke began, “But at least consider-”

“No,” Rey said, walking up the stairs to the main thoroughfares of the base.

“Rey, please!” Luke said, hurrying after her his robes swishing after him, “You don’t understand.”

“Explain it to me, then!” Rey snapped, waving her hands above her head in exasperation.

“I want a padawan rooted in the Light.” Luke said, “I want a legacy outside if people I’m related to.”

“Were not related,” Rey said automatically, but let her arms drop slowly to her sides.

“You were my nephew’s lover,” Luke said, “Close enough.”

“I don’t care.” Rey said, waving shaking her head, “We can’t invite someone else into this over-complicated mess.” She looked over her shoulder, sensing an anxious presence behind her. It turned out to be half a dozen nervous-looking cadets trying to pass through the hallway around the two arguing jedi. Rey huffed and turned back to Luke, “We’re not discussing this.” She turned and walked back up the hallway, stomping towards her quarters. She could feel Luke following her, his robes swishing around him as he walked. Rey entered the passcode to her room and stepped inside, making sure the door shut behind her. 

Luke immediately punched in the passcode, which he knew, and it opened for him, too, but it felt satisfying to make him get himself in. 

“We are not getting a new padawan.” Rey said, “We only are training Jonas to keep him close, to make sure Kylo never finds him. This was never about the jedi or the next generation, remember? It was about keeping my son safe. You promised me you would help me keep him safe.”

“I will, but-”

“Bringing another padawan will only make us all targets!” Rey snapped, “You know it’s dangerous, but you’re trying to convince me anyway.” 

“Rey, listen to me,” Luke said, “I know we’ve had a rough go of it, both of us, but we’re jedi! We can’t just-”

“Cut ourselves off from the world, allow galactic politics to fall apart around us, abandon our families, and hide out on Ach-To for the better part of a decade?” Rey said, a hand on her hip. She raised her eyebrows, “How can you say anything to me about what a jedi is supposed to do. My training isn’t even yours, it’s Kylo’s!” 

Luke closed his eyes and sighed, “I admit, I made some mistakes, both in how I trained you and how I trained Ben, but we can’t run away from who we are. The last two Jedi in the galaxy are in this tiny room, Rey.” 

“You’ve been watching old holos, haven’t you?” Rey said, “Or do you want to visit the old imperial palace on Coruscant again, just to see what the Jedi Order used to be, one more time? The Jedi Order is over. We’re fighting the First Order as soldiers of the Resistance, as Force Users.”

Luke shook his head, “I can’t believe that. We’ve done so much to restore artifacts and knowledge that could have been lost forever, Rey. We can’t give up on the Force. Look at Jonas!”

“What about him?” Rey asked, frowning and curling her fists in frustration.

“He is the son of two of the most powerful Force users in history.” Luke said, “Rey, don’t pretend you can’t feel the Light in him already. The Jedi council would have bowed at his feet in the Old Republic! He can bring balance to the Force if we, you and I, can end this war and help set the foundations of a new order.”

“You aren’t trying to bring back the Jedi Order anymore, are you?” Rey said, suddenly looking at her friend, really seeing him, for the first time in ages, “This isn’t about restoring what was lost.”

“No.” Luke said, “This, you and I, are about defeating the First Order and raising up the next generation trained in the Force. They’ll make their own order, or not, but I have stopped trying to restore what my father destroyed.” He sighed, “I thought for so long, that since Anakin Skywalker defeated the Jedi, Luke Skywalker had to rebuild them. But now, I know I can’t. I can only train, to the best of my abilities, those who will go on to be the Jedi of the Next Age.”

Rey stared at him, understanding. After years spent with Kylo Ren, she knew she couldn’t undo the damage she had done to the Resistance. She could only give herself completely to the cause now. She sighed, “Alright, Who is the padawan?”

Luke immediately looked up, blue eyes brightening. 

Rey turned to face him, “They’re a…”

“Twi’lek.” Luke said, brightening even as Rey crossed her arms. 

“Strong in the Force?”

“Maybe more than I am.”

“And their parents?”

“Senators and personal friends.” 

“Male or female?” Rey asked.

“Female.” Luke said, “Her name is Gida’smoo.” 

“Luke, is this child already on the base?” Rey asked, watching the twitch in the aging Jedi’s mustache.

“No,” Luke said, sighing, “I figured you wouldn’t tolerate that.” 

“You’re right.” Rey said, “I wouldn’t. I’ll train this girl, but I won’t be manipulated into it. Does Jonas know already?”

“No,” Luke said, “I didn’t want him to get excited and then be disappointed. I wanted to talk to you first.”

“Thank you.” Rey said, ‘I appreciate this. I’m guessing her parents are waiting with baited breath for your transmission about whether or not we’re going to train her?”

“You suppose correctly, Master Jedi.” Luke said, chuckling and inclining his head to her.

“Go contact the girl’s family. I’ll tell Jonas that we’re going to look at adding a new padawan.” Rey said, gently punching Luke’s arm.

 

*****

 

Eight rotations later, Rey stood in one of Leia’s formal meet rooms, chewing on her thumb as they waited for their new potential padawan. She looked up from the table, which she’d spent the last 20 minutes carefully inspecting, when Luke nudged her knee. The Senator from Ryloth, his wife, and his daughter all filed into the room. Rey’s eyes landed on the senator first. He was tall, broad-shouldered, and almost sandy-colored, with sharp eyes that Rey could only describe as amber. He was younger than she’d imagined, both to be such an experienced Senator and to have a child. 

“Is something amiss, master jedi?” The senator- Otic’asmoo, Rey remembered- asked politely, looking at her.

“Forgive me,” Rey said, bowing her head in an attempt to recover her decorum, “You are younger than I expected. Master Skywalker said you and he knew each other, but you do not look much older than I am.”

Otic’asmoo laughed good-naturedly, “I can assure you that I am older than I look and older than you, Jedi Rey, however, Luke met me when I was a child on Ryloth. I was part of the Rebellion centered there.”

“You were part of the Rebellion?” Rey asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Unofficially.” The senator conceded, “My parents were and I grew up around the reborn free Ryloth. We were one of the first to throw of the shackles of the Empire. The people of Ryloth have always had a strong spirit and a thirst for independence, even going back into the Clone Wars.”

Rey nodded, “I’ve read about the rebellion there during the Clone Wars, yes.”

Luke chuckled, “I’m glad to see you two are getting along so well, but we can relive ancient history another time, yes? I have yet to meet young Gid’asmoo.” 

“This is my wife, Ahosh’asmoo,” Otic’asmoo said, gesturing to a twi’lek female with skin that reminded Rey of a forest in early spring, “and this is my daughter, Gid’asmoo.”

Gid’asmoo was her mother’s double in all but her size and the amber eyes she’d inherited from her father. As soon as Rey took her attention off of the senator and her own anxiety, she found the girl had a deep and rich presence in the Force, even unintentionally. She glanced at Luke, who shrugged and nodded, then kneeled down to greet the child herself. 

“Hello, Gid’asmoo.” Rey said, holding out her hand.

The girl shook it, smiling shyly, “Hello, Master Jedi.” 

“Lets leave the boring politicians to catch up,” Rey said, nodding to the training room on the other side of the observation window, “and we’ll see what you can do. Do you know any meditation forms?”

“I do.” Gid’asmoo said, “I watched old Jedi training holos.”

“Well, then, why don’t you do those?” Rey said, opening the door and allowing Gid’asmoo into the room. She sat across from Gid’asmoo, watching the girl carefully. She was young and immature, but powerful. What she lacked in experience, Rey sensed in pure, untapped potential. 

“Meditate on the Force with me.” Rey said gently, trying not to scare the youngling, “Take a deep breath and reach into the Force, let if flow in you and through you.”  
Gid’asmoo nodded, closing her eyes and slowly falling into a meditative state. Rey mimicked her, but instead of reaching for the Force, she simply took stock of how it moved through the youngling. Gid’asmoo had a firm and natural grasp of the Force, one untainted by any trepidation of confusion. The Force made sense to her and she felt comfortable in it. Rey opened her eyes after a long while and said, “Gid’asmoo. Do you know any meditative stances?”

“Yes, I do!” The twi’lek said brightly.

“Could you move through them for me?” Rey asked, “I’d like an understanding of your physical and kinetic understanding of the Force.”

“Yes, master.” Gid’asmoo said, leaping excitedly to her feet. She blushed after a moment, realizing that her own excitement would inhibit her ability to meditate effectively, but Rey knew that patience would come with experience. Every Jedi had some days where meditation came slowly and with much effort. She couldn’t begrudge the youngling her eagerness. 

After shifting her weight from foot to foot, trying to dispel some of her anxiety, Gid’asmoo took a deep breath and moved through her stances. Rey watched her for a moment, then stepped out of the room and let her continue alone. She was encouraged when Gid'asmoo's form improved, now that some of the pressure was off. 

“What do you think?” Luke asked. Rey quietly watched the young Twi’lek. 

“She’s strong and eager. She’s so full of the light, even more than Jonas. With the right training, she could make a powerful Jedi.” 

“My thoughts exactly.” Luke said, nodding in agreement.

“It would be good for Jonas to have a peer as well.” Rey said. 

“The galaxy needs more Jedi.” Luke said, “It’s as plain as that. I know not all of the Knights of Ren are force sensitive, but we are still hopeless outnumbered and your information about them proves less and less useful every year.” He said.

Rey sighed, crossing her arms and watching Gid’asmoo extend one of her legs out in the air behind her, “Well, it’s been a while since I went to gain intel.”

Luke chuckled, “I know, Rey. I don’t want to make you feel bad, but it’s the truth. We lose the advantage of information the longer we know it. The is a war of new and fast intelligence.”

Rey nodded, “It’s like the numbers get smaller and the fighting gets dirtier as time goes on.”

“It does.” Luke agreed, “And she’ll make a huge difference in the fight against the Dark Side.” 

Rey nodded, “She has such an affinity for the Light. We can’t let that pass, even for nothing but her own sake.”

“We’re agreed, then?” Luke said.

“I believe we are.” 

 

*****

Rey had been told by a surprising number of people to be aware of the challenges that came with moving from one child to two. She and Luke had laughed most of it off, especially since Gid’asmoo only fostered with them and their whole Jedi-public-co-parenting situation was ludicrous to begin with, but everyone had been right about one thing: raising Jonas had not prepared them for raising Gid’asmoo.

Whereas Jonas was a wide-eyed and eager dreamer, Gid’asmoo was a motivated and passionate idealist, which often led to her running afoul of those less patriotic individuals. One of the more notable instances of this was when she’d punched the son of a Resistance general for calling the Jedi “useless and dead” in the new war. Both of her charges attended school in addition to their Jedi training at the moment and Rey had been to the Dean’s office twice in the last year, just for Gid’asmoo.  
Today, however, she was not going to see the Dean. After a year together, Jonas and Gid’asmoo had finally managed to land each other into serious trouble. Rey was walking down to the holding cells off the main hangar after being paged during an important meeting by Luke. Apparently both Jonas and Gid’asmoo had been caught doing _something_ that warranted both her and Luke’s presence. She brushed her hair back behind her hair as she reached the edge of the holding cells, trying to look put together. Luke was waiting for her, his face grim. Rey took his silence as a que and remained quiet as they walked into the small observation room that fed into the room where Jonas and Gid’asmoo were. 

“What happened?” Rey asked, crossing her arms and looking in at the interrogation rooms where her padawans sat, heads down.

“They tried to steal a ship to “go and defeat The First Order because they’ve figured out how”.” Luke said, shaking his head, “Foolish and headstrong, both of them.”

“Neither of them even know how to fly a ship!” Rey said, poking the glass over Jonas’s head.

“I think they were going to try and drag R2 into this.” Luke said gruffly, “He’s a notoriously good pilot and more adventurous that most droids, even during the Clone Wars. Judging from what I’ve seen of his records, he was willing to follow my father anywhere he needed to go. I know Jonas is familiar with those records. Perhaps he thought he could get R2 to do the same for him.”

“I still question why you let him watch anything about Darth Vader, even if he was Anakin Skywalker then.” Rey said, watching Jonas fidget with the clasp of his cuff anxiously.

“We tried to hide Darth Vader from Ben,” Luke said, “and, eventually, he found the information he wanted from a highly biased and manipulative source. This was the best way to get ahead of Snoke. No secrets, no betrayed trust.”

“No secrets, huh?” Rey said, looking at Luke out of the corner of her eye. While they'd told Jonas and Gida'smoo about Luke's relation to Darth Vader, they'd left out Jonas's. Luke shook his head and scratched his beard, watching the two padawans.

“They’re lucky that they’re too young to go or do anything, but the fact that they actually tried shows a dangerous lack of restraint. I worry about when they’re older.” 

Rey took a deep breath, “If we’re not careful, they’re going to actually run into the Knights of Ren. It’s only a matter of time until our paths cross. There’s too few force users for that to happen. We have to explain to them the war they’re actually fighting otherwise they’re going to try to take on the Dark Side itself. And no one wins that.” 

Luke sighed, “Jonas never got these crazy ideas before.”

The corner of Rey’s mouth twitched, “You’re the one who wanted another one.” 

“I know,” Luke said gruffly, scratching his beard, “It was the right choice, but they’re weren’t kidding about the jump from parenting one to two.” He said. He looked up and made eye contact with Rey, managing to hold his serious expression for a single second before they both burst into laughter. 

“Come on,” Rey said, “We should go in there. Want to play “Good Jedi Master/Bad Jedi Master?” 

“Always.” Luke said.

“I’ll be the Bad Jedi Master.” Rey said, “I do it best.”

Luke shook his head, laughing to himself as Rey walked through the door to the little room where the padawans sat, looking tired and fearful. 

“What are you thinking? Are you insane!” Rey looked at the two padawans.

“We’re sorry, Master!” Jonas said, looking up at her with wide hazel eyes. He reminded her, suddenly and vividly, of his father. She forced herself to swallow her emotions and take a deep breath, focusing on being disappointed in the two children. 

“You two are brave,” Rey said, “but that wasn’t bravery. That was pride and foolishness, nothing more.”

“You are very lucky Commander Lylin saw you when he did.” Luke said, “What if you had taken the ship? A TIE fighter could have thought you were the enemy and blasted you before you even made it to hyperspace! Where we you even planning to go.”

“I had a dream.” Jonas mumbled, “about Kylo Ren.”

Rey stiffened, resisting the urge to grab onto the table for support. This was possibly the worst thing that she could think of, short of Kylo and Jonas actually meeting. If they were connected through the Force, she had little hope of keeping them apart. 

“What was your dream about?” Luke asked carefully.

“I saw Kylo Ren on a ridge.” Jonas said, “He didn’t have his lightsaber, but he was looking right at me. I think the Force wants us to fight.”

“No, Jonas!” Rey said, shaking her head, “Sometimes we just dream about things we’re thinking about. We’re open to the Force, but it’s not a general.”

Luke nodded gravely, “It is easy to misinterpret the Force. If you and Kylo Ren are to meet in battle, it will be when you are ready, not when you think you are ready.” 

“Yes, Master Luke.” Jonas said, bowing his head in embarrassment. 

“Both of you,” Rey said, “Enjoy your training. We’re trying to keep you away from the battlefield until they’re ready. Please, don’t strike out on your own. Take this time to prepare yourselves, alright?” 

Rey felt a familiar, straightlaced presence in the room, standing behind her. She reached out a little and felt Commander Lylin’s familiar presence, watching her. He seemed focused, concerned, and… something else she couldn’t place. There was a strange tension about him that she didn’t understand. She was inspecting his surface emotions when she felt him walk away, down the hall.

“I was very lucky to have a childhood.” Luke said carefully, “Away from the war. Master Rey didn’t. We want you to have that, too. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master Luke.” Gid’asmoo and Jonas said. 

“I’m going to go check in with Commander Lylin.” Rey said, inclining her head and walking out of the door. She looked around for him, brushing her hair out of her face, but didn’t see him. She hurried down the hall and saw Poe, who was on his way to the hangar, judging by his outfit. Beyond him, she saw Lylin, but found herself curious. She actually knew very little of Lylin, outside of the limited information Luke had given her, but Poe knew everything about everyone, although he had a habit of playing matchmaker. If he knew she had more than a passing familiarity with Lylin, she’d never hear the end of it.

“Hey, Poe, Who’s that?” Rey asked, watching Lylin’s profile.

“Commander Zhetam Lylin. He’s a career soldier.” Poe said, “He’s nice enough, good at his job. He left the Republic fleet to join the Resistance. If he hadn’t, he’d be a general by now.”

“What’s his background?” Rey asked, memorizing the soldier’s face. If he was the one most likely transporting her son around the galaxy, she needed to know who he was, she explained to herself. 

“Ground infantry. Officer. Worked his way up.” Poe said, rubbing at a grease mark on his helmet, “Why, you interested?”

“No!” Rey snapped, feeling her own ears grow pink.

“Oh my stars, you are!” Poe hissed, grinning and hugging his helmet. 

“I want to know who he is because he is responsible for the safety of my padawans when I’m not there!” 

“Is that what the kids are calling a crush these days?” Poe asked, smirking at her. He immediately winced when she punched him in the arm, but chuckled anyway.

“You totally know who he is, don’t you?” Poe said, raising an eyebrow at her.

“I might know him, yes.” Rey admitted stubbornly, “but I wanted to see what you had to say on him.”

“As a soldier or a boyfriend?” Poe asked, picking a piece of dirt off of his helmet.

“As a soldier, Poe,” Rey said, rolling her eyes, “I’m trying to be professional.”

“Mmmhmmm.” Rey didn’t even look at Poe, not wanting to see the stupid expression he probably wore right now.

“You are such a child.” Rey said, shaking her head.

“You’re the one asking about his military career just because you think he’s cute.”

“Poe!”

“Fine,” Poe said seriously, turning to face her, “He’s proud, ambitious, and effective. He never leaves a man behind and does what he can for everyone under his command. What he lacks in experience he makes up for in ingenuity and strength of character.”

“Where did you hear that last line?” Rey asked, finally turning ot look at him.

Poe shrugged, “Spotted it on one of General Leia’s reports on him. It was sitting on her desk and the phrase just lodged in my head.”

“That’s insane.” Rey said.

“Hey, your report was even better than his!” Poe offered

“I am going to murder you.” Rey said, shaking her head and sweeping down the hallway, allowing Poe to jog along in her wake, “We’re in the middle of a war, Poe. I have Jedi to train. I do not have time for dates.” 

“So you admit you’re interested!” Poe said, laughing openly at the murderous expression she shot him, “Okay, okay, I’ll back off, but if you want to ask him out for a drink, I’m sure the galaxy could manage.”

“By the Force, Poe, I’m not having this discussion with you.” Rey said, waving him away, “I am a professional! I just wanted to make sure my padawans were travelling in capable hands. That’s. It.” 

“If you say so.” Poe said lightly, shrugging his shoulders and walking by her side down the hallway, “I’ll let it go. But, if you were wondering, judging by the way he keeps watching you when you come over a holo, he’s interested in you, too.” His helmet tucked under his arm, Poe marched confidently back towards the hangar and smug smile fixed to his face even as Rey stood, frozen to the spot, confusion and interest flooding into her in equal measure. 

Rey looked over her shoulder again at Commander Lylin, watching his profile as he spoke to one of his subordinates about something on his holopad. He was straightforward, stable, and giving. He was the opposite of Kylo, in many ways, now that she thought of it. There were no revenge schemes or damaged families to dance around here. Zhetam was driven by duty and ideals, not by emotions and fear. He could stand at her side without her even having to touch him, to keep him upright. 

If what Poe said was true, Rey thought, feeling an excitement that she hadn’t felt in ages well up inside of her, she should go for it. She was a Jedi. What was the real risk here? All she had to gamble with was her heart and, judging by the neatness of Lylin’s obnoxiously perfect ponytail, he wasn’t going to destroy it any worse than she had. 

“Commander Lylin!” Rey called, jogging after him, toying with the end of one of her braids,“I have to thank you, Commander Lylin,” Rey said, shaking her head, “They are both foolhardy. I am so sorry you have had to do paperwork on behalf of them.”

The commander shrugged, “It’s nothing, Master Jedi. I’m just glad I saw them when I did.”

“I am, too.” Rey said nervously, toying with her braid.

“Are you alright?” Lylin asked, frowning at her fidgeting. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink with me sometime.” Rey blurted.

There was a long silence in which Rey’s face flushed and Lylin’s broke into an appraising smile. Panic flooded into Rey’s chest. She’d just made an utter fool in front of- 

“I’d like that.” The commander said, smiling. 

“Good.” Rey said, smiling back and dropping her braid, breathing a sigh of relief, “I’ll stop by your quarters at 1700 standard time?” 

“It’s a date.” Lylin said, inclining his head as another Commander waved him over, gesticulating to something on his holopad.

“Yeah,” Rey said, grinning as Lylin jogged away, “Yeah, it really is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jedi coparenting is my favorite thing. Hands down.
> 
> And space between the paragraphs so I don't murder your eyes! Thank you guys for the feedback (trust me, feedback, good or bad, = more "on time" chapters.)


	6. That’s The Real Power of a Legacy: We Tell Stories of People Who Are Gone Because Like Any Powerful Stories, They Have The Potential to Inspire and to Change the World

**“That’s the real power of a legacy: We tell stories of people who are gone because like any powerful stories, they have the potential to inspire and to change the world.” - Jeremy Carter, Hamilton: The Revolution**

“Jonas?”

Jonas looked up from the diagrams he was studying to see Master Rey leaning against the door to his room, looking down at him. She looked a little tired, her expression that same gentle mask that she often wore around him when she was troubled or when she and Master Luke were arguing.  
She and Master Luke argued a lot. They liked each other and they were friends, but they still argued. 

“Yes, Master?” Jonas asked, sitting up a little straighter, excitement welling up inside. He knew he was going to start training with the Force soon- maybe today was the day!

“I’m going to teach you how to reach into the Force, properly.” Master Rey said, smiling down at him as he leapt off the bed in his eagerness.

“I told Gida’smoo that you were going to train me, too!” Jonas said, punching the air, “Oh I can’t wait until she sees me!”

Master Rey laughed at him, shaking her head, “Come along, my young padawan. You’ve been reading long enough, I think. Me and Master Luke think you’re ready to move into practical application.” She waved him down the hallway after her, walking down to the hangar, allowing him to run out his energy in her wake.

“What does ‘practical application’ mean?” Jonas asked, jogging after her long footsteps.

“It means to do something instead of just reading about how to do it.” Rey said, pausing by the gate to the hangar to sign some form on a holopad. Jonas jogged in place, unable to control the excitement he felt. 

“What is the Force like?” Jonas asked, looking up as Rey took the keys to some vehicle and led the way to where the speeders were on the far side of the hangar. He’d sensed the Force before when he did his meditation and relaxation practices with his masters, but he wanted to know what it was like to be in the Force. 

“It’s large and bright.” Rey said, “Grander than anything you’ve ever felt. It’s like being totally alone and totally connected all at the same time.”  
Jonas nodded, “Like when you meditate?” He asked, looking up at her.  
Rey smiled, nodding, “Yes, you have probably felt the Force during our meditations to some point, but you’ve never reached into it. Unless you’ve done some exploring on your own?” She asked, climbing into the speeder and shooting Jonas a side glance.

“Not really.” Jonas said, “Like, sometimes I feel like I feel things that don’t really belong to me or aren’t happening to me. Like, when you and Master Luke fight, sometimes I feel… funny.” 

Rey nodded, “I understand that. Soon, you’ll be able to block some of that out. We are going to teach you control before we teach you how to fight, alright? Now, strap in. I’d hate for you to fly out of this and die before we even taught you anything.” His eyes widened until he saw the smirk on her face, then he relaxed. Besides, even if he did fall out, she’d catch him. 

“Alright.” Jonas said, sitting in his seat and pulling the safety harness on. He found himself watching Master Rey as they rode over the cool green of D’Qar, away from the base. She wasn’t like Master Luke, who did a lot of his early training. She was wilder, more distant, and more intimidating than him. Jonas knew his upbringing was unusual, but he always had a feeling that there was a lot that his masters weren’t telling him. When he’d asked about his parents, his masters had told him about them, guardians of one of the last caverns of Kyber crystals who had died when he was a few months old. His masters always got sad when he brought it up, so Jonas assumed they’d become friends with his parents over the many months they’d been searching for Kyber crystals across the galaxy. Despite all the stories they’d both told of the different wars they’d fought in, there was a lot they didn’t tell him. Master Luke was strong and loving, but had a deep sadness in him that Jonas couldn’t bring himself to ask about. One time, after Master Luke called him “Ben” while berating his lack of patience during meditation, he’d asked Rey. She’d sighed and explained that Kylo Ren had taken Master Luke’s nephew Ben a long time ago, before he’d finished his training. Jonas wasn’t sure whether he was honored Master Luke thought of him as family or just sad that this Ben Skywalker had died before he was born. It would have been cool to have 3 masters- or 4, since Finn was almost done with his training and was practically his master, too. He settled for honored, mostly because too many people he knew died suddenly anyway. He wanted to feel good about something sometime. 

Jonas looked up as the speeder climbed the smooth slope of a green forested hill. Master Rey swept one of her long braids back over her shoulder and climbed out, leading the way up the grass to the top. Jonas hurried after her. How was it that both his masters had this perfect, calm, and unburdened walk. Always looking as if they could call the Force to lift them off the ground at any moment. Maybe they could, he didn’t know. Did Jedi just get that walk when they became Jedi or did it come after years of work and training?

Master Rey stopped at the top of the hill and looked over her shoulder at him, watching him climb the hill with that same odd sadness she looked at him with sometimes. He wondered if she’d known Ben, too, but didn’t ask her.

“Come on, we’re going to need to meditate for a while first.” Rey said, “You’re so new, even with your ability, you need to quiet your mind to really get into the Force for the first time.”

“Did you?” Jonas asked, sitting down on the grass.

“Well, no,” Rey admitted, shrugging and smirking, “but my training was unorthodox, so we’re going to ignore that and pretend I did.” 

“What’s ‘unorthodox’-”

“I means ‘not the way it’s supposed to’.” Rey said, “Now, Jonas, quiet your mind. I want you to feel the Force before you try to use it, alright? Just, you’ll know it when you come into contact with it, okay?” 

“Okay.” Jonas said, a little disappointed. He wanted to do some of the cool stuff his masters could. Meditation and connection to the universe was nice, but lightsabers were way more his style. 

“Connection to the Force is much easier and safer when you’re calm, contrary to popular belief.” Master Rey said in that voice that she used whenever she knew what he was thinking, “I know you’ve been working on calming your body, with me and with Finn. Now it’s time to put that training into practice.”

“That was training?” Jonas asked, his eye snapping open.

Master Rey smiled at him, nodding, “Yes, Jonas. When you’re a Jedi, almost everything in some kind of training.” 

Jonas frowned, not sure he believed that. Master Rey shook her head, “Jonas, the entire universe is connected by the Force. Because you can feel the Force, whenever you interact with something, whatever it is, you interact with the Force. That’s why Master Luke and I will take you and Gida’smoo to new planets whenever we’re not fighting. We want you to see as much as you can so that you can see how the Force moves across the galaxy. The Force is everywhere and in everything and, because of that, there are always opportunities to teach you more about it. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” Jonas said, nodding. 

“Good.” Master Rey said, closing her eyes again, “Now, close your eyes and try to feel the Force.” 

Jonas felt the Force. He knew the Force, with its light and warmth and sheer size. He remembered seeing an ocean with Luke once, feeling both hopelessly overwhelmed and exhilarated by the size of it. The Force was like that, a vast being with a will and a consciousness outside of what he could perceive. It knew of him, but wasn’t really bothered by him. He could only ever touch one small part of it at a time, anyway. 

Jonas took a deep breath, clearing his mind as much as possible. For the longest time, he’d been unable to sit still for anything at any time, so Finn had taught him how to slowly calm down one piece of his body at a time. Jonas relaxed his toes, remembering the way Finn had talked about life as a First Order Stormtrooper had left him constantly tense and contained, like a active wire. He relaxed his legs and his arms next, making sure not to nap or twitch his fingers. Then he took three deep breaths, in and out, the way Master Luke had insisted he learn, and released all the energy out of his chest and back and head. In, chest, out. In, back, out. In, head, out. He did that over and over until the calm that had taken him so much time to learn settled over him.

“Very good, Jonas.” 

Master Rey’s voice was far away now, gentle and warm in a way he rarely heard from her. At times like this, part of him wondered if she really had known his parents before he was born and had lied about it. He made her both too happy and too sad for her not to have some deeper connection. 

“Now, I want you to feel for the Force, just like you always do, but, instead of just watching it, I want you to call it into yourself. Let it flow through you.”

Jonas opened himself up more, willing the Force to move into him. Nothing happened. He took another deep breath, trying to pull the Force closer, to make it move. The Force was supposedly in everything already. What was wrong with it now? 

“It’s not working!” Jonas complained, the words slipping from him faster than he could hold them back. Master Rey and Master Luke were not normally appreciative of whining, although Finn was more forgiving when Jonas was in a bad mood. 

“It’s okay.” Rey said gently. She sat across from the young boy, taking a deep breath, “Feel the force, Jonas,” she murmured, “it lives in you.” 

“I’m trying!” Jonas said, closing his eyes tighter and reaching out for the power he knew that lay just beyond his reach. He suddenly felt a hot spike of something curl through him, but knew immediately that it was not what he had meant to call. 

“Jonas,” Master Rey said sharply, “Listen to me, let go of your emotions. Don’t be afraid or frustrated. Trust the Force. You know what it feels like. Surrender your emotions, make yourself open and empty. Trust me, it will come.”

Jonas took a deep breath, setting aside his anger and disappointment. Master Luke had said his parents had been strong in the Force. He wanted to use it! He wanted to be like them! What if they had mastered the ability to live after death, within the Force, like the last Jedi masters? He could finally have the parents he always wanted.

“Jonas,” Master Rey said soothingly, “I learned to use the Force in self-defense. Master Luke first contacted it in battle. We want you to have this moment of peace. You know what it feels like, where it lies around you. All you have to do is open yourself to the Light. You can do it. I believe in you.”

Jonas suddenly felt an urge to simply give up. He relaxed his body, flopping back onto the grass behind him, arms open to the sky. He couldn’t see or hear Master Rey, but he could feel the judging look she was giving him. He was never going to feel the Force the way they did. He was going to have to settle for-

A warm presence flowed slowly through his mind and his body. He could feel it, the pressure and sheer size of it, like being suspended within water while also feeling the ocean’s tides in his own body. He sighed, able to sense the presence of millions and billions of things that didn’t have a conscious separation, but all flowed together. It was like holding a stone, knowing it was comprised of tiny grains of sand. A strong sense of peace settled in his chest, both a comforting weight and a release of the pressure he’d been feeling before. Behind his closed eyelids, he could also see the tendrils of the Universe that connected him to Master Rey and to the grass and to every grain of dust in the sky and to every other thing in the Universe. The Galaxy lived and died and breathed as one thing within the Force.

“This is the Force, my young padawan.” Rey said, her voice warm and gentle, “When all else fails, this is what you are a part of. The Force has chosen you, as it chose every Force User before you. You can choose which side you wield, but, in the end, you belong to the Force as much as its power belongs to you.”

“I see that.” Jonas said, opening his eyes, still sensing the connections between him and the world around him, “Is Ben in the Force, too? Did he learn how to keep his presence alive?”

“I don’t believe he did, no.” Rey said, “I know Master Obi-Wan taught Master Luke while he was on Ach-To, but that was after Ben was gone.”

“Oh,” Jonas said, disappointed, “I wanted to meet him.”

“I know.” Rey said, sighing, “Me too.”

Jonas sat up, slowly letting go of his awareness of the Force, settling back into a new, open, and contented state. “Does it feel like that all the time?”

“I wish.” Rey said, smiling down at him, “but no. Much of what we do in combat is a about imparting our will on the Force in something or around ourselves. That’ll make more sense when you’ve had more training. For now, we have lunch in the speeder. I decided a nice picnic would be a good way to celebrate today.”

“Thanks Master Rey!” Jonas said, grinning. He really appreciated the way Master Rey always seemed to want to bring food to things. It made hanging out with her all the funner. 

“I’ll go grab it, hang on.” Master Rey said, standing and walking down the hill to the speeder. Jonas watched her go for a moment, then flopped back onto the grass.

He lay there for a moment, then closed his eyes. He reached out through the Force again, hoping somewhere out there, he could feel his family. In the distance, he felt a single consciousness. It was faint and shrouded in darkness, but it was there. A strange sense of familiarity settled in him, but he wasn’t sure what that meant. He probably needed more training, he decided, but one day, he’d meet that other person.

 _I wonder if my father thinks about me,_ Jonas thought, opening his eyes and watching the clouds above his head. If his parents had somehow kept their consciousness within the Force, maybe they wanted to meet him as much as he wanted to meet them. He heard Master Rey climbing up the hill and stood up to help her, putting aside thoughts of his family for a later day. 

*****

 

Rey heard Finn curse behind her as more stormtroopers landed on the planet’s surface, pouring out of their carrier before it had even landed.

“How do they still have any troops!?” Rey bellowed in exasperation, spinning her saber around to catch the blaster fire, deflecting it off of the blade, back at them, “And where are those reinforcements!?”

“No idea!” Finn said, jumping behind a boulder as some mega blast shot past him. He stood, drawing his new lightsaber with one hand and his blaster with the other.

“I thought Jedi don’t use blasters!” One of the Resistance fighters next to them.

“These do.” Rey said. She peeked around the boulder and then rolled away from the edge of the boulder as a beam chipped away at the rock next to her and nearly clipped her shoulder. She looked up at the destroyer, The Imperator, suspended in the air above them now, “We’ve got to get up there! There’s going to be more troops on there. We just need to bring the whole ship down.”

“How do you expect to do that?” Finn said, half-standing long enough to fire a few rounds from his blaster before another near-miss shot send him back onto the dirt. 

“We steal the transport vehicle.” Rey said, pointing to the empty troop-carrier behind the line of enemies.

“And how do you expect to do that?!” Finn said incredulously. 

“We blow our way through the stormtroopers and take it.” Rey said, “Give me your blaster and a few minutes. I can turn it into a bomb. We’ll need some cover, but you and I can do it.”

“What’s to stop them from blasting us out of the sky?” Finn asked.

“The will of the Force?” Rey offered, “Finn, we have to do something or we’ll be overwhelmed. Our little battalion is not going to beat them, not with these numbers. Unless Ewoks are suddenly going to drop from the sky, we’re going to have to do it ourselves.”

Finn looked at her for a single second, searching. His dark face had grown tanned from their weeks on this planet, which had sunlight all day in the summer, save for the line of his eye protection around his eyes. He reminded Rey, in that moment, of one of the small desert foxes that had migrated across Jakku in the winters, always inquisitive and fierce. 

“Okay.” He said. 

“Cover me!” Rey said, diving from her rock to his and taking his blaster from his hand. She curled around it, settling the weapon into her lap, quickly opening the side panel to look inside. She was so glad that Finn’s desire for regulation had kept him from poking around in here too much. A lot of people modified their blasters to some degree these days, which made her wary about poking around them too much. 

Rey half-tuned out the sound of fire and shouting as she started altering the wiring, directing all the power back into the main plasma core, careful to energize it slowly, leaving one pipe the ability to pass the cooling system so that the weapon didn’t explode in her lap, “Finn, I’m going to need a target in about 30 seconds.” She said, rerouting one of the main power transporters back into the plasma core, holding her breath, already feeling the metal heat up beneath her fingers. 

“Finn, I’m going to need that opening a little sooner than expected.” Rey said as Finn ducked down beside her. The blaster trembled under her fingers. She looked over her shoulder, saw a small gap between a group of troopers, and chunked the blaster as hard as she could at them. By some miracle, it hit a trooper square in the chest. They caught it and looked down at smoking blaster.

“GET DOWN!” Rey said, ducking down. She saw a Resistance fighter standing up, too focused on aiming at the troopers to hear her. Suddenly, the fighter went sprawling into the dirt a split second before the blast behind them sent Rey face-first onto the ground.

“I got him.” Finn mumbled next to her, his arms over both of their heads.

“Nice Force-shove.” Rey said, sitting up and looking over her shoulder at the troopers behind them. More than a dozen had died, by the look of it, their bodies propelled into their fellows, leaving almost 50 of them on the ground, buried under their comrades, both living and dead. 

“Let’s move!” Rey said, jumping over the boulder to run through the broken line of troopers. Finn’s footsteps pounded loudly behind her as Resistance fire echoed around them. She took a step and heard a sickening crunch, but didn’t let herself look down, forcing her gaze ahead to the transporter.  
A blaster bolt grazed her arm and she turned to see Finn’s saber swing up on her left side to black a second shot from one of the fallen troopers, half-alive and buried under a comrade. Finn stepped closer, swung his saber down through the trooper’s helmet, then turned and ran after her. 

Rey scrambled onto the transporter, rushing to the cockpit immediately. She inspected the controls and found the autopilot override button, switching the transporter to manual.

“Grab on!” Rey said, hearing multiple sets of footsteps behind her, “Finn, you okay?”

“Yeah!” Finn called, “We got backup, apparently.”

“Oh, well isn’t that nice!” Rey said, pulling up and hitting the air. She aimed directly for the main open port on the destroyer, hoping to get lost in the shuffle of transporters coming in and out from the battlefield raging on the planet below. Rey thought of their little flank below, the rest of her battalion defending for themselves. All she could do was will the Force to be with them. 

“Be ready!” Rey said, “We’re coming in hot!” 

The transporter skidded across the main hanger with a horrific screech, crashing into various objects and nearly unseating Rey every time. She shrieked and grabbed at the straps of the pilot’s harness, feeling the force of the ship as it finally slammed into the back of the hangar.

“Finn?” Rey asked, looking around groggily, glad she hadn’t hit her head on the control panel. 

“I’m fine!” Finn said, “but we’ve got to move!”  
Rey stood up shakily, then looked through one of the viewing holes, seeing the carnage beyond them. They’d apparently hit several First Order craft on their way in and left a trail of general debris in their wake. Stormtroopers were running toward their craft, but kept getting distracted by chunks of different spacecraft that were peeling apart from the force of the impact. 

Rey and Finn rushed to the opening, raised their hands in unison, and knocked the five closest stormtroopers back onto the ground. When a few more rounded a broken TIE-fighter wing, Rey hoisted up a fallen trooper and sent him flying into his fellows. Rey ducked as the blaster volts started flying around her, then, with a final effort of frustration, she called on the Force and sent the entire line of stormtroopers back as far as she could, watching with them topple out of the hangar. 

“Rey, let’s go!” Finn shouted, “We’ve got to-”  
Something exploded on the hangar, sending Rey and Finn flying back onto the transporter’s cockpit. Rey slammed into the chair, grunting as the wind was knocked out of her.  
“What was that?” Rey groaned, rubbing the spot on her abdomen that she knew was going to bruise.

“Probably one of the ships we hit,” Finn said, crawling back out from where he’d rolled under the control panel, “Something might have destabilized in the main power core.”

“Always a good sign.” Rey said. The entire destroyer shuddered under her feet and she looked up to see Finn staring at his own shoes. She broke into a run, heading to the open doorway, drawing her lightsaber.

“New plan?” Finn asked, two steps behind her.

“Yeah,” Rey said, “Steal an operational ship before anything else explodes.”

“Good plan.” Finn said, jumping down from the troop platform and onto the hangar itself. Stormtroopers were rushing around, looking for her and Finn, but there was so much wreckage that even the glow of her lightsaber didn’t stand out. 

“You see anything functional?” Finn asked.

“I’ll settle for garbage!” Rey said, looking around. Then she realized, with a sinking feeling, that there was nothing. Everything was either damaged or out there, firing on her troops. “Finn…” She said, looking over her shoulder at him.

“I know.” Finn said, his dark eyes focused intently on her, full of determination, “Let’s just bring this thing down, then,”  
Rey nodded, then turned and led the way into the main hull of the ship. She knew these destroyers like the back of her hand. Most of her time in the First Order had been spent on the _Finalizer_ , and the _Imperator_ was its twin. She closed her eyes, pressing her hand to one of the interior walls. She could sense the massive engines beyond, deep in the body of The Imperator. Now, she couldn’t use the Force to shut off the engines, but she could turn the screws on the exhaust valves, which would do the same. “Finn, cover me.” Rey said, pressing her forehead and palms to the metal. She reached out with the Force and slowly turned one of exhaust valve screws loose, moving swiftly onto the next one and then the next. After thirteen screws, the valve shuddered and came loose. One down, a dozen more to go. 

Rey felt sweat drip down her face as Finn swore and deflected blast after blast beyond her.

“Rey!” 

Rey shoved out with the Force and felt an entire pipe’s worth of screws shatter under her frustration. She returned to the two broken pipes and yanked them, as hard as she could, out of the way. 

“Let’s go!” Rey said, looking over her shoulder and drawing her saber. A trio of stormtroopers faced her, lining the hallway. She heard clicks on either side and realized, with a jolt, that they were surrounded. She glanced left and saw three storm troopers, with blasters pointed at her. Judging by the change in Finn’s breathing when he looked to the other side, the same held true there.

“Don’t-”

A blast shook the entire ship, flinging Finn and Rey forward into the stormtroopers. They collided heavily, but Rey managed to knock a blaster out of one trooper’s hand and kick him into his fellows as Finn shot the other two. The pair broke into a run, racing back up the hallway, even as blaster beams glanced over their heads. Finn turned as he ran, firing behind them. When they reached the main hangar, it was bedlam. Troopers raced around, trying to secure the different First Order craft, even as the ship shuddered and lurched beneath them and TIE fighters continued to take off. As Rey looked, she realized that there were dozens of people in multicolored Resistance uniforms running around as well. Her heart leapt into her throat, even as she raced down the steps. 

The ship shuddered again as Rey started shouting to the Resistance fighters, “Fall back! FALL! BACK! It’s going to blow!”

Someone shoved her to the side and a blast flew past her, bouncing off the wing of a TIE fighter and exploding on the vest of a stormtrooper. Rey turned to see who it was, but a familiar voice was already shouting orders to the other fighters. Lylin was telling their soldiers to fall back. He’d made it! The reinforcements had come! They could win this, here and now. 

Lylin threw an arm across Rey’s shoulders, forcing her head down as he fired to her left.

“You good?” He bellowed in her ear.

“Yeah! Took you long enough to get here!” Rey called. She heard Zhet’s laugh over the roar of the X-wings flying into the hangar, past them. 

“Took a wrong turn!” Lylin said, standing up and pulling Rey to her feet. 

“See, I don’t want to like you,” Rey shouted over the din, aiming her lightsaber behind Lylin’s head, blocking a shot to his skull, “but then you come in with charming one-liners like that.”

“Does that mean we’re still on for tomorrow?” Lylin asked, moving so his back was to hers as he guarded her back and aimed an impossible shot at a stormtrooper, catching them right under the helmet.

“If we live through this, then yes.” Rey said, “But, if I die here, I may not make it tomorrow, I’m just saying.” 

“I’ll take it.” Lylin said, swearing when a bolt caught the side of his blaster, destroying the firing mechanism. Left weaponless, he chunked it at the Stormtrooper. 

There was a horrible screeching noise from the ship and Lylin grabbed Rey’s hand, rushing towards a Resistance ship. Stormtroopers had stopped firing on them, for the most part, instead rushing to evacuation craft. Rey ducked behind the ship’s wall, looking for Finn. 

It took her only a heartbeat to find him. He was running straight towards her, blaster in hand, yelling at the top of his voice, even as no one was shooting at him. All the stormtroopers, it seemed, were busy trying to get away or trying to repair the irreparable damage. EVen the combatants seemed distracted. Rey glanced away and realized why: X-wings kept shooting at them from outside, darting close to and then away from the creaking, crumbling ship. Rey pulled one last resistance soldier into the ship as Commander Lylin slammed a button on the “close hangar” door. 

“Get us out of here!” Rey shouted over her shoulder. 

The pilot didn’t need to be told twice.  
Rey took a deep breath as they hit the atmosphere, reaching up to grab one of the handles above her head. She closed her eyes, reaching out in the Force for the three dying resistance soldiers left on the _Imperator_ , even as the ship burst apart. She couldn’t save them, but she kept close to them, doing what she could to flood their nervous systems with peace and contentment. The least she could do was ensure their last moments weren’t painful. She took a shuddering breath as the _Imperator_ blasted apart, filling the sky with bright light. She felt a warm presence against her back and glanced over her shoulder. Commander Lylin was standing behind her, but he’d reached his hand to grip the bar over the strap she was holding. His face was lit up from the golden light outside, his dark eyes boring into hers. He didn’t smile, but leaned closer to her, drawing her strength from her. They’d made it. 

“Can you sense how many we lost?” Lylin asked quietly so only she could here.

Rey shook her head, “I know there were 3 on there when it exploded, but I don't know how many were already gone.”

Lylin nodded, sighing deeply, “I’m glad we could at least take the _Imperator_ down. That's been a thorn in my side for months.” 

“I’m glad this was worth it.” Rey said quietly, looking around the ship as they hit hyperspace. Some of the men were discussing the battle, others were nursing injuries in the dark, but most were quietly staring off into space, trying to recover from the battle. Rey knew they’d never fully get over it. She leaned back against him, knowing she never would, not really. Lylin rested his chin on her head and she knew he wouldn’t either. 

But at least they could do it together. 

Rey spent the entire ride through hyperspace and back to base in a kind of haze, focused only on the occasional rattle of the ship and on Lylin’s breathing against her back. She didn’t notice when they landed except that people were shifting around her as the soldiers grabbed their gear and got to their feet. 

“Rey, let’s go.” Zhet said quietly in her ear, nudging her with his elbow. His demeanor had changed since the battle. He'd relaxed, allowing some of the fight to leave his body. He wasn't Commander Zhetam Lylin. He was her Zhet. Rey nodded and turned, walking with him in silence. He quietly took her hand as they made their way up the steps of the main hangar and into the base’s many passageways.

“Where are Jonas and Gida’smoo?” Rey asked, looking around.

“Probably in their rooms.” Zhet said, “Luke likes to keep them away until you’ve debriefed and had a chance to recover a little. I don’t know if you’ve noticed that…” 

“I hadn’t.” Rey admitted, a rush of gratitude for the old jedi warming her heart, “Sorry.” 

Zhet shrugged, “It’s my job to notice.”

“Your job?” Rey said skeptically, unsure how Luke’s approach to parenting was part of being a commander, but Zhet just grinned teasingly. 

“Yeah, y’know, I wouldn’t be a good overprotective boyfriend if I didn’t notice what goes on with the most important people in your life.”

Rey smiled for real now as they turned onto the passageway to the command hub of the base. “Are you spending the night?” She asked, trying and failing to casually change the subject.

“I’d like to.” Zhet said, trying and failing to keep his voice neutral. Both of them had trouble sleeping right after a battle, especially if they’d been on the surface. Rey had asked the question more as a courtesy, but she honestly knew it was a given. Zhet slept over in her quarters half the time and had for months. She turned her head to look at him, taking in the familiar long nose, dark skin, and straight black hair pulled in a high ponytail. He noticed her looking at him and turned to meet her gaze, raising one thick eyebrow. Rey stopped in the middle of the hallway and he stopped, too. She raised one hand to his face, her finger still a little tanned and blistered from the time spent in the hot sun and traced the line of his prominent cheekbone. 

“Rey?” Zhet asked carefully, gently curling one long-fingered hand around her wrist. He didn’t move her away, but his dark eyes were looking at her with a soft and concerned expression. 

He could have died today. This sensitive, expressive, brilliant, dedicated, and loving man could have died today and she would have had to ride in the hangar alone. Would have returned to a bed that was hers, but was empty without him.

“Stay in my quarters.” Rey said quietly, not really caring if anyone was around them.

“Okay.” Zhet said slowly, clearly unsure why she’d stopped just to ask him to spend the night like they did so often. “Rey, are you-”

“No,” Rey corrected herself, “Live in my quarters, for good. My quarters are yours.” 

Zhet’s face was unresponsive for so long that Rey considered using the Force to erase herself from living memory. However, after a moment, his shock melted away to a wide and earnest smile. He leaned forward and kissed her lightly. His hair had started falling out of his ponytail after the battle and the ride and strands of it ticked Rey’s face, making her wrinkle her nose even as she smiled up at him.

“Of course, Rey,” Zhet said, “Now, let’s get to briefing before the General decommissions both of us and we lose our housing.” 

Rey laughed, taking his hand as they walked quickly down the hallway to Organa’s office. 

 

*****

 

“When did we get old?” Poe asked quietly six weeks later, sipping his mug of whatever cheap ale this bar served, “We started off fighting in a war and now we’re old.” 

“Speak for yourself.” Finn said, chuckling, “Rey and I aren’t even 30.” 

“By the Force,” Poe said, “How old were you when we first met?!”

“23, sort of,” Finn said, looking bemused at Poe’s sudden epiphany, “Rey was 19.”

“You two were children, running around Starkiller.” Poe said gruffly, “Barely older than Jonas.” 

“Oh please.” Rey said, shaking her head, “You stop being a child the moment you’re old enough to work. I don’t think I ever was a child.”

“Stormtroopers reach maturity and finish training at 18 standard years.” Finn said.

Poe looked from one to the other, “I didn’t know I wanted to be a pilot until I was 25.” He said, laughing and shaking his head, “I guess the war jump-starts everything, huh? We’ve got one parent, two officers, and a jedi in this circle.” 

“And one person in a committed relationship.” Rey said, nudging Finn with her elbow. Fynn had started dating one of the technicians, a specialist in protocol droids, shortly after she and Jonas moved back to the main Resistance base full time. That had been nearly five years ago, which was odd for a number of reasons. First, Finn had never had a girlfriend before that and second, most relationships in the Resistance either moved onto marriage or were tragically cut short. 

Rey liked Todra Alucard more than most people in the Resistance. She balanced the line between duty and self well while maintaining a sense of humor. Many others here served out of guilt, a desire for adventure, or revenge against the First Order. Todra, however, was merely a woman who had a talent she wanted to use to help the galaxy. Rey could appreciate that.

Rey glanced at Finn out of the corner of her eye and noticed the serious and contemplative expression he had on his face. It worried her. She and her best friends spent way too much time apart these days, judging by the fact she had no idea why he would be looking like that. Sure, they’d suffered losses recently, but not ones that would follow him to his night off, not like this. 

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked, afraid that their Finn and Todra were having problems and he didn’t want to tell them yet, especially after they’d spun all that about their supposed happiness. 

“I’m going to propose to Todra.” Finn said, staring into his ale. He chewed the corner of his thumb, then glanced at Rey and Poe, who were grinning at him. 

“Don’t look so depressed about it!” Poe said, laughing. He nudged Fynn’s arm, grinning, “Are you being forced into it?”

“No,” Finn said sheepishly, his blush evident even against his dark skin, “I just… didn’t want to make a big deal or anything.” 

“Finn, this is a big deal!” Rey said beaming, “You’re in love! You’re going to get married! This is amazing.” She touched Finn’s hand, “Make this a big deal. Shout it from the rooftops! Put it on every holo and tell every person you meet. This is good news. This is good news that no one has to hide or lie about or be afraid of. This is purely good news.” 

“If she says yes,” Poe amended.

They all laughed, Finn breaking into his usual wide smile. Rey knew the real source of his trepidation: he and Poe had dated before she returned to the Resistance. They had split up over their respective careers and moved on, but Rey sometimes wondered if they both were a little guilty for ending a relationship forged in the fire of Starkiller and starting new, easier relationships. Finn’s worries were groundless, Rey saw. She was able to feel the sheer excitement and appreciation radiating off of Poe. Whatever their history, Poe was first and foremost Finn’s first real friend and wanted nothing but happiness for him. Rey sipped her drink, wondering if Finn could sense the pure light in Poe right now. Judging by his smile and the tension leaving his shoulders, he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points to whoever guesses who the distant consciousness is. 
> 
> ALSO rebound boyfriends, healthy and supportive breakups, and fluff. Hope y'all like it!
> 
> ~~~
> 
> Attention, as of this chapter, there will be no more daily updates. I will shoot for every Tuesday, but that may change. If I get really far ahead and finish the entire fic early, I will post daily, if not, we'll go with the weekly posts. 
> 
> Also, I'm having a root canal the day this was due, so I'm posting it a day early because I'm so nice! However, it may take me a while to approve comments or respond for the next two days. It's not out of lack of love, I promise, it the fact that my face hurts, a lot. 
> 
> May the Force be with you!


	7. Author's Note and Apology (Jan 4)

Alright, I know this was supposed to be Chapter 7. 

However, I fainted a few days ago, I fainted at work and have had to do a lot of work and some testing. Because of this, chapter 7 and, possible Chapter 8 will be late.

I'm sorry. I'll try to keep ya posted!


	8. Another Author's Note: Further explanations

So, when I put up my author's note last week, I didn't really offer much explaination as to what was happening. However, since thia fic is as much an exercise in discipline as anything else, I have decided to always post SOMETHING every Tuesday, even if it is an apology like this.

Long story short, I fainted at work on December 29. I didn't go to the hospital, but when I went to the doctor about a week later, she said I should avoid non-essential screen time, in case I injured my head, to give my brain a rest since I was working a lot and starting school. This meant progress on 'Legacy' was at a crawl, due to my limited time and energy to work on it. 

On Sunday, January 8, I fainted or fell at work again and my mother (whom I love dearly) ordered no more screens until I get some further testing at my appointment with a cardiologist, which is this afternoon. My life is a little complicated at the moment, but I also really love and believe in this fic and really appreciate those of you who do, so I will try to get back on the horse as much as I can without stressing myself out, but updates may look more like this on and off until we get to the bottom of my heath issues. I am still writing, but it's slower going on paper than my computer, so we'll see if I can catch up or not. Whatever happens, I will try to respond to comments, questions, and theories on all chapters, but that may be more delayed than I'd like. 

Thank you for your patience and support. 

May the Force be with you.

\- The Hummdinger Herself


	9. The Heart of a Father is Masterpiece of Nature

**"The heart of a father is masterpiece of nature.” - Abbe Prevost, Manon Lescaut**

Kylo Ren stood in the darkness of his mother’s office, running his hands under her desk, looking for the hidden latch that he knew was there. If he knew Leia Organa, and he had to grudgingly admit that he did. 

The General, Leia Organa, was dead. Here he was, a week later, rummaging in her desk searching for ancient holocrons. Life was funny like that. He’d blame it on the Force, but the General hadn’t ever really appreciated the will of the Force as an explanation for anything, so he left it. 

Kylo Ren had decided to take advantage of the grief of the Resistance to go after the three ancient holocrons that the First Order knew Leia Organa had owned. He was sure they were hidden away from everyone because, as much as she loved her family, Leia Organa was not one of the most trusting people in the galaxy. Her quarters were nothing more than a bed and dressing table and had been since the Resistance formed, which means the holocrons had to be here. Luckily, Kylo Ren had grown up around Han Solo. As much as Leia knew how to hide something of value, Kylo knew how to find it. This was his one inheritance from the mother he hadn’t seen since he was 10. 

The one he’d never see again.

A heart attack. A heart attack had killed Leia Organa, survivor of two Republics, an empire, and two revolutions. Kylo could feel the grief radiating through the entire base. It wasn’t grief he was used to. No one could be blamed for the death, here. There was no revenge, no closure, just pain. 

A latch gave way under his hand and he leaned back. Kylo smiled to himself, looking down at a trio of ancient holocrons and, surprisingly, a much newer model, dated within the last galactic year. Suddenly, Kylo heard a click followed by an alarm. His heart dropped into his stomach and he cursed his own pride. The only human who had spent more time with Han Solo than him was his mother.  
He should have known it was rigged somehow.

Kylo Ren called upon the shadows of the dark side, allowing them to envelope him and shield him from sight. He stepped into the hallway and found it shockingly empty. So, this wasn’t part of the base’s main alarm system. Still, that didn’t buy him much more time. Kylo Ren felt a group of guards patrolling up the hallway to his left, so he turned ight. Still, no major alert. He was, however, moving away from the hangar, towards the interior of the base and the residential quarters. Climbing down a level to avoid another patrol, Kylo suddenly felt his uncle’s force signature close by. 

It was tempting to kill him now, while he slept, but Kylo knew he wouldn’t be able to do that and escape with the holocrons. This information was too important to the supreme leader.

His uncle could wait.

Kylo Ren pressed his palm to the scanner of a room near his uncle’s, using the force to manually shift the door into the unlocked position. He ducked inside and tried to think. 

Kylo leaned against a wall, taking slow, deep breaths and trying not to get overwhelmed in how own panic. He was a capable commander, capable of grace under pressure. He could handle this. Kylo Ren thought of his early childhood suddenly. Leia Organa was a brilliant tactical and political strategist, but also a focused and severe person. He thought back to the first Senate meeting he’d attended. He had never been good at editing what he sensed through the Force and, at age 5, he’d had no ability whatsoever. He’d walked into e main congregation and reception room, seen and _felt_ the entire Senate and their families, and had run and hid. Senator Organa, general and war hero, had found him under a table, reminding him how duty overruled fear. He had to be stronger than his fear. He was the first in the next generation of Jedi. He had to be better. 

He would be. 

_He was._

Kylo Ren took another deep, slow, calming breath and closed his eyes. He reached out through the Force. He was surrounded by so. Many. people, on all sides, all stressed and distressed and grieving. And an increasing number of them were on the alert. Kylo heard a noise in the room adjoining his hiding place. He walked to the doorway of the room and looked inside. 

It was a child’s room, very spartan, like one he’d expect in a military base. In fact, he would’ know it was a child’s room if i wasn’t for the child-sized bed, handful of toys, and the half-awake child sitting up in the bed. 

Kylo Ren stared into the face of the young human boy as he sat up sleepily and rubbed his eyes. He was alone and the only resident of the room, that Kylo could tell. He felt a rush of annoyance that a child was given his own room, especially at so young an age. The boy was no older than seven and, now that Kylo was paying real attention, already strong in te Force. He was probably the child of some Resistance member or Republic senator. In an effort to impress the parents or their permission to train the boy or for their continual support of the leaderless Resistance, the child had been given his own accommodations. 

How nice.

 _And convenient,_ Kylo thought, _Here is my ticket out._  
The child, sleepy, weak, and important, would serve as the perfect hostage. 

Ren watched the boy for another moment, who blinked sleepily at him. “Come with me, quietly.” Ren said. He hoped the mechanization of his voice didn’t disturb the child enough to make him scream or cry. He needed a hostage, not a body. 

The boy nodded, rubbing his knuckles into his eyes and climbing out of his bed. He couldn’t have been older than six or seven and wrapped his shoulders in an overlarge blanket he’d been holding in his sleep.

“What is that?” Ren asked warily. There could easily be some tracking device in it. 

“My parents gave it to me.” The boy answered. 

Ren looked at him for a heartbeat, then thought about his grandfather’s helmet and the lifeline it provided him, tethering him to the dark. He also thought, vividly, of his parents. He’d been ten when they’d sent him away with nothing to keep of them. He’d even been given new clothes, more befitting a jedi, his parents had insisted. The blanket would slow the boy down, for sure, but he would let the child keep it, for now.

“You will come with me.” Kylo said firmly, one hand on the boy’s arm, “If that blanket slows you down, you will leave it behind, do you understand?”  
“Yes.” The boy had wide hazel eyes. He was scared, but calm, as if he could see that Kylo was reluctant to hurt him, even if he was forced to. Ren looked into the child’s face and found, with a jolt, that his hazel eyes were very familiar. He reached out through the Force, wondering if he’d met him somewhere, but his Force signature was new. Since he had the Force, he’d be much harder to control, but Kylo had enough of an advantage over him in simple terms of size of size and strength, so he had little actual need for the Force. 

Kylo led the child into the main room, waved a hand, and stepped into the hallway. The boy hurried along in his wake, not even flinching when Kylo drew his saber from his belt. Instead, he seemed entirely focused on keeping his blanket tightly held below his chin as he struggled to keep up with the much larger man. Kylo knew he wasn’t just much older than him, but was tall in general, so he forgave the boy from the half-jogging steps he had to take. It didn’t make him slow down at all, because his survival depended on escaping, but he did feel a little bad for it. Kylo sensed soldiers ahead of him, rushing to some unknown target- probably his mother’s office- and simply turned right one hallway short of them, running parallel in the opposite direction. He had little chance of making it to the hangar and less chance of escaping from there; all the logical exits would be covered. It was the first rule of catching an intruder: make sure they can’t leave without having to go through you. 

However, if the Maker closed the door, he would open a window. And, as Han Solo would always add, in case he won’t open a window, always have something capable of carving one. 

Now this was just a game of finding a ground-level exterior wall. Kylo stopped, sure that the coast was clear for a second, and put a hand to the wall. He could feel five different levels of people below him and only two above him. Great, that put him on the third floor. However, most people were entering and exiting the base through the level directly above him. All he had to do was get himself and the hostage to an exterior wall on the floor above, carve a hole, and make it through the wilderness to where he’d hidden his ship. 

Simple.

_I have a bad feeling about this,_ Kylo thought, hurrying down the hallway towards the nearest clear stairway. He and the boy got up it without much difficulty, although he had to force the boy to move ahead of him to avoid nearly ripping the child’s arm out of his socket. His footsteps thudded on the stairs as he rushed up, feeling around for people close by. He could feel a force signature wake up downstairs behind him. With a jolt, he wondered if it was his mother. 

And then he remembered that his mother was dead. 

The Force around him soured. Of course his mother was dead! How could he have forgotten something something at important as this!? The handrail behind him bent with a high groan, snapping him out of his thoughts and back into the moment. He had to stay in this moment, he berated himself, or he would get himself killed. 

“What happened?” The boy blurted, eyes widening. Kylo immediately cursed himself. This boy was Force sensitive and had felt the shift in the Force. Kylo doubted whether he knew anything about the Dark side, if his only training was from Luke Skywalker. The Force around him would be strange and unnerving to him. Kylo remembered the days when the Force had been strange and overwhelming to him, too, and dismissed the dark side. He paused and looked down at the child’s face for a moment. He wanted to explain, but settled with a curt, “Yes, let’s go.” 

Kylo reached out with the Force around him, working his way towards an exterior wall of the base. The boy hurried along in general silence, panting and rushing along. Kylo stopped at the exterior wall. He rotated his grip on both the boy and the lightsaber, lighting it and plunging it into the wall. The boy gasped and recoiled from the lightsaber, but didn’t try to escape. He worked through the wall, carving deeper and deeper into the wall. He stepped back and used the Force to shove the section of wall out with a low groan of metal on metal. 

“Arms up.” He commanded the boy, who raised both his eyebrows and his arms as Kylo extinguished his lightsaber and hoisted the boy up and over the knee-high section of wall left in the cavity Kylo had carved. Not letting go, Kylo stepped through the hole himself, then led the child into the cool green wilderness around him.

 _She probably loves this._ The thought appeared, unbidden, in his mind. He forced it away, keeping himself connected to the task at hand and not on his ex-lover.  
The walk through the forest was agonizingly slow, although he objectively knew they were going quickly. He could feel Luke and Rey awake behind him, as well as two other Force presences that he wasn’t as familiar with. He picked up the pace, even as the boy’s distress registered in his mind.

“Please, w-” The boy tripped over a root of his blanket or his own feet and stumbled into the dirt. For a second, anger flared in Kylo’s chest. The boy was probably trying to escape, but then he looked at the child’s terrified and frozen face and pulled him gently to his feet. He half-marched, half-lifted the boy through the woods. He felt the Force shift around him and knew Rey and Luke had noticed the boy’s absence and were searching for him. He did nothing to try to hide him, knowing it was useless in any case. His uncle, his ex-lover, and the traitor would all come for him. It felt like the beginning of one of the bag joke’s his father would always tell him when his mother wasn’t around to hear. 

As they reached the edge of the forest, Kylo saw his ship. Relief flooded through him, even as he felt Rey and the others hit the edge of the forest. He walked up the grassy slope, feeling them draw nearer and nearer. 

Kylo Ren turned a hundred feet from his ship, holding onto the boy tightly. He’d been right: there was his uncle, the traitor FN-2187, some stranger in a Resistance military uniform, and her- Rey. She was at the head of the party, lightsaber drawn. The golden saberstaff threw the same golden light across her face in the darkness, just like it always had. 

“Ren!” Rey called, “Just let- Jonas!” her expression changed when the saw the boy’s identity. He’d been right. This youngling must be her would-be Padawan. Kylo Ren could feel the absolute tension and terror bubbling up within Rey, but he couldn’t feel any darkness. 

Kylo Ren and Rey Jedi had ended up at the same battles multiple times before, but had never gotten close enough to actually fight until now. He had felt the subtle shift in her Force signature since she’d been his Knight, from darkness to light, but now he couldn’t feel any darkness in her, not even in her fear.  
“Stay back.” Kylo commanded, pulling the boy a little closer.

“Ben, don’t do this.” Luke said seriously, lighting his own green lightsaber. Kylo had to get the lightsabers away from their respective owners. Rey had a saberstaff, Luke had his green one, and-

The traitor ignited a bright blue lightsaber that he recognized. FN-2187 was using his grandfather’s lightsaber. Rage flooded his mind and his vision became tinged with red. How could they give the weapon of Darth Vader, the greatest Jedi killer in history, to a former stormtrooper? This traitor to the First Order was holding the weapon of the man who sealed the ascension of the Empire?

The boy let out a whimper and Kylo realized that he’d been squeezing his arm too tightly. Kylo pulled his mind back to the moment, setting his emotions and the dark side aside and shouted, “Weapons down!” 

Rey hesitated for a moment, his fingers twitching, and so he shouted again, which made the padawan jump and made all of the adults drop their weapons immediately.  
“Master Rey!” The boy called, eyes widening, “What’s happening? Do I have to go?”

“No, Jonas,” Rey said gently, “I promise, everything will be okay.” Kylo had never seen her so scared. It appeared Skywalker’s warnings about attachment had falling on deaf ears or Rey didn’t want to lose her first Padawan before his training had even begun. 

Rey crouched down, but didn’t reach down for her lightsaber, instead looking at the padawan. Ren didn’t move, even though his instinct as a warrior told him to be wary. He just stood there, tightening his grip on the boy’s arm. Kylo reached behind him with the Force, opening the door to his ship. He hadn’t decided whether or not to take the boy with him as insurance. His master would want him to take him with him, but not train him. He was too young, too prone to the light. Kylo could feel the lack of anger or confusion or fear to exploit. The boy was useless to the dark side, for now. 

Knowing his family, however, he wouldn’t have too long to wait. 

Rey’s eyes flicked to the door behind Kylo, then to his mask, and then to Jonas. Her hazel eyes were wide and panicked, but she didn’t move closer or farther away. The soldier put his hand on Rey’s arm, his face calm and controlled, leaning forward to speak into her ear. Rey tilted her head up, even as she kept her eyes on Jonas. He spoke and moved with the authority of someone who had once been very close to Rey. Kylo Ren’s jaw clenched. Trust, respect, and a forced distance radiated off of Rey. This man was her lover. Something in Ren soured at the idea that she had moved on while he had not. 

Rey clearly felt his mood because her head snapped up and looked at him, more terrified than he had ever seen her. She knew this child, this boy, and was desperate to see him safe. She also knew he was angry, but she thought it was directed at the boy. He tried to reach into her thoughts, to understand why his reaction had done so much to her, but she shut him firmly out. Rey’s hair swung forward and fell into her face. It was longer than Kylo had ever seen it, tumbling down her back and catching in the wind. She was still so beautiful it hurt to look at her, especially when her eyes kept flicking from him to her young padawan. 

Rey’s expression hardened. She was so much colder and controlled than she had been before. He’d remembered the way her mind moved and existed during their first interrogation, but the edges he could feel were so much different. It was more ordered now, but there had been an endearing wildness that was gone. Luke had scorched the serene naturalness out of her mind with the light, the fool. The boy in his grasp, the one they were in tense silence over, was going to end up the same way. It frustrated Kylo to think of it, but couldn’t do much better himself. He wasn’t parenting material.

“I should take him with me,” Kylo said, ignoring the terror these words inspired in the padawan, “otherwise you’ll blast me out of the sky.”

“Ben, don’t do this.” Skywalker said, his voice tight.

“Don’t command me, old man.” Kylo snarled, anger flaring in his chest, “How do I know you won’t kill me the moment I let him go.”

“You’ll have my word.” Rey said firmly.

 _As if you word means anything,_ Kylo wanted to blurt, _You claimed to love me, but look at us now._

That is, until Rey opened the doors of her mind to him. It was limited, but he could feel her intentions. She didn’t want to hurt him or to kill him. She just wanted her padawan back. Fear and grief were pouring off of her and he remembered that, before him, she’d had no family. General Organa’s death and the danger her padawan was in were afflicting her deeply, reminding him of the grief and loneliness he’d felt when he first entered her mind. She was looking directly at his face now, her hazel eyes slicing through him the way they always had, pleading desperately for him to have mercy on the boy. She was still so beautiful and fierce, even after all this time. By the Force, he did miss her. 

Kylo Ren released the boy’s arm, letting the child slip from his grasp. Rey let out an almost inaudible whimper as the child ran to freedom. Kylo felt a brief sense of jealously, before he put it aside. She’d used to feel that concerned for him. Rey handed the boy off to the man, not removing her eyes from Kylo Ren. The boy ran past his master, and into the wide and waiting arms of FN2187. The other man, the one with dark gray eyes and long black hair pulled into a long ponytail, stepped forward and touched the boy’s face, his eyes frantically searching the boy’s features for damage. Kylo Ren couldn’t help but notice that both of them had dark hair. He turned his attention to Rey, who extended her stance. 

Rey’s blade glowed a bright yellow on the grass, throwing golden light on her face, which was very composed and focused. Ren, however, could feel the tension and fear rolling off of her, even if she wasn’t looking at the padawan. They were filled with an emotion he had not seen in years: tenderness and longing. He didn’t know what to do with this information, these feelings, but stepped back towards his ship. He put a hand on his pocket, feeling for the holocrons. Skywalker’s eyes landed on his pocket and colored drained from his face, then straightened, “Rey, the holocrons.” 

Rey glanced down at Kylo Ren’s pocket, eyes widening. He swallowed. He’d lost his only leverage and now he was going to be facing down three trained Jedi. This did not bode well for him. 

Rey’s saberstaff was in her hand in the space of a heartbeat and swinging towards his head in another. He raised his lightsaber just in time, catching the blade before it could make contact with his shoulder. The angle was just right that her saber didn’t even catch against his, but glanced off. This also threw her balance off a little bit and he took advantage of his, swinging his body around to aim for her. He heard his uncle and the former stormtrooper ignite their lightsabers and stepped out of range of their thrusts just as reached him. The stormtrooper only hit grass and his uncle had to change the angle of his blow to avoid hitting the other jedi. 

_So they don’t actually fight together often,_ Kylo noted, even as he caught another one of Rey’s blows. This inexperience could provide an opening later. FN-2187 tried to edge behind him, but he whirled around, cutting a wide blow to the traitor’s side. _He’s still angry about the spine,_ Kylo thought. Good, the traitor’s need for revenge would make him determined, but less reasonable. He’d pass up openings to Kylo’s front, aiming for his back. Kylo would call him cowardly, but revenge and fury were a powerful forces in the dark side. FN-2187 was just a hypocrite. 

Rey feinted, looking like she was going to his left and whirling around to his right at the last moment. Kylo threw his head and shoulders back to avoid her whirling golden blade and felt pain explode in his leg. He roared in pain, unable to help it, but used that pain to strengthen him, throwing out his left hand to send the entire enemy party back, tumbling over their own feet. Rey landed hard on her knees, weaponless, and he called her lightsaber into his hand, throwing it as hard as he could into the forest behind its owner and out of sight. He turned, stomping into his shuttle and landing heavily into the pilot’s seat. He powered up the ship just as he heard foreign hands on the outside, trying to force an opening. He hit the emergency lock, which had a complicated mechanism that it would take longer to disengage with the Force, and primed for take off. He felt a slight prickle in the back of his mind, like a tentative consciousness in the back of his mind, like a hesitant touch on his shoulder, and glanced to his left. The boy was standing there, unguarded, with a hand raised towards him. 

The boy was trying to control him or at least speak to him mentally. Kylo tightened his defenses against the foreign sensation and lifted into the air before the adults could break through. As he hit the atmosphere, he could help but berate Rey’s lover for not taking the boy to safety as soon as he was in their care. It would have been all too easy to kidnap the child, if he’d had any obvious use for him. But no, the child was too happy and taking him now would only create an enemy trained in the dark side, which provided no benefit to the Knights of Ren. Contrary to popular opinion, Kylo Ren was a warrior, not a mindless being of evil. He hit the hyperdrive and closed his eyes, letting the pain truly wash over him now. The wound in his leg wasn’t life threatening by any strength of the imagination, but was more of a nuisance than anything. He let his mind wander and relax until he reached the _Finalizer_ , then pulled out of hyperspace and pulled into the hangar. When he landed, technicians rushed forward and one of his favorite knights, Trachiva Ren, stood waiting for him. He disembarked with as much dignity and grace as he could muster, knowing his knight could sense his pain. The technicians, however, who were rushing to secure the ship and check it in, didn’t have to know.

“Master,” The knight said, inclining zir head.

“Greetings, Trachiva Ren.” Kylo said, inclining his head slightly, “Any further news from the Outer Rim?” He nodded for his knight to follow him and made his way as normally as he could towards his quarters. He wanted to sleep and eat and change all at the same time. It was as if all the emotion at the Resistance base had seeped into his clothes and skin, like _her_ presence was clouding his mind again. He hid all of this from Trachiva, but doubted ze would say anything either way. 

“We have found nothing conclusive yet,” Trachiva said, scratching absentmindedly at the edge of zir mask where it rested against zir cheekbone, “But we have considered sending out expeditions to Jedha.”

“What use is Jedha?” Kylo Ren askd, “It was destroyed by the Death Star years ago.”

“Yes,” Trachiva said respectfully, “but we have no conclusive proof that death star wreckage can destroy Kyber crystals. In theory, there could be kyber crystals buried on Jedha.” 

“Check Scariff as well, if you find some.” Kylo Ren said, nodding and turning to the hallway by his quarters, “Judging by old Imperial records, Galen Erso owned one and, while the Empire didn’t find it on his body, his last surviving relative died on Scariff, unless if was buried in the Rebel base on Jedha.”

“I didn’t know there was a Rebel base on Jedha.” Trachiva said, unable to keep the still-youthful quality out of zir voice.

The corner of Kylo’s mouth twitched, “In those days, the Rebellion was less of an army and more of a semi-centralized rebellious streak smattered across the galaxy.” 

“Why the Resistance hails them as heroes, I’ll never know.” Trachiva said, shaking zir head and pausing just short of Kylo’s room. Kylo was tempted to invite zem in, which he was known to do, but decided against it. He had to secure the holocrons and get some sleep. Instead, he bowed his head and dismissed his knight, who kept zir cat-like gaze on him. He always felt like he was being scanned through the narrow, slanting holes in Trachiva’s mask, even though he knew it was just Trachiva, not any special tech. Ze only waited another second before inclining zir head and walking away, leaving him to his own thoughts. 

Kylo Ren stepped into his room, then closed his eyes as the door shut with a low hum. Unable to take another step, he stood in the doorway and closed his eyes. Unlatching his helmet and putting it under his arm, Kylo took a deep breath, leaning against the door of his quarters for a moment. Then, he looked around. For once, his eyes didn’t find his alter to Darth Vader first, but landed on the little plants on his desk. He watched it’s little leaves as they moved in the little breeze from the air vent, then walked over to the bed, wanting nothing more than to lay down. 

Kylo thought of the holocrons almost as an afterthought and reached into his pocket to find a hole there. His heart dropped into his stomach as he pulled his hand back and rubbed his fingers over the long slash in the entire left side of his uniform. Of course Rey would think to cut his pocket off of him entirely and of course he wouldn't think to. He'd grown up sheltered, first in an ivory tower as princeling to a dead planet, then cloistered away with the jedi monks, and then on the battlefield, where no one had purses to steal. He hadn’t been used to the weight of the holocrons and had been too distracted by his pain to know the difference. 

His uncle probably sat somewhere, holding them now, a smug and self righteous look upon his face. Kylo’s master was going to be displeased, Kylo thought, shuddering. He stepped towards the bed and felt a light tap on his leg. He still had one! Plunging a hand into his ruined pocket, he thought of all the military and spiritual history that lay in the tiny data chip, all he had to do was- 

It was the new one. The holocron in his palm was the new one! Fury pounded through his veins. He was tempted to crush in his fist, to feel the offending metal crunch beneath his hand, but settled for throwing it away. With a PING, it fell behind his bed. 

He was tempted, for a heartbeat, to tear apart his room. However, he noticed his little plant, which was still sitting on the far beside table and settled for throwing himself onto the bed, sighing. He let his mind wander, eyes closed, and thought about the Jedi padawan. He’d never intended to hurt him, but still felt some guilt over causing so much fear. He remembered the fear in the eyes of his fellow padawans when he and the other knights had raided the school. The child’s eyes, however, still haunted him. His eyes were so familiar, which was the most jarring thing about all of this. Where had he seen those eyes before? He thought, vividly, of the fear in Rey’s eyes when she’d seen him with her padawan. 

Ren sat bolt upright. _Rey._ Rey’s eyes. The boy had the same eyes. _Exactly the same._

Kylo opened his eyes and stared unseeingly at the floor. Rey had a son. The famous Jedi orphan wasn’t an orphan at all, but had been raised by a Force sensitive mother. Was his father the Resistance commander with the dark hair that he’d seen? He thought back, then frowned. The boy had to be at least five or six, but Rey hadn’t been with the Resistance much longer than that, had she? Had she left him, joined his enemies, and had a child with one of them in the space of- what, a year? Or had she been in bed with him the entire time? Who could she have known to produce a child with such dark hair? Hers was so much lighter than the boy’s, so the father must have been- 

Kylo scrambled to his feet and crossed his room to the refresher, leaning over the sink and gripping onto the sides. He looked at his face in the mirror. 

Now that he thought about it, the boy _did_ look like him. The dark hair, long nose, mouth and chin shape… 

Ren leaned closer to his mirror, staring intently at his own reflection. How could this boy look so much like him? With Rey’s eyes? His breath froze in his chest. His son. The boy was his son. As he stood there, taking in familiar features that suddenly seemed so different now, the darkness slowly crept in around him, but it wasn’t here for him.  
The cold spike of his master’s will, summoning him, shot through the base of his skull. Steeling himself before he appeared before his master, he straightened. He couldn’t stop himself from taking one last look at his reflection and thinking about any little way that his child resembled him. 

Kylo Ren took slow, calming breaths as he walked from his quarters to the audience chamber. He had a son. The child, the wide-eyed boy, full of light, was HIS SON. He was engrossed in his thoughts, trying to memorize every detail about the child’s face that he’d seen. Why hadn’t he paid attention to the boy? Why hadn’t he focused more on the padawan, not the master? He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t realize he’d reached his master’s chambers until he nearly ran into the doors. Kylo Ren started, then shook himself and stepped through the door. There were a pair of figures standing there beside the projection of his master, waiting for him. When he reached the platform, he saw Hux and Captain Phasma were the ones waiting there, likely for him. This was just getting better.

“You have news, Master of Ren?” The Supreme Leader said, turning his piercing eyes onto Kylo. Kylo didn’t want to stay it in front of Captain Phasma and Hux, but his master let out a low growl, so he spoke: “Master, I believe that my uncle’s padawan, the boy Jonas Quorvin, is my son.”

“Your son?” The Supreme Leader asked, leaning forward to look down upon him better. Kylo felt Hux stiffen beside him, shock radiating off of him. 

“Lord Ren has a son?” The General asked, glancing at him.

“Apparently so.” The Supreme Leader said, “I sensed a great shift in the Force several years ago but I assumed it was simply your proximity to the traitor. I was mistaken. I should have looked closer.” 

“I have seen him on my mission, and he not only resembles her, but her love for him is only that of a mother.” Kylo said firmly. 

The Supreme Leader nodded, “How do you know that he is yours? Could she not have had him after abandoning our cause?”

“I believe the boy was conceived before she left us.” Kylo said. Perhaps, he thought, it was the reason she had left. Had she intended to break up his family even more than he’d thought. Kylo Ren looked his master in the face, remembering the sheer untapped power of the child. He thought of the powerful love Rey had for the boy and the tether within the Force tying the pair. He remembered, distantly, the memory of the light force consciousness that he’d felt moths ago, who had sensed him, too. That had been Jonas, “He is mine.” 

“Were you aware of the traitor’s pregnancy?”

“No, master.”

“We must collect this child. He is strong in the Force. This child could be your greatest threat or you greatest asset.” The Supreme Leader said carefully, leaning forward, “Darth Vader was distracted from the Purpose of Order by his son. Your own father was made vulnerable to you. Do not allow this child to be a liability.” 

“And the other Padawan?” Kylo asked, remembering the reports of the young Twi’lek female that Kylo had heard of.

“Collect them as well, but the boy is our goal. No one outside of this room is to know of the boy's identity. We will continue in the lie put forth by the Resistance, otherwise every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be after him. We need the advantage of time and information. These younglings have become padawans and we will soon have room to operate with them. ” His master said, “Go, all of you, and gather what you can about this boy. We’ll see if we can’t make Jonas Quorvin a knight yet. Right now, he is swaddled in the light, but we have secrets to reveal to him and inevitable anger to exploit. A boy needs his father.”

Ren nodded and walked alongside Hux and the captain out of the audience chamber, keeping himself controlled. Hux walked stiffly, looking at neither Ren nor the captain. He seemed unnerved, but forcing himself to keep control. Ren glanced at Hux, reading his emotions through the force: shock and confusion. 

“I find myself unable to picture you as a father.” Hux said, his voice flat and matter-of-fact. 

Ren said nothing. Rey had left on purpose because of this child, to keep the boy away from him. 

“She deceived all of us, even the Supreme Leader.” Phasma said stiffly. This was the closest to a “do not blame yourself” that Ren knew he would receive. 

Kylo Ren kept silent and controlled until he reached his quarters, then broke as soon as he reached privacy. He burst into his room, nearly knocking over his plant, and plunged his hand behind his bed. His fingers scrabbled over empty air until he remembered that he had the Force and opened his hand, summoning it into his palm. He sat up, looking at the holocron. Information about his son was on here, he knew it. He crossed to his datapad, plugging the holocron in and sitting down. Images and reports, not of ancient jedi practices, but of a chubby-cheeked baby with hazel eyes and dark hair. Kylo Ren pulled off his helmet and looked down at the holopad, slowly rolling through them, lingering on one in particular.

There was a tiny, distant photo of a toddler, stumbling along the beaches of Naboo, judging by the ruins behind him. He was giggling and running to Rey, his mother. Kylo wondered if his own mother had down this with him. Had she ever been able to be this tender with him? 

Thinking, Kylo closed his eyes and reached out through the Force. He felt the little collection of consciousnesses in the Light all clustered together, so he didn’t approach. He’d wait until the boy was older.

_Soon,_ he thought, _I’ll know you, my son._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a day late, I'm sorry, but it's here. 
> 
> For anyone wondering, I am still off work, still not sure why I'm passing out. It's a joy.


	10. Are We Being Good Ancestors?

**“Are we being good ancestors?” - Jonas Salk**

Rey leaned against the hand she had on the table, the holocrons heavy in the pouch under her shirt. She watched the footage of Kylo Ren boarding his ship again, of her rushing his door, weaponless, and trying to use the Force to get her way inside. It was only the presence of the generals that kept her from closing her eyes as she watched herself get thrown back when Kylo Ren took off. Her back was still sore from where she’d landed. 

Mercifully, they paused the track after that and the tiny image of her, flat on her back and helpless, disappeared.

“Well,” Zhet said, turning to the council that had risen haphazardly in the days since Leia’s death, “What do we do now?” 

“First, we must abandon the base, obviously.” General Ackbar said, waving a hand, “We must scatter. Our base has been compromised.”

“I agree,” another general, one Rey had only met one other time, said. She wracked her brain, trying to remember what the woman’s name was. Akuratye, she reminded herself, watching the general lean closer into the circle. She was an analyst, recently promoted by General Organa. Rey hadn’t had a chance to ask Leia what she found to be so special in the woman, but Rey felt like she had to trust that Leia had her reasons and good ones. 

By the Force, Rey missed her. She wanted her acerbic wit and her warm heart at a time like this, when she was so nervous. Kylo Ren had had Jonas in his hands. He could have taken him away without any chance of rescue or he could have killed her son in cold blood. Her boy could have died tonight. They all could have died tonight, if Kylo hadn’t been so determined to get these holocrons with as little fuss as possible. 

She realized, with a jolt, that if Kylo had wanted, he could have ended their best hopes for a new generation of Force users in the Light, and her padawans would have had no way to defend themselves. Now she really missed the General. Leia would have known what to do. 

Someone stepped forward, closer to the inner circle, and stood silently beside Rey. It was Luke. He watched the generals as they began to debate how many should go where and what holdings they needed to defend and whether it was better to retreat back to the New Republic strongholds.

“I wouldn’t bother calling anything a stronghold,” Akuratye said, “The Resistance itself has some holdings, but it would be a mistake to put stock in anything not explicitly ours.”

“Why?” argued Commander Therandon, a friend of Zhet’s who Rey didn’t particularly like on account of his habit of entering a wide variety of conversations with a confrontational edge and melodramatic flair.

“Because we can’t be certain of any allies at the moment.” Akuratye said, “We have no clear leader, not a recognizable one anyway. Half of our Republic sponsors were only here for Organa. We can’t rely on them now, not until we can prove that the cause can survive without her.” 

“But can it survive without her?” Ackbar asked.

The room was silent for a moment as they all looked at each other. _So, every one of us has the same doubts,_ Rey thought, _Looks like we’ve found something to agree on. They all were wondering if they could make it through this._

“The Rebellion was born in the upper wing of the Old Republic Senate,” Luke said, speaking for the first time since the meeting started, which was several hours ago, now that Rey looked at the clock, “You all know that Darth Vader was my and the General’s father and our mother was Padmé Amidala, a senator from Naboo. Heartbroken from the loss of both the Republic and of my father to the dark side, she didn’t survive long after I was born. The Resistance did. The Resistance is older than Leia Organa and, yes, it is bigger than her, than any of us. We have more trained, battle-tested Jedi in one place than we’ve had since the days of the old order, and our numbers are growing. We can defeat the First Order; we can draw the lines that we will not cross because we have been fighting for liberty and determination for the galaxy for years. This fight is older than any of us and, hopefully, it will end with us.” 

Rey looked at Luke, then smiled and nodded. She turned to the room. “On Jakku, we told stories of the war like it was a myth, just a reason to explain the Imperial starships half-buried in the sands. The heroes of the Rebellion- Leia Organa, Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Mon Mothma, Cassian Andor- they were legends. Moments like this, days like today, are when legends are born. I’m willing to stay and give Niima Outpost a story worth telling. Are you?”

The soldiers all nodded and Rey smiled. “Then we’re going to have to do it ourselves. The greatest battles aren’t fought from the safety of someone else’s house.”  
“We’ll scatter alright,” Akuratye said, lifting her chin, “but we’re not hiding. And we’re not giving up a single planet. We’ve got a general to honor and a reason to keep going.”

These was a murmur of agreement and Rey glanced across the table to see Poe leaning against a pillar. When their eyes met, he grinned and nodded. Rey could feel the pride and admiration rolling off of him. She’d reminded him of Leia. 

Rey glanced over and saw Finn standing there, an arm around Todra, who was chewing her nails and watching the room. Rey would need to speak to her later. Todra was an efficient and resourceful person, but had a cautious and attentive streak that Rey found to be very helpful. She also had no qualms with belching, and that alone made her one of Rey’s closest female friends. 

Rey was dragged back to the table as Commander Therandon spoke.

“There is the matter of the jedi,” he said, leaning over the table on one arm.

“What matter?” Luke and Rey said in unison.

“Where we are going to hide them. I know you would want to travel together, but you’d make a highly conspicuous target.”

“We can’t train our padawans if they’re not with us,” Rey said, confused. Who was this man to talk about them like they were his to control?

“Perhaps their training can afford a small delay, just for safety’s sake,” Therandon offered, lazily waving a hand. “The jedi of old spent years training younglings before they had any padawan braids. Yours can-”

“Our padawans can only afford a break if we’re travelling to get them lightsabers,” Rey snapped, frustration pounding in her temples.

“Rey, they’re-” Luke began, but Rey cut him off.

“They’re not too young. They’re not that much younger than the old order was when they got their sabers and our padawans are in an actual war zone. They can’t afford to take it slow,” Rey said firmly. She remembered growing up on Jakku; how no one got a childhood there. She’d offered her son the longest one she could, but it was time to wake up and get ready for the reality of their lives.

“Won’t a weapon make them a target?” Ackbar chimed in.

Rey opened her mouth to remind Ackbar that they were Force users in a galaxy where those were few and far in between and that of course they were targets, just as Luke’s old students had been, but another voice chimed in: “They’re already targets, Ackbar. They’re jedi. No one cares about whether a jedi is trained or not. Anyone who knows how to use the force is a jedi, and good thing, too, because we’re going to need them sooner rather than later.” Zhet inched closer, leaning on one hand to insert himself into the circle. He seemed so sure of himself, so intimidating, even though Rey could feel the exhaustion and frustration in him.

“Lylin, how sure are you?” Therandon asked, raising an eyebrow, “How much of this is professional and how much is-” he glanced at Rey, “-personal.”

“The padawans may not need weapons yet,” Zhet said, “but we need to have the means. What happens if they need their own lightsabers in a year and we can’t afford to send someone to find the kyber crystals it takes to make them? We need to act now, even if not in the same way.”

The generals thought for a moment, then nodded. Rey felt like she’d been slapped. She was a Jedi! These were her padawans! How could Zhet just cut her off, lean into the conversation, and suddenly become accepted like that? Humiliation, frustration, and grudging acceptance all settled into Rey, and she stood quietly as they debated who would go where and with what troops. Finally, thank the Force, they were dismissed. Rey turned on her heel and walked off to her dorm. Luke, who could sense her anger, wisely stayed foot, but Rey’s force-blind boyfriend had no such advantage and jogged after her. 

Rey didn’t want to see him. She felt horrible for admitting it, but she didn’t want to talk to him right now. She’d just sat there and been passed over by the generals she had served for nearly six years, for Zhet, who was as Force-blind as they came. 

“Hey,” Zhet said, catching her hand, “Slow down.”

Rey huffed and paused, forcing herself to look at him.

“Woah, what’s wrong?” Zhet asked, reading her expression.

“Nothing.” Rey lied, trying to pull away from him, “I just need to get these holocrons somewhere safe.”

“I don’t believe that.” Zhet said.

“Well, it’s the truth!” Rey snapped, effectively proving that this was not the truth.

“Are you mad at me or something?” Zhet said, moving around to stand in front of her. His hair was falling out of the hasty ponytail he’d put it up in on the way to the meeting, making him look far less polished than he usually did in front of command. Rey found a bitter sense of pleasure in knowing he looked less official than he wanted to. Zhetam “I am infallible and unphasable” Lylin had bad hair days like the rest of humanity. 

“No.” Rey said. She wasn’t mad at him, just frustrated that she’d been ignored in favor of him. What he’d said was true and she was glad someone had been able to get the generals to listen to reason, but it shouldn’t have been him. Did they only let her speak because of him? Or were they just sure she was being emotional due to the danger her padawans had been in?

“You are!” Zhet countered, “Is it because of the meeting?” 

“Yes, okay!” Rey snapped, feeling her face redden, “I didn’t need you to jump in like that, I could have made them listen.”

“Are you kidding me?” Zhet said, incredulous, “You’re mad because I helped make sure your padawans stayed safe? I agreed with you-”

“You shouldn’t have had to defend me!” Rey said, “I’m a Jedi! That should carry some weight. I should be consulted on the welfare of my padawans. Me and Luke are their guardians, not you.”

“Well,” Zhet said, his ears a darker shade of red than Rey was used to, “Jedi haven’t been the most consistent in recent history. You can’t blame them for choosing to listen to someone with more than a decade of military experience.”

“We’re not military!” Rey shot back, “We’ve had this discussion a million-”

“You know what- Fine!” Zhet said, stepping away from her, fuming. Rey could feel his frustration and confusion, but had little sympathy. She was too busy being indignant for herself, “I know we’ve had this discussion. I know. Sorry for trying to help. Sorry for adding some legitimacy to your argument.” He stomped off, shaking a chunk of his increasingly pathetic ponytail out of his face.

“Where are you going!?” Rey shouted after him. Now that he was walking away, she felt even angrier. Why did he get to decide that the conversation was over?  
“I want to go check our defenses, since that’s my job!” Zhet shouted over his shoulder, stomping up the stairs and out of range.

Rey growled and turned to face a cluster of scared-looking cadets. She huffed and waved them on, too angry still to find any amusement in the shuffling footsteps they took as they passed her. 

Rey stomped back to her quarters and paused at the door. If she hid in here, she’d run the risk that Zhet would come back and they’d start fighting again. She didn’t want to deal with any of that, or of him, so she turned and walked towards the training room to work off some steam. 

Mostly, she was too tired and stressed to do much, so she whacked one of the training dummies with a stick and laid down on a practice mat for a bit.

 _Very mature, Rey,_ She thought, feeling embarrassed, but not enough to get up and be a real adult. 

“Well, I hope that training dummy really deserved it.” A voice said from the door. It was Luke. 

“Please tell me no one else has broken into the base.” Rey muttered, closing her eyes.

“No,” Luke said, “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“I don’t want to discuss Jonas and Gida’smoo’s futures this very second,” Rey said, standing up and sighing, “I’m not in a great mood and may just opt to take them away from this whole stupid cause.”

“You weren’t joking about the bad mood.” Luke said, chuckling.

Rey wanted to his her colleague with the stick more than ever before. Luke must have sensed the danger, because he shook his head, “No, it’s not about that exactly.”

“What is it about exactly?” Rey asked, frowning.

“I want you to go to Ahch-To and find the kyber crystals that I hid there.” Luke said.

“You left them on Ahch- To?!” Rey said, staring at him in horror.

“They’re well hidden!” Luke defended, his mustache twitching in embarrassment, “but it’s time to get them.” 

“You want me to cross the galaxy alone to wander into some caves to find a bunch of scattered kyber crystals?” Rey asked.

“No, I want you to take Zhet with you.” 

Rey rolled her eyes. Of course Luke thought she should take Zhet. She knew she was being petty, but it felt like _everyone_ wanted to hear from Zhet about Jedi affairs.

Luke noticed her reaction.

“Are you two fighting?” Luke asked, frowning.

“No!” Rey said, then paused, “Yes!” She huffed, sitting down and throwing up her hands, “I don’t know!” 

Luke stared at her for a long moment, doing that infuriating thing he did where he just waited for her to elaborate, rather than ask any of his own questions directly. Finally, Rey admitted, “We argued, yes. I’m kind of mad, okay?”

Luke looked at her for another moment, clearly thinking rather than waiting, then shrugged and said, “You don’t- I mean, I thought you two would like a bit of a break.” 

Rey sighed, closing her eyes, “I’ll talk to him.” 

“You don’t have to.” Luke said gently.

“No, it’s just- Luke, do you think this attachment is unwise?” Rey asked, rubbing her forehead thoughtfully. 

“Honestly, no. For you, relationships anchor you in the light instead of tugging you into the dark.”

“We’re fighting a lot right now.” Rey whispered, “Over silly stuff, sometimes.”

“That happens.” Luke said, shrugging, “but you also seemed determined to love and respect each other at the end of the day, and that’s the best any of us can hope for.”

Rey remained silent, guilt and uncertainty gnawing at her. She’d been too harsh this morning and she knew it. She was spooked by Kylo and mad at the generals and had taken it out on someone who had actually stood by her side

“Zhet cares about you deeply,” Luke said, looking down at her. 

“I was afraid so,” Rey said wryly, rubbing at her temple. She glanced up when Luke chuckled. He was watching her with the same indulgent amusement that he had for Gida’smoo and Jonas. Rey smiled back, then straightened, “I should go find him,” she said.

Luke nodded, “We’ll work out the specifics tomorrow. For now, it’s time to catch up on all the rest my nephew so rudely disturbed.”

Rey laughed, but felt a twinge at the mention of Kylo. She’d hoped Luke wouldn’t notice but he, perceptive as always, paused.

“Are you alright?” Luke asked, putting a hand on her arm.

“Yeah,” Rey said, “I was just so scared. Jonas- I mean- he had Jonas in his grasp. He could have taken him without trying.”

Luke nodded, “This was a hard way to see him again for the first time.” 

“It is,” Rey admitted, “but it would be hard anyway.” She hesitated, then nodded, “I need to go see Zhet.”

Luke nodded, picking up the stick and whacking the training dummy with it as she left. Rey reached out through the Force, looking for Zhet’s signature and found him in their rooms. Now that she was really paying attention, she could feel exhaustion, confusion, and pain in him that was much older and deeper than the fight. He missed Leia, too. 

Rey crept quietly into their rooms, just in case he was asleep, but found him lying awake with an arm thrown over his eyes. 

“Hey,” Rey said hesitantly.

“Hey,” Zhet sighed back, not moving. He didn’t want to argue again, she could feel that, but he wasn’t totally resolved, either. “I thought you’d be here.”

“Luke wanted to talk to me about something,” Rey said, using her friend as an excuse, rather than admitting to the murder of training dummies over a man.

“What kind of something?” Zhet asked. 

“Luke wants me to go to Ahch-To.” Rey said, sitting on the bed next to Zhet, who still covered his eyes with one arm.

“When do you get back?” 

“A few days,” Rey said. She reached out and brushed some of the grass off his pants from last night- had Kylo Ren really attacked last night? 

“What are your specs?” Zhet asked, lowering his arm.

“I’m looking for kyber crystals,” Rey said quietly, absentmindedly brushing Zhet’s hair back into his ponytail and then making it smooth. “You can come, too.”

“Won’t I step on your toes?” Zhet asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Rey said, sighing, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Zhet said, reaching up and lacing his fingers through hers, “I’ll go with you to Ach To.” 

Rey smiled, “Well, then, it’s a date.”

Zhet laughed, “We’re in pretty bad shape if missions count as dates.”

Rey smiled and moved to lay next to him, feeling him put his arm around her, “I’ll take it.” 

 

“What, specifically, are we here for?” Zhet asked as Rey slowly landed the shuttle on the surface of Ach-To. He leaned back in the pilot’s seat, pulling his hair up into the familiar ponytail and looking around at the green scenery around them. 

“Kyber crystals,” Rey said, “Luke hid five of them in one of the caverns while he was here.” 

“You knew this? How didn’t you find them before?” Zhet asked. 

“Luke is really good at hiding things,” Rey said, not looking at Zhet, even as he turned his head sharply to look at her. The corner of her mouth twitched, though, giving away the joke.

“No, really, how come you didn’t find them?” Zhet asked.

“The oldest known Jedi temples are here,” Rey said, gesturing around them, “And there are thousands of years of Jedi buried here. This place rings with the Force so loudly that it drowns out almost any individual presence in the Force, whether a person or a crystal.” 

“So Kylo Ren could be on this planet and you wouldn’t be able to tell?” Zhet asked cautiously.

“No,” Rey said, standing, “I’d be able to sense him anywhere. C’mon, let’s go look around.” She felt Zhet’s confusion at her cryptic comment, but couldn’t elaborate more. As much as she loved Zhet, her relationship with Kylo was a closely guarded secret, kept away from the public, especially now that she was firmly with the Resistance and training the next generation of Jedi in the light. She opened the ship’s hangar and walked down the plank, looking around at the green of the grass waving gently in the wind. Even after all these years, she felt the thrum of the Force here, just as she had before. She was part of that now, probably. She was just another handprint lost in the jumble of anonymous marks within the Force here. 

Rey took a deep breath, staring out over the water as the sea breeze ruffled her hair. She watched the waves for a second, remembering the first time she’d climbed these steps, a terrified girl clutching onto hope and a lightsaber. She closed her eyes when the wind picked up and swept over her.

“How old were you when you came here?” Zhet asked, walking over to stand next to her. 

“Nineteen,” Rey said, “It was the first time I’d ever seen an ocean.” 

“You’d never seen the ocean?” Zhet asked, eyes wide, “Not even in a holovid?”

Rey shook her head, “Jakku is big on sand, but low on luxuries like fantasies of plentiful water. I didn’t even know water could exist in quantities like this, really.”

“Man, and I thought Coruscant was bad,” Zhet said, “Everything is ‘crete and ‘steel, but you can at least see water and plants, if you know where to go.” 

Rey nodded, still watching the ocean rush back and forth over the rocks far, far below her. She knew they should get going, but this was the first place she’d felt so peaceful in a long time. The last few weeks had been complicated: three lost battles back-to-back had left her and Zhet arguing, Jonas was starting to ask more unanswerable questions about his fictional parents, and Luke was starting to worry her, talking about his legacy. She knew the Jedi was aging, but she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, not yet. This place was the last place the galaxy had been simple. She missed the idealistic 19-year-old who’d taken the beautiful, garbage, freighter to see the myth about a lightsaber and the powers she didn’t understand, even though she knew that girl was long gone. 

“Are you alright?” Zhet asked quietly, touching her arm.

Rey nodded, “Just… reminiscing…” 

“When were you last here?” Zhet asked, blinking against the wind. 

“Six months after I arrived,” Rey said, turning to find a place to sit, unable to find the will to go and get to work just yet, “I took Luke’s old ship in the middle of the night and drove straight to the First Order.” 

“To turn him in?” Zhet asked as Rey sat down on the grassy space next to the rock where she and Luke had first sat and talked, all those years ago. 

“No, I just wanted training,” Rey said, “I even left the map, the droids, and cleared the log. It wasn’t about Luke.” 

Zhet nodded, “Pragmatic.” There was a hint of amusement in his voice and Rey looked up at him to see him smile.

“What?” Rey asked, leaning back on her hands.

“Nothing,” Zhet said, casually, “I just really love how direct you are. You’re focused.”

Rey stared at her boyfriend for a moment, then rolled her eyes, “Only you would find efficiency attractive.”

“No,” Zhet said, leaning forward and kissing her. Grinning against her mouth, he muttered, “I’m sure C3PO would appreciate that, too.” 

Rey snickered and shoved at his chest, “Come on, it’s time to be professionals, I think.”

“There’s that efficiency, again.” Zhet said, winking and straightening, “Alright, Master Jedi, where to?” 

“We should check Luke’s cabin for some of his old notes and then head to the caverns themselves,” Rey said. “He gave me some of his work that he took when he left, but he also left pages and pages of different little translations and maps of the caves that weren’t tactically useful.”

“Why get them now?” Zhet asked, raising an eyebrow as Rey led him down the old steps towards the nook in the island where Luke had made his home for the better part of a decade.

“Teaching, mostly,” Rey said, “Some of the inscriptions are older than the holocrons of the Jedi order, I think. Luke wants them close so we can make copies.”

Zhet said nothing as they walked lower and lower, which Rey accepted. She couldn’t help but smile as the little stone hut came into sight. Moss and vines had claimed most of one wall in the years since someone had occupied it, but it still looked mostly the same. Rey was glad no storms had damaged the interior. She walked inside, slowly opening the door on the off-chance someone or something else had moved in, but saw only Luke’s dust-covered possessions. The bed had been stripped at some point, the covers thrown back and a cloak Luke had forgotten was tossed lazily over the spare cot on the far corner of the room.

“What was Luke like when he was here?” Zhet asked as he stepped inside, looking around the little hut that Luke had lived in for years. 

“Sad,” Rey said quietly, turning slowly on one foot to look around better. It had only two rooms, the first for Luke to live in, and the second for him to study and meditate in. Rey stepped through the doorway separating the first and second rooms, moving along the exterior walls. She paused in the spare room, touching the gap between a bookshelf and desk where, when she had trained here, Luke’s trunk had lived. She'd seen it at various bases since then and she knew it held all of his worldly possessions, including an old jacket of Han Solo’s. 

Rey looked up from the gap and took a closer look at Luke’s desk. Different stacks of papers had been haphazardly lifted up, rifled through, and put back. She wondered if Luke himself had done it in his haste to leave, or if someone had come here since then. 

“Why didn’t he come back?” Zhet asked from the doorway, “Why send you, now?”

“Too many memories, maybe,” Rey said, “or he didn't want to face the version of him that shut out the galaxy and lived in self-imposed exile. The timing is because there were kyber crystals on the island that only he knew about.”

“Why do we need kyber crystals now?” Zhet asked, frowning.

“Luke’s reasoning is that Jonas and Gida’smoo are going to need lightsabers within a few years,” Rey said, skimming one had over the pages of Luke’s handwritten notes on some cave inscription somewhere on the island, “but…”

“But?” Zhet asked.

“I think Luke just wanted someone to fetch what he’d hidden, both in the crystals and in the notes. He feels bad for shutting himself away, but I don’t think he could right this himself.” She picked up some papers, skimming through it for anything titled with the name of the cave they were looking for Riya-Visna cave, named by Luke himself. 

Zhet walked over as well, grabbing another stack, “We’re looking for a map to get to Riya-Visna cave, right?”

“Anything about it would be good, actually,” Rey said, “It’s one of the oldest here, we think, and had inscriptions that are older than the Jedi order itself.”

“Really?” Zhet asked, “How does Luke know that?”

“Riya and Visna are lovers,” Rey said quietly, “They wrote about meeting for the first time hiding in the cave systems from a storm. They returned to the same cave often, but don’t seem to be hiding from the Jedi Order, so they were older than the whole “No attachments” rule.” 

“Oh,” Zhet said, falling silent. Rey smiled to herself. Zhet had a simple humility about him. When new information on any subject was produced, he tended to fall silent and turn it over and over in his mind until he found a place for it. After years spent with Kylo Ren, the most stubborn man alive, it was nice to deal with someone who tried to balance an open mind with strong beliefs. 

After several minutes, Zhet produced Luke’s hand-drawn map with a flourish of paper, grinning and putting the Riya-Visna cave on it. “We could probably take these papers back to the ship now, this way we can just focus on the crystals. Do you want to do that?”

“Yes,” Rey said, grabbing her bag and tucking the stack of Luke’s notes into it before reaching for the stack Zhet had been perusing. She turned back to the doorway and paused, looking around for any other valuables to take along, both of intellectual and personal significance. Rey looked around Luke’s old hut, her eyes roaming over the palette Luke had slept on for years while he'd suffered his exile alone. She lifted up the patch blanket, then pulled it over her shoulder for warmth. It may not be as severe as on Jakku, but Ahch-To still got cold at night. 

“What was it like here?” Zhet asked, following her gaze.

“Distant and hesitant,” Rey said quietly, “I gave Luke hope and fear.”

“Why?”

“The last padawans he trained all died. I could break the cycle, one way or the other. He called me a ‘pharmacon’.”

“What's a pharmacon?” Zhet asked, stepping into the room as Rey slowly made her way deeper into it, sorting through space scraps of half-finished notes and other things that Luke had abandoned in his haste to pack.

“Something that has equal power to kill you or save you,” Rey said, leaning against the wall. She turned her head and froze at the sight of eight long, criss-crossing gashes in the stone opposite her, next to the door. She knew those strokes. Rey’s heart tightened involuntarily. Kylo had been here, probably for the exact same reason she had come, although he hadn’t found the cave, judging by the old frustration. His presence did explain the way everything looked like it had been picked up and set aside. When it came to searches, Kylo was meticulous, up until he lost hope. 

“Is that-?” Zhet began, stepping closer.

“Yes.” Rey said, reaching out and touching the deep gouges in the old stone. 

“Kylo Ren has been here?” Zhet asked, looking around, “That would explain the mess. Do you think he found anything?”

“No,” Rey said, turning back to Zhet, “Luke took the exact location with him and Kylo Ren would have to search for years and years to find them.”

“Even with the Force?” Zhet asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Even with the Force,” Rey said, “Come on, let’s go back to the ship.”

On the walk back, Zhet quietly stepped up to be level with Rey and laced his fingers through hers. She smiled, unable to help it. It was nice, even for just a few second, to be able to pretend they were a normal couple who did normal things like take walks.

 

They ate a quiet dinner in the cockpit where Rey finally got a chance to show Zhet what honey did to portions, which she thought was hilarious. It was amusing to watch the honey ooze over the bread, but not get soaked in at all as Zhet looked on in horror. 

They didn’t change into sleepwear, but pulled off their boots and climbed into the little bunks at the back of the ship, talking here and there about random things until, finally, the reality of their mission and the shift in the war settled over them. Rey could feel it for herself, but could also sense it in him. She could also feel a tension, an expectation in him. He wanted to say something, but was afraid. She waited for a long moment until he finally plucked up the courage to speak: “You didn’t just find Jonas, did you?” Zhet said as they settled into their bunks. Rey heard him roll over on the mattress, but she didn’t turn to look at him.

“No,” She said finally, “I didn’t.”

“You’re his mother?” It was less of a question than a statement.

“Yes,” Rey said, softer this time. 

“And his father…?” There was no judgement in his voice, but a general curiosity. He was trying hard to keep his voice casual, to keep any potential jealousy at bay, but she also figured ‘Kylo Ren’ would not be a good answer to give him. 

“Is the Force itself for all the involvement he’s going to have,” Rey settled on, her tone flat. 

There was silence in the little sleeping space, then Zhet said, “Jonas thinks I’m his father.”

Rey sighed, rubbing her forehead. Jonas had started hearing the whispers that travelled through the Resistance, that Zhetam’s wife had died giving birth to the jedi child that Rey and Luke were raising. He’d asked about them and Rey had done her best to dismiss them, but her son was stubborn. “He thinks that because half the Resistance thinks it,” she said, “Does it bother you?” 

“Not really,” Zhet said and the bed creaked when he sat up on his elbow and shrugged, “Jonas is a good kid. I’d be lucky to be his father.” 

Rey nodded, then sighed as the silence between them widened. 

“I told one of my soldiers that Jonas is my lovechild with Walpurta the Hutt,” Zhet blurted, then snickered.

“What?” Rey sat up and looked at him now, “Who’s Walpurta the Hutt?”

“The mother of my lovechild, haven’t you been paying attention?” Zhet grinned at her and the serious, introspective mood broke. Rey laughed and rolled onto her back, finding the ability to sleep now that the awkwardness had past. When she was half-asleep, she felt light fingertips on her cheek, brushing her hair back, and saw Zhet’s shadow cast by dim blue occupancy light.

“What was Vari like?” Rey murmured sleepily

“What was Jonas’s father like?” Zhet countered gently, sounding half-amused.

“He woke up all at once, but never moved immediately. He would always look around and take in his surroundings,” Rey said. She glanced at Zhet, who looked almost taken aback that she’d actually been awake enough to answer his question. She rolled over, then caught his arm and pulled him into the bunk. His arms slid around her easily, even in the cramped space, although Rey knew there was no comfortable way to alight their knees that would not result in one or both of them having a leg fall asleep. Zhet was quiet for so long that Rey wondered if he fell asleep, but finally he said, “Vari loved the sunrise. She’d pause whatever she was doing and hold her breath to watch it. She’d scald her tongue on her caffa every morning without fail and snorted when she laughed.”

“She sounds lovely,” Rey said quietly.

“She was,” Zhet whispered back, “She really was. Was Jonas’s father in the First Order?”

“Yes,” Rey said, waking up for real, even though she didn’t move. She knew Zhet was asking a very innocent question, but also knew she had to be careful. She did not want to reveal exactly who was involved.

“I bet Kylo Ren appreciated that,” Zhet muttered, “Is that why you left, because a baby would interfere with your training and your master wouldn’t like that?”

“Yes,” Rey lied. She couldn’t say anything more, because it felt cruel to add onto the lie. It was half true, in a way, and she could settle for that.

“And he couldn’t come with you?” Zhet said.

“No, he couldn’t,” Rey whispered, blinking rapidly. It had been years since she’d cried about Kylo Ren, but after seeing him less than a week ago, the weight of her loss and what could have been suddenly weight upon her, even as she was with Zhet.

“I’m so sorry that happened,” Zhet whispered, tightening his grip on her and resting his cheek against her head. He gently rubbed her back with one hand, even as she curled her fingers in his shirt and swallowed back tears. Here she was, crying over their worst enemy and he was comforting her. Her grief outweighed her guilt and she just buried her face in his shirt, letting him hold her for a long time afterwards, until she fell asleep. 

 

Rey looked down at the map in her hand, raising her lightsaber a little higher to see the paper better in the darkness of the cave.

“How much farther?” Zhet asked, sitting on a rock and taking a sip of water. 

“It’s this next cave,” Rey said, rolling the map up and putting it in her pack. 

“How are you not dying right now?” Zhet groaned, straightening up and following her as she walked into the Riya-Visna cave. 

To get into the cave, Rey had to step over a little ledge. She put a hand against the cave wall to balance herself, but, as soon as she did, the history hit like a slap to the face. She reeled back, blinking at the onslaught of emotions and Zhet, who had stepped over right after her, helped steady her. Rey tried to support herself against the cave wall and was immediately overwhelmed.

_Riya spending long days here, training in the quiet, away from the crowds of the other Force users above…_

_… Visna following her one day, his large eyes fixed on Riya as she lost herself in her paces and in the Force of the Universe …_

_... The Force of the Universe seemed to guide Visna all across the galaxy, but also back to Riya, who had started to bring their children to this cave…_

_… Eventually, the lovers grow old and die, but the cave is theirs. All the time spent here, it imprints itself on these walls. Their love lives on in the Force of the Universe- the Force…_

“Rey,”

_… Centuries pass in this way. This becomes hallowed ground, a place for force users to marry, to escape, it becomes a refuge…_

“Rey?”

_… Bit by bit, those attuned to the Force of the Universe begin to change, to move away. They forget that the Force of the Universe is not theirs, but that they are its. Soon, the cave lies empty, dormant, a place for pilgrims…_

_… The last marriage performed there, quietly, files away and the young man presses his lips to the cave wall in thanks, knowing his children will never be allowed to marry, knowing he is the last…_

_… The cave, the imprints of Riya and Visna, lie alone for centuries…_

_… Then, after a thousand years alone, a Jedi stumbles through the caves, drowning in the thousands and thousands of lives that came before him. Riya and Visna smile. The one they are looking for is coming. The lovers, those who will begin anew-_

“Rey!” 

_are coming. She is so close, she is here, they just have to-_

“Rey!” Zhet was shaking her, eyes wide.

“What?” Rey said, grabbing onto his arms for support, looking around wildly, “What happened? What was that?”

“I have no idea,” Zhet said firmly, “but you scared the bacta out of me. You were standing there, shaking and muttering.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey muttered distractedly, leaning against him for support. 

“Don’t apologize,” Zhet said, “Come on, let’s find the stuff so we can get out of here.” He looked around, “What are we looking for?” 

Rey took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She tried to reach out through the Force, but there was so much history and life here that she couldn’t feel the kyber crystals. Luke, you’re brilliant. She thought. No Force user would be able to find them.

“We have to search manually. Look for catches or ledges or anything like that,” Rey said, straightening and placing her hands on the walls. This time, she was able to filter out the pass and focus on what she was feeling, mostly. It was slow going. She was overrun with emotions and, soon, she heard Zhet on the opposite wall, “I’ve got it!”  
Rey turned and walked over, helping him force open the chunk of the wall concealing a secret hollow. She reached inside and found four kyber crystals and Anakin Skywalker’s old lightsaber. She smiled at the sight of the kyber crystals, but it faded when she saw the saber. She’d used this saber. She’d trained with it and before that she’d destroyed Kylo’s face with it and before that she’d felt the call of the Force from it. And she’d left it with Luke. All these years later, she’d assumed he’d tossed it into the ocean. But no, here it was. 

“Whose lightsaber is that?” Zhet asked. 

“Technically, it belongs to Luke,” Rey said, rubbing her thumb over the switch.

“Isn’t his green?” Zhet asked, looking at one of Luke’s old water jars.

“That’s his weapon,” Rey said, “This is his inheritance.”

“Why did you come back for it now?” Zhet asked.

Jonas will need a weapon, too,” Rey said, turning to look at Zhet.

“Aren’t jedi’s supposed to have their own?” Zhet asked, looking at the lightsaber.

“It’s hard to find kyber crystals, especially when you’re fighting,” Rey said. “We have only a few, and I don’t think he’s ready for his own yet. Besides, it’ll be good for him to be given something like this. He doesn’t have any heirlooms.”

“Does he have any idea who you really are?” Zhet asked.

“No,” Rey said, “Not yet. I’ll tell him in a few more years.”

“Who do you think he’ll say?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve replayed that conversation out over and over in my mind. Each time is different.”

Zhet nodded, taking her hand, “I understand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 is up! Thanks to my Beta reader, Ray, for all the wonderful help.
> 
> Thank you for everyone with the support. In light of all of my recent struggles, you guys are really keeping my spirits high~  
> Hope you like it!


	11. There Is No Escape- We Pay For the Violence of Our Ancestors

**“There is no escape- we pay for the violence of our ancestors.” - Frank Herbert, Dune**

Rey scrolled through her holopad, looking at some of the old Jedi holovids from Leia’s holocrons. She was particularly fascinated by the footage of a young togruta woman from the days of the Clone Wars. The jedi- or, padawan- Rey thought, looking at the age of the togruta, had a distinctive reversed grip on her lightsabers. While Rey herself prefered fighting with a staff, she wondered if she might try teaching Jonas and Gida’smoo how to fight with two lightsabers in this way, especially since they were younger and smaller than most of the knights of Ren. Also, having an extra weapon might provide an advantage over the knights, who all generally fought with one weapon. 

There was a loud thud, followed by a low grunt, and Rey looked up to see Jonas flat on his back with Gida’smoo standing over him, as usual. She was a good three years older than Jonas and more than a head taller, so she often beat the 10 year-old boy. Rey felt the Force around her turn cold and sour, but knew that was probably due to Jonas’s frustration. 

When the padawans reset and began again, Rey turned her attention back to the holopad, wondering if she could use some of the tactics from the reverse-hand grip to get better as keeping control when she got up close with her enemies. She felt the Force turn decidedly dark around the training room and looked up to see Jonas throw a hand out, shoving Gida’smoo back, teeth bared in his frustration.

“Jonas!” Rey snapped, jumping down from the boxes she’d been perched on.

Jonas stepped back, lowering his training weapon and looking up at her, eyes wide. He seemed a little dazed, but Rey grabbed ahold of his wrist, “What was that?”

“I- I don’t know,” Jonas said, recoiling guiltily, “I was just mad.”

“Jonas, that was the Dark side,” Rey said. “We don’t use our frustration to fuel the Force.”

“I’m sorry,” Jonas said, his hazel eyes wide, “I didn’t know!”

 _He doesn’t know,_ Rey thought, her heart sinking. It was time he knew. Finally, after ten years, Jonas needed to know why he had to be wary of the Dark side, even more so than Gida’smoo. Guilt bloomed in her chest. What if she’d made a mistake? What if he would hate her? What if he ran away from her and straight into Kylo? What if the Dark side took her boy as it had taken so many others? Rey took a deep breath, then looked over at Gida’smoo, who’d stood up and was rubbing her hip where she’d landed on it. 

“Are you alright?” Rey asked, walking over to look her other padawan in the face. Gida’smoo didn’t want to meet her gaze and Rey knew why. She could feel the frustration and embarrassment rolling off of Gida’smoo. Usually so used to winning and performing well, being flipped onto her butt by Jonas, even with the dark side, had left her ego more bruised than anything else.

“Training is over for today,” Rey said flatly. “I want you each to go back to your quarters and meditate until you can feel Finn’s presence clearly.” Finn, a new father, wasn’t actually at the base, but a moon away. If the padawans were focused and calm enough to be able to feel him, then most of their frustration would have dissipated. Much to Luke’s disappointment, their padawans were better at fighting and combat than meditation. This had lead to many late-night discussions between the two masters about this fact, especially since it made Luke nervous. He had hoped one or both of them had a connection to the Force strong enough to allow them to see the Force ghosts that appeared to Luke alone, now.

“But Master-” Gida’smoo began, clearly feeling unfairly punished, but Rey cut her off: “Now,” she said, waving both her padawans away. The children fumed and pouted all the way back to their quarters, but they didn’t complain openly, even when Rey was out of earshot. What Rey lacked in connection to the jedi of the past, she more than made up for in her ability to connect to those of the present. She had little tolerance for complaining and her padawans knew it. Rey waiting until both her padawans were settled in their respective rooms, then swept to Luke’s quarters, where he was waiting for her, his face grim.

“Tell me you felt that,” Rey said without preamble, sweeping into his rooms and standing in front of him. Now that she was away from the children, her nerves appeared with full force. She wanted to cry and pace and fall to her knees in equal measure. Was this just the singular outburst of a frustrated child or the beginning of a destructive path that she would be unable to rescue her son from?

“I felt it,” Luke said grimly, “And it leaves me disturbed, but unsurprised. Rey, both of Jonas’s parents have shown an affinity for the Dark side. Should be really be shocked when he does, too?”

“This isn’t an affinity!” Rey snapped, actual panic rising in her throat now, “This is a singular incident. We can’t call this a pattern! He’s never-”

“He’s a Skywalker, Rey.” Luke said flatly, “Maybe not in name, but in blood. He is descended from the Force itself and from two of the most powerful users of the dark side at their respective times. We can’t treat this as an isolated incident because Jonas isn’t isolated. He’s part of the greatest dynasty in the Force.”

“I wouldn’t-” Rey began.

“Rey, the Skywalkers killed the Republic. They eradicated the old Jedi Order. They defeated the Empire, founded and then destroyed the largest gathering of Force users since the Jedi Order, and have won prolific battles in the Clone Wars, on both sides of the Rebellion and now, on both sides of the war between the Resistance and the First Order. We’re the most impactful family the galaxy has seen in millennia. We’re not a Good family, but we are a Great one.” 

Rey closed her eyes, feeling tears prickle behind them, “I wanted this to be easier for him than it was for me.”

“Every parent does,” Luke said gently, “but we don’t always get our wish.” He stood up with a rustle of his gray robes and hugged her. Rey was reminded of Leia, who had embraced her after Starkiller. It was the first time she’d been shown the affection of a family member that she could remember. Rey leaned her cheek against Luke’s shoulder, knowing the old man wouldn’t care if she cried. 

“I have to tell him,” Rey said, taking a shuddering breath. “I have to tell Jonas who his parents are, otherwise he’ll never understand why he can’t let the Dark side into his life.”

Luke nodded, “Are you ready for that?”

“No,” Rey said, hiccupping, “but I have to get ready. Jonas needs to know.”

“Secrets are dangerous in our family,” Luke said, nodding and rubbing her arm.

Rey sniffed, stepping back and wiping her nose, “Now that this has happened, the door has been opened. If we leave any secrets and Snoke learns about them, he’ll use them to make Jonas angry and bitter.”

Luke nodded, “That’s how he got Ben. He used the secret about Darth Vader to lure him over. The only reason he didn’t try with Jonas sooner was that Jonas was a nobody. He didn’t have to root around in Jonas’s mind from the age of four because he expected Jonas to die before he was worth it.” 

Rey looked into Luke’s blue eyes and saw tears there. She didn’t even have to reach out to sense his fear and, something deeper. There was a deep grief that hung around him, pulling him down like an impossible weight. She thought about how he must be feeling. Luke had watched Ben get pulled further and further into the Dark side without even realizing how far the boy had gone until it was too late. He’d seen the boy murder and cement his place in the shadows and watched the boy he’d loved as his own fall away from him. Then he’d been alone, looking for answers and hope in the past, in the time before the Empire, before there were Skywalkers. She’d disrupted his careful study. She, the scavenger from Jakku with a borrowed lightsaber she had no understanding of or claim to, had smashed into his loneliness and his peace. She’d dragged him back to a war, broken his heart again, and had come back carrying his last hope: Jonas. 

“Luke…” Rey said weakly, then trailed off as Luke wiped his eyes. She had no words to console him. Instead, she settled on, “Do you want to be there?” 

“No.” Luke said firmly, swallowing, “This is for you to do alone.”

Rey nodded, then hugged him one more time, “Thank you, master,” she said. 

*****

“Jonas, I need to talk to you.”

Oh sweet Force, he was dead. Jonas looked up to see the sober expression on Master Rey’s face as she stood in the doorway. She looked like she hadn’t gotten much more sleep than he had. He’d been up for hours, first trying to calm his rage, frustration, and self-righteous anger enough to find Finn’s mind in the Force. Exhausted as he was, he was glad Master Rey had suggested the assignment; Finn was full of an infectious joy over his new daughter. The slight contact with his mind had lifted Jonas’s spirits greatly. 

Now, however, Master Rey was leaning against his door frame, a mug of caffa in her hand and dark circles blooming under her eyes. He was glad he’d been awoken by his alarm thirty minutes ago, which had given him the opportunity to shower and wash his face. He didn’t feel like looking even more pathetic than he already felt after yesterday.

“Am I in trouble?” Jonas asked, unable to restrain himself. He knew it was selfish to only focus on that, but he couldn’t help it. Gida’smoo hadn’t used the Dark side and she’d been able to reach out to Finn early in the night and go to sleep two hours before he had. He was sure Master Rey was going to hold his training or put off the lightsaber building she and Master Luke had discussed for the Galactic summer. 

“No,” Master Rey said gently, stepping inside and letting the door close behind her, “You’re not in trouble. I just need to talk about something that’s very serious with you. Can I sit?”

“Sure,” Jonas said, setting aside the holopad he’d been watching some candy-colored serial holofilm on. He turned to face his Master and saw that she really looked terrible. Her eyes were still a little red and puffy, like she’d been crying. Her braids were present, but not as smooth as they usually were. He wondered if she and Zhet hadn’t started fighting again after he’d gone to sleep.

Rey sat on the bed next to Jonas, tension etched all over her face. She was doing that thing with her eyebrows that she did when she trying not to fidget or kick her feet or play with her hair. Jonas reached out with the Force, feeling her strongest and most obvious emotions. She felt guilty or afraid or something. Rey took a shuddering breath, “Jonas, I haven’t been honest about with you about your past.”

“What?” Jonas asked, widening his eyes. He leaned back away from her, even as she reached out for him.

“Jonas, please, I haven’t answered your questions until now because it wasn’t safe. Now that you’re old enough to guard your mind, I will answer all of your questions.” She was using the same voice she used when she was speaking to generals who had no knowledge of the force. It was the only thing he found reassuring. She was speaking to him like he was an intelligent person who needed to know what she was going to tell him. He could probably walk away right now. His masters had always been good about letting him handle himself, when he was able. 

“Is this about the force? Or about me?” Jonas asked warily, just to be sure. He’d asked so many questions about his parents that she and Master Luke had never answered. Was she finally going to give him a real explanations.

“About everything. You’re old enough to know where you come from.”

“How will I know you’re telling the truth?” 

“I won’t lie to you, Jonas. I’ll say nothing before I’ll lie.” 

“You lied before,” Jonas said.

“Only because you weren't mature enough for the truth, but I think you are now,” Master Rey said. She looked at him with the sad-appraising look that she had sometimes. It was the one that made him think she’d known his parents. Now he knew it was about whatever secret she was carrying. This secret about him was something that had colored all her interactions with him, even when he was a baby. He thought of the holo she had of him as an infant, smiling toothlessly at the camera. She’d been lying to him since before he could remember. 

“Your parents weren’t guardians of kyber crystals,” Master Rey said. “Your parents were jedi. Your father is a knight of Ren and your mother- I- I am your mother.”  
She was his mother? His master- his determined and strong and disciplined and combative master- was his mother?! She couldn’t be his mother! Mothers were tender and compassionate and Master Rey was… 

_Protective,_ he thought. 

Mothers were compassionate, yes, but Master Rey always looked out for him. She was the one who made sure he got a chance to play and read what he wanted. She’d sat up with him when he’d gotten sick and had done everything she could to make sure he was strong and healthy. She was motherly, yes, but the way a wampa was. 

“You’re my mother.” Jonas confirmed.

Master Rey- his mother- nodded. 

Master Rey reached out and brushed Jonas’s curls out of his face. 

“I don’t look like you,” he said, “I mean, in my face.” He felt almost guilty about it. Shouldn’t look like his mother?

“No, you look much more like your father.” Master Rey admitted. 

“Who is my father?” Jonas asked hesitantly. 

“He is a powerful knight of Ren.” Master Rey said, her fingers still lingering in his hair. This made his heart sink. If his father is a knight of Ren, that meant he had ties to the dark side. The dark side ran in his family.

“What’s his name?”

“Kylo Ren,” Master Rey said quietly. 

“Kylo Ren?” Jonas asked, eyes wide. 

Master Rey nodded, the corner of her mouth twitching.

“Kylo Ren is my father?” Jonas’s eyes widened, “but he’s the enemy! He’s with the First Order!”

“Up until I found out I was pregnant with you, so was I.”

“You left him?”

“I did.”

“Is he why you and Zhet yell at each other all of the time?” Jonas asked, then he gasped, “Am _I_ why you and Zhet are fighting?!”

“Jonas, no!” Rey said, leaning forward.

“Does he know about me?”

“Yes,” Rey said, “but we’re fighting because things are really stressful for us and we’re trying to work a lot of things out, okay Jonas? We aren’t doing as well as we would like, but that had _nothing_ to do with you.”

Jonas nodded.

“You can ask me anything about him, your father, by the way,” Rey said quietly.

“Was he nice?”

“To me, he was,” Rey said, smiling almost unwillingly. “He always looked after his knights when we went on missions without him.”

“What was he _like_?” Jonas asked, “Like, as a person. Tell me something about him that the holoreels don’t know.”

“His face was expressive. He couldn’t help displaying exactly what he was thinking and feeling. He could never stop his face from betraying him, ever.” Master Rey said, smiling to herself.

“Really?” Jonas asked, eyes wide. 

“Oh, yes. It was really funny, because he couldn’t keep a straight face with me if I annoyed him, unless he was really angry about something.” Master Rey tossed her braid over her shoulder, grinning, “One time, I came back from a mission and without changing before going to be debriefed. Now, it had been rainy and windy where I was, so I was lucky I didn’t get sick from being in the debriefing room for hours and hours, but, when he saw me, my hair had dried in a hundred different directions, so he couldn’t get upset about me. He could only laugh.”

“What was his laugh like?” Jonas asked, grinning despite himself. It was nice that his father was, or at least had once been, a normal person in some ways.

“Infectious,” Rey said wistfully. “It was a lot higher pitched than his voice, more of a giggle than anything, especially if he really got going. He was good at controlling it, but would let himself go around me. He’d laugh, and his whole face would break into his impossibly wide smile.”

At the mention of his face, Jonas suddenly thought of his next question, “What does he look like? Under the mask.”

Rey nodded and reached into her pocket for an old holo. She must have known this was coming, judging by the holovid she’d had cued up. It showed a young boy with a mop of dark hair and and dark eyes, waving at the recorder, “ _Hi Mama_!” his voice said, sounding tinny. 

Jonas had the same smile as the young boy. He’d recognized it from pictures from his own life, “He looks like me!” Jonas said, eyes wide.

“He does.” Rey murmured, looking at the smiling 6-year-old leaning against R2-D2, who was beeping happily. 

“He was friends with R2-D2? I’m friends with R2-D2!” Jonas beamed at the holo, then paused, “Master Rey, how did he know R2?” 

“Jonas, when Kylo Ren was young, he was called Ben Solo.” 

“He’s Luke’s nephew?” 

Rey nodded.

“So I’m related to him and Leia?”

“You are,” Rey said, smiling, “Your family has always been close by.”

Jonas nodded, then paused, “I’m related to Darth Vader?” 

“Yes.” Rey said.

“Will I join the Dark side, too?”

“No!” Rey said, eyes wide. She touched her son’s cheek, “Jonas, you don’t have to follow that path. You don’t have to be like them.” 

“But you joined the dark side!”

“I joined because I was afraid. I thought I could find safety in the dark side, but I was wrong. The dark side uses you by telling you that you can control it. By the time you realize you’re not in control, you're so afraid to lose your power that you won’t leave. It takes selfless love, Jonas, to return to the light.” Master Rey was looking him in the eye now, her hand curled tightly around his wrist. Her voice was firm and clear. This was about how he’d used the Dark side earlier. The Dark side ran in his family. He’d heard stories about Darth Vader, how fear and bitterness had driven him to the Dark side and love for his son had called him back out. He’d even been told about Master Rey, how she’d gone to the Dark side full of pride and selfishness and left humbled. 

There was obviously more to her story.

“How did you leave it, then?” Jonas asked. He had to know, in case he was ever led astray. What had it been that had allowed not one, but two, members of his family to return back?

“Love,” Master Rey said, laughing despite herself. Her eyes glittered a little and he realized, with a jolt, that his Master was on the verge of tears.

“Who did you love?” Jonas asked.

“You,” His mother said, rubbing his wrist with a thumb soothingly, “I found out about you and I knew that there was only one place you could be kept safe, so I left the Dark side. It was all to protect you.”

“You didn’t want to leave my father?”

Master Rey shook her head, her voice an emotive whisper now, “No, Jonas, I didn’t.”

“Is this why the Jedi weren’t supposed to fall in love?” Jonas asked. He could feel the memory of Master Rey’s emotional pain resonating in the space between them. She’d loved his father and had gotten her heart broken in order to protect him. His mother had been able to leave the Dark side, but apparently his father hadn’t been. 

Kylo Ren hadn’t been able to love him enough to leave with his mother. No wonder it had been easy for his father to kidnap him four years ago without hurting him. His father may not love him enough to be a good father, but he apparently had enough paternal feelings not to kill him. It was a small comfort. Who knows, maybe he’d change his mind eventually.

“That is part of it, yes,” Master Rey said, “Jedi were supposed to be impartial, focused on good and balance, not on individual sides. If a Jedi had a family on a planet being attacked, they may make reckless selfish decisions for their family.” 

“You had attachments,” Jonas said, “To Zhet.”

“And I have made some reckless and selfish decisions for him,” Rey said, smiling again. 

Jonas lapsed into silence, thinking about his father. It must have been so hard for her to leave him, otherwise she still wouldn’t be hurting about it. After a long time of sitting in the quiet push and pull of the Force between then, he asked, “Do you love him?” 

“Who, Zhet?”

“Kylo Ren.”

Master Rey released him and sat back, sighing, “I don’t know, honestly. I didn’t leave him because I didn’t love him, so I guess I never had a reason not to love him anymore, not the way you do when you aren’t good for someone.”

“Isn’t he evil? Finn says he’s evil.” Master Rey hated the dark side, but spoke about Kylo Ren with _tenderness_? 

“Finn didn’t get to see the sides of Kylo that I did. Kylo Ren is the reason that Finn has a metal spine.”

“So Finn is too invested to be objective?” Jonas asked, echoing one of Luke’s mantras.

“Yes, but so am I.”

“Because you love him?”

“Because he’s your father. Whatever else he’s done, he gave me you.” Rey said quietly. She shrugged, looking a little helpless, “He took care of me the way no one else would, training me and giving me a family I had always thought that I’d wanted.

“How can someone so evil love you so much?”

“Maybe he’s not evil. Maybe he’s lost.” Rey whispered. She was an odd one, his mother. She now occupied this gray parent-non-parent space in his mind, just like his father, he supposed. Maybe that’s just who she was, a contradiction. He couldn’t decide that today. 

Instead, he asked,“What do I call you now?” Jonas asked tentatively.

“You still call me Master Rey. I’m sorry I can’t be your mother the way I want to be, Jonas.” Rey murmured. “I had to choose between protecting you and raising you the way I wanted to.” Her chin trembled a little and she touched his cheek. 

Jonas nodded, “Okay, thank you. I… Can I be alone, now? I just… this is a lot.”

“Of course,” Master Rey said, standing up slowly and watched him for a moment. She took a deep breath, nodded, and walked out of his room. At the door, she paused, “You can’t tell anyone about this, Jonas. Only Luke, Finn, Zhet, Poe, and I know about this. No one else. No friends, not Gida’smoo, not anyone, understand?”

Jonas nodded, “Yes, master.”

His mother walked away without another word. 

Jonas lay back on his bed and curled himself around his blanket. All his life, he’d thought his belonged to his Father- to his Dad, a man who had wanted him and loved him. Now it was a lie. He wondered what Kylo Ren would think of him now. He hadn’t thought much about the man since he was taken hostage, but not he couldn’t get the dark sider off of his mind. Perhaps he never would. 

*****

“Rey, wake up, there are First Order are on Ryloth!” Luke said, rushing to her door. 

Rey sat up, rubbing her eyes, “What?” 

“Ryloth is under attack!” 

“Not another starkiller!” Rey said, scrambling to her feet.

“No, a fleet.” Luke said, “They’re going to be on the surface in a matter of hours.”

“Are we going?” Rey asked.

“Yes,” Luke said.

“The padawans?” Rey said, running her fingers through her hair, pulling it out of her face.

“They’re staying here?” Luke said, “They’re going to be in mission control.” 

Rey nodded, taking a deep breath, “Let me change, then we’ll go.”

Rey threw on her combat uniform and buttoned the last button just as an “all hands” alarm blared overhead. She brushed her hair back and braided it close to her skull as Luke paced nervously back and forth by her room. “Let’s go,” she said after a long moment, moving ahead of her fellow Jedi. She jogged to the living room to see Jonas and Gida’smoo sitting on the couches, rubbing their eyes sleepily. 

“Master Luke and I are going to Ryloth,” Rey said, looking between the two padawans, “You’re going to stay with Todra. No sparring, but I want both of you focusing on the core workouts and endurance training we’ve been doing, okay?”

Gida’smoo groaned. She hated running.  
“If Finn goes with us, it’ll be his first mission abroad, so take it easy on Todra. She’s got that and Baby Saani to look out for. I want you two to focus on your training and listen to her, okay?”

“No side missions,” Luke said firmly.

“Yes, masters,” Jonas and Gida’smoo said quietly. Rey moved forward and hugged both of them, unable to say more than, “We’ll see you soon.” 

Rey and Luke moved down the hallway, passing Todra and nodding to her. Something started to pester Rey and she hesitated, thinking. She looked at Luke, who looked almost haggard as they rushed toward mission control.

“Luke,” Rey said, catching his arm, “I don’t want to be cruel, but you- should you be on the surface?”

“I’m not dead yet, Rey,” Luke said.

“Yes, but-” Rey broke off when she saw Finn round the corner, fully dressed and holding onto a cup of caffa like his life depended on it, “What happened to you?” She blurted.

"My newborn is running a sadistic experiment on sleep deprivation in people she's related to." Finn said darkly. 

Luke and Rey both laughed. 

 

Three days later, no one felt much like laughing. Luke had been injured and a trick by the First Order had left Rey trapped on a ride with Finn’s battalion. They were going to lose, not just this ridge, by Ryloth, if they weren't careful.

“Tell me we’re prepared for a siege.” Rey said, watching the First Order ships as they settled into the distant sky. 

Finn cursed and lit his saber, then rushed forward to face the stormtroopers, “We’re going to have to do something!” 

“Wow, sir,” his second in command, Adram Synn, said, aiming his blaster at the Stormtroopers across the ridge from him, “I hadn’t thought of that!”

“You know what-” 

The world around them exploded. Rey felt herself fly forwards and then suddenly stop. Pain exploded in her hip, knees, and hands and she felt her head land heavily on her own arms. She rolled over and saw, to her horror, that the a pod from the _Finalizer_ had landed feet from her. She sat up, looking around as Kylo Ren disembarked along with another knight. She looked over, saw Zhet and Finn stand shakily, and felt relief flood through her. 

Kylo Ren lit his lightsaber and Rey pulled herself to her feet, pushing aside her pain and fear. She looked him in the mask, then launched herself at him. He brought his lightsaber up and blocked her easily, but the weight in her blow knocked him a little off balance. The other knight made to move to Rey’s side, but Finn forced himself between the knight and Rey with a roar. 

Rey heard a low rumble from the other side of Ren’s mask and gritted her teeth. She’d forgotten how heavy he was, both physically and within the Force. He had an oppressive weight that he was using to bend her, physically and mentally. She felt the slow, unstoppable force of his mind pressing against the walls of her own. Sparks shot off their sabers and Rey’s eye twitched.

“How is my son?” Kylo asked, his voice low enough that only Rey could hear. Rey gasped and was kicked back. She tumbled toward the ledge, hit Zhet, who had been trying to shoot Kylo in the side, and the pair tumbled sideways. 

“Where is he, Rey?” Kylo Ren asked again, stepping over her and pointing his lightsaber at her. Rey shuddered, moving so she blocked Zhet, “Where is my son, Rey? Where is Jonas? 

Zhet gasped, his grip on her hip tightening. If they survived this, Rey was not looking forward to the conversation they were going to have.

“He’s not here!” Rey snarled, leaning forward, not caring when his saber burned her arm, “You’ll never find him!”

“He’ll find me, then,” Kylo said, “A boy needs his father. Jonas will seek me out.”

Rey roared, kicking him in the leg now that he was close enough. She put out a hand, catching her saber, lighting it, and spinning it around and almost catching his skull. 

“Rey, we're moving!” Finn shouted far behind her. Rey could feel relief and worry pouring off of Finn in equal measure. The explosion had probably done as much damage to the stormtroopers as the Resistance. 

“Go!” Rey shouted over her shoulder, keeping an eye on both Kylo and his knight, “I'll make my own way!”

There was a dull roar overhead and Rey internally cheered as the X-wing rushed overhead, aiming a relentless barrage at the First Order’s ships that had begun to settle over the ridge.

“You're not going to get away, Rey,” Kylo growled through the mask.

“Sorry,” Rey grunted, breaking away and aiming blow after relentless blow at him, “Can't hear you with the whole _get up_ on.”

Rey rushed forward, crossing lightsabers with him. She heard a grunt through his mask, shoving him back. She kicked him in the knee, slashing at his mask. There was a roar behind her and she turned, barely getting her weapon in front of her face to catch the mace of the knight, who bared their teeth. Rey blinked, not used to seeing the mouth of a knight of Ren. She swung at the knight’s leg and they stepped back.

“Trachiva!” Kylo shouted, his voice a horrifying grown through his mask. There was fear and fury pounding through him in equal measure. He cared about this knight, more than usual. Was he with them? Had he moved on from her as well? Rey wanted to kick herself, even as she blocked Kylo’s aggressive downward stroke. Why did she care who he dated? _I don’t,_ she decided. _I only want to make use of every possible advantage I can think of._ Rey flung the knight back, using the Force to send them flying, feet over head. Rey rushed to the side, leaping off of the ridge and catching the landing. She turned and watched as Ren stepped on the ridge helmetless. 

“You'll never get him, Ren,” Rey whispered, watching the look of barely-controlled rage on his face before she turned and rushed away, up the ridge and to safety. 

 

After the twelve day siege of Ryloth was finally broken, Rey spent another 36 planet hours helping distribute aid to those left in the worst of it. The Republic had agreed to supply the aid as long as the Resistance agreed to work security, so Rey, Luke, and Finn had been left to decide which one of them had to stay and which one had to stay planetside. Eventually, Rey had decided to stay. 

This also meant that Rey didn’t get back to the base until a full two weeks without talking to Zhet. When she was finally cleared, they sent her straight from the surface to Information. The interview was long and arduous, mostly focusing on the mysterious Trachiva Ren, which the Resistance knew almost nothing about. They questioned her about Kylo and his relationship with his closest lieutenant. When Rey ran out of information, they sent in a psychologist to evaluate her mental state, to make sure she didn’t need to be placed on temporary leave.

She didn’t. What she _needed_ was to see her boyfriend, while she still had one. 

When she was finally released from debriefing after _hours_ of talking to an analyst, Rey ran to her quarters to find Zhet standing in the middle of their room, packing his clothing into a box.

Rey’s heart went cold, “Zhet,” she began weakly.

“Don’t talk to me.” 

“Zhet-”

“Stop.”

“I’m sorry, I- “

“You lied, Rey!” Zhet snarled, shoving the box so hard it fell off the bed and shirts spilled onto the floor.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t ready to-”

“You shouldn’t have said anything, Rey, but, Force, you let me comfort you about him. I thought he was some radar technician or something, not the _First Knight_! You let me believe this for four years.”

“Zhet, I wasn’t ready to talk about him.”

“Why not?” Zhet said, spinning around to face her, “Why not, Rey?”

“I…”

“What are we doing, Rey?” Zhet asked weakly, “We haven’t done anything but fight for a year. Why are we fighting for this?” 

He was right. Zhetam “I Always Know What to Do” Lylin was right and it killed her. She didn’t want to lose him. She’d been terrified of watching someone walk away again, but now she had to really think about it, about what it would mean. They weren’t good for each other anymore. 

“You still love him,” Zhet said dully. 

“No!” Rey burst out.

“You do!” Zhet said, grabbing her arms. “You miss him and the person you were with him. You lied to me to protect him or- or to protect yourself from him.”

Rey swallowed, tears in her eyes, “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“I am, too, but we can’t do this anymore.” 

Rey nodded, choking her back her tears. 

“I'm going to crash with a friend,” Zhet said quietly, stepping away from her, “I'll figure out my stuff soon. I- I’m sorry it came to this.”

Rey didn’t say anything, just hiccuped and wiped her eyes. Wiping away his own tears, Zhet walked out of the room. The second the door closed, Rey burst into tears. Distantly, she felt something flicker around in the distant darkness but pushed it away. She didn’t care who it was. She wanted to be alone.


	12. I Grieve and Dare Not Show My Discontent,  I Love and Yet Am Forced to Seem to Hate

**“I grieve and dare not show my discontent,  
I love and yet am forced to seem to hate,” - Elizabeth 1, Her Life in Letters**

_Rey wraps her arms around Kylo Ren’s waist, pressing her cheek against his back. He stops, every muscle in his body tense. The anger that he feels threatens to overwhelm them both. She wonders if the darkness he’s summoned will consume them. She is afraid he’ll throw her off, furious at her influence, but instead, she feels his free gloved hand close over hers. He takes a shallow, shuddering breath, and turns off his lightsaber. The darkness dissipates. Rey glances over her shoulder at the stormtroopers, who are exchanging nervous glances. She nods towards the door, dismissing them without a word._

_“I am not strong enough,” Ren growls out after the door closes._

_“You are strong,” Rey murmurs, “The Supreme Leader would not have chosen you, otherwise.”_

_Ren puts his lightsaber in its place at his belt and allows his other hand to rest on hers. He is still angry, frustrated at himself and his own failure, but the true danger has passed. It feels odd to be touching him this way, for someone to hold him like a friend or lover. Rey has never been so affectionate, really. She’s been softened by Finn and the attention and care he has paid her, but this is different. She’s entered Kylo Ren’s mind enough times to understand the concern and compassion he has for her. That is different than what Finn had felt. Her current master wants her to be both powerful and free._

_The Rebellion only wants her to be a weapon._

_“You’re strong enough for me, Kylo,” Rey murmurs into the fabric of his tunic. She feels the small change in his breathing; she’s never called him anything but “master” until now. She is, however, no longer his student, but the Supreme Leader’s._

_Kylo Ren says nothing, but his grip on her tightens a fraction. Rey knows something has changed, but doesn’t want to press it further. This is enough._

 

Kylo blinked awake, sitting up straighter in the stiff chair he’d fallen asleep in. 

“Sleep well?” Trachiva asked quietly. Ze looked even less rested than he felt, with tired and red-rimmed eyes. In the past months on Naboo, tucked away in the home of a well-trusted ally and supported of the old imperial ways, Trachiva has grown sicker and sicker. There wasn’t much time, but Kylo was glad for the ability to rest with Trachiva in a place so peaceful, even if they couldn’t go outside. 

Trachiva lightly traced over the needle in zir arm as the medication slowly trickled in, “It’s not going to save me, Kylo.” Zir voice was low, but gentle. Ze seemed intent on protecting his heart, even though ze was the one dying.

“I’m going to stay,” Kylo said, “until the end. I’m going to stay.” 

Trachiva just nodded. 

Kylo looked out the window, thinking back to the dream he’d just had. Now that he thought about it, it had been an odd dream. It wasn’t the first odd dream he’d had, but it lingered in his mind. He realized why it was so unusual: it hadn’t been from his point of view. It had been from Rey’s. He hadn’t been dreaming alone, but with Rey. He sighed, closing his eyes and setting aside this thought. Whatever the dream had been, it wasn’t going to change anything today. 

It wouldn’t prevent the tumor in Trachiva’s brain from taking his favorite knight.

“Come here, Kylo,” Trachiva said, scooting in the bed to make room for him. He stood up and laid out next to his longtime friend and part-time lover. Ze reached out gently and took Kylo’s hand, “Don’t worry.” Ze said quietly, “All is as the Force wills it.”

Kylo swallowed, nodding and moving to put an arm around Trachiva, letting zim rest zir head on his chest and enjoying what little time he had left. 

“You were dreaming with her, weren’t you?” Ze asked quietly.

“I think so, yes.” Kylo murmured.

“You were at peace.” Trachiva said, quietly, “I hope you get to have that peace again.”

Kylo couldn’t say anything back to that. He settled for holding Trachiva, for that peace here, in this moment.

*****

_Kylo is standing behind her, guiding her through the paces and stances slowly, “Very good,” he says in her ear._

_“When can I use a real weapon?” Rey asks in a huff. She’s been with him for nearly three weeks and he hasn’t returned her lightsaber, leaving her weaponless in a strange place. He consistently promised to return Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber to her, but hadn’t yet._

_“The moment I’m convinced you won’t kill yourself with it.” Ren says. Without his mask on, his eyes glint in amusement. He’s a strange man, her master. He is persistent and demands perfection, but also put her on a rigid schedule that allows her to eat and rest with a regularity that she’s never had. After three weeks in a real bed, she already feels stronger, more alert, and calmer._

_“I’ve been fighting for years,” Rey insists, but Ren merely shakes his head. She doesn’t drop her arms, somehow managing to hold them much longer than she would have previously thought, but his eyes are alert and focused as he steps back and adjusts her arms to make them straighter, which makes her want to kick him as she feels a tighter pull between her shoulders._

_“You’ve been fighting, but not training or working out,” Kylo Ren says, stepping back as she moves into the next form, “You have physical strength and good instincts, but you lack discipline.”_

_Rey huffs again._

_“My point.” Kylo says, which makes Rey roll her eyes, “You can use the energy, the rage from those years of fighting, but you’re more likely to hurt yourself than anything else.”_

_“Why do you care if I hurt myself?” Rey says, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice, “No one ever cares.”_

_“I will train you to be strong and to be the best.” Kylo Ren says, stepping in front of her and meeting her gaze, “I swore to show you everything. This is the first step to that. If you don’t know how your body actually moves, you will only get injured. The dark side will give you power, but you must command it.”_

_Rey glances away, but he catches her chin and makes her look at him. The action reminds her of the hard grip of Unkar Plutt when she’d first complained about hunger, but his touch is gentle. When he speaks, his voice is firm, “I will teach you, but you must trust me. Trust me, trust the Supreme Leader, and trust the Force.”_

_Rey nods and lets him straighten her posture again without any complaining, instead doing her best to memorize the position for later._

 

“Master Jedi.”

Rey sat up, groaning as she lifted her head off of the rock she’d been napping on. She looked at the soldier who’d woken her, “Did something happen?”

“We have to move,” The soldier said stiffly. She sighed, realizing how young the poor kid was, and settled for nodding, hefting on her supplies and following without comment. By the Force, she hated war. She hated the dessert. She hated being away from her son. Mostly, she hated herself as she walked away from the fallen bodies they couldn’t do anything for, the ones they couldn’t even carry to the airlift site, so they could be buried somewhere else than this forsaken desert planet. Mostly, she hated all the death. She hated all the pain she had to feel through the Force. 

_No,_ Rey thought bitterly, looking at the body of a too-young soldier who’d been thrown from his scouting point by a First Order missle, _I hate the Dark Side. And I will bring it down. I will end this._

 _Careful,_ a low voice said in her head, _that sounds angry. Anger doesn’t call the Light._

Anger may not, Rey decided, but righteousness would. She’d survive on righteous outrage until she could destroy Snoke, then she’d deal with the consequences. 

*****

_She stops at the edge of the cave, mouth agape. He can feel the unfettered joy and wonder casting a bright glow around her._

_“Is rain always like this?” Rey whispers, turning to face him._

_“No,” Kylo says, leaning back against a rock and watching the way she leans out of the cave. She’s probably almost sticking her head out the opening now. He remembers his first time on Naboo, visiting his mother’s friends. He’d grown up on Coruscant, since there was no place set apart for the descendents and refugees of Alderaan. It had astonished him, all that green and blue. Rey turns to him, then at the rain, before shrugging off her outer shirt and stepping forward to put her hand out into the rain. She gasps as the water lands on her, eyes wise. She’s grinning, turning around and around and Kylo can’t help but marvel at her._

_“This is amazing!” Rey says, stepping through the little puddles on the clay. Kylo leans against the edge of the cave, watching her shamelessly. Rey turns to him, beaming, then grabs his hand. He laughs, unable to help it, then steps back into the cave to remove his outer clothing, knowing full well that his boots, surcoat, and outer tunic will take hours to dry. Left in just a thin sleeveless shirt, he lets her pull him out into the rain.  
Ren looks up, blinking away the drops as she laughs excitedly. At times like this, he wonders why she has such an affinity for the dark side. Light and hope bubble off of her, especially when it’s just them. He knows this past mission could have benefitted from another knight, but he enjoys his time alone with her. When it’s just him, he can see her like this. _

_“We’re going to get soaked through,” He points out, looking down to watch Rey smirk up at him._

_“Worth it.”_

 

Kylo jolted awake, taking a deep breath and sitting up. He rubbed his face, then glanced over at the still-sleeping stranger beside him, making sure he hadn’t disturbed her. He looked around the cheap room, then sighed and stood, dressing in silence. He had to stop doing this. He knew he was lonely. Even after six months, he missed Trachiva, but t was a little sick to dream about one woman- with her aware of it, he thought, half-amused- while lying next to another. Kylo looked down at the shirt he’d bought for this assignment. It was a worn green color, helping to disguise him. The greatest part about being a knight of Ren was that, to go undercover, all one had to do was dress in color. He ran a hand through his hair and walked to the door, glancing over his shoulder at the still-sleeping woman. He grabbed his bag, then looking at the clock on the wall. He noticed the date and his chest tightened a little. He’d found the Galactic Standard Date of that fight he’d had on Raydonia with Commander Finn Alucard, as he was now publically called, and had learned the date of his son’s birth. Standing in the doorway of a stranger’s doorway- Celes, he remembered- he allowed himself to mourn the fact that he was missing his son’s eleventh birthday. Wherever Jonas was, he didn’t know that his father wanted to wish him a happy birthday. It had now been almost five years since he had seen his son. 

Stepping into the darkness of a very early morning on Coruscant, Kylo found himself promising, as he had for the last three years in a row, that he would see his son again. He would be a father to his son, whatever happened. 

*****

_Ben hoists his son up higher, chuckling as the boy squealed in delight, waving his arms. Ben leaned against the table, kissing Jonas’s cheek._

_“How are my boys?” Rey says from behind him._

_Ben turns to see his wife, who is watching him from the doorway to the main living quarters. Pulling her brown cloak up onto her shoulder, she walks over to him and scoops her son into her arms. Jonas giggles and waves a chubby hand at Ben in farewell._

_“He’s good.” Ben says, watching Rey turn to sit at the table. She settles into the little table, careful not to turn on the game, rubbing the contented toddler’s back._

_“He’s cute.” Han Solo says begrudgingly from the pilot’s chair._

_“He is.” Ben says, tugging up the loose green sleeves of his shirt._

_“For a pair of warrior monks, you sure had a kid fast.” Han says, chuckling._

_Rey rolls her eyes, pulling her robes around her and the toddler._

_“You did good, kid.” Han says quietly to Ben, smiling at his grandson. Kylo smiles, so glad that he left Starkiller with his father all those years ago._

 

Rey’s eyes snapped open. She looked around and made to sit up, but grunted as pain exploded in her side.

“Rey, sit back.” 

Rey looked up to see Vox Chi rush over to her, gently push her back onto the cot, “What happened?” Rey asked.

“You were injured.” Vox said gently, “You’re being evacuated after surgery.”

“Okay.” Rey said. The ship jostled again and Vox, who was squatting next to her bed, nearly fell. Rey grabbed her arm and held her steady.

“Sorry, my hands are ashy.” Vox muttered, getting to her feet.

“I don’t care.” Rey scoffed, “how are you?”

“Overworked and underpaid.” Vox said, laughing and checking Rey’s chart, “You’ll be fine, I think. I’ll come sit with you later.”

Rey nodded, watching Vox hurry away. She thought back to her dream. Kylo had such a tenderness with Jonas that she really didn’t know what to do with. He had dreamed about a life without the dark side, one with her and her son. Rey took a another deep breath, even though it hurt. 

He loved them, still. He loved the idea of them. Rey closed her eyes. She couldn’t reconcile that fact. She couldn’t reconcile the Kylo that loved Jonas- that _dreamed_ a life with Jonas- and the one she’d met on the battlefield. As the ship jostled again, Rey forced herself to set the thought aside. She’d deal with this later. 

*****

_Finn and Poe don’t know that she can hear them as they talk about her, but she makes sure to keep her back to them and her face neutral.  
Poe is watching Rey, who leans down to guide Jonas along the sand. Even though she knew he and Finn are watching her, she doesn’t hold back her emotion from her son, focusing on him. When she’d first met Poe, after Jakku, she’d had this deep and heavy sadness within her. The sadness is different now, less suppressed, but her joy was greater now. _

_“She always wanted a family.” Finn says, walking over to sit next to Poe on the blanket._

_“I think if you asked her, she’d tell you part of her family is still missing.” Poe answers as Rey scoops her son into her arms._

_“She’s not going to go back to him, is she?” Finn asks, not bothering to lower his voice, “There’s no way we can let her go back to the First Order, especially not with Jonas.”_

_“She’s not going anywhere.” Poe says, his voice very sad. “And she knows it. She knows she can’t go back to Ren.” Of course I know it, Rey thinks, full of a sudden and savage grief. She has no hope of seeing Kylo again, at least not the way she wants to._

_“And Rey is going to just let it all go?” Finn asks, shifting a little on the sand, “She’s going to leave the war behind? Pretend it’s not happening?”_

_Poe sighs deeply, “She’s not. She’s going to stay with him until he turns 4. And then she’s going to turn him over to Luke, raise him like a padawan.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because his father will destroy the galaxy to get to him.” Poe says, “Ask her. Kylo Ren wants a family as badly as she did. She was his family and she took that away from him. Now she’s got his son? Here?” Poe shakes his head, looking Finn in the face, “I think she’s hoping she can keep Jonas anonymous enough to keep Kylo Ren distracted and away from him. Jonas already looks like him.”_

_“That’s really sad.” Finn says finally. Rey wants to laugh, but settles for kissing the top of Jonas’s head. It’s the first time Finn has admitted the difficult situation she is in._

_She walks away from the two, blinking back her tears. Rey presses her lips to the top of Jonas’s head again, “I hope you look like your father. It’s so selfish, but I do.”_

 

Kylo’s heart tightened at the sheer weight of Rey’s grief and loneliness. Here she was, holding her son, but she missed him, of all people. 

 

_Rey stands on the edge of the sea, listening to the vast sound of the water as it moved. Jonas sighs contentedly against her neck and she rubs his back. Reaching out into the ocean itself, Rey feels the Force as it moved through the water. Up, curve down, and forward. Up, curve down, and forward. Rey helps guide the Force along in that same pattern, letting the Light help sooth her son all the way to sleep._

 

After more than a year of the occasional dream, Kylo longed for these moments. He knew it was wrong to keep creeping in on Rey’s dreams like this, but he had no real memories of his son, outside of what he could glean from Rey. He didn’t feel too guilty, even as he felt to Rey jolt awake and pull out of the shared dream space. She had entered several of his dreams, too, both of memories that they shared and that he’d imagined for himself. 

He had no answer as to why they kept encountering each other in this way, but he decided, as he stood up and walked to the sink to rinse off his face, he wouldn’t give up these glimpses of his son. Not for anything. 

*****

_Kylo sits up. Looking over his shoulder, he sees that Rey is still, thankfully asleep. Groaning, he stands and crosses into the other room to pick up his crying son. Over the past six weeks, he’s learned a little bit about his son. The boy just wants to be held, which he was perfectly happy to do. Jonas sighs contentedly against his neck, which makes him smile._  
“Everything okay?” Rey says quietly behind him. She steps closer to rub Jonas’s back, her hazel eyes on the sleeping baby’s face.  
“Yeah,” Kylo says, “He wanted company.”  
Rey smiles and kisses Jonas’s head, “Come on,” She says, “Let’s go sit down.”  
Kylo crosses back to sit down on the bed as the infant slumbers on. 

 

 _He wants to be Jonas’s father,_ she realized. The thought broke her head and she blinked away tears, staring at the ceiling. 

*****

_“Can you just stop?” Rey snarls, whirling on him._

_“Stop what? Expecting you to engage with me a little when you’re here?” Zhet snaps, crossing his arms, “I don’t expect you to drop everything when you get home, but I didn’t even know you were here, Rey!”_

_“It was a crazy situation!” Rey shouts, slamming her fist onto the table, “You can’t hold me to plans when I get ambushed by a pair of TIE-fighters and have to rush intelligence back to the General!”_

_“You didn’t call!” Zhet shouts, turning away and shoving a hand through his hair._

_“I was busy!”_

_“We’ve talked about this a hundred times! You used to call, You used to let me know you were alive or okay. What happened?”_

_“I’m focused on my job. Is that a crime?” Rey snaps._

_“No, I just want you to keep me in the loop. You’ve been gone! I thought you were hurt or- or worse!” Zhet roars back._

_“Well you don’t have to yell at me about it!” Rey shouts, her throat tight. She’s so exhausted and drained that she just wants to sleep, but she knows that he won’t let her. He has to win this argument and, this time, she doesn’t want to let him._

_“Yelling is the only way I can get you to listen to me.” Zhet says, although he lowers his voice._

_“No, you want me to follow orders. It’s what you're used to. I listen, but you don’t command me, Commander, I don’t have to jump when you say and I never will!”_

_“No, you just run off and do your own thing without thinking about anyone.” Zhet growls, “You’d make a terrible soldier because your selfish, through and through.”_

_“Well, I’ll just go to bed and then you won’t have to deal with me!” Rey snarls, stomping off to their room. She wishes the doors on these bases slammed, but she settled for throwing herself on the bed and screaming. There’s a low noise as Zhet opens the door behind her and_

 

“Master,” 

Kylo snapped awake, his holopad falling from his lap to the floor. He looked up to see Arya Ren standing by the doorway, her helmet under her arm and her blue eyes trained on him. 

“Yes?” He asked, wiping at his face, both to wake himself up and to remove the tear that had leaked from his eye during his sleep- during Rey’s dream, he corrected. It was no use pretending. Rey was reliving a fight with her lover or ex-lover, judging by the anger in that memory. He cleared his thoughts, turning back to his own life and his knight, who was waiting expectantly for him. 

*****

_He sheds his outer tunic wordlessly, passing it to Rey. The material is apparently heavier than she’d expected, because her hand drops the moment he lets go. He can’t bite back a smile. Rey pulls it over her head without a word and wraps her arms tighter around her body. He'll have to talk to her about her clothing later. She favors sleeveless clothing, which is fine, as long as she'll agree to invest in a cloak or something for times like this. When he looks over at her, she’s watching the entrance to the cave carefully, her head sticking out from the dark fabric. It is rather comical, to see her practically swimming in the garment, but she seems lot warmer,_

_“Thank you, Ren.” she says_

_He says nothing._

_She touches the back of his hand and he finally looks at her. The giant question of their relationship looms overhead. He feels it. She feels it. But, even as he turns his palm up and watches her slide her hand into his, he knows they won’t answer it tonight. Instead, he finds himself, for the first time, feeling content with another person. When she rests her cheek against his arm, he leans back against her a little, smiling to himself and watching the rain pour outside._

 

Rey’s alarm blared, glaringly, into her first peaceful sleep in weeks. She sat up on her arms and rubbed her face. She sat up and stared at the time on her clock, wishing she could go back to that dream- no, she tried to tell herself. She didn’t want to go back to that cave with Kylo. She just wanted to return to a pleasant sleep. 

“Oh, Rey,” She murmured to herself, “Stop lying. You know you’re in deep.” 

She really, really was. 

*****

_Kylo rolls over onto his side to look at Rey, who smiles sleepily at him. Rey stretches, groaning a little as she forces herself to wake up all of the way. When Kylo reaches out his hand to touch her face, Rey closes her eyes. Ren hums contentedly and skims his fingertips over his cheek._

_“I love you,” Kylo whispers. Rey sits up and looks down at him. His eyes are wide and the pink scar bisecting his face stretches his features slightly, but Rey doesn’t care. Rey reaches out and brushes her lips over his scar. “I love you, too,” Rey whispers. She smiles and moves to his lips. Kylo’s hands come up to cup her face, grinning against her mouth. This, Rey feels, is home._

 

Kylo opened his eyes, but didn’t move right away. He sighed and stared up at his ceiling. She missed him. He groaned, knowing that this would complicate things. He missed her, too. He couldn’t deny it, not anymore. 

“You’re going to have to fight her one day.” Kylo said, out loud, to himself, “and the boy. You’re going to be on the other side of a saber from them.” 

Kylo Ren sat up and looked at the melted helmet of Darth Vader. He wanted to speak to it, to bed for his grandfather to give him guidance on how to move past this, how to be focused on his mission, not his family. 

_But Darth Vader left the Dark Side for his son,_ Kylo thought weakly. He stifles the traitorous thought that, perhaps, he will, too. He couldn’t afford to think like that. He’d have to content himself with these dreams. 

After more than a year of them, he needed them. He needed her. 

*****

_Rey watches her son as he levitates the dark stones several feet higher and higher. He progressed far in his training especially for his age._

_“He’s doing very well.” Kylo says from her shoulder, “The Supreme Leader is most pleased.”_

_“So am I.” Rey says._

_“Kavran Ren is going to be an excellent knight one day.” Kylo says, “he takes after his father and great-grandfather.”_

_“Kavran?” Rey asks, suddenly confused, “His name is Jonas.”_

_Kylo turns to look at her and is suddenly masked, “Rey,” he says. His voice and mask are different than they were thirteen years ago, when she’d left him. She suddenly realized that this Kylo wasn’t a part of her dream. He was here, dreaming with her, seeing how she didn’t want to leave him._

_“Rey,” Kylo says again, touching her arm._

_Rey screams._

 

“Master Rey! Master Rey!”

Rey snapped awake to see her wide-eyed padawans next to her.

“You were screaming.” 

“I-I was?” Rey asked, swallowing. She looked at Jonas and Gida’smoo’s faces and forced herself to calm down she she wouldn’t scare them, “I had a dream, Jonas, it’s okay.” She put a hand on Gida’smoo’s arm, looking between the two, “Go back to sleep, I’m fine.” She looked into Gida’smoo’s worried amber eyes, then watched the two trudge off to bed and laid back down, knowing she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. She’d have to stay up and suffer her dreams. 

“What happened, Rey?” Luke said from the doorway.

Rey groaned, “It’s nothing.”

“Rey Jedi,” Luke said flatly, stepping into the room, “Tell me the truth.” 

“I was dreaming.” Rey said, “And Kylo Ren was there. He was in my dream.”

“Is this the first time this has happened?” Luke said, sitting on the bed next to her.

“No.” Rey said, hands over her face. 

“How long has this been happening?” Luke asked seriously.

“Eighteen months.” Rey whispered. 

Luke stared blankly at her and Rey bowed her head in shame, “He doesn’t read into my mind or where I am,” Rey said weakly, “We just end up in this shared space.”

Luke sighed, “Okay, fine. Just, don’t-”

Rey nodded, “I now. I won’t put anyone in danger, I promise.” 

Luke looked at her pleadingly, “Why do you allow this, Rey?”

“I need them.” Rey finally admitted, “I am so alone these days, between the war and everything else. I- I need an escape and this is the only place I feel that peace.”

“This could be a dangerous distraction.” Luke warned, his blue eyes piercing her fiercely from under his white eyebrows. 

“I know,” Rey said weakly.

Luke took her hand, “Who knows, perhaps this is the Force.” 

Rey nodded, screwing up her face in shame and wiping her eyes. She missed him. She missed Kylo, even after more than eleven years away. Luke said nothing, but rubbed her shoulder in silence, letting her cry. 

*****

_Rey stands in empty space, watching Kylo as he, too, stands in the space. She can’t speak to him. She can’t bring herself to do it, but instead she watches him as earnestly as he watches her. She steps closer, feeling the very weight of the stars pressing upon her and upon him._

_Kylo steps out of the shadows, helmetless and older than Rey expected him to look. He’s still handsome. This is how he sees himself, scarred and worn._

_Rey wonders how she looks to herself. Is she beautiful? Is she strong? Or has she painted herself as weak as she feels?_

_This is cowardice, this space. This is a codependent nightmare, but Rey is so warm and comfortable in this gray space. She can set aside the war, even if she knows she cannot touch Kylo. She can’t cross this line, into his plane. He can’t cross into hers._

_“Don’t wake up,” Kylo says. It bursts, unbidden, from him and Rey can’t say anything back. She can’t indulge this. She can never allow this again._

_She can’t come back here, not because it’s a security risk or because of the war. No, this is only because she’ll fall in love with him again and that will destroy her._

_If it hasn’t already._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late. This was a tough weekend.


	13. Dance is the Hidden Language of the Soul

**“Dance is the hidden language of the soul”  
― Martha Graham**

Rey looked around the crowded room, holding a glass of some bubbling drink she’d snagged from a waiter. She felt a tiny tickle on the side of her neck as she looked around and reached up to swat at whatever flying insect had probably flown in through the open arches leading from the ballroom to the garden outside, but realized it was just the delicate golden earrings that she wore. 

She watched from across the room as Jonas settled onto the couches, talking excitedly with several children of Naboo council members. She smiled to herself, glad her son was settling in nicely to some of the social aspects of being an ambassador of the new jedi order. 

Even after more than a decade, the pleasantries and politics necessary to survive in the world of the Republic were still strange and uncomfortable to her. After Mon Cala, she’d been on bed rest for weeks, and then had spent the last year- more than a year, she realized, away from active duty, focused on training and making a full recovery. What that meant was a lot more of the diplomatic work that she’d luckily avoided during her time as a more active soldier. 

She had to admit, it could be worse. She didn’t have to do this alone. She looked through the crowd for a familiar face and noticed Todra, who slowly moved through the crowd towards her. She, as usual, looked amazing, with her dark hair pinned up high upon her head and the red of her dress went beautifully with her dark olive skin. It was obnoxious how beautiful she was, even at a full six months pregnant. 

“How’s the alcohol?” Todra asked. Rey almost answered, then realized she hadn’t actually had any of it. She took a sip, wrinkling her nose at the bubbles.  
Todra gazed longingly at the drink, “Tell me that’s not as good as I think it is.”

“Oh, it’s horrible.” Rey said, feeling guilty.

“Liar.” Todra muttered.

Rey shrugged guiltily, looking around. One of the Republic senators from Naboo caught her eye and smiled at her, which made her slowly turn back to her friend, trying her very best to keep her expression neutral. Senator Hazi Cuzao was friendly, but persistent in a way that was just this side of comfortable. 

Todra didn’t miss the exchange and was smirking when Rey faced her again.

“How much do you hate these things?” She asked, tugging a little at the red fabric of her dress.

“A lot.” Rey said, rolling her eyes. As she moved her face, the cosmetics around her eyes made her eyelashes catch in a way she disliked. “How about you?

“I really miss drinking at these.” Todra said, “It’s the only way they’re bearable.”

Rey laughed.

“How are you classy ladies doing?” Finn asked, walking over to them with a plate of some of the little finger foods. When they turned to face him, he just laughed and said, “That bad, huh?”

“Why are we here, Finn?” Rey murmured.

“The snacks?” Finn suggested.

Rey snorted, nodding.

“We are, as Leia would call it, “networking”.” Luke said, walking over. Rey was still mad at him. Well, jealous was more accurate. _He_ got to wear clean Jedi robes while, according to Akuratye, it would be “unprofessional” for Rey to appear in something informal and out of fashion. It was sexist nonsense, they both agreed, and totally not Luke’s fault, but Rey was still bitter. 

“What does that mean?” Finn asked, sounding a little bitter himself.

“It means eating in uncomfortable clothing while flattering wealthy people.” Luke said.

“Hermits, all of you.” Todra said, snorting and plucking a meat pastry of of Finn’s plate. 

“ _Reformed_ hermits.” Luke corrected, chuckling.

“I think the queen is heading over here,” Todra said, “Smile, everyone. Be nice.”

“I’ll talk to her,” Luke said, “I know she likes me and Jonas better. You guys get out of here.” 

“I’m going on a long walk.” Rey muttered, setting down her drink and walking out of the back garden. She took a deep breath as she reached the back patio. The summer breeze swept over her face, stirring the few strands of hair that had come loose from the glittering pins in her hair. Rey hesitated and looked up as something shifted within the Force. There was a shadow nearby, but it wasn’t a heavy or dangerous presence, so Rey said nothing and turned her attention back to the ocean, far away down the hill.  
She walked down the stone steps, away from the dancing and the music. She slowly made her way towards the ocean, stopping at the last walled patio before the beach. Rey leaned against the railing, smiling to herself. The last time she’d been near the beach, Jonas had been two. She’d seen the ocean a million years ago on Acht-To with Zhet, but is wasn’t the same. She traced a finger over the splendid blue-green tile of the railing, reaching out through the Force to make sure all the partygoers were distracted at the house above. Thankfully, they were. When she did this, however, she felt the shadow again. Frowning, she closed her eyes for a moment, gripping the rail to focus herself. The shadow was fainter, yes, but closer. She couldn’t figure out how someone could manage that. Were they masking their Force signature or just marshalling better control over their emotions as they walked along the beach? It couldn’t be her padawans or colleagues; they were all still in the house. So who else was here?

Rey opened her eyes, peering through whatever leafy ferns someone had planted along the front of the patio, which made it hard to see who was walking from the garden. Her view to the beach was unobstructed, but, as she scanned the sand, she didn’t see anyone. Whoever they were, they were in the winding maze of hedges and tropical plants. Rey reached for her lightsaber, watching the ferns for movement as the presence drew closer. 

It wasn’t until she heard a footstep on the stone steps to her right that she finally recognized the faint signature. 

Kylo Ren stepped out of the shadows, watching her steadily. Rey looked over at him. She didn’t run or smile, but just watched him. Kylo glanced down at the ruched waist of the soft blue pantsuit she was wearing, looking for her lightsaber, but Rey just tightened her grip on the handle. She didn’t move or open her stance any more, but just watched him.

“I’m armed.” Rey said finally, wishing she sounded more threatening. 

“I can see that.” Kylo said. He didn’t move towards her, but watched her curiously. She hadn’t seen his face so directly in years. His hair was still longer and curled in that distinctive way, but she could see a few streaks of gray here and there, even in the distance. He’d aged. He’d aged and she’d missed it. Somehow, that hurt. On Jakku, people didn’t grow old, but were simply weathered down. This, however, was different, she decided as she looked at the new lines around his eyes and mouth. She’d learned to map the lines on the faces of people, especially humans. On Jakku, where trust was fluid, understanding how time and emotion had settled into the skin was useful. 

Kylo didn’t smile enough. 

Rey said nothing for a long time, even when Kylo took a step closer to her, his eyes searching her face as eagerly as she searched his. He could feel his fascination and his wonder. Rey was dressed in more finery than he had ever seen her in before. When she had been his student, they had both worn simple black robes, but she looked like more a senator here. She wore glittering pins in her hair and the pale blue fabric of whatever jumpsuit Akuryate had bought for her fell down to her feet from a fitted v neck at the top. Her arms were encircled by delicate bangles, but were otherwise bare. Even after 10 years, she was still as strong as he had known her to be and wanted to make sure he knew it. She wasn’t the only one who looked out of costume, now that she looked somewhere other than his face. He hadn’t just ditched the helmet, but also the coarse black robes. 

“You’re not wearing black,” she finally commented, staring at Kylo’s bottle green robe. The rich color suited him and the slight “V” of his collar softened him somehow. He didn’t look like the First Knight of the knights of Ren or even a Force user at all. He looked like a minor noble of Naboo, dressed in simple finery. 

“I’m not.” Kylo confirmed, “I decided as disguise was the best course of action.”

“I like green. It looks good on you.” Rey said, tilting her head to see him better.

Kylo stood still under her appraising gaze, looking a little uncomfortable. Rey didn’t much care how he felt. He was armed, she decided, judging by the slight bulge at his left hip, but the weapon was well hidden under his jacket. His mood was less concrete. He was a mix of wariness, longing, and hesitation, but there was no aggression or frustration. He was prepared to defend himself, but not seeking a fight.

“Are you here to deliver a message?” Rey asked, her eyes fixed on the place where his scar should be. He must have done something to it, to hide his identity. It was bizarre to see him without it. 

“I am not here as the First Knight. I am here as myself.” Kylo said, stepping onto the patio.

 

“And who is that?” Rey asked, looking over her shoulder at him, “Ben Solo or Kylo Ren?”

“I am not sure, honestly.” He said, rubbing his nose, “Does it matter?”

“Not tonight.” Rey said, turning her head away from him and back to the sea, “But it will, one day. One day you’ll have to answer that for yourself.”

“But tonight you’ll leave it be?” 

“Tonight I’m just glad to see you.” Rey admitted.

“That is enough for me.” Kylo said, inclining his head towards her. 

“You look well,” Rey said, leaning against the railing to look at him better.

“Especially compared to on a battlefield?” Kylo asked, the corner of his mouth lifting. 

“Especially compared to that.” Rey said, wrinkling her nose and smiling. 

“It’s been a long time.” Kylo said, “When was the last time?”

“In person? 2 years.” Rey said, “The last dream was a month ago.” 

Kylo nodded, “I asked you not to wake up.”

“I didn’t.” Rey said.

“I know.” Kylo replied, stepping onto the patio and crossing to stand next to her, “Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know.” Rey said, “Don’t ask me to explain. I can’t.” 

“I won’t.” Kylo said gently.

Rey turned away from him, keeping her eyes on the ocean. She was hyper conscious of him and the way his elbow touched hers, but kept her eyes centered on the  
waves. Up, curve down, and through. Up, curve down, and through. 

“You look beautiful.” Kylo said quietly after several minutes of silence.

Rey snorted, “I feel painted.”

“I can see past the cosmetics.” He said. He wasn’t smiling, but his eyes roamed over her face. 

“It’s peaceful here.” Rey murmured, leaning against him a little. She had new lines around her eyes, but, when she reached out for his emotions, she realized that he thought that she was still beautiful. Rey leaned against the railing, her eyes fixed on the sea, “Are you here to stir up trouble?” 

“No,” Kylo Ren said quietly, turning his head away from the ocean and towards her, “I wanted to see you, peacefully.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” Rey murmured. She moved, letting her arm touch his, reveling in the first true and comfortable contact between them. 

The force flowed gently between them, Ren absorbing the emotions that roiled off of Rey, removing the dark side of the force from her. Rey gently drew the light from Ren, the energy fueled by the compassion and concern he still had for her. They remained still and quiet here. Rey turned her head and rested her cheek on his arm, blinking away the tears in her eyes. She loved him. She loved him still. The music from the party drifted through the open windows and Rey wondered if Jonas would dance with her, since his father could never hope to go inside.

Kylo noticed her distraction and glanced up, “You want to dance.” He said quietly. 

“Later,” Rey said, even as the music volume picked up and people beg to trickle out onto the outer patios to escape the dancefloor. 

“I taught you how.” Kylo commented. There was a hint of something- pride? Longing?- hidden there, but Rey didn’t press. She just nodded. 

“Dance with me again.” Kylo finally said, looking down at her. 

Rey snapped her attention to him, eyes wide, “You’re not going to go up there, are you?”

“No,” Kylo said, reaching out to touch her wrist lightly, “Dance with me here.”

“Okay.” Rey said, opening her palm enough for Kylo to take his hand. He settled his hand on her back, hesitating long enough to catch up with the beat of the music before he started moving. Rey swift from watching his face, glancing down to make sure her feet was okay, and looking over his shoulder to make sure no one who might recognize him was coming. His hand was ungloved and burning through the fabric of her pantsuit and he moved her closer, so her chin almost touched his shoulder.  
The music wafted slowly down over them and Rey closed her eyes, letting Kylo lead her through steps she didn’t expect to remember so well after more than a decade. Eventually, she opened her eyes and looked up into his face to find him staring intently at her. She glanced over his shoulder again.

“Why does the First Order think you’re here?” Rey asked, watching their joined hands with an almost dreamy fascination.

“They don’t.” Kylo said, “I told no one I was coming here before I left. The Supreme Leader trusts me.”

“He has every reason to.” Rey said, looking up to see that he was staring at her in a way that cut into her, reminded her of her own weaknesses before him and of his weaknesses before her.

“Is your wider mission to kidnap Jonas?” Rey asked, tightening her grip on his hand.

“No,” Kylo said, looking resolutely back down at her, “The Supreme Leader is curious about his power and his compassion.” These generally don’t coincide, but her son wasn’t a common anything. He was the son of two of the last Jedi, “He wishes to wait, to see if the boy will come to me for answers.” 

“And if he doesn’t?” 

“He will.” Kylo murmured gently, “boys need their fathers.”

“He needs you, you are right,” Rey said, “but why not stay?”

“I can’t.” Kylo said gently, rubbing a thumb lightly over her spine on her lower back, “You know that or you wouldn’t have asked.” 

“You’re perfectly willing to dance with me.” Rey said, watching his face now. His emotions were in turmoil, but tightly packed. Apparently, to hide his presence in the Force, he’d essentially put his feelings in the emotional equivalent of a pressurized container

“That’s different.” Kylo said tightly, his hand twitching against hers.

“Good.” Rey said, smiling despite herself. She couldn’t keep the bitterness away. After years of fighting with him, it felt impossible to have a purely peaceful moment between them, “If it wasn’t, we’d have to fight and I really don’t want to mess up my hair.”

Kylo laughed earnestly at that, and Rey couldn’t help but look up at him and smile, “If you wanted to stay, I’d defend you.”

The laughter left Kylo’s face and he sighed, “Rey…”

“I’m just saying-” 

“Rey, I am loyal to the First Order.” Kylo said firmly, rotating slowly, “A dance is merely a dance.”

“You can’t be loyal to the First Order and a father.” Rey told him gently. She wanted to be angry, to demand that he chopse, but she couldn’t. He didn’t understand, but he would.

“And you can be a mother while being in the Resistance?” Kylo asked, a hard edge to his voice. He bit back a bitter laugh and rolled his eyes.

“I’m not a mother, not really,” Rey said. His grip on her slackened and he stopped, dark eyes jumping to hers.

“What do you mean?” Kylo asked, frowning, “Are they keeping him from you? Are they using him to control you?” Rey felt desperation, fear, and- underneath it- hope well up inside of him. She shook her head, feeling piece of her hair fall out of her updo and into her face. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Rey said calmly, “I’ve been Jonas’s guardian his entire life, but publically, that’s all I’ve been. I’m “Master Rey”, not his mother. Legally, Luke and I have equal claim to him, even though he will privately bow to my wishes. In order to fight for what I value and believe in, which coincides with the Resistance, I had to give up being a real parent.”

“What do you mean “coincides”?” Kylo asked, jumping on her phrasing and totally missing the tail end of her sentence.

“Luke and I aren’t actually members of the Resistance,” Rey said, “We’re not on their payroll. We have no official rank or position. We’re a cross between tenants and advisors.” 

“Yet you fight with them?” Kylo asked, a bitter note in his voice now.

“I fight against the Knights of Ren, the dark side, and Snoke’s influence in general,” Rey said, “but, no, I’m not blindly loyal to the Resistance. Even this,” She stepped back, gesturing first to her outfit and then to the party above, “is as much a favor to Akuryate as anything else. They need funds to keep a roof over my padawans’ heads, so I came. However, if Luke and I wanted, we could walk away at any time.”

“‘If you wanted’,” Kylo sneered, “You and my uncle are entrenched in the Resistance and you know it.”

“We are.” Rey said, “but we’re not controlled by it the way the First Order controls you.”

“First of all-” Kylo began, leaning into her face, eyes dark.

“Master Jedi!” A familiar voice called overhead. Rey’s heart dropped as Kylo straightened and looked over his shoulder incredulously as Senator Hazi Cuzao waved from the top balcony.

“Who is that?” Kylo asked, frowning at the figure above them. 

Rey shushed him, then stepped back to look up at Cuzao, “Senator Cuzao!” Rey said, forcing a smile on her face and she waved at him.

“Tell me you can feel this- he’s a pig. Tell me you know that.” Kylo hissed.

“He’s a polite and powerful pig,” Rey said as Cuzao disappeared to go down the stairs towards her. 

“Go,” Rey said, looking at Kylo, “He’s harmless, I promise.”

Kylo stared at her, his jaw tight, then turned and swept away, back down the opposite steps.

“Senator Cuzao, how are you?” Rey asked. She felt Kylo nearby, hidden. He was fuming, but it was ridden with frustration and disgust more than outright anger. 

“Would you like to dance, master jedi?” Cuzao asked, smiling a smile that might have been charming if she was someone else. 

“Of course.” Rey said, smiling politely and taking his arm as he led her upstairs. They moved onto the dance floor and he put his hands on her hand and back. They moved through the paces with ease, but a certain awkwardness that she didn’t appreciate. She felt his fingers press against her back a little and he leaned his face a little closer to hers as he spoke.

“It’s been a long time, Master Jedi.” Cuzao said, smiling, “I’d missed you at the gala last summer. I was out campaigning.” 

“Well, it was apparently worth it.” Rey said tightly.

“It was. Without my position, I wouldn’t have a pretext to talk to you.” Cuzao said. His voice was flirtatious, but it only made her uncomfortable. Rey smiled tightly as Cuzao spoke. She looked over his shoulder for an escape and saw Kylo leaning against a pillar. Rey blinked in surprise, but kept pace with the Senator, even though his voice faded into the background. After another turn around the room, Rey realized she had lost track of Kylo. 

Suddenly, he spoke behind her: 

“May I cut in?” Kylo asked, tapping Senator Cuzao on the shoulder. Rey blinked in surprise, both at his brazenness and his accent. He’d managed to switch his accent to that of a highborn from Naboo.

“Oh, um, I-” 

“Thank you.” Kylo said, stepping in between them and taking Rey’s hand and waist.

“I- You’re welcome!” Cuzao said weakly as Kylo and Rey turned back into the circle of dancing pairs.

“That was risky.” Rey hissed, even as she took his hand and moved slowly around the room.

“Yes, but it was worth it, though.” Kylo said, dropping the accent.

“Why the accent?” Rey asked, glancing from him to the room behind him, “First thing you learn as a smuggler is how to find things…” Kylo murmured.

“What does that have to do with-” 

“When you learn how to find things, you learn how to hide things. Next, you learn the advantage of hiding where you’re from.” Kylo said. 

“Where are you from?” Rey asked, looking up at him.

“I’m from nowhere.” Kylo said, glancing away from her and to the room at large, “Born on one planet, shifted from one to the other to the other, until I got shipped off to train with Luke.” 

“It’s the first time I’ve ever had something that you didn’t.” Rey murmured. She didn’t realize how much the music had slowed down until she narrowly escaped stepping on Kylo’s foot. She glanced around them to see the couples around them practically stationary. It was as if the room was full of multicolored pillars, entwined figures rotating slowly on the spot almost as they moved slowly around the room. 

“You kept your own surname.” Kylo said.

“I made my own.” Rey said, wrinkling her nose, “And it wasn’t very original.” 

“I like it.” Kylo murmured, looking down at her.

Rey tilted her head up to look into his dark eyes. She had no words for that. What was she _supposed_ to say? Now that she thought about it, she really shouldn’t be saying anything to him, at all. She probably should have attacked him the moment she saw him, but she had allowed herself this. This closeness. This idiotic, risky, and probably regrettable closeness. 

“Where is my son?” Kylo asked. 

If he had asked this question at any point before this, Rey would have recoiled, but she was close enough to truly feel the longing in his heart. He desperately wanted to see his son, but she couldn’t do that. If Snoke read his mind later, he’d know exactly what her son looked like, at that was too much. She just shook her head slowly and looked over his shoulder to see Luke staring at her, his white eyebrows drawn together. She could see the unspoken question on his face, but she said nothing. 

Finn and Todra were by the couches, thoroughly engaged in conversation, and Jonas was in the middle of a gaggle of children his age, in the main foyer outside of the ballroom itself. 

Luke, however, was staring at her with dawning comprehension. She looked at him and mouthed a single word.

_Please._

Luke Skywalker had never looked so helpless as he did in that moment, but he merely bowed his head and stepped back into the group of people socializing and eating, leaving Rey to ruin herself alone.

“You have to leave after this.” Rey told Kylo, “You’ve risked too much already.”

“I’m heartened by your concern.” Kylo said quietly. 

“Kylo,” Rey whispered back, closing her eyes as the song ended.

Kylo Ren stepped away from her and, with all of the grace of a man who, in another life, would have been a prince, bowed low and kissed her hand, “Goodbye, Rey Jedi.” He said. With that, he stepped back and disappeared into the crowd, leaving her with her heart in her throat and tears in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was so late. 
> 
> Un-beta-ed.


	14. Perhaps It Takes Courage to Raise Children

**“Perhaps it takes courage to raise children..”**

**― John Steinbeck, East of Eden**

After three months without any dreams, Rey was starting to feel the frustration. Whether or not she could openly admit it, even to herself, she’d found comfort in Kylo’s presence in her mind and in her dreams. The worst thing was that he’d _seen him_ , two months ago. She’d spoken to and danced with and shared more than one quiet and tender moment with him. She couldn’t forget that and, judging by the quiet way Luke refused to discuss it, he hadn’t forgotten it either. The lack of dreams, the absence of Todra and Finn while they were on their paternity leave, and the awkwardness with Luke had left Rey on edge. However, she found that she could dispel most of her frustration through training and her padawans were at an age where sparring with them was actually interesting. 

“Arms up, Jonas.” Rey said firmly, turning to swing her lightsaber towards the boy, who bit back a curse and brought his weapon up to block her blow. 

“You need to be faster than that.” Rey said seriously, “The Knights of Ren aren’t as sweet tempered and delicate as I am. If you intend to beat them, you have to be smarter and faster, because every single one of them is going to be bigger and stronger than you.”

“I’m trying!” Jonas growled, catching her saber against his own. The green of his blade contrasted with the yellow of hers as she pressed against each other, teeth gritted.

“Try _harder_.” Rey ordered, her face close to his. She knew she was pushing it, and that Jonas was doing a wonderful job, but she also knew that she had to make sure that, no matter his frustration, he never resorted to the Dark side.

“Remember, Jonas,” Luke called from the side as he paced, his arms crossed, “You always have _two_ weapons: your lightsaber and the Force.” 

Rey and Jonas broke apart with force, each backpedaling and trying to catch their balance and preparing for the other’s next attack. When Jonas swung at her, Rey put out a hand, using the Force to rotate his wrist enough to send his saber moving the other way and send him flying past her, off-balance. Jonas let out a grunt of frustration and turned back to her before she could get a real advantage. He caught her saber again, letting out a grunt as the collision. They locked sabers for a long moment, but neither could break the other’s grip or gain any ground. Rey huffed, blowing a few strands of hair out of her mouth as she tried to think of a way- 

Darkness swallowed Rey entirely, leaving her blind and cold, even as the heat of the crossed lightsabers radiated on her face. She gasped, hitting the switch to turn off her lightsaber. She tried to see through the darkness, but couldn’t. She was entirely surrounded by darkness and it send terror pounding through her. Pain exploded in her hands and knees as she old memories flooded her vision, drowning her in sound and sight and color and sensation. Hundreds of memories rushed through her mind, crippling her. She saw all of it, years of pain and misery clouding her thoughts so fast it made her retch. She saw her last fight with Kylo, the time she’d nearly fallen to her death scavenging on Jakku when she was eight, the battle on Mon Cala, when-

“Jonas!” Luke’s voice broke through the confusion of sounds, colors, and scenes that she decreasingly recognized. Just as quickly as it appeared, the vision vanished. Gasping, Rey pressed her forehead to the cold floor until she could see again, cupping her head in her stinging palms. After a long moment, Rey opened her eyes, but the light was so bright that it made her retch, so she closed them and put her head back down. Luke and Jonas were speaking over her head, but she ignored them, focusing only on her breath and the cold and soothing floor. 

For several minutes, she took a few heaving breaths, trying to quiet her mind. Finally, she looked at Luke, whose face was white and whose eyes were wide. “What was that?” Rey asked, sitting up and looking at her son, “Who taught you that?”

“N-no one.” Jonas said, “I just wanted to see what you were thinking.” His voice was quiet and shaky, but his eyes were honest. Rey nodded, cutting her eyes to Luke, who leaned on his staff, eyes wide. 

“A-Am I in trouble?” Jonas asked, looking between his two Masters. He shook his backs out of his face, then reached his hand up to bite his nail, watching their reactions anxiously. Rey schooled her features, knowing her concern would only worry him.

“Not at all,” Rey said, standing and wincing at the soreness in her palms, “Just- uh, put a pause on that for a little bit, okay? Maybe you and Gida’smoo should spar for a bit.”

Luke looked at Rey, frowning, but Rey shrugged helplessly. Yes, Gida’smoo and Jonas were more evenly matched now that Jonas was a little older, but she still beat him frequently, which frustrated the boy to no end. Rey saw the unspoken question in her colleague's face: Do you want to risk him using the Dark side today? Rey, for some reason, felt more secure about it than usual, and nodded. Her boy could handle himself. 

“Gida!” Rey called across the room. Gida’smoo was practicing with a training droid, wearing headphones blaring some sort of loud music that made Rey’s head hurt. _Kids these days,_ Rey thought, rolling her eyes and shouting: **“Gida’smoo!”**

Gida’smoo turned, her expression innocent, “Yes, master?”

“I want you and Jonas to finish out the session together.” Rey said, keeping her voice firm even as Gida’smoo rolled her eyes at having to train alongside the younger boy, who had recently become a “kid” to Gida’smoo’s “adult”, “Run the usual stations, then spar until the time runs out.”

“What are you going to be doing?” Gida’smoo asked, frowning and looking between her masters.

“Discussing matters of the Force beyond your comprehension.” Luke said solemly.

Gida’smoo rolled her eyes and snickered, “Probably discussing plans for Jonas’s name day.”

The corner of Rey’s mouth twitched. As much as Gida’smoo’s new attitude frustrated her, the perk of training someone who always thought they were right is being able to revel in their wrongness. She did recognize, though, that Gida’smoo had totally missed what had occurred with Jonas, so her assumption was reasonable. “I guess you’ll have to wonder.” Rey said, walking towards the door. She gently touched Jonas’s shoulder as he passed. He was biting at the skin around his fingernails like he did when he was anxious, “Peace, my padawan. All is well.”

Jonas turned his expressive hazel eyes to her, but Rey just brushed his wavy black hair out of his eyes and smiled, “Finish your practice.” She didn’t step away until she saw the anxiety flicker out of his eyes and focus return to the familiar features. She’d learned that, as they grew, she needed to be a little harder on Gida’smoo and a little easier on Jonas. Once he’d learned about his family, he’d thrown himself into his training and controlling his emotions, but she could feel the anxiety that he carried constantly. As Rey followed Luke from the training room, she wondered if she hadn’t made a mistake by putting that burden on a child. He was so young to believe that the fate of the galaxy rested in his hands.

To a certain degree, it did, but it was hard for a 12-year old to live with that. 

“We need to go back to Ach-To.” Luke said the minute Rey got into his room. 

“Not yet.” Rey said, “It’s not safe to travel there right now.”

“He’s going to need to find a Force strong place to tap into. I think maybe he may be able to get in touch with the Force ghosts.” 

“Luke-”

“Rey, I am old,” Luke said, slamming his walking staff on the ground firmly in his frustration, “Someone needs to be able to call upon the wisdom of the past.”

“We don’t _know_ if he can.” Rey said gently, stepping fully into the room and letting the door close behind her.

“Rey-”

“No, Luke,” Rey said, walking closer to him, keeping her voice low, “We cannot put that pressure on him. If the old masters wanted to speak with him, they would have already. If they wanted to speak with _any_ of us, they would. They’re the ones choosing not appearing to us, not the other way around. Right now, we have three fully-trained Jedi, one who has nearly completed her training, another who is more than halfway through his training, and two more who are going to train by the end of the decade. _They’re_ sitting on their hands.”

Luke sighed harshly, resting his forehead against the carved top of his staff, “I know, I just…” He shrugged his curved shoulders, “If I die and no one takes over my place…”

“The Masters will find someone.” Rey said, “Force ghosts are eternal, Luke, they’ll eventually find someone to train and speak to, even if they’re not with us.”

Luke nodded, sitting heavily in a chair. His swollen and increasingly arthritic knuckles were white from where he was gripping his staff, “I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

“We’re going to have to stop avoiding the battlefield.” Rey said. “They’re reaching the age where they need battle experience.”

“Are you serious?” Luke said flatly, “You think that being encouraged to make contact with Force ghosts is too much pressure, but-”

“Being raised up as the next conduit between the past and the present is too much.” Rey said, sitting in the chair next to him, “But think about it, padawans in the Clone Wars were out here in battle.” She shrugged, “They’re going to be jedi in a war. We can’t prevent this won’t happen.”

Luke sighed, rubbing his face, “I don’t want them fighting at ages 12 and 16.”

“No one does.” Rey said, “but we can’t risk it. What happens if you, me, and Finn die in the next three years?”

Luke looked at his hands, “With Baby Linora, we may have several Force users in the Light.” 

“None with real training.” Rey said, “Gida’smoo would be responsible for training the next one, possibly without any masters. Do you want to leave her without any battlefield knowledge?” 

Luke groaned, leaning forward to press his forehead to the smooth wood of his staff. Rey could feel the struggle of his emotions, but decided not to press him. She settled for sitting a little closer, “We have to teach them how to defend themselves. We can’t coddle them.” 

Luke said nothing, so Rey continued, “We can’t step away from the fight long enough to go to Ach To, but we can continue to train them here. We’ll push the more spiritual stuff if you want, but they need to start coming with us soon.” 

“You’re right.” Luke said, sighing. 

Rey nodded. She didn’t _like_ being right, but she knew that she was. Finally, she settled on saying, bitterly, “I wish we could just go and test people for midichlorians.” 

“Could you handle any more kids?” Luke asked, which made them both last earnestly, now.

“Oh, no, I couldn’t handle another one, not yet.” Rey said, shaking her head. She reached up, pulling one of her braids forehead and rebraiding the lower half of it as she waited for Luke to respond. 

“I want to talk to him and I want you too, as well,” Luke said, “but I want to train him myself.” 

“Okay,” Rey said, nodding. She may be Jonas’s mother, but Luke was more connected to the past. 

“I want you to go to Casavike.” Luke said, scratching his beard, “Of the dozen or so Jedi artifacts Poe and his crew have discovered thus far in the Outer Rim, either have reportedly come from a dealer there.” 

“That was a hard right turn,” Rey said, blinking in surprise, “Why the shift?”

“I want to see if Jonas’s abilities extend to others, including droids and objects, but you have too much trauma on your past.”

“Excuse me?” Rey asked.

“You're a gold mine, Rey, well-adjusted as you are. It's the same reason why I won't use Finn. You need space from all of this.”

Rey sighed, chewing on her lip for a long moment, “You really don’t want me around?”

Luke nodded, turning his sharp blue eyes on her, “I am afraid your blood connection will make it too easy for him to get into your mind.” 

Rey sighed, “Fine, I’ll go to Casavike, but-” She added, even as Luke’s smile revealed his satisfaction, “next time, I’m taking Gida’smoo. I don’t care if we’re going to Hoth, Kashyyk, or Mustafar.” 

Luke’s smile vanished, but he settled more comfortably on the bed to avoid answering, “Fine,” He said after a long moment.

Rey smiled, “One last thing-”

Luke made a noise of protest, looking up at her, “What?”

“I want to talk to Jonas.” Rey said, “Kylo always had a greater proclivity for getting at people’s thoughts and memories than I did. I want to make sure that Kylo hasn’t been reaching out to him and training him behind our back.”

“He said no one was training him.” Luke said.

“He’s an eleven-year old boy,” Rey said, “When we get scared, we lie, generally. I want to keep him safe, to make sure he knows he can reach out.”

“Fine.” Luke said back, sighing. 

Rey leaned forward and hugged him, “Thank you, Luke.” She said quietly, “I’m going to see him after this. They’ve probably finished their workout.” 

Luke nodded, “Be careful, Rey. I don’t want him looking for Kylo, especially if he hasn’t considered it.” 

“I know.” Rey said, “Me neither.”

“You’ve gone looking for him,” Luke said pointedly.

“You’re out of bounds.” Rey said tightly, “That’s different.”

“How?” Luke asked, “Why is-”

“Luke, stop it.” Rey snapped, “I need to talk to my son.” 

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Rey,” Luke said firmly, “He is my nephew, but he’s the reason you joined the First Order in the first place.”

“I joined the First Order because you wouldn’t teach me to defend myself and I was too ashamed to push for the training that I needed and that I wanted. I joined the First Order because I was scared and angry, not because of him. I fell in love with him afterwards. Don’t put this on him.” 

“Why are you defending your enemy, Rey?” Luke asked.

Rey rolled her eyes, tossing one of her braids over her shoulder, rolling her eyes, “I’m not defending him, but I don’t want your frustration to distract you. My life in the Dark Side is my fault, no one else’s.”

“I-”

“Luke, I’m done.” Rey said, waving a hand and opening the door, “I’ll go to Casavike, but first, I want to talk to my son.” With that, she stepped into the hallway and walked away. As she walked down the hallway, she reached out to find her padawans. Gida’smoo was in the mess hall, flirting with some of the new pilot trainees, judging by the excitement and interest bubbling off of her. Jonas, however, was sitting in his room, a small cloud of anxiety and uncertainty. Rey took all her frustration towards Luke and started putting it aside. If she came in, her throat tight with her own anger, Jonas could close up, would be afraid. Instead, Rey let go, opening the door and walking into Jonas’s room without ceremony.

“Hello, Master Rey.” Jonas said, not looking up, “Are you still angry?”

“You felt my anger?” Rey asked, frowning.

“The whole time.” Jonas said flatly.

“Could you hear my thoughts?” Rey asked, tilting her head as she let the door close.

“No,” Jonas said, “That takes work. I mean, not _that_ much work, but I have to do it on purpose. I can feel your emotions automatically, especially if you’re here.”

“Was it always like that?” Rey asked, “Was it always that easy?”

Jonas shook his head, “Started up last year.”

“Last year?”

“Yeah, after you got back from Mon Cala.” Jonas said.

So, Jonas’s powers had grown sharply after his tenth birthday. Age was a factor, apparently. Rey nodded, then walked closer to him, latching the door behind her. Jonas, already so tall for ten years old, was hunched on his bed, staring at his hands. Guilt and shame roiled around in him, but he was doing an amazing job of maintaining self control, even at such a young age. Rey was sad that he felt so conflicted, but also proud of his maturity. She was about to speak when Jonas asked, “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” 

“No,” Rey said, shaking her head to sit next to Jonas, “I have to admit I was a little shaken up in the moment, but I’m alright.”

Jonas’s clenched hands together momentarily, then relaxed a fraction, even though he kept his eyes downcast, “Good.”

“Could you see what I saw?” Rey asked quietly.

“Not really,” Jonas said, “Glimpses here and there and I could kind of feel what you were feeling in the memory, but nothing concrete.”

“I’m glad,” Rey said, “Those were scary moments. I wouldn’t want you to relive that.”

“I didn’t-” Jonas turned to look at her, his eyes wide.

“I know.” Rey said soothingly, touching his arm, “I don’t blame you for what happened, but you can’t blame me for wanting to keep you from the less than pleasant parts of life. Do you understand?”

Jonas glanced down at her hand with that same subtle confusion that he always did whenever she did anything remotely maternal, “Okay.” He said quietly. 

“I need to to be honest with me Jonas. Whatever you have to say, it’s okay, but you have to tell me the truth: Have you done that before?”

“No.” Jonas said.

“Did anyone show you how?” Rey asked. She kept her voice neutral, understanding, and firm, all at the same time.

“Why would show me?” Jonas asked, frowning and looking up.

“Your father.” Rey offered, watching the familiar hazel eyes. 

Jonas looked down at his hands again, “He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

Rey reached out and touched his cheek, “If your father hasn’t reached out to you, it’s because the Force is protecting you. He is a lonely man. I did what I could to protect you from him because I knew he and Snoke wouldn’t let you be free. I was afraid that these new abilities had come from some sort of training or influence from them, but it obviously hasn’t.”

Jonas blinked rapidly, swallowing back unshed tears, and nodded. Rey pulled him closer, resting her chin on his head. She knew he didn’t want to cry, but also was sure that the onslaught of emotions that he had triggered in her was affecting him a little, too. She rubbed Jonas’s back soothingly, glad she got to be a mother just this one time, “I believe you, Jonas. I believe in you.” 

 

Three standard days later, Rey dropped her bag heavily onto the bed, looking around the absolutely _tiny_ room she’d rented. It was, essentially, a room just big enough to allow her to walk around her bed to the fresher, which looked like it couldn't possibly be big enough to hold a sonic, a wash basin, and a waste unit. Rey crossed the room in three strides and stuck her head into the refresher and looked at the tiniest sonic she’d ever seen. 

Well, she was being economic, if nothing else. Casavike was stable enough for a solitary traveller to move over the surface, but few people came here, so Rey had decided that overland travel would be more subtle than trying to fly a Resistance ship or, Force forbid, the Millennium Falcon, through the sky. Zalinthal had been a risk, due to the rumored sightings of the Knights of Ren, but Rey had figured the city was large enough for her to disappear in. Casavike was a planet for people who wanted to disappear without having to travel to the Outer Rim. Rey pulled her hood down, slowly undoing her braids and brushing her long brown hair out. Jakku had been a place for people to disappear, where money allowed people to pay their way to a new identity and no questions. When people had money or means, they cared who you really were. On places like Jakku and Casavike, no one cared who you were. They only cared what you would pay for something. 

As Rey peeked through her blinds to to stunning pink and orange sunset over the wide Western sea, she found she couldn’t blame anyone who chose this planet to disappear to One day, she might have to disappear to some place that favored the invisible. At least there was enough infrastructure here that someone could live in a house, rather than a remodeled AT-AT or an abandoned hut on an island on Ach-To.

Rey flopped back on her bed and the blanket loosed a puff of stale dust, which filled her with a sudden sense of deep longing for her AT-AT. At least there she’d known where all the dust and sand was from. Rey took a deep breath, pulling her lightsaber from the inside pocket of her jacket and tucking it under her pillow as she rested her head on it, reaching out mentally to push the switch that would turn the light off. As exhausted as she was, she found herself unable to fall straight asleep, thinking back on the last week. She needed to find whatever the source of old jedi artifacts was on this planet, but couldn’t have picked a less opportune time to leave. Jonas was probably training right now, maybe not this moment, but definitely during this time. Was he afraid? Anxious? Was he doing well during his training with Luke? She could feel the little cluster of consciousnesses, like a distant cluster of stars out in the Force. 

Not a flicker of the Dark side among them. Good. 

Rey sighed, closing her eyes and finally allowing herself enough peace to fall asleep, meditating on the family she had in the Force. 

Rey lifted her hood a little higher as she looked down at the ruby red fruit, covered with a fine layer of dust being blown up by the wind. She picked one up, raising a questioning eyebrow to the merchant, wrinkling her nose as the wind picked up and she put a hand over the bandana over her mouth and nose, trying to make sure it was in place. As she wind died down a second later, she looked up at the merchant, who wore a similar cloth over his face as well. The merchant said, “Five credits”. 

_Five credits for some dusty fruit?_ Rey thought, raising an eyebrow. She tilted her head and picked up a second fruit, maintaining eye contact with the slant-pupiled copper eyes of the merchant , “Seven credits for both.” She said.

The merchant watched her shrewdly over the cloth, then nodded. Rey passed him the credits with a grateful nod. He probably charged three credits a piece to locals, but Rey didn't mind paying extra for a little goodwill. Rey tucked the fruit into her bag, but hesitated before latching it. Someone else, very strong in the Force and very familiar, was on this planet.

There was a knight of Ren here. Rey forced herself not to reach for her weapon, but allowed herself the luxury of brushing her fingers over the blaster in the holster at her tight, just to triple-check that it was there. 

“You should find place to sleep.” The merchant said in a thickly-accented basic that was almost indistinguishable through the cloth around his face as he glanced through the city gates at the setting sun, “Dark is dangerous.”

“I can handle myself.” Rey said, adding a drawl to her speech that she’d heard in humans from the Outer Rim and the Western reaches, just to make sure he wouldn’t think she was some very lost Core world-er who was a vulnerable target. 

The merchant inclined his head and turned his attention to the customer behind her. Rey slipped through the crowds as people began to pack up for the night and shuffle away into their homes or out of the city. Rey looked around, looking for an inn. She needed one that wasn’t nice, but wasn’t seedy enough to seem like an obvious choice. She needed a motel that a smuggler would use. 

_There,_ Rey thought, looking at some motel that offered “nighttime companions for a small fee”. The corner of her mouth lifted as she walked over to the glass-fronted toll booth, which was being managed by a beautiful young human woman who impossibly light hair piled on top of her head. 

“Room for one, please.” Rey said, keeping her drawl in place.

“Just one?” The woman asked, raising an eyebrow, looking Rey up and down appraisingly.

“Just one.” Rey said lightly, smirking behind her bandana. 

“Hmm… shame.” The woman said, “It will be 98 credits a night, is that okay?”

“That will do.” Rey said, “I’ll only need it for one night.”

“Company is 150 extra, by the way.” The woman said lightly as Rey passed her the credits into the little tin halfway under the glass. 

“Really?” Rey asked, unable to stop herself from raising her eyebrows. Even on Jakku, that would have been cheap.

“Yeah,” The woman said, passing Rey her change. When Rey moved to scoop it up, the woman reached out to touch the back of Rey’s hand with her fingertips, “I’m Moondust, by the way.” 

“I might take you up on that.” Rey joked, smiling and pocketing both her change and her key as she walked up the exterior stairs to the second level room. _That was a first,_ Rey thought, unlocking her door and shaking her head. She looked around the tiny room. It was bigger than the last one, but it would do. 

 

Rey closed her eyes, feeling through the Force to see the presence in the town. She’d found the person, and they were close by, but weren’t aggressive of frustrated, which she found some comfort and solace in. She sat up as they drew closer to her. She reached for her weapon, so focused on searching the stranger’s mind to try and recognize them that she didn’t even bother to fully dress. Why did she get so comfortable in the first place? Why did she risk getting so vulnerable?

Rey’s heart tightened as the person reached her floor and she recognized the presence: it was Kylo.

Rey stared at the door knob as she heard the click of the lock. Kylo Ren stepped into the room. He was back in long black robes now. He’d changed his wardrobe since se’d seen him. He’d traded the heavy rough sircoat for a black cloak that buttoned in the front and fall long on his sides and back. He’d swapped the cowl for a hood, but his mask was still the silver-and-black mask she’d seen two years ago. He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him, but didn’t move any closer. Rey tightened her grip on her lightsaber, watching her. She should say something. She should confront him, prepare for the inevitable fight, or do something.

But she was frozen.


	15. Under Love's Heavy Burden Do I Sink.

**"Under love's heavy burden do I sink." - William Shakespeare, _Romeo and Juliet_**

Kylo Ren was standing in her motel room, one hand curled around his lightsaber, watching her from behind his well-worn and partially chipped helmet. His posture was upright and he looked intimidating, but he was still merely standing there. They should be attacking each other, but it was like on Naboo. They couldn’t seem to fight off the battlefield. 

“Are you going to kill me?” Rey asked, curling her legs beneath her on the bed as she tightened her grip on her lightsaber handle. She was an odd mix right now, sitting on her bed and with a weapon in her lap. She was so confused and, when she reached out to sense his emotions, she found them in as much turmoil as hers. 

“I don’t think I could, even if I tried.” Kylo replied, his voice hesitant even through the modification of his helmet. 

“What’s preventing you from dragging me back to the First Order and your master instead?” Rey asked, shaking a strand of hair out of her face, watching his shoulders tense. 

“Nothing.” Kylo replied, a slight note of something like amusement in his voice, “but what is to stop you from calling the Resistance to capture me here?”

“I’m neutral.” Rey replied, a note of defiance in her voice.

“No one is neutral.” Kylo said. A low, airy noise sputtered from his mask and Rey realized he was laughing bitterly at her innocence, “I’m not going to take you anywhere. I just wanted to see you again.”

“I don’t know if you’re telling the truth.”

“I didn’t take you in before.”

“That was two months ago.” Rey said.

Kylo nodded, “Touche.”

“We can’t be neutral, maybe not forever,” Rey countered, longing curling in her chest, “but how about for tonight?” 

Kylo Ren stood stock still for a moment. Rey could feel his emotions swirling within him: confusion, frustration, determination, and hope. 

“Take off your helmet.” Rey said. She meant it to be a demand, but she realized how pleading, how desperate she sounded. She’d thought it was about seeing his expression to look for his tells, but now she realized that she just wanted to see his face.

Kylo hesitated for a moment, then reached up slowly, pressing the latch behind his head to remove his mask. Rey managed not to gasp out loud, but couldn’t withhold the sharp intake of breath. He’d aged since she’d left him, but the liquid brown eyes, expressive mouth, and long nose were the same as she’d known them. He looked older than he had on Naboo, but he hadn’t bother to try and disguise himself and she could now see the familiar scar running across his face. 

Rey’s hand tightened around her lightsaber as she looked him in the face, “You followed me.” Her voice was serious, emotionless, and focused, even if she was not.

“I _found_ you.” Kylo corrected.

“Why are you here?” Rey asked, still wishing she sounded like she had some authority in this galaxy and not some ingenue in a holofilm. 

“I wanted to see you. I was looking for something, but I sensed you.” Kylo said. Rey nodded, which was ridiculous. How on earth could she believe a word he said? She was supposed to believe that Kylo Ren just abandoned a mission to see her and that he didn’t intend to capture her? That was ridiculous, but what was more ridiculous was the fact that she did believe him. Rey took a deep breath, trying to find her voice or her sense because he was just staring at her like his gaze could cut through her. _I should do something,_ Rey thought stupidly. She let her extended leg touch the floor, still unsure if she wanted to stand up all the way or if she could even, but he took the option away from her, crossing the room in two strides to kiss her. 

Rey’s hands flew to Kylo’s face as his mouth met hers. _I’ve missed you. Oh stars, I’ve missed you,_ She kissed him back, curling her fingers in his hair. His arms slid around her waist as he lifted her up a little and she landed back on the bed. Rey stood up on her knees until Ren pushed gently against her, so she moved her feet out from under body and she kicked them out into the open air at the end of the bed. Kylo leaned her back against the bed as his open hands moved to her waist, searing through her shirt. 

Suddenly, a vivid image appeared in Rey’s mind: his face as he’d said goodbye to her on her last morning with the First Order. She remembered the guilt and fear that had curled inside her, buried deep to protect it from Snoke. She couldn’t face that again. She couldn’t welcome him into her bed and her life this way and let him go. 

“Kylo…” Rey murmured, pulling away from him. He seemed to interpret this as encouragement, and moved his mouth to her neck. Rey’s hands flew to his chest, pushing him away.

“Why?” Kylo asks, blinking down at her.

“If we do this, we won’t be able to walk away.” Rey said, her fingers trembling against his tunic. Kylo leaned his forehead against hers, clenching his jaw. He knew she was right, but admitting the fact that they have only a few hours before they have to walk back to their respective sides was a terrible thing to accept. 

“What do you want?” Kylo asked quietly, moving his face away from hers only far enough to look into her eyes.

_I want you to stay with me,_ Rey thought immediately, _I want you to leave your master and the Dark Side and come home with me. I want to be your home again._ Her chest tightened as she thought, _I want you to meet your son. I want you to be his father. I want to be yours again. I want to stop fighting, with you and with anyone. I want to have a peaceful existence for once in my life. Please, Kylo, come with me._

She didn’t say any of those things. Kylo wouldn’t come with her. He was too desperate to keep ahold of his power and his supposed freedom in the First Order to come with her. If she asked, she would only anger him and make him pull away, so, instead, she said, “I just want to lay next to you and talk to you.” 

Kylo looked into her eyes, his expression hesitant, then nodded, “Okay. One night of- of talking.” He said. He stood up straight and let her sit up. Rey brushed her hair out of her face and pulled her shirt into place before glancing up at his expression. He was looking at her like he could see through her, not just her Force signature, but her very soul. She looked right back into the liquid brown eyes she had once known so well. _They are still brown, though,_ she thought, patting the bed next to her awkwardly. 

Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren and feared Commander of the First Order, shrugged off his outer coat, pulled off his boots, and sprawled his enormous form over the bed. He never, for a single moment, took his eyes from her. Rey had forgotten what it was like to be looked at with such reverence. Sure, as the only fully-trained female Jedi in the known galaxy, she experienced a lot of hero worship, but this was a careful and loving reverence that she hadn’t seen in years. Kylo Ren had seen her, weak and underfed and exhausted and even fought against her, but she also knew she had part of his heart.

Maybe that’s what kept the dark side at bay in his heart. 

Rey leaned on one of her hands as Kylo moved past her and she watched him lean back on the pillows before she shifted closer to him. He didn’t ask what she was doing, but let her settle down next to him at the head of the bed and simply drink him in. 

It wasn’t until Kylo spoke that Rey managed to yank her gaze off of him.

“Why not sleep on your ship?” He asked, looking around the cheap and grungy hotel room.

“I wanted to sleep on a planet for once.” Rey said, shrugging.

“That’s all?”

“That’s all.” Rey said simply, “Well, that and the fact that everyone on Casavike would know the Millennium Falcon as soon as it broke atmosphere and all subtilty would be ruined.”

“You flew the Millennium Falcon here?” Kylo asked, snorting, “That hunk of garbage still _flies_?”

“First, no, I took a third party’s ship in exchange for bringing some cargo to this planet. Also: the Millenium Falcon flies is _not_ garbage and still flies like a dream.”

“When was the last time you flew it?” Kylo asked flatly.

“Chewie owns her now, really.” Rey muttered.

“Chewbacca finally gets his first great love all to himself.” Kylo said. Rey glanced at him and saw that he was smirking. She shook her head, unable to stop the corner of her mouth from lifting. She found herself distracted by his face again, by new lines framing the familiar features and the way he seemed both content with and disquieted by her inspection of his face.

“What?” Kylo asked, the corner of his mouth twitching and his eyes crinkling in a good-natured way she hadn’t seen since before she broke his heart. 

“Your eyes are still brown.” Rey said, not caring how direct the statement was. 

Kylo glanced away from her, “The Light still battles for control within me.” 

“What does Snoke think about that?” She was pushing it, but she didn’t care.

A muscle jumped in Kylo’s temple and his ears reddened, “The Supreme leader knows me. He knows the Force and my very thoughts. He has no reason to doubt me. I have no reason to doubt me. I have not failed him.”

“Yet.” Rey said, “but he will tire of you, of all of you.” 

“I am loyal-”

“To your master, I know.” Rey said, rolling her eyes and leaning up to look him in the face again, “I don’t believe you. If you were loyal, wouldn’t you have killed me by now? Wouldn’t you have take advantage of my weakness a moment ago and dragged me back to your Master? Doesn’t he know about all of this- whatever this is between us?”

Kylo’s gaze locked onto hers and he said with a cold and firm finality that Rey didn’t want to trespass on much further, “My Master trusts in my discernment and knows that, while the Force in my is in conflict, my mind and heart and loyalty are firm.”

“Fine.” Rey said, turning away from him and leaning back against the stale pillows. 

After a long time, Kylo broke the silence: “Do you ever miss the Dark Side?” he asked, skimming a hand over her arm. 

“In a way,” Rey admitted, looking down at the gloved fingers touching her skin, “I miss the power and the ability to just be and feel, but I don’t miss the way it snuck into my life, outside of my control.” 

“Now you suffer the same conflict as I do, but from the reverse side?” Kylo asked.

Rey shook her head as he laid down next to her and rest his hand on his hand, “I gave up the Dark Side a long time ago, for the sake of our son.”

“Who told you it was for his sake? My uncle?” Kylo asked. He didn’t sound bitter, but Rey could feel the distaste in his heart at the thought of Luke. 

“I decided on my own.” Rey said firmly.

“How is my uncle?” Kylo asked, clearly deciding to just change the subject.

“Old and grumpy.” Rey said, “He’s trying to turn my two warrior padawans into scholars.”

“How is that going?”

“As well as you’d expect.” 

“Are you hiding out here?” Kylo asked, chuckling.

“Yes.” Rey said, laughing earnestly now. She shook her head and watched the tension release from Kylo’s shoulder. She’d forgotten how much his eyes crinkled when he smiled, or how his dimples looked just. like. Jonas’s. The laughter eventually faded from both of them and their smiles faded. 

“What?” Kylo said, frowning slightly at the look on her face. 

“I-” Rey shrugged, feeling her ears heat up. She felt like it would be cruel to tell Kylo how he resembled a son she wouldn’t let him see, so she grasped desperately for something else: “Did you ever-? Were you-?” Rey remembered the knight that she’d met on the battlefield several years ago, the one he’d shown such care for when they had been blasted back, but she didn’t know how to ask about this without sounding impertinent and jealous.

“Did I ever…? What?” Kylo sat up a little straighter, trepidation in his voice.

“Have anyone else?” 

_That’s not even proper Basic._ Rey though, kicking herself. 

“Did I ever move on? Take other lovers?” Kylo asked lightly, nodding and laying down on his side to look at her better, “Yes, but I never had another family. Did you?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said, “I don’t know if you can call what I have ‘a family’, but I can’t call it anything else. Do you still love me?”

“I don’t know. Do you love me?”

“I never had a reason to stop.” Rey said, shrugging.

“What happened with the officer?” Kylo asked, leaning back against the headboard.

“What officer?” 

“Lylin,” Kylo said, “The one you were seeing. That fight looked really fun.”

“You saw that?” Rey said, blushing.

“I saw you dreaming about it.” Kylo said, “So, did you kill him or…?”

“That was ages ago.”

“Then you’ll be fine talking about it.” Kylo said, the corner of his mouth twitching.

“Shut up.” Rey said, rolling her eyes, “We broke up like 2, maybe 3, years ago? That fight was months before.”

“Sounds rough.”

“It’s for the best. We’re still colleagues, in a way.” 

“In what way?”

“Well, I’ve been focused on training, especially after Mon Cala.”

“What happened on Mon Cala?” Kylo asked, frowning.

“I was injured. I had to have some serious work on my liver.” Rey said.

“Oh,” Kylo said, his eyes scanning over her rapidly, “Are you-”

“I’m fine, now.” Rey said, “but Luke and Finn demanded that I rest, and so I focused on training my padawans. Lylin’s been on the front.”

“Oh, okay. That’s not very dramatic.” Kylo said.

“It’s what happened.” Rey said, shrugging. She didn't feel embarrassed that she’d managed to date someone for several years and break up without hating them. There was a war going on! No one had time to care about her broken heart, much less a jedi. She touched Kylo’s long coat, rubbing her thumb over the rough fabric, “Were you ever in love again?”

“I did, but it wasn’t the same.” 

“What was her name?”

“Zir name was Trachiva Ren. Ze was a knight.”

“Did you split up or…?” 

“Ze died.” Kylo said, “A brain tumor, almost 2 years ago, now.” 

“I’m sorry.” Rey said, “That’s… I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.”

“I still hope ze will find me within the Force, but ze hasn’t, yet.” Kylo said quietly. He took her hand for a moment, skimming his thumb over the back of it. Rey remembered hiw intuitive he was, he he experienced the pain and emotions of others so easily and frequently that it had almost driven him mad. Watching a beloved friend and lover die would have taken a severe toll on him, but he chose to do it anyway. That love, Rey decided, and his love for Jonas, proved bis potential for good. Her thoughts were interrupted when he spoke hesitantly: “Did you ever have any other children?”

“No, did you?”

“No.”

“Did you want a child?”

“Not without you.” Rey forced herself from considering that statement for any length of time. Too painful.

“Did Snoke want you to?”

Kylo let out a slow exhale, but shook his head, “The Supreme Leader wants me to have a successor eventually, but doesn’t care if they’re related to me.”

“Or he recognize what danger a child could pose to him.”

“The Supreme Leader is wise. How could a child threaten him? Rey, no child has ever been strong enough to hurt him, don't be ridiculous.”

“A child could threaten his hold on you.”

“No one threatens my relationship with the Supreme Leader.” Kylo said firmly. “The Supreme Leader is w-”

“Wise, I know.” Rey finished, remembering the old and limited conditioning she had experienced. “Does he have your DNA on file?”

“Excuse me?” Kylo asked, sitting up higher on his elbow.

“Does The Supreme Leader have your DNA?” Rey asked again, watching the disconcerted look on his face, “Could he clone you?”

“I- yes, but he hasn’t.” Kylo said, laying on his back, “My focus isn’t on children right now.”

“Have you asked him about children?” Rey asked, sitting up and looking down at him. She shook her long hair out of her face, making sure to watch his face, even as he glanced away, “Have you asked him about Jonas?”

“Yes, of course, but he always has something more pressing.” Kylo said evasively, “I have time.” 

“You’re 44, sure,” Rey said lightly, “but have you ever considered that he doesn’t want you to be a parent?”

“He looks after what is best for the Order and for retaining order.” Kylo said, not looking at her.

“It has never been about order. It was about control.” Rey said earnestly, putting a hand on his arm and making him finally look at her, “Let me guess: first, it was about training you. Then, it was about finding Luke. Then, it was about finishing your training, then, finding me, then, a host of missions and new knights and other things, right? It’s never been the right time because he doesn’t want it to be the right time. He wants to use you until you stop being useful, then he’s going to kill you, clone you, and raise a few clones of you with whatever story he wants to.” She touched his face now as he looked directly into her eyes, “When he kills you, when you can’t speak for yourself, what is to stop him from sending clones after your son, full of a story about he killed you. You know this to be true. You know that you couldn’t stop him.” Rey reached out, able to sense doubt, hesitation, and fear within him. When she mentioned Jonas, she felt everything sharpen in his mind and heart and she knew that he understood, whether or not he could admit it, what was at stake. 

Kylo Ren sat up on his elbows and looked her in the face, “My Master is wise. Whatever he does, it’s about order and what is best for me and for the galaxy, including Jonas, even if you can’t see it.”

“That is about fear, Kylo, selfishness and fear.” Rey whispered, “He doesn’t want you to be a parent to Jonas.”

“Why ever not?” Kylo asked. He sounded disbelieving, but it was something. 

“Because, biological relatives aren’t a danger to those in the dark side, but emotional parenthood is. Darth Tyrannus grew too attached to his apprentice, Asajj Ventress. Darth Vader betrayed his master out of love for Luke. I abandoned the Dark Side for my son. You have been reaching out to me ever since you found out you had a son.”

“I haven’t-” 

“You dreamed about being a parent.” Rey said, cutting across him, “I saw your dreams about being able to raise Jonas.”

“You dreamed about a family with me.” Kylo countered.

“I did.” Rey said, which made Kylo lean back down and rest his head on the pillows and close his eyes. She watched as he put his face in his hands and shake his head.

“Rey, _please_.” Kylo said weakly, “Please just leave this.” 

Rey hesitated. She wanted to press, wanted to make him see. She wanted him to leave his master, but also knew he had reached his limit. She reached out and skimmed her fingers over his cheek and carded them into his hair, which made him shudder. How long had it been since he’d been touched with any tenderness? “Alright, I’ll leave it.” She said gently, brushing her fingers through his hair for a long time. After a while, she was afraid he’d fallen asleep, but then he moved his hands and looked up at her. His dark eyes were glassy from unshed tears and she leaned forward to press her lips to his forehead. 

The two of them stayed in this quiet place for a long time before Kylo eventually sat up and leaned against the pillows. Rey let him move, then looked down when he pulled off his gloves and then his outer shirt. She jumped a little when he curled his hands around her wrists and pulled her close to him without a word. She rested her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. Trepidation radiated off of him, even as they settled into that calm place and eventually she understood.

“You can ask about him, you know.” Rey whispered.

“How old is he, now?” Kylo asked, his voice hesitant.

“He’s 11, almost 12.” 

“He’s got your eyes, if I remember correctly.” Kylo commented.

“He’s got your everything else.” Rey countered. 

“He does?” Rey could feel the hesitation in his breath. She smiled and nodded.

“You weren’t alone, were you?” Kylo whispered.

“Alone when?”

“When he was born. You had medical support or something, right?”

“Yeah, I did. A doctor was there and Luke stood there while I crushed his hand in mine.” 

Kylo laughed, but his shoulders relaxed and he settled down more comfortably, “What were his first words?”

“Excuse me?” Rey had been so distracted watching him laugh that she missed the question. 

“His first words,” Kylo repeated, “What were they?”

“Poe.”

“Poe?”

“The pilot’s name is Poe. He walked in and Jonas pointed and said ‘Poe’.” 

“That’s cute.” Kylo said.

Rey laughed out loud. She had never heard him use the word “cute” in her life. 

“Does he know who his parents are?”

“Now.” 

“You told him?” Kylo asked.

Rey nodded, looking at his face and knowing the question was coming: “Why didn’t you tell me?” Kylo asked finally, looking at her.

“I was afraid. If you made me stay, Jonas would die. If you came with me, we would both die and Jonas would have no one. I had to give you up to make sure your baby was safe.” 

“Did you think I would be that poor of a father?”

“No, but I thought Snoke would be that poor of a master.”

“How do you know I’d be a good father, then?” Kylo asked. 

“Because all you wanted was a family.” Rey said, looking up at him, “I knew you would be broken if yours was taken away, but overjoyed if it came back.” 

“You could have had a life with us. It was your choice.” Kylo said.

“I could have.” Rey said, “but if I had tried, Jonas might have died. I’m not sorry I left, but I’m sorry that I hurt you.” Rey said.

Kylo nodded, even though she knew he didn’t agree with her, “You were never planning to come back, were you?”

“No. At first, I thought I would, but I was lying to myself. I knew there was no coming back the moment I got in that fighter.”

The hours slipped away after that. They didn’t talk much after that, but mostly half-dozed, sometimes whispering back and forth and sometimes reveling in the silence, but mostly they pretended that they weren’t running out of time. Occasionally, one would share a story and ask the other if it was a memory or dream. After nearly eighteen months of shared dreams, there were several stories they couldn’t be sure of, one way or the other. Rey was glad of that, in a way. Some memories she cherished too much, despite her commitment to the Light. It was selfish, but to find out it was only her imagination, that she hadn’t ever spent long hours swimming with Kylo on some ocean planet she’d long forgotten the name of, that would crush her. 

At one point, a traitorous part of Rey spoke up. “I missed this.” she whispered, looking at the ceiling, unable to look at him.

“Me too.” Kylo said.

They said nothing more about it. 

Eventually, they settled onto the bed, Kylo brushing his hands through her hair, braiding and unbraiding and twisting sections of it as the hours slipped past. 

Rey looked at the gap between the curtains and the window. The sky was turning into a hazy blue color. She was running out of time. Tightening her grip on his shirt, she sighed and watched the window for another moment. 

“It’s almost morning.” Kylo said, giving voice to the cruelty of reality. 

“I can’t walk away from you again.” Rey blurted. Her voice was quiet and harsh. She pressed her lips together, remembering the months of pain and fear she’d felt after leaving Ren behind. Kylo sat up and looked her in the eye. She saw something flicker there, but she couldn’t place what it was. “I can’t walk away from you again.” Rey repeated.

“Alright.” Kylo said after a moment, “I’ll go,” He brushed his fingers through her hair, undoing the braids carefully, “I’ll go away, this time.”

“This has to be the only time, Kylo.” Rey said, frowning.

“We’ll see.” Kylo said.

Whatever Kylo said about the Dark side, Rey knew that was was fully away of the mercy he was demonstrating. He knew the pain he was sparing her from. She rested her head back on his chest, curling her fingers in his shirt as the sky took on a soft gray quality. 

They were out of time. 

Kylo Ren tightened his grip a fraction, then slowly opened his arms, “It’s time, Rey.” He whispered.

“I know.” Rey said, but she only buried her face in his shirt. 

“Don’t be afraid,” Kylo said, echoing the words he’d said when they first met, “I feel it, too.” They both knew this pain, this separation, and the great chasm the war had driven between and through both of them. 

“Why?” Rey whispered. She didn’t know what she was asking ‘why’ about exactly. Why the war? Why did he refuse to come with her? Why didn’t she ask him to go with her? Why did they do this to themselves again? 

Kylo didn’t answer. Instead, he stood up, slowly pulling on his outer shirt, cloak, gloves, and boots. It was surreal to watch him disappear under all of that black fabric, under the mantle of the First Knight again. He leaned over her, arms straight, his dark eyes roaming over her face.

“Kylo,” Rey whispered helplessly, reaching up to touch his cheek gently. He leaned forward and kissed her lightly. He didn’t move or smile or do anything, but Rey felt the tears well in her eyes.

Kylo stepped away, leaned down, and kissed the back of her hand. He picked up the helmet wordlessly, putting it under his arm as he crossed to the door slowly. Kylo Ren turned at the door to look at her. His face was expressive as always, but his emotions were so mixed that Rey didn’t know what he was thinking. He placed his mask on, cutting off her perusal of his features as he lifted his hood up over his helmet. He stood for the space of a heartbeat, drawing himself to his full height, returning himself back to the role, the terrible figure of Kylo Ren, the First Knight, full of the power of the Force. He opened the door, disappearing into the blue-black darkness of early dawn. Rey watched the door close and sat there for a long moment. Rey listened to his quiet footsteps for a moment, then buried her nose in the blankets, closing her eyes and trying to banish the ache in her chest. She took a deep breath, teaching Ren’s force signature as he made his way down the street, wiping her eyes, she stood up and started packing her bag. 

This was going to kill both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-Beta-ed, sorry. This was actually a chapter I have looked forward to for ages. 
> 
> TWO BIG QUESTIONS:  
> 1)Okay, would you guys rather I update weekly or update as I finish? Let me know!  
> 2) Because I was 2 weeks late, I am going to write two apology one shots for any Star Wars ships within reason. PROMPTS ARE WELCOME.


	16. Author's Note and Important Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A thank you, an update on my health and an explaination for slow updates, and a question for you.

First, I want to thank everyone for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. You guys have been so great with the support, even as this fic has needed some fine-tuning. 

Second, a little update on my health and an explaination on the crazy update schedule. In January, I passed out at work twice and had what we now are sure were seizures. Since then, I've visited a couple of doctors and am now on anti-seizure meds, but am otherwise fine. The one downside is that meds have affectedy anxiety a bit, so I'm having to adjust on two fronts, not just one. On top of this, I am a full time student who is now unemployed, but that is what it is. Between class, taking care of myself, keeping grades up, and being medically unable to drive, I have not had as much writing time, hence the missed updates. It's unfortunate, but can't be helped. I don’t lose my scholarship if this isn't updated on schedule, even if I am way more interested in Star Wars than my classes. Life is cruel that way.

Third, a question for you. Since a regular update schedule is essentially shot, which would you prefer that I update biweekly on a regular basis or that I update as I finish chapters? What this means is, if I finish a chapter early, should I post it or wait for the regular/scheduled date? Do you prefer content as soon as possible or a consistent schedule? I am going to make adjustmentd based on your comments, so please let me know, even if you have no strong opinion.

THANK YOU :)

-The Hummdinger


	17. There Is No Escape- We Pay For the Violence of Our Ancestors

**"There is no escape- we pay for the violence of our ancestors." - Frank Herbert, _Dune_**

From his place on his bed, Jonas looked out the little window in his room as he felt Master Rey’s ship hit the atmosphere. Her force signature vanished when she hit hyperspace and he flopped back onto his bed, arms spread wide. Today had gone by so incredibly quickly. This morning he had been sparring with Master Rey and then everything had gone wrong and now she’d “suddenly decided to go on a mission to recover artifacts” in the Mid Rim. _As if,_ Jonas thought bitterly, _Master Luke probably sent her away so she could take out her worry and her stress about me on a rock on some Mid-Rim world._

She had thought that his father had taught him about the Force. 

_How ridiculous,_ Jonas thought, rolling his eyes. 

Kylo Ren hadn’t had any contact with him since he was six and wanted nothing to do with him. Jonas knew this. His mother had at least been brave enough to take a stand for him, but Kylo Ren was only loyal to the Dark Side.

Frustrated, Jonas sat up, running a hand through the wavy black hair that had grown overlong in the last several months. He huffed and brushed it back again. He didn’t want a haircut, although Poe and his boyfriend, Obran, mentioned one every single time they saw him, since they thought his overlong bangs would prevent him from being the natural pilot “they sure he was”. He could probably pull his hair back in a little ponytail if he tried, but he couldn’t, since Master Rey had suggested it and he’d told her he was fine. She was most likely right, but he couldn’t admit it _now_ and give her that satisfaction. 

Jonas pointedly avoided all thoughts of what he’d done while sparring with Master Rey and tried not to worry about her or what she thought of his newfound abilities or if she thought him like his father. Instead, he tried to focus on something, _anything,_ else, like the proposal he knew Poe was going to receive in about a week or his father’s rumored activity in the Outer Rim- no, he was thinking about the cadets Gida’smoo hung out with all the time now instead of him, not the the images of the Glass Desert of Scariff, which had been mined through for _something_ in recent years, perhaps even months. The Third Republic had apparently wondered if The First Order had intended on disturbing the skeletons of the Imperial Stormtroopers and Rebellion soldiers there, but there had been no sign of bodies, disturbed or otherwise. As horrifying as the thought was, Jonas found himself meditating on what that meant: how many people had just been obliterated in the Battle of Scariff? It was morbid, but he wanted to think about anything distracting, although his mind just came back to his parents. 

It didn’t work.

After sitting in quiet boredom and exhaustion for what felt like ages, Jonas finally sat up and ran a hand through his hair and got it out of his face. He walked to his mirror and stared at his reflection, leaning forward to rinse his face. He looked into his face, looking, as he had so many times before, for signs of his parents in his features. He looked into the hazel eyes that he’d gotten from his mother, then his gaze roamed over the nose, skin, and hair that he presumed he’d gotten from his father. 

His _father._

Master Rey may have loved that monster once, but there was none of that now, he though. He remembered the fear and hesitation in her face when she had thought that his father had been in contact with him. He wrinkled his nose and shook his head, knowing Master Rey had nothing to worry about. Even after his brush with the dark side- at age six- no one had come looking for him. 

Jonas turned and flopped back onto his bed, putting his hands over his eyes. He knew it was normal for children to use the Force in anger at some point, but other children didn’t have Sith for parents. He’d attacked his friends, hurt his mother with her own traumatic memories, and even been in contact with his father, who had left him behind. Some days, when his frustration and anger curled inside of him, he wondered if Kylo Ren hadn’t just left him behind on purpose to destroy the Resistance from the inside out. 

_I need a break,_ Jonas thought, sitting up again. He’d see if Gida’smoo wanted to train or run with him. His masters didn’t like him to train alone, although _she_ got to. He knew in one part of his mind that it was because Gida’smoo was older, but it still felt like favoritism. 

Jonas crept down the hallway and slipped into Gida’smoo’s room. He could feel that she was there, although he had a hard time getting a read on what she was doing. He placed his hand on her scanner and the door opened.

Gida’smoo’s quarters were the same size as his, with a bedroom, refresher, and little sitting area. She was sprawled over the couch in the sitting area, singing along to some holo. She’d spread some sort of thick blue paste over her face and looked utterly demented. When her amber eyes made contact with his, both yelled. 

“Get out!” Gida’smoo shouted, throwing a pillow at him. The patches of her face not covered by blue were such a dark shade of green that they looked almost black. Jonas dived for the door, barely making it all the way out of the door before Gida’smoo used the force to slam it closed behind him. Jonas laughed, rolling around outside of the door as he heard the music cut off sharply. Tears blurred his vision as he committed the expression on Gida’smoo’s face to his memory. After several minutes, he finally calmed down. 

As the euphoria drained away, his smile faded. Jonas leaned against the wall, sighing and resting his forehead on his knees. He was so tired, but he knew no rest would come. He couldn't even train his frustration away because Gida’smoo would probably avoid him for the rest of the day, so now he was really stuck.

“You look well.” A sarcastic voice said from the end of the hallway. Jonas looked up to see Master Luke said. His heavy staff clunked on every odd step as he made his way closer. 

“Yeah.” Jonas said, slouching down a little. He knew that Master Rey was gone on a mission, but that also didn’t mean that he was going to escape the scrutiny of his other master, especially after the episode of that morning. Master Luke paused next to him and gently nudged him with his walking staff.

“Come on, my padawan.” Master Luke said, nodding back up the hallway, “Let’s talk.”

“Alright.” Jonas said, walking in silence as they both made their way back towards his room. Jonas glanced at the wrinkled, old, and tired face of his master, whose sharp eyes still managed to cut through him with an amused fondness. Jonas smiled a little as they walked in. His masters may be confused and frustrated by his abilities, but they still liked him. 

“Are you okay?” Master Luke asked. 

Jonas looked up, then shrugged, “Yeah.”

“You miss her?” Luke asked, sitting heavily on Jonas’s bed and leaned against his cane. 

“Well, yeah,” Jonas said, “but that’s not it.” Master Rey had been gone plenty of times before. It was the tension that really frustrated. 

“What is it?” Master Luke said, looking down at him.

“She doesn’t like what I can do.” Jonas muttered. 

“What makes you say that?” Master Luke said, frowning and leaning forward.

“She was stressed and afraid when she spoke to me.” 

“She had just had all of her most traumatic memories brought up by her ten-year old son. Just because she was worried, don’t assume she was angry.” 

Jonas sighed, “I wish I had some ideas about what to do.” 

“I am a very old man and I have no idea what to do.” Luke said.

“Do the Old Masters?” Jonas asked, looking up.

“They are rather unhelpful in this matter.” Luke said, huffing. So, Jonas wasn't the only frustrated one.

“Why don’t the Old Masters appear to anyone but you?” Jonas asked. Perhaps, if he could talk to them, they could give him something helpful.

“I don’t know,” Master Luke said, “but I have asked them. All Master Yoda said was, “The will of the Force, it must not be.”

“that's frustrating.” Jonas thought it was bad enough when his living master discussed the will of the Force, much less a bunch of old dead ones.

“You have no idea.” Master Luke muttered.

“Were the Masters always this frustrating?” Jonas asked, looking up at Luke’s lined face in time to see the corner of the old man’s mouth twitch.

“My father says so.” 

“Your father?” Jonas asked, straightening a little, “Darth Vader is with them?”

“Anakin Skywalker is.” Luke said firmly, “My father left the Dark Side and the Sith before he died. He has manifested in the Light.” 

Jonas paused for a moment, then nodded, “What is he like? Your dad?”

Luke shrugged, “He is… interesting. He very much has a warrior’s heart, but he fathered a scholar and a pilot. My tendency is more towards peace and negotiations, so Master Obi-Wan and I tend to get along more. Master Yoda knows more of the old knowledge, so he spends a considerable amount of time with me, but my father is more distant. I don’t see him as often.”

“I’m sorry.” Jonas said, “That must hurt.”

Luke shrugged, “I’m a grown man. I don’t need a parent anymore.”

Jonas nodded. He wondered how it would feel to have a relationship with a parent within the Force in that way. 

_Maybe my father will find me after he dies._ The thought appeared, unbidden into Jonas’s mind. He stuffed it away, burning with shame.

“Are you alright?” Luke asked, frowning.

Jonas nodded, feeling his ears burn.

Luke looked at him for a moment, his blue eyes cutting through Jonas, making him shrink down a little. There was no way Master Luke believed him, but he at least had the decency to let the moment pass without a lot of effort. “Do you want to find out how to use and hone this ability of yours?” Master Luke asked, mercifully changing the subject.

Jonas straightened, then hesitated. He could see into the mind of others, sort through their memories, and control what they saw. He could learn how to do that at will, even. He remembered Poe telling him what being tortured by Kylo Ren had been like last year, after he’d pestered him for weeks on end. His father had the same ability as him, although it had taken him more than two decades to hone it. Did he really want to start down that path? He thought about the fear in his mother’s eyes when he’d used the Dark side. How could she be okay with this? She’d be afraid of him. How long until they became afraid of him?

“Jonas, set aside your fear.” Master Luke said. 

Jonas took a deep breath, then nodded. He _would_ use this skill for good, for the Light, bit first he had to figure out how to use it at all.

“I want you to close your eyes, draw in the Force, and look into my mind. I know you went into your mother’s mind, but you two have a deeper connection to the Force and it was under stress. I want to see how this works elsewhere.” 

“O-okay.” Jonas said, settling back and closing his eyes. He stilled his breathing and forced himself to let go of his fear and trepidation; Master Luke trusted him, so he had to trust himself. Jonas reached into the Force, drawing the Light into himself. Jonas slowly set aside his fear, his exhaustion, and his uncertainty. 

“Good,” Luke said and Jonas straightened a little at the note of confidence and pride in his voice, “Now, look into my mind, slowly and carefully. Leave the memories where they are, but just look.”

“Yes, Master.” Jonas said, nodding even as he kept his eyes closed.

“When you look into my mind, find the most painful memory that you can.” Master Luke said cautiously.

“What?” Jonas’s eyes snapped open, but he saw the certainty in his Master’s face, so he swallowed, “Okay. Yes, Master.” Jonas nodded and closed his eyes. 

Jonas delved into Master Luke’s mind. When he’d accidentally invaded his mother’s thoughts, her mind had been organized and compartmentalized, with all of the painful memories stuffed away from sight. Master Luke’s mind was more wild, with the occasional deep well of grief here or there, but also serene areas of tranquility and joy. As Jonas reached farther back in time, the fear and violence increased. Battles, screams, explosions, the sound of ships rushing through space, and the hum of lightsabers. 

Jonas brushed against a memory that made him pause. It was a pale, scarred, and and broken Darth Vader, held in the arms of his son. While this memory was sad and heartbreaking, there had been such a degree of hope radiating through Master Luke at that moment that Jonas turned away, looking for something else. He brushed against a memory that made him pause. It was a young Luke, clinging to a piece of machinery as Darth Vader bore down upon him.

_“Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.”_

_“He told me enough! He told me you killed him!”_

_“No, I am your father!”_

_“No… that’s not true! That’s impossible!”_

_“Search your feelings, you know it to be true.”_

Luke’s scream of fear, terror, and horror cut through both him and Luke. 

A cold hand touched Jonas’s arm and he jumped, returning to his own mind. He blinked rapidly, seeing his Master’s pale face.

“That was your most painful memory?” Jonas asked, swaying a little. That had taken more work than with his mother. He needed to make sure he didn't get lost in the memories that didn’t belong to him.

“In a way, yes,” Luke said, nodding, “I lost many people over my life, but my childhood and innocence were broken in that moment. My life in the Force changed forever in that moment.”

Jonas nodded. He remembered learning the identity of his father and, later, the true evolution of Ben Solo. It hadn’t seemed like very much at the time, just true names and faces to parents he’d only ever guessed about, but now he could see how it impacted him; his parents weren’t a pair of Jedi devotees, strong in the Light and their love for each other, who would have raised him had they not died. No, instead, he was the son of a once-wayward, now reformed, Jedi and a modern Sith Lord. 

“You are upset.” Luke said. Jonas looked up to see his master’s kind and sad eyes trained on him. 

“I’m a- a paradox.” Jonas said.

“Who said you were a paradox?” Master Luke asked, frowning.

“I- Master Rey. Well, she once told me that Skywalkers can both save or destroy the galaxy.”

“That’s a _pharmacon._ ” Master Luke saaid, nodding with understanding, “Yes, a pharmacon is both poison and cure, which is very true of our family, but do not worry. You have your own destiny.”

“I'm a child of both the Light and the Dark. My mother is a Jedi and my father is Sith. How am I supposed to- Am I always going to struggle with that? I feel like you, Master Rey, and Finn are always waiting for me to turn into my father. Is this my legacy?”

“Yes.” Luke said simply. Jonas blinked in surprise at the straightforward response, which made Master Luke chuckle before saying, “I am the son of Padmé Amidala, a former queen of Naboo, a Senator for almost all of her adult life, and the Republic’s greatest defender. Her speeches were saved on Naboo, even if the Empire removed them from the Senatorial archives, but I went back and watched them later. She was fierce and bright and hopeful in her life. My father was Darth Vader, driven to the Dark Side by his own fear, anger, and pride. He tore the galaxy apart and put it back together in the Emperor's twisted image. My mother loved the Republic and my father destroyed it. That is my Legacy. When confronted with a resurgence in the Dark side, my sister overcame great political strife and became the galaxy's greatest defender. Meanwhile, I, the last of the Jedi, abandoned. That is my legacy. My nephew is the Snoke’s strongest weapon and the mother of my grand-nephew is the strongest weapon against Snoke. That is my legacy.”

“How do you cope with that, especially with your parents?” Jonas asked.

“It took time.” Luke admitted, “I like to imagine that, while I got the Force from my father, I got my trust in people and love for the Force and my family and what is good inside of me- that’s all my mother’s.” 

Jonas looked at his Master and nodded. As much as he wanted, he wasn’t going to find the answers to life at age twelve. He was left to his thoughts for a moment before his master lead him back to the task at hand. 

“Now, I want you to find another memory of mine,” Master Luke said, “but, I also want you to move it to the front of my mind. I want to see it as well.”

“Yes, Master,” Jonas said, sitting up properly on the bed, “What memory?”

“I want you to show me my mother’s face.” Luke said, “It will be one of my oldest memories, perhaps my very oldest.” 

Jonas nodded and closed his eyes.

“And, Jonas? While I want you to be careful. We’ll worry about speed later. I want to test the range of your abilities.”

“Yes, master.” Jonas said. He dived into his master’s mind, immediately disregarding the memories and thoughts swirling at the forefront, and pushed as deep into it as he could go. His master’s mind was very wild, reminding him of Naboo, in an odd way. It was like floating through and over a surrounding of rolling green fields, tangled wild places, and great depths, all at once. Jonas occasionally got distracted by the images of fire and fear that his master had seen during his early days as a Jedi- the Force lightning used on him by the Emperor, the destruction of the Death Star, and his aunt and uncle’s death. Jonas sailed over nineteen years of memories on the swirling sands of Tatooine, but pushed to whatever lay beyond that.

What lay beyond, he found, were a small cluster of short memories broken by long bouts of sleep, all of blurred surroundings and a few faces. There was an infant, General Leia, Jonas presumed. There was a scruffy-faced man with tanned skin and kind eyes accompanied by a blonde woman Jonas didn’t know, but something told him they weren’t right. There was a face he _did _recognize, though. A young Obi-Wan Kenobi was seen many times in these early memories, usually standing over the infant Luke, probably trying to sooth him as he cried. Finally, Jonas found the sweaty and tear-stained face of a beautiful woman with dark hair and sad brown eyes.__

___“Luke,”_ Her anguished and exhausted voice echoes both in his ears and in the infant Master Luke’s. This was Padmé Amidala. Jonas had visited a monument- a shrine, really- to her on Naboo and recognized her face. It was sad to see her so weak and heartbroken in this moment, but he gently tugged the memory forward, moving it to the part of his master’s mind that he could see. Judging by the quality of the memory, Luke’s eyes had been half-closed and unfocused, so Jonas tried to sharpen the details without altering the memory. He had a little luck, although it just made the pain on Padmé’s face more evident. When Master Luke recognized the memory, his mind hummed with a kind of bittersweetness. There was a hum of excitement, of finally having his own memory of his mother, but there was also sadness that came from knowing what immediately followed this memory. As Luke had entered this Padmé had departed it. Jonas let the memory hand in the swirl of emotion and sensation, afraid that his own melancholy and longing would color the memory, would taint it. _ _

__Gratitude flooded his master’s mind even as the memory began to fade, so Jonas withdrew from the old man’s thoughts. He wanted to give Master Luke at least a few moments alone with the recollection, so that he could feel what he wanted without worrying about any outside opinion._ _

__“That was excellent, Jonas,” Master Luke said after a long minute, “You did very well.”_ _

__“Thank you, Master.” Jonas said, inclining his head. It felt awkward to be praised on his ability to invade and manipulate the thoughts and memories of another, but he accepted the compliment._ _

__“Now, no matter what happens, you must promise me these three things,” Master Luke said, putting a hand on his and looking into his eyes with grave severity, “First, never enter another’s mind without their permission, unless you are under direct attack from them. Second, never permanently alter a memory or attempt to implant a false one. That could drive someone into insanity and would never be acceptable.”_ _

__“Yes, Master.” Jonas said, then hesitated, “What’s the third thing?”_ _

__“If you have to use someone’s memory against them in a fight, you immediately go for the most painful one. Go for what fills them with shame or regret or grief. Do not hesitate, but drag it to the front of their mind and leave it there. Then you leave their thoughts and attack them with all that you have, do you understand me? This is a weapon to be used, not for manipulation, but for distraction. If you’re going to distract someone, go for the throat, do you understand?”_ _

__He was going to be in real battle. That fact was suddenly, horribly, very real for Jonas. He was going to have to use the Force on another person and not just for bragging rights, but for his life. He looked into Master Luke’s blue eyes, the ones that had seen his mother die and found the bodies of his adopted parents and had seen the deaths of the last Jedi of the old Order and the destruction of the Death Star and the fall New Jedi Order and so much else. Jonas understood, now. Pain and destruction followed their family through the galaxy, but so did the Force. He was going to experience one and use the other.  
Jonas nodded, “Yes, Master.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Updated on time!
> 
> I know it's short (but I was depressed this weekend, so at least I did something) and, yes, I'm aware that Jonas is a Tiny Salty Child, but, honestly, can ya blame him?
> 
> BONUS POINTS TO PEOPLE WHO CATCH ALL THE ROGUE ONE REFERENCES IN MY FIC I SWEAR THE ROGUE ONE CREW HAS CAPTURED MY LIFE. I LEFT MY HEART ON SCARIFF, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.


	18. What Greater Thing is There for Two Human Souls, Than to Feel That They are Joined For Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wedding!

**"What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life" - George Elliot, Adam Bede**

The layers of Coruscant had always fascinated Rey. She’d wandered among many of the different channels of the planet over the the past decade and a half, both with the Resistance and the First Order, and she had always been amazed at how a person could disappear in the city. Tonight, however, she was more than amazed at the chance to disappear. She was relieved to pull on a baggy and rough duster and fade away under the dull streetlights. She’d grown up on Jakku, where disappearing among the sands had been both a boon and a terror that kept her up at night. Now, however, she learned that her ability to become socially invisible was far more relevant than any of her powers in the Force.

Her son, however, possessed only one of those skillsets. He may be growing in the Force exponentially, but as he tripped over his own feet yet again, Rey decided that she’d hadn’t passed down her social camouflage. _No,_ Rey thought, glancing over at her padawan, who blushed a deep scarlet under his hooded jacket, _You’ve gotten your physical and social graces from your father._

The boy stood out like a sore thumb, to anxious to pass for a self-assured, if wary, street urchin and too green to be an experienced dweller of the rougher edges of Coruscant. By the Force, he was going to get them shot. 

Rey walked back two paces to her son. At age twelve, he was already so tall that she barely had to lean down to speak in his ear anymore. Something twisted in her heart at that fact, but she buried it, focusing on the task at hand. Her son was going to get them spotted and shot, which would really put a damper of the festivities today. 

“You need to stop making so much noise.” Rey said, “You’re drawing too much attention.”

“Why don’t we just do the “unnoticeable” thing Luke taught me?” Jonas asked.

“Because you couldn’t get it right and the only thing worse than being visible is going from invisible to suddenly visible.” Rey reasoned, which made Jonas drop his shoulders in disappointment. 

“Well, I don’t know how to make less noise.” Jonas hissed as he and Rey started down the street, “It’s not like I’m stomping around.”

“You’re not making real noise,” Rey said, “but you don’t look like your belong, which is step one to going somewhere you don’t belong. In the old days, the Jedi could just show up here because it was understood that, if something happened, they had backup from the temple. Now, though, we’re on our own. We have to look like we are doing something shady.”

“But we’re not doing anything shady.” Jonas said.

Rey snorted, “I swear, you are so naiive. I don’t know how in the Galaxy you can be related to a smuggler, a Knight of Ren, and three Jedi.” 

Jonas blinked up at her. She rarely mentioned their relation, especially in so open a place, “M-Master.”

“No one is listening.” Rey said quietly, but paused, “At least, they weren’t until you just started talking. We’ve got a set of ears behind us.” 

“How do you know?” Jonas whispered and made to glance around, but Rey’s hand jumped out and caught his arm, digging her nails into him.

“Do not look over your shoulder.” Rey said firmly. Honestly, her son was lucky he was a “good guy”. He’d be a terrible criminal. _That’s probably a good thing._ Rey thought dully.

“What do I do?” Jonas whispered.

“Feel out with the Force.” Rey said, “Fell out what you can. Look for emotion, intention. See what they’re thinking about, but make sure they don’t know what you’re doing?” 

“Why?” Jonas asked.

“Because, Jonas, the moment I said “jedi” and you said “master”, the sentient behind us changed direction. They weren’t really listening, but know enough to know that we’re probably of some value to someone. If they know you are looking into their thoughts, that increases your bounty.”

“How do you know they’re a bounty hunter?” Jonas asked, keeping his eyes fixed ahead, even as his heart dropped into his stomach. He took a deep breath and reached out into the Force, trying to get a read on whatever the sentient following them was projecting.

“You’d be surprised how many bounty hunters became bounty hunters simply because they ran into someone who had a bounty on them.” Rey muttered, “When we turn this corner, keep walking, alright?”

“What are you gunna-?”

“Do as I say.” Rey said swiftly as they rounded the corner. As soon as they cleared their tail’s line of sight, Rey ducked back, pressing her back against the wall and waiting. She pulled her saberstaff from her hip, but didn’t ignite it. The last thing she needed was a sighting of the distinctive Golden Blade, as her lightsaber had been dubbed by its cult followers. She’d spent an enjoyable afternoon looking at some of the sites on the holonet of people who had an obsession with the weapons of the Jedi order, but didn’t need that kind of publicity. Not today. 

As soon as the rodian rounded the corner, Rey slammed the handle of her lightsaber into her face as hard as she could. She could feel the emotions- pain, fear, and confusion- radiating off of her and knew the rodian was inexperienced. Suddenly, the would-be bounty hunter crumpled down before her, emotions disappearing. 

Rey’s head snapped up and she saw Jonas standing in front of her, one gloved hand extended towards the still body at her feet. He’d done that. Rey swiftly reached out for a sense of life from the rodian at her feet and was relieved when she found a pulse. The young bounty hunter was unconscious, but she would make a full recovery, Rey was sure. She looked up again to see Jonas lower his arm, standing taller than Rey had seen him since they’d landed on Coruscant.

“Why did you do that?” Rey asked, stepping over the criminal’s crumpled form and walking over to tug Jonas further down the street. 

“I thought it would be faster. I’d done it with Master Luke and wondered if I could do it from a few feet away. I mean, knocking someone unconscious isn’t that hard.”

 _It is when you’re not touching them,_ Rey thought, _at least, it is for everyone but you._

“You did good. A memory trick would have let her know we were Jedi, but now she’ll just think she got knocked out by us the old fashioned way.” 

Jonas nodded and tugged on his hood anxiously. Rey could feel the adrenalin and certainly draining from him. He could probably feel her beginning to overthink what had just happened and she made a mental note to deal with the ever-growing evidence of her son’s power in the Force out loud with Luke, so Jonas wouldn’t feel her discomfort.

Jonas’s hood fell and he snatched it back up, the darkness not able to hide the redness blooming on his cheeks and the uncertainty in his eyes.  
“Stop fidgeting,” Rey said to Jonas quietly, “Just keep your hood up and pretend that you belong here. These are your streets.”

“These are my streets. Got it.” Jonas said, nodding vigorously. Rey snorted, turning down the last side street. Her son was powerful, yes, but he was also so very awkward. 

Rey looked around the small alleyway, then stepped forward and knocked on the door. A shuttered opened and a pair of slit-pupiled green eyes appeared.

“Password?” A voice asked in click-accented basic.

“Kyber.” Rey said. 

The door swung open and warm yellow light poured into the alleyway. Rey stepped back, glancing up the alleyway as Jonas walked into the door. Rey stepped inside a moment afterwards as the door bolted shut behind her. She looked up and looked around. They’d pooled money to rent out a small, scrubbed meeting room on the fringe of the non-criminal realm of Coruscant for Poe’s wedding. Obran was from Coruscant originally, so his parents had helped with the last of the arrangements on the ground, while Luke and Rey had organized the guest arrivals in such a way that they drew as little attention as possible. Poe Dameron may have been the greatest pilot in the galaxy, but he didn’t want his wedding to be propaganda for either side.

“Took you long enough.” Luke said the moment Rey and Jonas came inside. Rey rolled her eyes, looking around at the neat, if a little shabby accommodations. There was a foyer with a glass chandelier that cast warm golden light on them and doors directly ahead that opened to a large meeting room with long benches. Rey saw other side hallways leading back to meeting rooms, it looked like, but turned her attention back to Luke, who had trimmed his beard for the occasion. 

“Glad to see you, too, Master.” Jonas muttered. Rey laughed, shaking some soot off of her cloak.

“How is he?” Rey asked.

“Anxious.” Luke said, smiling warmly, “It’s rather precious. He’s down the left hallway, getting ready with Finn. I finally convinced his mother to check on the food, which seemed to help a bit.”

Rey smiled and wiped her boots on the rug, “I’m going to go see him before it starts. How much longer do we have?”

“Almost an hour,” Luke said, nodding, “Both families are here. We’re waiting for a few of the pilots to make their way in, some old squadmates here and there, but otherwise we’re good.”

“Who knew planning a wedding in a war was so involved.” Jonas said dully.

“This is why most weddings in the Resistance take place on the tarmac while in uniform.” Luke said, gesturing to the room.

“It’s nice, though.” Rey said, smiling at the sparkling light cast on them by the chandelier, “It’s got it’s own charm.”

“But I don’t have to get a haircut when people have tarmac weddings.” Jonas muttered. Luke snorted and nodded, but Rey just rolled her eyes at the pair of them. She hadn’t put much extra effort into her appearance, settling for a nicer top in a deep green color along with some jewelry carved from wood that she’d picked up at a street vendor years ago. Luke smiled to himself as he recognized the colored pearl ring she’d worn; he’d gotten it for her when Gida’smoo completed her training and she’d gotten him a dud lightsaber crystal on a chain. 

“Well, you look good, whatever the occasion.” Rey said, looking at Jonas’s dark hair, which she’d clipped neatly and convinced him to pull back in a small ponytail.  
Jonas huffed, but didn’t protest further.

“Okay, you can head into the room and feel free to eat. I know I ordered some refreshments for the travelers before the ceremony and dinner. I’m going this way,” Rey said, walking down the hallway, patting Luke on the arm as she went.

“Make sure our boy isn’t sitting there running his hands through his hair with nerves.” Luke called after her, “We won’t be able to get it back flat!”

“Yes, Master Jedi.” Rey said, smirking. She turned down the hallway, looking for which of the various small rooms Poe was in and wondering what this place had once been. Judging by the size of some of these rooms, she thought it was a reformed spa, turned into office and meeting space for those who didn’t want a lot of attention. Before she could decide, she turned the corner and saw Finn leaning against the doorframe. “How’s he holding up?” She asked her friend.

“Better than I did when I got married.” Finn said, grinning.

“Better” turned out to be pacing nervously, rubbing his hands together as he walked back and forth along the far wall of the room. Rey looked at her best friend, smirking, and walked over to Poe, “Hey,” She said, catching both of his hands in her own, “What’s up?”

“I-I’m really getting married.” Poe said, blinking and shaking his head. He was smiling, but he looked utterly dazed, even in his joy. 

“You are,” Rey said, “but you have to take a deep breath. If you pass out, it’s going to put a damper on things, alright?”

Poe swallowed, “What if he changes his mind? By the Force, how am I supposed to marry him? He’s just- I’m not- Ah!” 

Rey laughed, remembering soothing the same jitters with Finn when he’d married Todra. She smiled, “Poe, take a deep breath. Keep it simple. Who asked who about getting married?”

“He asked me.” Poe said, taking a deep breath.

“He asked you.” Rey confirmed, smiling, “Now: does he love you?”

“Yeah.” 

“And do you love him?” 

Poe nodded vigorously, “Yeah. Yeah, I do love him.”

“Then what else do you need?” Rey said, smiling. 

“A Jedi to perform the ceremony.” Poe said, grinning.

“There we go!” Finn said eagerly, grinning. He glanced at the time, then handed Poe his jacket, which the shorter man pulled on, rubbing his hands together still. Poe straightened the sleeve of his jacket, looking a little pale. 

“Poe, what are you nervous about?” Rey asked, laughing a little that they had to go over this _again_ so quickly, “He asked _you._ ” 

“Yeah, but-”

“Stop.” Finn said, putting a hand on Poe’s arm, “He loves you. Just take a deep breath and marry the man.” 

“Okay,” Poe said, nodding eagerly, “I’m ready.”

“C’mon, Finn, let’s go see if everyone’s in place.” Rey said. She walked down the hallway, leaving Poe to fidget. She saw Obran loitering outside the main room, being fussed over by his mother. Obran’s locks were down, but swept out of his shining face. Rey had never seen the mechanic looking so clean and neat. She’d gotten used to seeing him in engine-grease stained overalls, his locks braided out of his face and behind the favorite flower-patterned bandanas his mother made him. But Obran Karr was a vision in his clean jacket and neatly shaved beard.

“Dang.” Finn muttered, raising an eyebrow.

“I know, right?” Obran said, smirking. 

“You both are so cute when you guys clean up.” Rey said, grinning.

“I’m so excited.” Obran said, “How’s Poe?”

“A live-wire.” Rey said, “He’s excited to get married already.”

Obran nodded, smiling, “Same.”

“I’m so excited for you two.” Rey said, smiling. 

“Thank you so much, both of you.” Obran said, “I know you’re busy, y’know, being Jedi, but you did so much to help set this all up. I can’t repay you for that.”

“You’re good for him. You’ve both experienced so much and you’ve helped him through so much. We can’t thank you enough for that.” Finn said, shaking Obran’s hand, “Congratulations, man.”

“Thanks.” Obran said, grinning. 

Joy bubbled up in Rey’s chest at the sight of Obran’s face. It was like looking at a star. 

“What did you guys first think of me,” Obran asked, glancing at the time, “When you met me? I mean, it was intimidating for me to date someone who was best friends with the last of the Jedi, but… tell me I didn’t look like just a grubby mechanic.”

“I thought you were really cool.” Rey said, “You were hardworking, I could tell, but chill. I liked you from day 1.”

“I thought you were really level-headed and down to earth. Poe’s always had a hero complex, but you seemed unphased by grandeur. You were practical. I knew you’d be good for him.”

Rey blinked. She could feel an odd twist of emotions within Finn, but masked by a warmth, love, and amusement. He’d lied. He seemed to have a good reason, but he was definitely lying. 

“Finn!” Todra called from the doorway and she shepherded Poe’s mother and an usher out of the door to fetch Poe from his room, “Luke’s in place. We’re all ready.” She turned her eyes to Obran, “Get in line, Mr. Karr. You’re fiance’s on his way.” 

Obran nodded and grinned, hurrying to his mark, taking his mother’s arm and smiling down at her.

“You two need to get in line, too,” Todra ordered, pointing to Rey and Finn and looking down at her holopad, “Rey, you’re with…”

“Egon, my brother.” Obran said, smiling.

“Yeah?” A younger man stuck his head out of the doorway, grinning.

“First, we have Obran and Mama Karr. Then, Egon, you’re going in with Rey.” Todra said, smiling and pointing to each pair in turn, “Finn and Rylla go next. Then, Jessika and Penta. BB-8 is after the two ladies, then Poe and his mom.” 

“Why does order matter?” Finn muttered.

“Baby, I will stab you with a holopen.” Todra said pleasantly, watching her list, “The order is settled. Someone find me Jessika and Penta!” She looked over her shoulder, leaning back into the room as the two women hurried over.

“I forgot how much Todra loves planning things.” Rey whispered as they started settling into place.

“She is good at it, at least.” Finn said, grinning as Todra ran down her list one more time.

“What did you think?” Rey asked Finn, raising her eyebrow and looking up at him to see him raise an eyebrow, “You lied to Obran.”

“You’re right. I told him my second thought. My first thought was ‘So, Poe has a type’.” Finn said, which made Rey laugh as she walked over to stand next to Egon. She glanced up as music started playing. Poe was lurking in the corner of her eye, out of sight of Obran and his mother, but still close by. Rey smiled as Obran started down the aisle and Poe took his place at the end of the que. Rey looked up at Egon, who was blinking away tears, and then at the doorway as she was guided to the doorway and given the “all clear” to walk. She smiled at all of her friends and family who were there. Poe and Obran both had large civilian families who were crammed onto the benches, but she also recognized the Resistance pilots, two of whom hadn’t even had a chance to pull off their jackets from outside. Chewbacca’s giant form cast a shadow from the back row and she saw R2D2 at the far end of the first row, next to her padawans. Everyone she loved was here. 

Letting go of Egon’s arm and standing next to Finn on Poe’s side of the stage, she stood in place and looked back down the aisle as Jessika and Penta made their way down. Rey grinned as BB8 rolled down the aisle, balancing rings on a little pillow. She had been so serious about this task for her best friend, making sure that his rings got down the aisle safely. 

Rey glanced up to see Poe and his mother following last. Rey glanced at Poe, whose mother had mercifully been able to comb his salt and pepper hair back down. She couldn’t help but wipe at her eyes when she saw the unadulterated joy on Obran’s face when he saw Poe. When he reached the end of the aisle, Poe stepped forward, automatically taking Obran’s hands in both of his own. Obran grinned, reaching up to gently wipe tears from Poe’s eye. Obran had a calm and glowing face. 

“I stand here as a very privileged individual,” Luke said clearly, “I have been lucky enough to see Obran and Poe meet and fall in love. They are two of the strongest, bravest, and most loving people I have ever met. We are all here because we are privileged enough to have been a part of their lives.”

Rey glanced over to see Gida’smoo smiling and crying as Mrs. Dameron handed her a tissue. She looked back at Luke as he began again, “You have both become my friends these past years. In fact, I remember how often Poe’s X-wing would suddenly develop “engine trouble” when he was too nervous to ask Obran out directly.”

The room laughed and Poe blushed.

“I charge you two to believe in each other, to trust each other, to take care of each other, and to love each other. These are dark times, but there is light at times like these. You two are proof of that. Now, Obran, I want you to repeat after me-”

Something flickered in Rey’s mind, distracting her from the vows. She felt some discomfort in the room, but couldn’t tell _who_ it was. She reached out, trying to make sure everything was alright. As Poe began his vows, Rey realized that the discomfort she was feeling wasn’t in the room, but within the Force itself. Something was stirring, distant and buried. She reached out, hoping she didn’t look ridiculous on the stage, and tried to locate whatever was out there. Before she could more far, though, before a wave of something in the Force crashed into her. Had she not been thinking about being careful to school her features, she would have been unbalanced by it. 

Rey’s fist clenched as she felt something distant, hot, and powerful awaken within the Force. It felt like a heat wave that washed over her, but, when it did, her heart felt cold. She looked up to see Luke and Finn also sitting up too straight, their faces well-schooled as Poe repeated his vows. She looked over at her padawans, who were sitting in the first row. Jonas was gripping the edge of his seat, staring blankly ahead, and Gida’smoo was watching Luke’s face with horror in her eyes.

Rey refused to look at Linora, who had started crying just as she felt the shift in the Force. Perhaps she could feel it, too.

Stars, every Force sensitive on this side of the Galaxy could probably feel it. 

Rey had never been prouder of Luke than when she saw how he shielded the guests from any sign of whatever they’d just experienced.

“Now, by the power vested in me as a member of the Jedi order, I now proclaim you married. May the Force be with you.” Luke said, grinning as Poe surged forward, kissing his new husband. Rey grinned and cheered as everyone clapped and cheered.

Rey swallowed and smiled, even as she saw the anxiety in the eyes of her padawans. She widened her smile, willing them to set aside their worries, even for a moment.  
“May I now present Mr. Poe Dameron-Karr and Mr. Obran Dameron-Karr!” Luke announced, raising up the joined hands of the two beaming men. When Luke looked away from the crowd, his eyes locked with Rey's and she saw what she had hoped she wouldn’t, but had expected anyway: fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to post as I finish, so, there you are!


	19. Dawn and Sunset See Stars Shining In a Blue Sky;

**"Dawn and sunset see stars shining in a blue sky;" - Elizabeth Goudge**

Rey wanted a drink. _No,_ she thought grimly, _I need a drink._

Poe and Obran were leading the way to the reception area across the hall. They all sat at the tables around the dance floor. Rey hit the door and sighed. Even in her worry about whatever had just happened in the Force, she could recognize that the room was beautiful.

Apparently, all of Obran’s family members tended to be mechanically inclined, so they had snuck down here three or four days early, working nearly around the clock to fix the place up. Eventually, the owner, a small and reptilian sentient of a species that Rey didn’t know the name of, had been pleased enough with the results that they had brought in a few extra laborers to make the changes more permanent. When Rey had heard that, she hadn’t believed it, but now that she saw the room, she was amazed. 

While the outside place was neat, if well-worn, the reception room was splendid. The dingy carpet had been replaced with a dark flooring of some kind, a dance floor had been built and installed, and the chandelier outside had a larger twin in here. Rey looked around at the recessed lighting in the ceiling that increased the light, the new soft golden paint on the walls, and the white fabric draped down the walls.

“Looks nice, right?” Egon said, grinning and standing next to her.

“It’s amazing.” Rey said.

“Thanks. It took everyone we had to spare to do this.” Egon said, “Me, all the cousins, all the spouses, the kids.”

“I thought it was just you and some of your brothers.” Rey said, surprised.

“Nah,” Egon said, waving a hand and looking around the room again, “It’s just me and Obran, but we have sixteen first cousins. Eight of them were there from day one and five more showed up to help with the finishing touches.” 

“What about the other three?” Rey asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Rasan, Gali, and Hoka wrangled all the kids.” Egon said gravely, “Brave souls.”

Rey laughed, “I like you, Egon.” 

“Good,” Egon said, grinning and taking her arm to lead her to the table for the wedding party, “Because we’re family, now.” 

Rey saw Luke stepping away from a gaggle of Poe’s excitable cousins, who were chatting animatedly. She saw his face, his age hiding his worry well, and said to Egon, “I’m sorry, I need to go ask Luke something. Thank you.” She made eye contact with Luke and dropped Egon’s arm, moving to him. Luke backed up to the far wall, watching her and the room at large. His expression was still grim as Rey crossed to him, “Did you feel that?” she asked Luke, who nodded gravely as he watched Poe and Obran dance.

“Do you have any idea what that was?” Rey asked.

“Someone probably found whatever they were looking for on Scariff.” Luke said, which made Rey feel sick.

“It was so dark.” Rey murmured, “What could possibly-”

Luke sighed, “I had no idea of what that could have been, Rey.” Rey chewed on her lip, glancing over at her padawans, who were sitting down and speaking quietly with each other.

“They’re wired.” Luke said, “I had hoped to wait until we have some answer, but their night is ruined.”

“Isn’t yours?” Rey asked.

“I don’t know,” Luke said, “We will have to search it out later. You, Finn, and I will meditate to seek what information we can, but after the wedding. There is so little real joy these days.” 

Rey looked over at the smiling faces of the couple on the dance floor and nodded. She didn’t want to disrupt the people here. The people settling into the tables, dancing, and eating had no idea something terrible had woken up. They had no idea that the Dark side had decidedly grown, suddenly, on a day when it seemed like nothing could go wrong.

“Go,” Luke said, “Enjoy your night. Tell my padawans to smile and have fun. This is a dark and dangerous war. We have to take advantage of every moment of light.”

“You have fun, too, old man.” Rey said, smiling slightly, “You look grumpy.”

“I’m the resident Grumpy Former Hermit,” Luke said, even as his mouth twitched in amusement. 

Rey rolled her eyes and walked over to her padawans, who immediately looked up at her. _You **are** jumpy,_ Rey thought sadly. Gida’smoo may have been officially fully grown and finished with her training and Jonas was very mature, but, they were still, in many ways, children.

“Master?” Jonas asked quietly from across the table as she drew closer. Rey drew close to him and Gida’smoo, taking in his tired face and wide eyes. She looked at Gida’smoo, whose eye makeup was a little smudged from travelling, crying during the ceremony, and then from the trauma of the wave from the dark side. 

“Are you alright?” Rey asked, leaning down to speak quietly and directly to both of them. 

“What happened?” Jonas asked weakly, “During the ceremony… something- it _woke up_.”

“What did you see? What did you experience?” Rey asked quietly, kneeling down next to them. 

Jonas looked up at her, “I saw something red and bright. It was- just- it was so ingrained in the Dark side. Master, something has woken up.”

Rey nodded, “I agree. Gida’smoo, did you see anything?”

“No.” Gida’smoo whispered, “It was hot and angry, but that’s all.”

“That’s what I felt as well.” Rey said. She took a deep breath, “We’re going to take some time later and meditate and see what we can find,” both her padawans straightened up and opened their mouths to speak, but Rey continued, “in the meantime, enjoy yourselves. Eat, dance, talk to your friends.” 

As she shooed the young ones off to socialize, she picked up a drink. People had made their way onto the dance floor and music was pumping through the room. She didn’t want to dance. She didn’t want to be here. What had happened? Rey looked around the crowded room, feeling anxious. She hadn’t felt hemmed in like this in years. It was as if she’d lost the ability to sit out everyone else’s feelings and was now getting swept up in the emotions of those around her. She needed to meditate or something.

 _Is there a new player on the dark side?_ Rey thought, biting her lip. Suddenly, her heart went cold: was the new player actually a fully-realized Kylo Ren?

After several minutes of awkwardly sitting and rubbing her hands together, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She needed to make sure that this darkness wasn’t Kylo. He had finished his training and training others for fifteen years. He was forty-five, by the Force. _Has he become truly ingrained in the Dark side? Have I lost him for good?_ Rushing to the door, an image appeared in her mind: Kylo in his dark garb, yellow eyes peering out from his mask. The image made her want to cry; It was just heart wrenching to think of Kylo with the yellow eyes of a sith lord. Rey snuck back to one of the small rooms. It was traitorous, but she had to know. 

Rey sat down and leaned against the wall, closing her eyes. The dark presence had vanished as suddenly as it had appeared, but she could feel scattered consciousness in the Dark side. Rey set aside all her fear, trepidation, and desperation. If she was going to reach out to him. She needed to be secure in the Light. Reaching out through the Force, she searched for Kylo. His concrete location in the Galaxy was hidden, but she could still feel his presence in the Force. After several long minutes, Rey found his mind. Thank the Force, he was asleep. Rey brushed against him and felt his mind stir. Rey knew it was wrong, but she took the first opening she could and leapt into his thoughts. 

Rey had never entered the mind of someone half-awake before, but she had a feeling it would be bizarre either way. While she had a knack for mind tricks and the like, she tended to focus on the surface emotions, which were easier to keep separate from her own. This, however, was full immersion in a mind that was tinged with the deep-violet haze of dreams and the last echoes of REM sleep. 

Rey forced herself deeper into Kylo’s thoughts, looking through the recently-organized memories from shortly before sleep. All of his memories seemed to be about his usual routine; he’d had a late dinner, meditated, and done paperwork, that was all. Kylo prodded her lightly, almost as if he couldn’t believe she was actually here, in his mind. Rey ignored him, having spotted something that she hadn’t noticed before. Kylo’s mind was all dark green and misty, like abandoned swampland, even more than it had been when she’d known him. When Rey had first been trained in how to read minds, large sections of his mind had been sectioned off from her, but now she was able to sort through his thoughts as well. In the distance of his mind, the dark smokiness of his mind darkened. As Rey stepped closer, she realized that it pulsed independently of his organic thoughts. While all of Kylo’s thoughts were like old, gnarled, and twisted trees, but this smokiness felt almost _mechanical_. It was like cold stone thrumming like an engine or computer. When Rey moved closer, Kylo rushed between them, forcing her back. Trying to keep her own probe away from him, she rushed away into his deeper dreams. 

It was like looking at a galactic map, but in color. Kylo’s subconsciousness was alight with pinpricks of moving white-gold light. Relief flooded through her consciousness, flowing like cool water over the confused surface of Kylo’s thoughts. His mind was dark and pained and strained, yes, but there was light here, flickers of it here and there. She watched as a something crept into the space, like smoke composed of chips of dust. It was like whatever the mechanical haze was able to send out probes of its own, which confused her. Rey watched as the smoke enveloped one of the tiny specks of light and suddenly tightened. The speck flashed red, then was released. Rey was horrified as she watched the speck float, like a dark stone, in the space. Rey reached out to it, unable to stop herself, and felt her heart leap when it flickered into light again. 

Something brushed against the hall of her thoughts. Taking advantage of her distraction, Kylo was trying to get into her head. Before she could get back to herself, Kylo’s mind rushed into hers, immediately looking for what was the most prevalent and most emotional to her, getting access to her recollections of the presence in the Dark side.

Rey’s heart dropped as she reached the edge of her thoughts. While he hadn’t known about whatever happened, he did now. He did, however, recoil from it. It scared him, too, and he left her mind. She left his as well, almost a quid pro quo. Rey sorted through her thoughts quickly, discarding anything that wasn’t relevant, letting it settle into the back of her mind. The flicker of light, however, lingered with her. Rey knew she should leave Kylo alone and that every moment she stayed open like this left her vulnerable, but she couldn’t abandon the flicker of light. His mind was open, too, and she could perceive it from here. After a moment, she felt Kylo’s mind against hers, like a hand pressed against a glass window. She recoiled a little, afraid at what he would do. He did nothing for a moment, but seemed to scan the outside edges of her thoughts, almost like he was checking on her, looking for damage. He was, she realized. He knew she had seen the strange part of his thoughts and was concerned for her welfare. She didn’t know what to do with that, but slowly started moving her mind away from his, hoping he would do the same and Rey wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. Ren lingered for a moment, like he was waiting outside her door, but she didn’t make a move, towards him or away. Kylo withdrew slowly, just like he had on Casavike. The way he left felt like a chaste kiss on her forehead.

Rey didn’t know what to do with that. She could deal with an enemy, a warrior, her son’s father, and even a lost victim of Supreme Leader Snoke.

Kylo Ren the man, though, utterly escaped her. 

 

“What happened?” Finn asked the second she got back into the room and saw him. His smile faded and he saw the expression on her face, but he kept his voice low, which she was grateful for. Rey shrugged helplessly. She had no answer. Finn’s signature in the Force brushed against her mind, scanning for distress, but Rey brushed him away. She didn’t want to trouble him with needless drama or tension.

“I’m not okay, but you don’t need to worry.” Rey said weakly.

Finn watched her warily for a second more, then sighed and nodded, “Try to have some fun, at least.”

“Famous last words.” Rey muttered, but smiled all the same. 

The rest of Rey’s night was haggard and distracted. She danced a little- once with Poe, once with Obran, and several times with different Dameron cousins. Eventually, Rey settled at a table with a bonus slice of cake. Across from her, Saani twirled around the dance floor, her pale purple skirt flaring out around her. Rey smiled, glad that the little girl was still able to enjoy herself. 

“Rey.”

Rey turned and smiled. It was Zhet. He was standing a few steps away, wearing casual clothes for the first time in years, it seemed.

Rey smiled, “Zhet! How are you? I didn’t see you at the ceremony!”

Zhet shrugged, “I got here late. You look great, though.” He said smiling.

Rey shrugged this time, “Thank you.” 

They hesitated for the space of a moment. Rey could feel his curiosity and discomfort, but was still on edge after contacting Kylo so directly. _Why is it that I can’t just date a doctor or something?_ She thought dully. 

_Except I’m not dating Kylo,_ Rey thought, blinking and trying to turn back to the moment. She wasn’t sure what you called your Master-turned-nonboyfriend-turned-father of your child, but this wasn’t dating. _It’s pathetic, that’s what is,_ She thought.  
“How have you been?” Zhet thought, shrugging his shoulders with hands in the pockets of his jacket, which he did when he had literally no idea what to do with himself. Rey remembered how often he’d stuck his hands in his pockets during their first dates. 

“Good,” Rey said awkwardly. It had been- what, two or three years since they’d last really talked. So much had happened, but she settled for normal things, “Gida’smoo finished her training and Jonas has really excelled in his.”

“I heard,” Zhet said in a voice of forced cheeriness and casualness, “Even on the frontier, everyone wants to know about the Jedi.”

“Yeah, I guess they would, yeah.” Rey said shrugging, “How about you?”

“Good, yeah.” Zhet said. 

“I’m glad that you’re good.” Rey said. _By the Force, this is awkward,_ She thought. They’d met before, after the breakup, right before Mon Cala, but that had been awkward and painfully focused on business. 

Now, though, they had a chance to really talk.

“Rey!” 

Rey looked over, thanking the Force for _whoever_ had provided this distraction. 

Finn was standing, holding a struggling Saani as Linora cried on his shoulder.

 _Looks like it’s time to go,_ Rey said, “Yeah, Finn?”

“Poe and Obran are leaving,” Finn said, as Linora cried even harder, “and, uh, someone’s not excited about it.” 

Rey smiled, “Well, of course not,” She said, smiling sympathetically, “It’s Uncle Poe, isn’t it, Linora?”

Linora nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of one hand and Rey glanced over her shoulder to look at Zhet, who waved her on with a smile. Rey smiled gratefully. Linora was adorable, but she was also a bit of a handful for all of the adults in her life. She crossed over to Finn and followed him to the door where Obran and Poe stood, dressed for travel, saying their goodbyes. 

“Poe! Poe!” Rey said, rushing forward and taking his arms. “You have a husband!”

“I do!” Poe said, grinning, “Rey, I’m married! I married the love of my life!” They looked at each other for a long moment and Rey blinked away tears again. Not for the first time, she was overcome with gratefulness for Poe, who had been the first person to acknowledge her love for Kylo. He’d been the first person to treat her like a serious person, not like a brainwashed threat. He’d risked his life to save her baby and now he’d gotten his own happiness. As she looked into the eyes that had seen so much pain without losing their warmth, she saw that he understood. Poe beamed and kissed her forehead. 

Rey hugged Poe tightly, “Be safe. Have a good time.” She said in his ear.

“Hug!” Linora demanded, holding her arms out to Poe, who stepped away from Rey and hugged Linora from her place on Finn’s hip, “Bye Poe.” She said, smiling and putting her arms around Poe’s neck. He grinned and hugged her back.

“Uncle Poe will be back soon, buddy.” Poe said gently.

Rey’s lower lip trembled and she looked over at Jonas, who had stepped next to her. She put her arm around his shoulders, glad that, even with all this darkness out there, she could have, even for a little bit, some light and some peace. 

Deep in her soul, she knew they were going to need it. 

 

*****

 

Master Rey leaned her head back on the wall, “Okay, I’ve got nothing. Anyone?” 

Jonas groaned from the floor as everyone else made similarly unencouraging noises.

“The thing has to be a sentient,” Finn said, shaking his head, “It's probably hidden itself.”

“I say we try one last time and then call it.” Master Luke said.

“Then can we get some food?” Gida’smoo asked, “I'm starving.” 

Jonas nodded in fervent agreement as they all settled back onto their seats in a circle. It had been exhausting day of meditation, of reading, and of trying to tap into any trail or insight of the Old Masters, bit had heard absolutely nothing. This frustrated Jonas to no end… or he was hungry. At this point, it was hard to tell.

Jonas took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He delved deeper and deeper into the Force. He was glad to be able to feel the consciousnesses of the Jedi around him. 

After a long time of searching through the Force and reaching out as far as he could into the distant reaches of the galaxy, he felt someone enter the room and turned his attention to them. It wasn’t until he saw the blue face of the force ghost that he realized that he hadn’t heard the door open.

The man before him was young, but his eyes looked much older. He had hair that even longer than Jonas’s and a scar on his eyebrow. Jonas opened his mouth, but wasn’t sue how to speak to one of the old master. He had no idea what to say or do right now.

Jonas looked at the master. It was only when the jedi smiled gently that Jonas recognized him: Anakin Skywalker. Anakin’s real hand was extended towards him. Jonas looked around in the Force, unable to see what Anakin was pointing to. Suddenly, something rush past Jonas’s head and into Anakin’s outstretched hand. The world around them was suddenly, vividly, on fire. Jonas was wading in lava and Anakin was watching him sadly from the rocky shore. Jonas couldn’t feel any pain, but knew where his consciousness had brought him: Mustafar. This is where Darth Vader had lost many of his limbs and nearly his life. Jonas knew he should ask what this meant, what Anakin saw in the Force, but he couldn’t seem to formulate any words. 

_“The Chosen One is meant to bring balance to the Force.”_ Anakin Skywalker said clearly, igniting his lightsaber. The blue light that it cast contrasted sharply with the deep red glare cast from all sides. 

_"The balance of the Force,"_ A voice in Jonas’s head was sneering and cruel. He turned to see a hooded figure with an ancient and disfigured face. Jonas recoiled, transfixed by the harsh amber of the Sith Lord's eyes. This was Emperor Palpatine. When the man extended one wizened right hand to him, beckoning him into the shadows, Jonas saw Anakin place himself between them, his back to Jonas and his eyes on the emperor, raising the blue lightsaber Jonas knew so well. 

Even as the two squared off, Jonas felt something dark at his left and looked down at his left hand. He was holding something, something he couldn't see clearly, but it glowed with a deep red light that horrified him and echoed with screams and fear within the Force an- 

“Jonas!” 

Jonas opened his eyes. Master Rey was kneeling in front of him, touching his arm, with a concerned look on her face. Jonas looked over her shoulder and saw the sky outside the window. When they'd started meditating, it had been bright, but now it was clearly night. How long had he been meditating?

“Jonas, are you okay?” Gida’smoo asked from behind Master Rey. It wasn't until Jonas felt Finn’s steadying hand on his shoulder that he realized that he was swaying. Darkness tinged his vision.

“Vader.” Jonas murmured dazedly. He slumped back, feeling Finn’s hands catching him and lowering him to the floor.

_Vader…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!!!
> 
> SINCE WE'RE UP TO 100 COMMENTS, I WILL BE WRITING A BONUS ONE SHOT WITHIN THIS UNIVERSE/STORY LINE! (I'll not be doing it every ~50 comments, so I'll be writing 2) 
> 
> Prompts are in the comments on a 'first come, first serve' basis!


	20. I Was the Son of the Man Who Had Ruined Everything

**"I was the son of the man who had ruined everything." - Knausgaard, Karl Ove**

Jonas looked around, wondering where Finn was. He’d been scouting earlier, but Jonas hadn’t seen him in a while. The little camp of Resistance fighters all sat around the forest camp, some of them trying to cook on the fire as quickly as possible so that they could put it out and hide better in the dark. 

“You okay, kid?” Finn asked, walking from the forest behind Jonas and making him jump.

“Yeah.” Jonas said, wiggling his toes anxiously in his boots. In the past year since Master Rey had found the old holocrons, texts, and even an archaic Jedi weapon from Casavike, he had been on a few recovery or diplomatic missions abroad with his masters, but this was his first real mission without them and he was anxious. 

“Don’t worry,” Finn said, sitting down on the log next to him and looking him in the face, “Life is always different. The field is never how you anticipate it to be.”

“Really?” Jonas asked, fiddling with the handle of the lightsaber he’d been given at age 10. Gida’smoo had made her own and sometimes he found himself jealous of the purple blade, but this blue one had fit him more and more as he got older. It wasn’t until last month that Master Rey had confessed it was an heirloom from his great-grandfather's life as a Jedi Knight. After seeing Anakin in the vision the day after Poe’s wedding, Jonas found comfort in this physical, tangible connection to the Old Master.

“Yes,” Finn said, drawing his own scratched and dented lightsaber from his hip and looking down at the handle, “Look, Jonas, take a deep breath and be alert. We’re just going to be settled here over night, then we’re going to head over that ridge tomorrow and provide backup to the Resistance forces on the south side of the basin. We’ve got a plan. You’re going to be fine, alright?”

Jonas nodded, “Yeah, thanks Finn.” He looked down at the handle of Finn’s saber thoughtfully. It had always struck him as interesting that Finn’s lightsaber handle was all black metal, but the blade was a bright white. It reminded him of stormtrooper armor and he wondered if it reminded Finn of his past, too. 

“So, uh, where is Todra?” Jonas asked awkwardly, trying to make conversation. Master Luke and Master Rey were on Nakadia, testifying before the New Republic Senate about some of the Jedi artifacts they had found and were now donating to the people of the Republic. Jonas, however, hadn’t heard anything about where Todra had settled.

“She and the kids are with Luke and Rey,” Finn said, “They’re going to be there until we get back. Todra is going to be dealing with a lot of the files on the old Jedi holocrons. She’s been studying ancient Jedi texts and holocron tech, so now she can help make sure the ones Rey picked up last week are authentic.”  
“Todra studies the Jedi?” Jonas asked, blinking in surprise “Why?” He’d known that Todra was an analyst and had spent years deciphering and authenticating communications, text, and artifacts for the Republic and, later, the Resistance, but he hadn’t know that she switched to authenticating Jedi artifacts. 

“She married a jedi and she needed something to do on bed rest when she was banned from active duty, while she was pregnant with Linora.” Finn said, shrugging.

“But Todra doesn’t have the Force, right?” Jonas asked.

“No, not at all.” Finn said, shaking his head, “or at least I didn’t think so until we had kids because she has the ability to know what two children under the age of five are doing at all times.”

“But your kids have the force?” Jonas asked.

“I haven’t tested my kids for midichlorians yet, so I don’t know for sure.” Finn said, sighing, “I want them to have some time. Your Masters did what they could to let you have as normal of a childhood as possible. I want that for my children, too.” 

“Oh, okay.” Jonas said, nodding. Saani was only five and Linora was three, so he kind of understood the delay. He hadn’t had much more time than they did, but also knew that Finn and Todra were good parents and didn’t need his advice. 

“I- “ Finn began, but was cut off when someone shouted, “COMMANDER ALUCARD!” from behind them. Finn stood, his lightsaber in one hand, his other hand touching on his blaster as the soldier ran up to him, panting, “What is it?” Finn asked, looking down at the soldier.

“Sir, we lost our sentries by the far ridge,” The soldier said, pointing farther into the forest to their west. Her hand was shaking, but she managed to keep her voice steady and clear, which Jonas was impressed with, considering the utter internal chaos he could feel rolling off of her. 

“How many?” Finn asked, “The First Order, correct?”

“Yes, it’s the First Order,” The soldier said, “And the knights of Ren. We need to warn the northern village and have them move. We thought the First Order was only to our south, but they're much closer. We’re not going to be able to defend the people.” 

“How much time we have? Did they see you?” Finn asked.

“I ran all the way back. We probably have twenty minutes until they get to our camp,” The soldier said weakly, “I don’t think any of the stormtroopers saw me, but I’m sure the knights of Ren knew that I was there.” 

Finn nodded, then turned to the soldiers around them, “Pack up everything we can. I don’t want to give them anything they can use. I’m not feeding any stormtroopers tonight. Synn and Varga, you take our ship and head around the eastern edge of the forest, through the pass, as fast as you can, and get to the village.” Adran Synn and Gara Varga, their two best pilots, nodded and hurried towards the ship, grabbing weapons as they went.

“Dalo, Gallasin, Watashi, help them load up and then report to me.” Finn said. The trio of techs immediately broke away and started packing up anything that could be useful- food, weapons, and any tech. 

“Varga, contact Commanders Ta’em and Commander Darwas. We will need help evacuating the village and I want backup with the First Order.” 

“I want most of you up on that northern ridge,” Finn said, turning to the rest, “A small group is going to lead them through the forest so we can give the pilots a real chance.” 

The rest nodded and waited as Finn began to sort them. Out of the thirty or so sentients not flying anytime, fourteen were staying behind as a decoy and the rest, including Jonas, were going straight to the ridge. 

Jonas followed the soldiers he was moving with as they hurried to grab their packs and fill them with useful supplies like ammo, a few grenades, and any spare blasters. Jonas tried to move as quickly as possible, but was slowed down by the anxious way he kept looking up at the forest to their west. _How far away was the First Order? Could Kylo Ren sense him and Finn? Would they even get these precious twenty minutes?_ He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the ship take off, keeping low and moving along the river where the trees were less dense. When the pilots broke away from the camp, it was time to move. Zipping up his bag and hoping what he had was enough, Jonas took off into the trees with the others, a few paces behind another soldier. They were all moving as quickly and quietly as they could with the ammunition packs on their backs and, after they got far enough away from camp, he saw the lead runner raise an arm and then they all got into a single file before they broke into a dead sprint. The trees seemed to loom over Jonas as he forced himself to run as hard and fast as quietly as he could in the darkness. He listened for the sound of leg hitting tree root or of armor rustling, but nothing. After a gruelling few minutes, moonlight started streaming through the trees, which grew progressively thinner. Jonas looked up as they saw the edge of the forest, staring at the the sand-colored stones of the ridge before them, which looked almost polished in the light of the moon.

“Jonas!” A voice hissed behind him, grabbing him by the scruff and dragging him onto the upward path. Jonas looked over his soldier, trying to spot the familiar white armor in the darkness. He held his breath, trying to hear movement of the enemy over the quiet rustle and clink of of the soldiers around him. He pulled his lightsaber from his belt and nearly jumped out of his skin as a hand grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t light it. You’ll draw them right to us.” Dalo said in a hushed whisper in his ear. 

_Isn't that the point?_ Jonas thought. He reached out into the Force as they started settling into defensible places on the ridge. Kylo Ren had nearly reached their camp now.

“We've got minutes, if that.” Jonas whispered.

Dalo nodded, settling his rifle on a stone and watching the darkness. Jonas crouch down more and Dalo nudged him away and Jonas nodded, realizing that he was going to just get in the way. He stepped aside, moving past Dalo and kneeling and preparing for the people who would, inevitably, move closer. He suddenly felt Finn’s consciousness in the Force suddenly toward them, flanked by thirteen other familiar consciousnesses. Behind them, Jonas could feel a dozen or so consciousnesses moving closer, with another dozen flanking them. There were also three dark consciousnesses in the mix, which made Jonas’s chest tighten, “They’re moving!” He said clearly. 

The waiting time was long and horrible, but he kept his eyes trained on the dark forest. Jonas held his breath as Finn and the others hit the edge of the forest and he drew his blaster, firing it at the stormtroopers as they moved out into the open. The others around him laid down fire on the stormtroopers as Finn and his group started firing over their shoulders as they climbed up the ridge. 

Suddenly, there were dark red lights in the shade of the trees and Jonas’s heart dropped. 

_Be calm, be content in the Light,_ Master Luke’s voice echoed in his thoughts. Jonas took a deep breath, then fired directly at the exposed jaw and neck of the knight on Kylo Ren’s left and grinned as the knight roared in pain and was then had to raise her lightsaber under the volley of blaster fire that was aimed in her direction. 

Jonas stared at the only mask figure at the edge of the forest- his father. This was his father. He was a tall and imposing figure, framed by two of his black-clothed knights. Jonas’s heart jumped into his throat as Finn and his company reached their level. Jonas kept his blaster trained on the enemies down below. Finn crouched down next to him and said in his ear, “Don’t worry, man, you’ll be alright. They’re not crossing this ridge.” 

_They’re not crossing this ridge,_ Jonas thought clearly, watching Kylo Ren as he stepped closer to their little huddle, _You’re not crossing this ridge._

 

*****

 

Kylo Ren looked up at the rocky ridge and saw a flicker in the Force that was the boy- his son. Kylo drew his lightsaber and advanced on the bottom of the ridge. He moved consistently up the hill as stormtroopers raced up the hill, taking and returning fire with the enemy above him.

He shoved out with the Force, using his frustration at the delay to roll one of the stones back onto the resistance fighters were hiding behind it, but it was stuck. After a second of pressing, he realize it wasn’t stuck, but was being supported by either Alucard or the boy. He gave up just in time to pull his arm out of the way of the blaster bolt that nearly clipped his elbow. He glanced the second one behind it and climbed further. He heard the sound of crackling rock and looked up to see a stormtrooper blasting apart one of the large stones. 

This was going to get up close. 

When Kylo Ren stepped away from the rocky wall he’d been leaning on, he heard a scuffling noise above his head and had a split second to look over his head and raise his lightsaber as a Resistance soldier fired directly onto him. He used his other hand to drag the man down to his level and kicked him in the head. Kylo slashed through the soldier before him, determination and fury in his chest. He wanted control of the area, the village, before the battle to their south tomorrow. He wanted the Jedi. This was the first time he might have direct contact with Jonas. 

Kylo heard someone race past him and looked up to see Arya Ren reach Commander Alucard, drawing her brutal blade. She used a lightsaber that was shorter and a darker red than most, but wielded by a determined warrior. Alucard bore his teeth, his white saber casting an almost ghostly light over his dark skin. Arya met Alucard with her usual ferocity and Kylo Ren turned to try and find an advantage they could use.

Kylo looked up at the ridge, trying to find another opening, behind the Resistance. He cursed, finding none. The sound of Anjat Ren’s familiar shout of pain made Kylo look over. He watched anjat slash savagely at Jonas, throwing him to the ground. The boy grunted and raised his lightsaber just in time, catching Anjat’s lightsaber and throwing him back with enough force that flecks of blood from Anjat’s bound splattered across his face. Anjat Ren retaliated with a kick to Jonas’s chest, sending Jonas falling back to the ground. 

Anjat Ren was going to kill his son. 

Kylo Ren stepped between his knight and the boy, raising his lightsaber to catch the dark jedi’s attack. He shoved his knight back a step. 

“Leave the boy.” Ren growled through his mask.

“Master, he is-”

“Leave him. Killing him would be a waste.” Kylo Ren commanded, “Go. I will deal with him.” He was glad his voice was altered by his mask. He did not want his knight hearing the emotion in his voice, especially considering the barely-controlled rage rolling off of the force-blind knight. The boy- Jonas, he thought, hating himself - had to stay safe. He could not risk anything happening to him. Kylo Ren hoped the boy wasn’t well-trained enough to make harming him a necessity. 

Kylo Ren looked down at his son. The boy had grown up to be tall. He was not as tall as his father, but his dark hair was distinctive enough to make his parentage obvious to anyone paying attention. Ren stared the boy in the eye. His eyes were the exact same color as Rey’s, sharp and intelligent without the same haunted quality Rey’s sometimes had. He had a long nose and prominent cheekbones. Kylo Ren tightened his grasp on his lightsaber; Rey hadn’t lied. His son did resemble him. The boy was strong, but frustratingly limited. Even without any effort, Kylo could see that he was full of rage, but unwilling to use the dark side. Jonas instead chose to dispel these feelings, forcing any potential darkness out waves of directionless energy, but wouldn’t use it to his advantage, even as he sat here in the dust without a weapon and with two enemies standing over him. _The fool,_ Ren thought. 

Jonas tilted up his chin, unable to move much else, keeping his face was totally blank. _His mother has taught him how to control his features,_ Kylo Ren noted. He felt the corner of his mouth twitch, knowing this was a weakness of his own. Perhaps the son would surpass the father. 

“Your masters have taught you to fear the dark, haven’t they?” Ren growled through his mask, watching the boy’s wide hazel eyes.

“No. They’ve taught me how to not be controlled by it.” The boy snapped back. Jonas Quorvin may be young, but he was bold, apparently.

Reaching into his mind, Kylo saw that the boy had shut away any mention of Skywalker or Rey. Frustration bubbling up within him like pitch. Kylo’s fury dissipated when he realized that it wasn’t that Jonas had stuffed his masters away in some corner of his thoughts, but had instead created an incredible defense around his entire mind. Ren looked at the walls around the boy’s thoughts, looking for a weak spot or an area of emotion or darkness, but found none; Kylo was impressed. While he was young and immature, Jonas had an unusual degree of control of his feelings and emotions. Kylo didn’t try to press on his defenses, but waited for curiosity or fear to drive the boy to try and reach into his thoughts. 

Ren could feel terror pouring off of the boy, who struggled to master his emotions and focus on the task at hand. _If only you knew the Dark Side,_ Ren though, _then you could use your anger and fear to your advantage._

His distraction cost him. Suddenly, the familiar blue lightsaber appeared in Jonas’s hand and he launched himself to his feet, swinging swiftly and savagely at Kylo Ren. Kylo caught the blow and the lightsabers glanced off each other. Ren swung at the boy, grunting as the boy’s saber came up to catch his. Kylo didn’t want to hurt him, but Jonas actually posed a threat. The boy was well-trained for a child, but Ren was much taller and stronger than he was. 

How was he supposed to defeat the boy without harming him? How was he supposed to convert him to the Dark Side? 

Something, deep inside, told him this wasn’t going to be possible, but he didn’t want to linger on that. Instead, he settled for defending himself only and trying to find a mental weakness to exploit. 

 

*****

 

Jonas had rolled onto his back, eyes widening at the sight of the cold blade over his head, knowing that he could do nothing to save himself. A hand had appeared, covered in a black glove and caught the knight’s wrist. The hooded man had looked into Kylo’s Ren’s mask, but had eventually left Jonas, frozen on the ground, before the First Knight.

Kylo Ren had spared him on purpose. 

Jonas swiped sharply at Kylo’s hip, which was left open by the stance his had taken, but Kylo’s blade seemed to appear in the space between them. Jonas grunted, then stepped back before slamming down again. Kylo caught his blow with ease and forced Jonas back several paces. Master Rey was wiley and Gida’smoo was fast, but Kylo Ren was _strong_. While he was tall for his age, Jonas had no way to physically compete against his father, who towered over him. _I have to do something,_ Jonas thought desperately. Jonas kicked out, hard, and Kylo grunted, but didn’t lose his footing.

“Your mother loves that trick.” Ren growled through his mask angrily. Jonas focused on the opening that his father had unintentionally provided. He put out a hand, grabbing the first memory he could find in Ren’s mind, dragging it forward and holding it there. Kylo Ren was good and sensing Force signatures and continued to keep pace with him. 

Even after this slow down, Kylo Ren managed to keep up with the fight. However, when Jonas let go of the memory, Kylo Ren didn’t force Jonas from his mind. Apparently, he’d just grabbed something from the surface, from recent meditation, because Kylo was not bothered by what had happened. Jonas wondered why Ren didn’t even _try_ to fight against him. The dark Jedi’s mind was wide open, even organized. Certain memories seemed to have been brought forward, demonstrations of the dark side’s power, Snoke’s strength, even times Kylo Ren had spent with his knight, training or even just relaxing. Jonas nearly withdrew from Ren’s mind, caught off-guard by so many different emotions, but Kylo calmed his thoughts, settling them back into a logical order. 

His father was an utter fool to lower his defenses. _Idiot,_ Jonas thought savagely and grabbed for the memory revisited the most, viewed at with the most doubt and regret. Jonas saw the old man’s face, even more harsh and sat in the red light of the scene and forced it to the front of Kylo’s mind. Jonas was going to take this advantage. This time, Jonas had struck gold. He couldn’t see much, but the pain this memory caused cost Kylo Ren. Kylo growled and threw up his saber to catch his last swing and rotated, throwing Jonas back. That blow had hurt. Kylo Ren swung down. 

A shriek of pain drew both of their attention. Finn had forced the knight off of the ridge and was rushing at Ren, the white blade of his Lightsaber almost blinding in the darkness. Jonas dived out of the way, hitting his knees and elbows on the damp moss covering the stone.

Kylo Ren was out of options and out of time. He turned and savagely shoved out, turning his frustration and fear into power and knocking two Resistance soldiers off of the ridge.

“No!” Jonas threw himself onto the ground and put a hand out, catching them both in mid air. Kylo Ren stopped in his tracks, watching Jonas struggle to slowly move the two soldiers to the rocky ground below. The knights had retreated, leaving them both alone. Jonas struggled to roll over, but Finn shouted, “Stay down, Jonas!”

Jonas sighed in relief, pressing his cheek to the mossy stone below and letting Finn leap over him and force Kylo back. He shoved himself to his feet in time to watch Kylo knock Finn back to the ground, weaponless, before retreating into the forest with the stormtroopers and the nights. 

 

*****

 

Seventeen standard hours later, Kylo Ren curled on the floor of his master’s audience chamber. His mission had failed and, after seeing the thoughts of everyone involved, it had been deemed his fault, due to his weakness.

“Even after so much training, you are still influenced by the Light.” Snoke sneered at him. Kylo groaned as pain exploded through him. Minutes or hours or years passed and he choked when it finally ended.

“Master, I was trying to allow Quorvin, the padawan, a chance to see the power of the Dark side.” Kylo croaked, sitting up on his elbows, coughing more. His robes were tangled around him, his mask discarded by the door. Kylo clumsily tried to swipe his hair out of his sweaty face, but failed. He was shaking too much. Kylo eyed one of his hands, trying to remember how long it had been since he’d eaten or rested. How long until his Master let him leave? _It doesn’t matter,_ Kylo thought automatically, _My master will see to my needs. He is wise._

“Do you believe the boy will join the Dark Side?” Snoke asked, leaning forward in his throne. His words broke Kylo Ren out of his thoughts and Kylo looked up sharply. The Supreme Leader leaned back on his throne, watching Kylo’s face carefully as he allowed Kylo to stand slowly and wipe his mouth. 

Kylo Ren stood shakily and thought for a long and agonizing moment. He thought of the boy’s power and the direct way he was able to find the death of Han Solo in Kylo’s mind. He swallowed and remembered the raw determination and control he’d exhibited, both in the way he fought through pain and in the way he had resisted using the Dark Side. Jonas Quorvin may have been descended from two strong Dark side users- three, if you counted Rey’s time with the First Order, but Jonas was more like Finn Alucard and Luke Skywalker in the way he was rooted in the Light. 

In the face of power and autonomy, Jonas had sought discipline and has sought compassion and family. This was not the motivation of a young man seeking the Dark side.  
“No,” Kylo said, dully, “At least, nothing The First Order can do will persuade him. Unless the Resistance killed his masters without cause or something else of that caliber, I doubt he would join us.”

“Well, then,” His master said, leaning back on his carved black throne, “I am most disappointed in you.”

“Master?”

“The moment you became aware of this, you should have destroyed him.” The Supreme Leader said savagely.

Kylo Ren’s heart dropped, “I-”

“Silence!” Snoke said harshly, leaning down to look at him with the same cold eyes that had haunted him since he was four. Kylo recoiled slightly, but met his master’s eyes. The Supreme Leader would be angrier if he looked away.

 _ **“This boy is a weakness for you. To be secure in the Dark, you must leave nothing that you value more than the power of the Force.”**_ The words echoed, overwhelming, in his mind and he reeled, trying to steady himself. 

_**“This boy is a weakness for you. To be secure in the Dark, you must leave nothing that you value more than the power of the Force.”** _

“Master,” Kylo croaked, his hands on his head, but his master didn’t do anything.

 _ **“This boy is a weakness for you. To be secure in the Dark, you must leave nothing that you value more than the power of the Force.”**_  
“Do not let yourself have compassion for Quorvin,” The Supreme Leader said, “He will only stall your plans. He will only get in the way of your grandfather’s legacy. If he us of no use to us, we must not let him get in the way of our plans. What must you do?”

 _ **“This boy is a weakness for you. To be secure in the Dark, you must leave nothing that you value more than the power of the Force.”**_  
“I have to be secure in the Dark.” Kylo said, swaying a little.

 _ **“This boy is a weakness for you. To be secure in the Dark, you must leave nothing that you value more than the power of the Force.”**_  
“Good, Kylo Ren. You are a good knight. Remember, I know the Force and the Dark Side better than anyone. I will ensure that your grandfather’s will is fulfilled.” The Supreme Leader said, “I am the only one who knew his wishes, but I will let you execute our will. Do not doubt, Kylo Ren. The Supreme Leader is wise.”  
_**“Do not doubt. The Supreme Leader is wise.”**_

“Yes, Master.” Kylo said, feeling a little fuzzy. It was like being drunk, almost, surrounded by such a strong presence in the Force.

“Focus on the Force, not yourself Your compassion for the scavenger got you into this mess.

Even through the confused haze, Kylo felt a hard tightening of his chest. Jonas wasn't a mess. He'd seen into the boy’s mind. He was bright, thoughtful, strong, and focused. His son would be a worthy Jedi and he knew it. 

_**“Do not doubt. The Supreme Leader is wise.”** _

“Master-” Kylo said, feeling the mental pressure reach a fever pitch. It was too much, just too much.

_**“Do not doubt. The Supreme Leader is wise.”** _

“This pain is beneficial, Kylo Ren,” The Supreme Leader said coldly, “It will make your wiser, strong in the Dark. It will make you more like me.”

_**“Do not doubt. The Supreme Leader is wise.”** _

Kylo’s knees buckles. Pain rained upon him and Kylo Ren hunched forward, unable to bear the weight of it all.  
_**The Supreme Leader is wise**_ rang over and over in his mind, but another thought cut through the cacophony: _Jonas Quorvin is my son. Rey Jedi is his mother._  
_**The boy is a liability and a weakness…**_ _Jonas Quorvin is my son. Rey Jedi is his mother…_ _**You must kill the boy. Do not fail the Supreme Leader…**_ _Jonas Quorvin is my son. Rey Jedi is his mother…_ _**The Supreme Leader knows what must happen…**_ _Jonas Quorvin is my son…_ _**The Supreme Leader is strongest in the Force…**_ _Rey Jedi is his mother…_ _**Do not express doubt. The Supreme Leader is wise…**_ _Jonas Quorvin- my son…_ _**The woman never cared. Only the Supreme Leader ever cared…**_ _Rey Jedi… The Supreme_ _ **Leader is wise…**_ _Jonas is my son…_ _**you must kill the boy to restore your grandfather's wishes…**_ _my son…_ _**You must-**_ _my son… my son…_ As Kylo finally fell out of consciousness, his last thought was _Jonas, my son…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end!!!
> 
> Prompts are still opened! Doesn't have to be Reylo!


	21. Everyone Must Leave Something Behind When He Dies, My Grandfather Said

**"Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said," - Ray Bradbury, _Fahrenheit 451_**

Gida’smoo cursed under her breath as they hit the atmosphere, looking over to check the reactions of her pilot. Good, he seemed calm. She had been travelling for weeks, trying to find the artifacts from the stinking smugglers who’d landed frantically on whatever Force-forsaken rock this was. Leaning over her navigator Tahiri, she looked down at the specs of the planet. The terrain wasn’t much different from the natural topography and climate of Ryloth, so the whole crew could survive this planet with minimal effort and supplies.

“Does anyone see the smugglers on any radars?” Gida’smoo asked, looking around at her little crew, who were all checking scanners or supplies. 

“No,” Gale and Sa’isha, her communications analysts, said in unison. 

“You hear anything, Sa’isha?” Tahiri asked.

“I’ve got nothing.” Sa’isha said, sighing in frustration, “I mean, I can hear _something_ below us, but we’re going to have to go there in person.” 

Tahiri straightened a little and turned her body in a way that allowed Gida’smoo to continued to look at the map over her shoulder, turning to speak to Gale and a few others. Gida’smoo comfortably rested her chin on her friend’s shoulder, trying to find a logical path the smugglers could have taken to hide from them. There was a slim possibility that they’d snuck into the labyrinth of valleys and rock formations, moved outside of the range of their scanners, and could leave the planet at their leisure. On a planet’s surface, their scanners were accurate over much shorter distances than in open space, so they had to be fast. Gida’smoo drummed her fingers on the board, then leaned her free weight on her forearm. Tahiri was still talking, her voice reverberating next to Gida’smoo’s ear, but Gida’smoo wasn’t listening. 

Gida’smoo looked down at the map, tracking a specific ridge that looked to be something that a ship the right size could have used to go west without being tracked. From there, they could follow one of the major rivers north and take off from the ocean. The water would probably throw off Gida’smoo’s sensors as they’d descended. Yes, this was the most likely-

“Gida.” Tahiri said. 

Gida’smoo straightened and blinked, “Huh?”

“Sa’isha thinks they may have led us to their storehouse by accident.” Tahiri said, “We should go down this ridge, right here,” Tahiri pointed to the ridge they were hovering over, “and try to get at it from the ground level.”

“Okay.” Gida’smoo said, nodding, “When we disembark, I’ll reach out with the Force and make sure we’re not stumbling onto the nest of some creature we don’t want to see, but otherwise, sure.” 

Sa’isha, Gale, and the rest of the crew nodded. They all broke and started rummaging around their ship, gathering some supplies to move climb down the rockwall, which framed a valley too narrow for their ship to land. Gida’smoo grabbed her pack and hoisted it onto her shoulder and pressed the button to open the hatch as her crew finished up behind her. Hoping for a moment of space and quiet, Gida’smoo stepped quietly off the ship and looked around.

Taking a deep breath, Gida’smoo reached out through the Force, looking first for living creatures or groupings of Force signatures and then for individuals. After that, Gida’smoo looked for any major significant of objects strong in the Force, but couldn’t pinpoint anything close by. At least, not anything she could parse out. The ground she was standing on seemed to be dulling _something_ and she could feel, distantly, something dark in the area around them, but couldn’t find the specifics, which bothered her. She was usually excellent at discerning the realities around them, but couldn’t come up with anything clear.

“Got anything?” Gale asked, shaking his salt-and-pepper hair out of his face as he disembarked.

“No,” Gida’smoo said, shrugging, “There’s something up with this place. I’ll need to get closer, too.” 

“Well, then,” Tahiri said, pulling a bandana around the edge of her head, fixing a few strands of her hair back into the tightly curled knot around her head, “Looks like we’re going to have to climb for it.”

Gida’smoo nodded. The crew set up around edge of the ridge, pounding down weights and frames so they could climb down in twos and threes. Putting on a harness, Gida’smoo clipped into place and let Gale, who was a more experienced climber, to belay her down. Gida’smoo took a deep breath, climbing slowly down the ridge, even as a sense of inescapable trepidation set over her. Something was viscerally wrong about the little ravine they were climbing into. She’d grown familiar with the tainted feel the Force often took on at the site of massacres or burial sites, but this was different even from that. There was a malevolence radiating through the very rocks under her hands and feet. It scared her to think of what they could possibly be encountering. 

When Gida’smoo reached the ground, she shuddered and gratefully removed her hands from the rock. Distantly, however, she felt something blink in her periphery. Turning to the ravine’s far wall, Gida’smoo watched the pile of rocks and debris for a moment, then reached out with the Force. She pushed past the stone, careful not to actually disturb any of them and trigger a possible rockslide, and then met something dark on the other side. Afraid to make contact with anything sentient, she quickly recoiled, putting up mental walls as quickly as she could.

“Sir?” Someone asked from her right.

Gida’smoo turned to see her friend and co-leader watching her warily. Tahiri was force blind, but was good at reading force users, which made up for it.

“We found something.” Gida’smoo said, pointing to the pile of rock, “Call them here. All the Jedi.” 

 

*****

Kylo Ren walked swiftly up to his master’s chambers. He had been summoned with haste, feeling something akin to excitement in his master’s thoughts. Something valuable had been discovered, he surmised, although he knew The Supreme Leader would tell him what it was. Hopefully it was not the boy- _Jonas_ \- the name appeared unbidden into his thoughts. Even if it was, however, he would do what must be done. He would do whatever it took to meet the Supreme Leader’s demands. _The Supreme Leader is wise,_ his mind seemed to remind him. 

Kylo Ren was pulled from his thoughts by the sight of the doors to the Supreme Leader’s chambers. 

“Master,” Kylo Ren said as he entered his master’s chambers. The Supreme Leader sat on his cruel throne of black stone and waved him forward impatiently. He took a step to the side to avoid a smear of some dark reddish stain on the walkway up to his master’s throne. Distantly, he wondered who had trespassed so severely that his master had dealt with them so… indelicately. 

Not that he was going to ask. 

Crossing up the walkway to kneel down before the aged darksider, Kylo Ren stilled his mind and waited for instruction.

“I have a mission for you Kylo Ren, one that may prove decisive in the war between the First Order and the Resistance,” The Supreme Leader said, “It appears that the newest Jedi has summoned her fellows with urgency to Ladiri.” 

_The Smuggler’s den?_ Kylo thought, unable to help it. Ladiri had been a place Han Solo had mentioned in passing, but Kylo had never seen its surface. In the old days, it had been a good place to lose an Imperial tail. The Supreme Leader waited in silence and Kylo realized he was asking for information. He may know the thoughts of everyone around him, but teaching opportunities came in the form of asking one's subordinates to think for themselves. 

“I know nothing of Ladiri except that it is a only ever inhabited by smugglers,” Kylo Ren said, cautiously, “I have heard it is a labyrinth of rock and rivers, especially in the north, but otherwise is very wild. No one stays for very long, or at least not that I had ever heard.”

“The Jedi had been obsessed with gathering knowledge from all corners of the galaxy, trying to learn from whatever artifacts and holocrons escaped your grandfather’s purge. They have succeeded in amassing a noteworthy collection. They may have found some long-abandoned haul on the surface.” The Supreme Leader said.

“I will go and destroy this heretical information,” Kylo Ren said automatically, “We cannot allow any more Jedi to have training or access to the outdated teachings of old.”  
“Do not stop with the teachings,” The Supreme Leader said clearly, “I want you to destroy the Jedi. Their time in this galaxy is over.”

Kylo Ren started. He looked up as his master said, “Rise, Kylo Ren. We can stamp out the light, once and for all, today.”

“Yes, Master.” Kylo said, standing.

“Do not disappoint me. You are so close to securing your place in the Dark Side. Do not let your weakness destroy that.”

“Of course, Master. I will not fail you.” Kylo Ren said. He bowed to his master, then turned and hurried to the door. They had no time to lose. Everything would change today. He could feel it in the Force. 

 

*****

 

“I’ve heard about this place!” Rey said, looking around the rough reddish rock formations as they landed, “For some reason, on Jakku, I’d always heard about Landrian, not Ladiri, but this definitely matches the descriptions.” _Yes, everyone mentioned the red stone and maze of passageways and valleys, but no one mentioned the clear presence of the dark side._ Then again, maybe those stories hadn’t reached her. Rey could, however, feel why they were being called. Although it was faint and seemed to be muted by the presence of the stone around them, there was definitely something close by.

“Well, it is pretty far away from Jakku, so it’s probably something most of those traders would have only heard about from second or third-hand stories.” Luke said, looking through some of the viewports on their ship to look at their surroundings, “Remember, Gida’smoo said the valley is pretty narrow, so don’t go in recklessly.”

“Now Luke,” Rey said, spotting a signal flag and turning towards it and carefully lowering their little ship into the ravine which, thank the Force, was big enough to hold them, “When have you ever known me to do anything reckless or dangerous.”

Luke muttered darkly under his breath as he walked over to check the levels of the ship. Rey couldn’t hear what he’d said, but she heard Jonas snicker, so it probably wasn’t very complimentary. Rey pulled off her headset and powered down the engines, running through ground protocol as she looked around for their guide. After a moment, she saw the familiar salt-and-pepper hair of Gale Pollard, who she’d flown missions with before he’d been assigned to Gida’smoo’s ship. 

“Master Jedi!” Gale said cheerily, waving at them. 

Rey smiled and grabbed her lightsaber, water carrier, and hat as she stepped off the ship. She’d decided to pin her braids around her head and was now very grateful to have the weight off her neck, which would be unbearable in the heat, “Gale!” She said, smiling and walked over to hug her former comrade, “How are you? How is the crew working out?”

“Very well,” Gale said, “Gida’smoo is young, but a capable leader and Tahiri does an excellent job of keeping us from doing anything too stupid.”

“Always an underestimated gift,” Luke said gravely. He greeted the analyst as well and soon, Rey, Luke, and Jonas were heading up the ravine with Gale, who explained that the cave they were looking for was less than a half-mile north of their landing site, but they had to endure a few twists in the ravine, so it would feel like longer.  
When they finally made it around the last bend, Rey saw some equipment and a little camp set up in the shady valley, which was overlooked by steep cliffsides on all side. As they turned, Rey felt unease set into her stomach in earnest, but she focused on looking for her former padawan. Eventually, she noticed the familiar green form right in front of the filled-in cave that made Rey hesitate. Gida’smoo paced before the mountainside thoughtfully. When she saw Rey and Luke, her shoulders relaxed automatically. The young Twi’lek waited impatiently for her former masters to come closer to her, but then gave it up and met them at the entrance to the little camp. Despite her anxiety, she managed to keep her face relatively calm and collected.

“Masters, you need to see this. There is something in here.” Gida’smoo blurted, gesturing to the old cave-in.

Rey could agree with that assessment. There was definitely something awake in the mountain, waiting for them. She bit her lip and looked at the caved-in stones, unsure of what they were going to do about the stones themselves. 

“We need to get into that cave,” Finn said behind them, making Rey jump. She’d been surprised and was then immediately embarrassed and annoyed. She was a Jedi master, by the Force, she shouldn’t be startled by a colleague, even in a place that seemed to be interfering with the Force itself. 

“When did you get here?” Rey blurted. It sounded more accusatory than she meant it to, but her embarrassment charged her voice.

“A few hours ago.” Finn said, raising his eyebrows at her reaction, “I did a little exploring of the area while I waited for you.” 

“Okay.” Rey said, feeling doubly stupid, “Good to see you.” She muttered.

“Good to see you, too.” Finn said, chuckling and putting an arm around her. 

“Moving the rocks is the problem,” Gida’smoo said, “We could use a laser drill to open up passages in the rock, but it could take them more than a standard week to get it out here.” 

“But a laser drill would destroy any of the stone we carve into,” Rey said, biting her lip, “We don’t know what’s on the other side. I don’t want to destroy anything. There could be stolen goods leaning up against the rockfall.”

“How do you figure that?” Finn asked.

“If there’s a backdoor or cave system we don’t know about, someone could have used the cave-in like a back wall rather than a front door.”

Finn and Luke nodded together. Rey sighed in frustration, then glanced around, looking for Tahiri and Gale. They might not be Jedi, but had been on similar missions, so they might have reasonable input. She found them at the rockpile, with Tahiri reading aloud from a holopad as Gale took a magnifier to the stones, looking over their surfaces carefully. Rey watched them for a moment, falling silent as Finn, Luke, and Gida’smoo debated back and forth about the merits and costs of keeping the stones in place or trying to move them. Gale looked up, made eye contact with Rey, and waved the Jedi over. Rey frowned and passed around their tents in front of the rockpile. Gale was looking at a few stones near the bottom of the pile.

“I don’t think this is an ancient temple,” Gale said, gesturing to a few rocks in particular, “There are no carvings or paintings that I can see and amm formations seem to be natural. Look, you can see a clear pattern of discoloration from years of exposure, right? There’s a really clear line right on this boulder here, except the stone was disturbed recently, less than two years ago, I think.” 

“What makes you think that?” Finn said, looking at the stone Gale was pointing to.

“Well, we can see the line,” Gale said, “This area is visible, but not weathered down like the rest. If these stores were undisturbed for years, then the lines would be hidden by the other rocks.”

Finn nodded, “I see.” 

“So we can move the stones safely, good.” Rey said, “now, we have to look at how. I don’t want to wait for a laser drill.”

“I was thinking about that,” Finn said, looking around, “We have how many Jedi? Why don’t we just move the stones manually?”

“Move them where?” Luke asked.

“The ravine next door, I guess.” Finn said, shrugging.

“Okay, who is going to move what where?” Rey said.

“Well, we could keep Luke and me at the top of the ravine and the three of you at the bottom. You pass stones to us and we’ll make sure they land safely.”

“That will be time-consuming.” Gida’smoo said warily.

“But it will greatly reduce the odds of a rockslide,” Luke said.

“I like it,” Jonas said, “besides, if it turns out that there are carvings we want to save, then we can sort them somewhere else safely.” 

Rey nodded, “Let’s do it. We’re just burning daylight at this point.”

With that, Finn, Luke, and a tech climbed up to the ravine while Rey, Gida’smoo, and Jonas settled into the ground-level. Rey was going to pull the rocks free, then move them over to where Finn and Luke could get them over the cliff they were standing on and into the ravine on the other side. Around them, techs and other soldiers patrolled and ordered supplies, giving their Jedi room to work undisturbed. 

Seeing Luke and Finn settled in position, Rey took a deep breath before pulling up a bandanna over her nose and mouth to protect herself from any dust that moving the rocks kicked up. She glanced over at Gida’smoo, who mimicked her. Calling on the Force around her and painstakingly ignored the darkness in the stone, Rey slowly rolled a few stones from the top of the pile, levitated them over to where Luke and Finn were and held them still. This was more difficult that she expected; whatever was in that cave, there was definitely dark energy in the stones themselves and the cave they had sealed. 

“They’ve got it.” Jonas said from her left, his eyes on the tech who was going to wave a flag when Finn and Luke had the boulders secure.

This was repeated over and over. After a few rounds, Gida’smoo switched from catching any falling rocks to helping her levitate boulders over to Luke and Finn. Eventually, Rey started to see into the cave. She asked, “How much more, do you think?”

“Probably just this last boulder,” Gida’smoo said, hoisting it up on her own and letting Rey support her, rather than the other way around. 

Jonas waved his arms wildly, calling Finn and Luke down from the cliff side.

“We we want to go in?” Gida’smoo asked, passing Rey a canteen, which she accepted gratefully.

“No,” Rey said, her voice hoarse from gulping down water, “We’ll give Finn and Luke a chance to get down.”

“Fine with me.” Jonas said, sitting down next to Rey. Rey glanced at her son for a moment, letting him take a swig from the canteen. His dark hair was sticking to his face with sweat everywhere it came down from the little ponytail he was wearing. She liked the ponytail, especially since it allowed him to see, but it didn’t help the ever-present rumors that the Jedi orphan was the son of the ever-victorious Major Zhetam Lylin, who had gained fame in recent years across the galaxy for his victories against the First Order. 

Rey looked up as Luke and Finn crossed from the ravine towards them. Individual techs started gathering around, readying supplies as the jedi took the moment to rest.

“You need a break?” Finn teased, seeing that Rey and Jonas were sitting down.

Rey rolled her eyes, wordlessly sticking out the water container, which Finn took a swig from. “We’re going to need some lights.” Rey said, pointing to the cave.  
“You mean, like, lightsabers?” Jonas asked sarcastically.

Rey shook her head, “Nothing with a laser or flame. There might be trapped gases or something. I don’t want to get blown up after all that work.” Rey had remembered how, on Jakku, there had been stories of scavengers who had been too desperate or inattentive to think clearly and had suffocated in old fuel containers, where heavy gases could settle for days or weeks at a time, even after they’d been opened. Rey remembered how, one night, she’d awoken in her AT-AT to see an explosion lighting the far western sky. Apparently, someone had tried to pry open an old container, accidentally set off a spark, and had killed himself along with eight others as well as ruining what could have been excellent wreckage for years. 

“Good idea.” Gida’smoo said, drawing Rey from her thoughts. 

They ended up waiting almost an hour before the sent in little drones to test the air levels. When the results came back as safe for sentient exploration, the group gathered supplies and climbed into the dark cave. Rey and Luke led the way, a lights on one hand and their other hands ready to grab their lightsabers if they met something. Rey could feel a heavy presence in the dark side, but otherwise nothing. There was no light, nothing neutral, just a general dark force in this cave. 

Gale and a few other techs climbed into the cave behind them. They all had light sticks and lamps, but the cave seemed to be so big that the light barely made a dent. Rey glanced at Gida’smoo, who shivered. She knew Gida’smoo was a jedi in her own right, but she was still concerned. The young twi’lek had been her ward for years. Sure, she had parents that she’d visited frequently and talked with constantly, but Rey had spent almost a decade looking out for her safety. It was a tough habit to break.

The jedi moved slowly into the cave, careful not to disturb too much of the sandstone. Everyone kept to the perimeters, trying to find the bounds of the cave and get in idea of the space they were operating in. As they went, they left lamps around the perimeter, trying to put as much light in the dark cave as they could. After a long time, light eventually began to fill the cave. Rey carefully inspected the walls around her, letting Luke and Jonas pass by her, towards the deeper interior of the cave. She could feel darkness radiating around them and avoided touching the walls. She’d been sucked into memories of the past in the Riya-Visna cave and did not want to see how much worse that could be in a potential sith storehouse. Rey jumped when she heard a skittering of rocks distantly in the cave. She turned sharply and saw Tahiri, Gale, and Finn climbing up another gap in the back wall of the cave. She saw them climb into the gap and their lights fade distantly as they clambered down, but she took a deep breath, listening frantically for any falls or shouts, but didn’t, so she turned back to her looking at the cave walls. There were no carvings at all, so this looked like a cave taken by opportunists, not an ancient site that had been repurposed. 

Gida’smoo stopped short on a little rocky ledge, looking down on a small basic, “Masters!” 

Rey looked up sharply and wheeled around, looking for any danger. Instead, she just saw Gida’smoo standing on the little sandstone ledge. Rey walked over to her and paused at the sight of a black-clothed skeletal figure curled on the ground before them. 

“By the Force,” Luke said, crossing over to them. He scratched at his beard thoughtfully, “Now who is _that_?” 

“This is Tomax Ren.” Rey said quietly, looking down at the skeleton of her former comrade. She recognized the ever-familiar red around the eyes of the helmet. She’d helped him pick it out. Rey stepped down and looked down carefully at the curled form. Tomax Ren had disappeared from all missives around a year before, but she hadn’t thought much of it. The Knight was barely thirty, so she’d assumed he’d disappeared to finish up his training. Apparently, he’d died. He’d died on his knees, body curled up, in a dark cave, alone, buried alive by a rock fall. No one should died like that.

“Do you know them?” Luke asked. Rey straightened and nodded, putting her hand on her hip, fiddling with the hilt of her saberstaff absently. She’d known Tomax, years ago, and it was odd to see him like this, looking like he’d died of starvation or exposure. Tomax had been young and quiet when she’d first met him, a force-sensitive plucked from an obscure bar on Coruscant, full of distrust and with a ruthless will to survive. Kylo had worked tirelessly with him, honing his frustration into discipline. By the time she left a year later, Rey had thought of Tomax like an ancient lazer gin, full of terrible power, but highly effective when properly directly. Now that was gone.

Rey took a deep breath. Every hair on the back of her neck was standing up. This cave was an epicenter of dark energy. Tomax was giving off more darkness than she’d ever encountered even from the Supreme Leader.

Rey kneeled down to inspect the emaciated form better, then suddenly stood up, realizing what was wrong: If Tomax Ren was dead, what was the presence that she felt in the Dark Side? 

“Everyone, get up and get out!” Rey barked, standing as quickly as she dared, “Something’s in here.”

“Rey, what-”

“Shut up and get out!” Rey shouted. 

“Master, think!” Jonas said sharply.

“What?” Rey asked, looking at her padawan, who was so calm it annoyed her.

“Reach into the Force,” Jonas said, “There’s nothing alive or conscious here.”

Rey watched him warily, then closed her eyes. She could feel the Force signatures of her comrades and the techs around her, but the presences in the Dark side weren’t living or thinking. It was like a malevolent glow, not a functioning individual. Rey took a deep breath, then nodded, “Thank you, Jonas.”

“We’re looking for an object or something,” Luke said, “Not a person or creature.”

“We’re going to need help with that.” Rey said.

“Good thing Finn brought a friend,” Luke said, pointing to the cave opening.

“R2!” Jonas said, grinning as the aged droid levitated from the cave opening to the ledge they’d been standing on. Jonas grinned and gently touched the droid’s head in greeting as it passed.

“Hello, R2.” Rey said, smiling. 

R2 trilled back in happy binary. Rey was glad the droid was back in the field. He’d spent many years around various bases and ships, serving as storehouse of information and an excellent companion for Jonas, but she could tell he missed being close to the action. 

“Come along, R2.” Luke said, chuckling at excited greeting the droid gave Jonas, “Can you scan the cave for any potential objects or hiding spots?”

R2 rose into the air and scanned the walls, moving carefully around the high walls of the cave. Rey watched him with the others for a moment, then turned back to Tomax. He’d been so young, but here he was. She was pulled from her meditation by a glint between the bones of his ribs. Rey grabbed a light stick and kneeled down next to the skeleton again.

“What is it?” Luke asked sharply, looking down with interest.

“I don’t know,” Rey murmured, “I saw something.” Rey shined the light into the gap under Tomax’s arm and saw something shine there- a saber.

“It’s a lightsaber,” Rey said, looking between the bones.

“What kind of lightsaber, can you tell?” Luke asked.

Rey bit her lip, “I can’t see very well, but it’s silver and black. Ren curled up very tightly around it before he died.”

“Did the lightsaber kill him?” Jonas asked, climbing down and kneeling next to the skeleton to see it better.

“I don’t know.” Rey said, shrugging.

“R2?” Luke asked. 

R2 scanned the skeleton then let out a quiet trill. No signs of trauma, then. Rey rubbed her hands together and looked down and looked at the cave mouth, “I think it was starvation or exposure.” Rey said.

“Why?” Luke asked.

“This is the most comfortable place in the cave. If you need to pick a spot and wait for death, this is it.” 

“This is what we felt at Poe’s wedding.” Gida’smoo said, gesturing to the skeleton, “It must have triggered a cave-in or something, which is why it blinked out.”

“How did it end up here in the first place?” Rey asked.

From their left, a flare suddenly shone from above them. Rey turned sharply, scattering pebbles under her heel and looked up to see Tahiri Dane perched at the opening she’d disappeared into earlier, “Master Jedi, you’re going to want to see this.”

Rey glanced at her comrades, then slowly walked over to the far wall. The opening was even higher than she realized. Rey jumped from one of the boulders near the skeleton to the opening by Tahiri. When she landed, she peered over the stones and took a deep breath. 

It looked like someone had crashed an older Imperial Light Cruiser into the cave. This must have been what caused the original carving of the cave. Rey looked down at the wreckage of the ship, then the Jedi behind her, and finally at the soldiers. “It’s an Imperial Light Cruiser!” She shouted down to Luke and the others before jumping down to land close to the wreckage. 

It looked like the entire front of the ship had been demolished, but not burned. Rey could see the smears of dried fuel and was glad she’d insisted on flameness light sources. One spark could set off an explosion in this side cavern. She saw techs moving around the wreckage, doing what they could to get information, looking up patches and scanning any barcode they could get access to. 

Rey felt Luke and Gida’smoo come from behind her, but didn’t look at them, instead focusing on any bits of tech or armory she could recognize. She hadn’t worked on light cruisers very often on Jakku. By the time she was scavenging away from Niima, most of the small transporters had been picked apart or repaired and sold.

“You recognize anything?” Luke asked from behind Rey. 

“I’ve got nothing.” Rey said, watching Luke look at some of the identification on the outside of the ship, “You?” 

Luke skimmed a hand over some of the Imperial insignia, “They were on the Death Star. Technicians, I think.” he said.

“Were they defecting?” Gida’smoo asked warily

“No, escaping, I think.” Luke said, looking at the minor damage to the surface of the ship that Rey assumed was from a hurried jump to hyperspace, “They were probably one of the last to escape before it exploded.” Luke murmured.

“They crashed,” Finn said, appeared in the doorway, “All died on impact, from what I can tell.” 

Rey nodded, looking around. She looked down at Jonas, who was looking uncomfortably around the cave. 

Jonas fidgeted. There was so much darkness, flowing and shifting around them all, which made him sick to his stomach. Rey could feel his unease, but didn’t press. He had good instincts, if you gave him his space.

“Master,” Jonas said after a moment, “I think we’re missing something.”

“What?” Rey asked, frowning at him.

“I don’t know.” Jonas said, “I just… I feel like something’s going to catch us off-guard.”

“Well, at least we know we’re about to be caught off-guard, so we won’t be… caught… off-guard…” Finn said, trailing off as he really listened to his words. 

“UNIDENTIFIED SHIPS APPROACHING!” A voice said tinnily over the intercom. 

Tahiri grabbed the comm, “Do they seem like friendlies?” She asked clearly. 

“Master, the First Order is here!” Jonas said suddenly. 

Master Luke turned sharply, “Are you sure?”

“I recognize some of the Force signatures!” Jonas said. 

Rey swore. One of the great gifts of her padawan was his ability to recognize people over long distances, but she wondered if it would be enough this time.

“We need to get out of here.” Finn said, looking around at all the techs, who would take at least thirty minutes to get out of the cave.

“How?” Rey asked.

Finn took a deep breath, drumming his fingers on the side of his lightsaber, “Okay, here’s what we’re going to to: the Jedi are going to go first. We’re going to draw as much attention as we can. I want all the techs to get at close to the cave entrance as possible. We’re going to give you cover, then you all go to the transport ships down that western passageway, understood? Leave all equipment that isn’t top secret.” 

The technicians nodded. Rey sighed and moved quickly, jumping up to the opening and then back to the ship. These people weren’t soldiers. They were academics, experts, who had been willing to live and die for them and for the memory of the jedi. By the Force, Rey hope she didn’t lose them all today.

Rey wasn’t the only one with this fear. She saw Gida’smoo hesitate at the top of the opening and turned to the young jedi, “Are you alright?”

“We can do this, can’t we?” Gida’smoo asked. Her amber eyes were wide, even in the darkness, and Rey felt emboldened. She had to be strong and confident, if only for the young twi’lek. Smiling, she nodded, “Come on, Gida’smoo,” Rey said, waving a hand, “We’re going ‘Darksider Hunting’.” With that, Rey leapt down from the opening to the sandstone below. Unable to help it, she glanced at Tomax Ren’s skelton. She wasn’t sure which troubled her more, the possibility of losing the lightsaber to the knights of Ren or abandoning the skeleton of a former friend. She had some consolation, though. Kylo Ren would bury the young knight, she was sure. 

When she reached out of the cave, she was nearly blinded by the light outside and stood, blinking rapidly. 

“Master Jedi!” A soldier said from her right, “We have maybe twenty minutes before the first order arrive.” 

“It will take the techs at least thirty to get out of there.” Finn said.

“Looks like we have to make up the difference,” Rey said.

“When we get through this,” Luke shouted from farther down by the camp itself, “I’m taking a vacation. This is ridiculous. I deserve a breath.”

“Is now really the time?” Finn shouted back incredulously.

“You’ve had two vacations, Finn.” Luke said gruffly, scanning some information about the First Order ships, which were apparently looking for them. 

“If you call ‘paternity leave’ a vacation, then I can confirm that all the rumors about secret Skywalker children are decidedly false.” Finn muttered.  
Rey chuckled, unable to help it. 

“We’re outnumbered.” Luke said, waving the holopad as he walked over and decidedly ruined any chance at levity, “And they know where we are.”

“How are we going to make that up,” Rey said, rubbing her forehead. 

“We can disguise our people.” Jonas said, looking between Luke and Rey, “We can’t hide this many force signatures, but we can make our numbers impossible to discern or pinpoint.”

“You can do that?” Finn said.

“We’ve been working on it for a while.” Luke said. 

Rey sighed, but thought for a moment. For some reason, she was reminded of her departure from Jakku: her 19-year old self had stolen a junkie freighter and had ridden it to her destiny. She looked from Luke to Jonas, then shrugged, “What do we have to lose?” 

“Nothing, at this point, except time.” Luke said, nodded. 

The soldiers gathered, dividing everyone as best they could and divvying out whatever weapons they could. Luckily, there would be pilots waiting at all four of the available ships so that, when they were ready, they could take off. Rey kept her face collected, even though she had a sinking feeling about this entire plan. Finn gave out orders with a firm tone that spoke of confidence, but Rey saw hesitation in his eyes when he looked up at her. When they were all given positions, they decided to try and shoot as many as they could in one strike, which had worked on Mon Cala. Rey drew her number and memorized it, but kept glancing at Jonas, who seemed to be struggling not to fiddle with the blaster he’d been given. _Here’s the battle experience you wanted,_ She thought to herself. It was on days like this that she wished Jonas was six again and she could protect him from the entire galaxy.

When they broke apart, Rey and Luke moved up the hillside and Luke muttered to Rey, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

_That always bodes well among Jedi,_ Rey thought, but contented herself with nodding to her friend as he moved to his mark and she continued upward. Rey clambered up the ravine, watching Resistance soldiers hurrying to every available hiding place along the only ravine the First Order could land in.

When she settled into a protected niche in the rocky cliffside, Rey reached into the Force and found it cloudy and rippling. It was like Luke and Jonas had muddied the water, giving them a fighting chance to hide. She could see Jonas from here, tucked next to Finn with a blaster in his hands, sipping from a canteen. She could see the concentration in his face, even from this distance. By the Force, she was proud of him. 

She couldn’t think about that for long, though, as dark shapes appeared above them in the distance. Between their ships and the rock formations, the First Order had only one option, but they also thought they had the element of surprise. They would assume the Resistance personnel were all in the cave, not waiting in the ravine. This was the Resistance’s greatest advantage here. _We’ve got the high ground you tight-collared darksiders,_ Rey thought darkly, bracing herself securely into her place and watching them take the bait. 

Rey drew her weapon and watched the First Order ships hovered in the ravine in front of them. She leaned back against the stone, then listened for several agonizing moments as she reached out in the Force, trying to feel the emotions of her enemies. She had general excitement at the battle, stress, and a single threat of… trepidation? 

“What do you feel?” Finn asked, “Do you recognize anyone?”

“General resentment and frustration, but nothing specific. Ask Luke.” Rey said. She decided not to mention the regret or hesitation she’d felt. If there was an injured knight, it could prove to their advantage, but there might also be a tech who had broken protocol and didn’t want to be written up, so she said nothing. 

“My nephew is definitely here.” Luke said over his shoulder, calling up to them.

“And he’s _ticked!_ ” Gida’smoo over her shoulder from further down the ravine. She and Luke weren’t as clear about sorting emotions, but were good at unearthing truth. 

“Wow, _that_ was a plot twist!” Finn said, shaking his head, “Never saw that coming!”

Rey laughed, but stopped as she heard the First Order ships actually land. They all went quiet and the only sounds were the swirl of dust and the winds that howled from the ridges overhead. 

When the door opened and Kylo Ren stepped off the ship, Rey held her breath, _Hold, everyone, hold,_ she thought desperately. They’d all drawn numbers to maintain their surprise. Rey had drawn one, the first person off the ship. She had to shoot Kylo. 

Rey took a deep breath, listening for the last to leave the ship. When there was a break in the pace of disembarking, Rey heard a quiet **click** \- the signal- from somewhere to her right. She glanced over and saw Jonas and Finn’s side of the ravine was also in position. Rey counted to three, then heard the telltale second **click** , and took aim at Kylo. She heard the final **click** and pulled the trigger. At once, blaster bolts rained down on the knights, who scrambled to respond. Rey smiled savagely, straightened up, and took her next shot at a stormtrooper, who was wildly searching for them.

The skirmish had begun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left!!!


	22. No Soldier Outlives a Thousand Chances. But Every Soldier Believes in Chance and Trusts His Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings at the bottom

**“No soldier outlives a thousand chances. But every soldier believes in Chance and trusts his luck.” ― Erich Maria Remarque**

Rey dropped down to her knees as blaster fire rained down around them. She’d missed Kylo or her shot had been blocked by the force, but she had hit the stormtrooper, so that counted for something. In the same step, however, she’d given away her specific position, which she cursed herself for. She turned her head to see a familiar short-statured knight in a familiar helmet an unnervingly heart-shaped chrome mask. This was Arya Ren, an old sparring partner who’d apparently taken up a role as a favored lieutenant of Kylo Ren in recent years. She had the Force, but was not nearly as talented as Kylo or any of the Jedi. At some point, Arya Ren had taken to using her powers to reinforce herself physically and had surrendered to manipulating the Force beyond that, to horrifying effect. 

“Get out of here!” Rey shouted at the Resistance soldiers to her left. They hurried around from where they were crouched beside her, placing themselves farther down the ravine. Rey turned around the other side and saw Arya’s mask focus on in her. 

_Here it comes, Rey thought dully, standing and readying for the inevitable fight._

Rey backpedaled as Arya Ren launched herself from the ground up to where Rey stood. Rey immediately lit her saber staff as Arya Ren swung her short saber bluntly at her. Arya had a ruthless and furious pace, but Rey was faster, more agile, and farther-reaching than the shorter warrior. 

"Ready to die, traitor?” Arya Ren snarled through her mask. 

“Not today!” Rey snapped back. She backed into the rock wall, then turned swiftly, dodging Arya’s fierce swipe, which splattered drops of molten rock around them. Rey shoved Arya Ren to the ground and wiped savagely down at the knight, who threw her sabar up just in time to catch the blow. Arya tried to get to her feet, but instead swung at Rey’s exposed right elbow, so the jedi stepped back, giving Arya Ren just enough time to get to her feet. Rey swung her saber close to Arya’s head, grunting when the other woman forced her back. Rey saw Arya turn spinning her saber close to her. Rey, who had learned that from Kylo Ren himself, stabbed out and caught Arya under the arm. Rey stared into the masked face of the woman who had been her friend and withdrew her lightsaber, letting Arya Ren’s body fall away, and turned back to the fight. 

A few rocks scattered past her. Before she had a chance to turn, pain exploded in her entire body. She screamed through her clenched teeth and tried to call on the force to protect her. It couldn’t shield her fully, but she got enough of a relief to move. Rey looked down, then over her shoulder, and saw the familiar metal rod of an electrocution staff, held in the black and white gloved hand. The stormtrooper made the mistake of removing the staff, presumably to strike again. Rey summoned enough of the Force to keep herself in control of her muscles, exhausted as they were. 

Rey shrieked in pain as the electrocution staff met her shoulder, scorching her sleeve and burning her arm. Blinded by pain and desperately exposed, Rey swung up sharply, blindly swinging at whoever held the electrocution staff. There was an anonymous shout of pain that Rey silenced by stabbing whoever they were straight through the chest and left them for dead. 

She barely had enough of a chance to catch her breath, however, but stumbled away from whoever she’d just killed and over Arya Ren’s body. She looked at the far side of the ravine and saw Jonas and Finn had vacated their place. She glanced at the cave and saw Tahiri and Gale rushing out of the cave at the end of a line of techs. She doubted that they would let anyone go behind them, so the techs had probably all escaped. _Now, to find my son._

Rey was distracted from her search by the sound of a familiar scream of pain and fear. She turned to see Gida’smoo at the bottom of the ravine. The young twi’lek stumbled back, clutching her right arm, which was ruined and bloody, help at an impossible angle. Over her stood Kylo Ren. He put out a hand and Gida’smoo lurched forward into his grip. Despite the haze of blaster fire on the ravine walls around him, Kylo seemed to be shouting at the young jedi, although Rey couldn’t be sure. There was sound emanating from the mask, but that’s all she had to go on. 

Rey leapt down from the high place from the ravine and landed heavily next to Kylo Ren and Gida’smoo. The distraction worked and Rey threw herself a half step in front of Kylo, looking between her former lover and her former padawan. 

Gid’asmoo whimpered, eyes wide and fixed on her jedi masters. 

“Ben, don’t do this.” Luke said, “Look at her! There is no darkness in her. Let the girl go.” 

“Let her go, you monster!” Rey shrieked, lunging forward. 

Ren released Gida’smoo, but moved so fast and hit her so hard she saw white. _You just slapped me!_ Rey thought, outraged, at Kylo Ren. She wasn’t sure why that was so demoralizing and infuriating, but it was. Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, had used his bare hand to slap her in the face. 

Kylo snarled and swung his saber down at her and Rey rolled away. When Kylo tried to swing at her again, she put her lightsaber up, caught the blow, and shoved Kylo back harshly. Swinging around her saberstaff, Rey caught Kylo’s Ren blade and put as much effort as she could into holding her ground. As their sabers caught each other and held them in place, Rey looked into Ren’s face, the gold of her lightsaber reflecting on his mask. They had never been so close and so far. She had dreamed of him many times but had forgotten the terrible power of him. 

Kylo Ren leaned Rey back, his frustration coming out in a low growl through his mask. Rey punched Ren in the stomach, shoving him back with an artificially-strengthened fist, calling on the force for the extra support. 

Furious, Kylo put out a hand, trying to shove her down with the force, but Rey raised her free hand to shove him back as well. Distracted by her pain, she couldn’t gain much groumd, but was able to hold him in place, then push him back as she sat up. 

Rey heard a shuffle behind her, knew it was Luke pulling Gida’smoo to safety, and she smiled. Her distraction cost her. Kylo’s grip won out and all that Force broke through. All of Kylo’s focus had apparently been centered on her left arm. Rey heard a ‘op’ and felt pain explode in her shoulder. Rey screamed and swung up savagely, deciding to keep Kylo as far back as she could. Rey tried to move her left arm, but couldn’t. Rey let out a grunt. She thought her shoulder was dislocated. 

“Luke, get her out of here!” Rey shouted, kicking hard at Kylo’s knee. He dropped and she rushed back, keeping herself between him and the injured Jedi. Rey ducked under Kylo’s blade, biting back a low curse. She barely had a second to swing her lightsaber up to catch his. Kylo pressed down on her, forcing her back towards the ground. Rey spun her blade and sliced at his waist, but he deflected the blow.

Pain and exhaustion dragging her down, Rey barely managed to keep peace with Kylo. She had to keep him focused here. _That’s all you have to do,_ Rey thought weakly. _You just have to let them escape._

Rey ducked under Kylo’s arm, growling in frustration. She tried to her her saber close, but his blows kept her arm extended away from him. There was no way she was going to land a body blow this way. Instead, she shoved herself forward, jamming her shoulder into his ribs. Air hissed through his mask as she knocked the wind out of him.  
The ground suddenly rushed up to meet her as Kylo hooked her legs out from underneath her. Pain shot through her shoulder again as her arm hit the ground. She put her saber up, but no blow came. 

“Where is the boy, Rey?” Kylo growled through his mask. 

Anger, fear, and pain bubbled up inside of her as she resisted the urge to lash out at him with the Force.

Instead, Rey spat out, “I’m sorry, Ren. I can’t hear you. You’ve got something blocking your face.” 

Rey looked up, saw Kylo’s mask, and realized something. She could see Finn dueling beyond Kylo, taking on Stormtroopers. She knew Luke and Gida’smoo were to her left.  
Two people were missing: Jonas and Anjat Ren. If Kylo couldn’t see Jonas, it meant that Jonas was facing the knight alone. 

_He’s going to kill Jonas,_ Rey realized. She had to leave Kylo and get to her son. Wordlessly, the turned off her saber and let it fall into her lap. She left her palm where it was, taking advantage of the shock turning off her saber caused, and blasted Kylo with as much of the Force as she could muster. Thankfully, she could muster a lot. Rey threw him back against the ravine, but didn’t take the last blow. Instead, she hauled herself to her feet and turned, searching the force frantically for her son and the missing knight. After the longest heartbeat of her life, Rey sensed the padawan in the empty cave, set aside her pain and exhaustion, and ran as fast as she could towards her son. 

 

*****

 

Taking a clean shot over the shoulder of a Resistance soldier, Jonas clambered down the ravine when he saw Gida’smoo jump down to the floor of the ravine and race towards her next opponent, out of Jonas’s line of sight. He looked around, took another shot at stormtroopers trying to get near the cave, and ducked down when they, as to be expected, fired back. He smiled, glad that luck seemed to be on his side, but it fell at the sound of a familiar scream. Jonas straightened when he heard Gida’smoo scream, and saw Kylo Ren standing over her. He watched Master Rey leap down to square off the familiar form of his father. 

_I’ve got to get down there,_ Jonas thought frantically. He used the force to known the two stormtroopers closest to him out of his way, then leapt down to the base of the ravine. When he got there, he saw Luke creeping over to Gida’smoo, even as Master Rey and Kylo Ren continued to fight. Jonas watched his parents duel fiercely, the yellow and red contrasting sharply. The pale gray of Rey’s garment mismatched with the black of Ren’s clothes. His parents, as always, clashed in more ways than one. 

He didn’t have much time to contemplate this. Jonas’s distraction, however, cost him and he barely managed to dive out of the way of blaster fire without getting hit. He threw out a hand, catching blaster bolts and redirecting them into the walls of the ravine. Two of the stormtroopers fall under fire from Resistance fighters. Jonas looked around wildly and saw the familiar armor of Anjat Ren, who was rushing at him.

Oh Force, he was going to die.

Jonas scrambled away, climbing onto whatever high ground he could take. The knight might be force blind, but had a significant size advantage that Jonas needed to neutralize.

Jonas scrambled back, taking shelter in the abandoned cave. All the techs had gotten out safely, thank the Force. Jonas turned to face the knight, standing as tall and straight as he dared. He could feel the dark side in his periphery, but didn’t call upon it. Instead, he thought of his mother and his friends, using the hope that they would survive to conjure up a barrier, even through his exhaustion and fear, between him and the knight. Anjat Ren, who didn’t have the Force, rushed forward and slammed his impressive body weight into Jonas, knocking him down brutally. The shield managed to force the knight of Ren back several paces, but Jonas landed flat on his back, seeing stars, and felt his lightsaber fly out of his hand. He barely had enough chance to get his sense together enough to frantically flip a sandstone slab over himself just in time to catch the knight's lightsaber. 

Jonas ducked behind the slab, keeping it braced between him and the knight.

Desperate and weaponless, Jonas put out a hand, trying to summon his lightsaber. One horrifying heartbeat passed as he curled tighter under the sandstone slab and Anjat Ren took another swipe at him, but he finally felt something give. There was a loud snapping sound and an unknown object appeared in his hand. It wasn’t his lightsaber, but he didn’t care. He shifted his hand and rose to his feet, swinging whatever it was wildly at the knight before him. A switch gave way when he moved his thumb and a red blade appeared in front of him, cutting through the darkness. 

Panting, Jonas straightened and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before actually looking at the weapon that had saved his life. His heart dropped when he recognized the familiar black and silver design. Combined with the silver blade, Jonas recognized it from old Imperial holos he’d watched. Jonas looked down at the body before him. He’d just cut another sentient in half with Darth Vader’s lightsaber.

Unable to process anything deeper beyond that Jonas stood for a moment, panting. When he realized no one else was coming to kill him, Jonas allowed himself to lean against a boulder for a moment. It was then that he noticed a familiar blue figure in the corner of his eye. Jonas didn’t say anything, but swallowed dryly, watching Anakin Skywalker’s expression for a long moment. He’d just summoned Darth Vader’s lightsaber from the skeleton of a darksider and now Anakin Skywalker was here. _Some coincidence,_ Jonas thought bitterly. Anakin bowed his head. He had held Jonas’s other lightsaber back on purpose. Jonas put out a hand and Anakin’s original lightsaber flew effortlessly into his hand. 

Before he could form a response, Jonas heard a scuffling noise behind him and whirled around, ready for his next opponent. Instead of an enemy, however, Jonas saw his mother at the mouth of the cave. Did that mean Kylo Ren was dead?

“The techs are gone,” Jonas said weakly, unable to think of anything else to say.

“Let’s go.” Master Rey said clearly, grabbing him by the sleeve and pulling him towards the mouth of the cave. Jonas nodded and, after it was clear he was following her, she let him go. Moving as quickly as he could over the rock, he hurried after her. She was clearly in great pain and holding her arm at an odd angle, but she kept focused, so he forced himself to. 

When they reached the mouth of the cave and the brightness outside, they were met by the familiar masked face of the last knight standing: Kylo Ren. 

 

*****

 

Kylo grunted when he hit the wall of the ravine. He heard an unpleasant scratching sound and his helmet was knocked slightly asunder by the force of the contact. He tried to step away from the wall, but couldn’t. Rey had him pinned. Kylo panicked, but after the space of a heartbeat, the pressure on his body lifted. He shuddered and tried to take a deep breath, but couldn’t get a clear breath through the hot air and his mask. Afraid Rey would come after him while he was distracted, he wrenched off his mask, shook his hair out of his face, and readied himself for her. But she wasn’t there. Rey wasn’t trying to attack him. In fact, she was running away from him. 

Unsure why he was still alive, Kylo shook himself and stood hastily. He was stunned from colliding with the rock, but caught his bearings fast enough to watch Rey Jedi run back up the ravine. He glanced to his right and saw the twi’lek being hoisted up onto Finn Alucard’s shoulder. Taking advantage of the distraction this exchange posed, he ran after Rey. The ravine, it transpired, met up with a cave that was utterly aglow with the dark side and Kylo saw Rey scramble up a wall or barrier of rock towards its mouth

Pausing to look at the opening, Kylo saw Anjat Ren’s familiar red lightsaber casting a deadly glow on the frightened face of the galaxy's only Jedi padawan. Soot and dust coated the left side of the boy’s face and darkened the soft tan of his robes. He took a wild look around the cave, his black hair flying, and turned to face the hulking figure of Anjat Ren. There was no way the boy, still so young and green, was going to survive this. Kylo Ren saw the mingled fear and resignation in the young padawan's eyes. Shadows hung in the Force inside the cave, but Jonas didn’t call on them. No, instead the boy squared his shoulders and ignited his lightsaber. He was ready to die here, with his legacy, Luke’s old lightsaber, in his hand. Kylo saw Jonas set aside the darkness and throw up a shield of light. Before Kylo could move or Rey could climb over the largest boulder, Anjat knocked Jonas flat onto his back. Anjat threw himself at the boy, but Jonas’s shield held long enough to throw the knight back. Kylo’s heart seemed to vanish from his chest when he heard Jonas’s lightsaber fly from his hand. The clatter of a weapon being knocked out of Jonas’s hand and onto the stones echoed through the cave. The boy was utterly defenseless. The boy, his son, was lying weaponless while a fierce warrior stood over him. Jonas Quorvin was going to die.  
_NO!_ The thought appeared, unbidden, in his mind, overriding all other thought or fear. Horror filled him, horror of a kind that froze him.

_If the boy dies, your grandfather’s legacy will be fulfilled._  
The thought appeared in his mind. It felt foreign to him, suddenly, like when he found himself thinking of the Supreme Leader’s wisdom in times of trouble. It didn’t just feel strange, though. It suddenly felt insidious, miles away from his visceral and parental worry for his son. He took a step forward and again felt the foreign hesitation, _This is the will of the Force. If the boy dies, you will experience the true power of the Dark side._

His son, his boy was in danger. He had to do something! All thought of power and allegiance and goals were wiped clean and his mind was singularly focused on its own accord for the first time.

He had to save his son. 

The boy apparently didn’t realize he was about to be rescued and Kylo Ren arrived at the mouth of the cave just in time to see Jonas yank a slab of stone over himself as a shield. Rey, always several steps ahead of him, scrambled into the cave but, before even she could do anything, there was a flash of red light as Anjat Ren fell. Kylo screwed up his face, suddenly feeling the same clear-minded centrality of the six-year-old who had refused to be sent away from his mother.

_Love,_ he realized. This was love.

_The Dark si-_

_I don’t care!_ Kylo snarled back. The Dark Side didn’t matter. His grandfather didn’t matter. His son, standing shakily with the unlit red lightsaber still clutched in his hand, was all that mattered. 

 

*****

 

Rey straightened her back at the sight of Kylo Ren, drawing her saber. She didn’t light it, but waited for a moment.

“Master?” Jonas asked.

“When I say, you run into that ship, do you hear me?” Master Rey said clearly.

“Yes.” Jonas saud, squaring his shoulder and watching Kylo Ren’s figure over Master Rey’s shoulder. He was scared. His was exhausted, injured and in pain, but she was getting ready to face Kylo Ren again.

Jonas screwed up his face. _No, not today._ He put both the lightsabers on his belt, stepping in front of his mother, and raised his hands, lifting multiple stones in the air and smashing them down on Kylo Ren.

Jonas immediately felt resistance and shouted, “Run!”

Master Rey broke into a run. Jonas held the stones in place for another moment, then let go, running after Master Rey. They raced back up the ravine, Jonas reached out in the Force. In the First Order ship closest to them was empty, “In here!” He said, glad the First ORder technicians had vacated this shop for the other one. He suddenly hit the ground, feeling something tugging at his ankle. He screamed, scrabbling for purchase on the ground. Suddenly, the pressure, lifted as Master Rey launched herself over him, lightsaber ablaze. Joanas rolled over, watching his parents duel. His blinked in surprise when he realized that his father’s helmet was off. 

Even as he scrambled to his feet, Jonas couldn’t take his eyes off Kylo Ren. He’d never seen his father’s face before. Jonas had always guessed what the man might look like, based on any feature he didn’t recognize as belonging to his mother. He’d long deduced that the long nose, dimples, and prominent chin were his father’s, but now he had proof.

“Why are you fighting me?” Kylo Ren growled at Master Rey. His voice, too, was richer and far more emotive than Jonas had expected. He’d heard the familiar modulated tone to the point where a real human voice emanating from a real human mouth was jarring. 

“Because you won’t take away my son.” Master Rey snapped. 

“I’m not-” The knight snarled, but was broken off as there was an explosion outside. The ship shook and they all had to steady themselves, but Rey used that distraction to force Jonas back and light her saber. Rey told the knight a few choice places he could go, which earned her a wave of fury so great that it shook the ship again. What surprised Jonas, however, was not his father’s anger, but how directionless it was. In her weakened state, that could have incapacitated Master Rey, but instead it had just been dispelled at anything in general. 

There was another explosion and Master Rey was unable to catch herself, especially not with her arm still injured. She landed on her knees and cried out.

“The First Order knows this ship is abandoned. They will try to destroy it.” Kylo Ren shouted over the standard alarms that had begun blaring. 

“Like we’d go anywhere with you, you monster!” Jonas shouted, lighting his own saber. 

Kylo Ren’s dark eyes snapped onto him and Jonas forced himself not to recoil. There was a weight and a fear in Kylo Ren’s eyes and the Force within him that Jonas didn’t understand. 

“Master Rey, let’s take the ship and go.” Jonas said, doing everything he could to keep the desperation out of his voice.

“You could never fly this.” Kylo Ren said automatically and Jonas gritted his teeth.

“Watch me.” He spat, putting as much derision as he could into the word. He drew his saber and light it, even as the ship trembled lightly again, and allowed Master Rey to move through the carbo bay before him. By the Force, he hoped that there wouldn’t be much between the boarding area and the pilot’s seat. Kylo Ren was very tall and could probably kill him very easily.

“They’ll know the ship is hijacked. They will never let you take off!” Ren shouted, “Come with me and-”

“Never!” Jonas shouted.

Ren stepped within range and Jonas swiped wildly. The taller man rushed backwards, eyes wide, but didn’t raise a weapon, which confused Jonas. Had Kylo Ren lost his lightsaber?

“Jonas!” Master Rey shouted, “We’re going to take this ship and get on the other side of the planet, do you hear me? We’ll figure things out from there.”

“What about Kylo Ren?” Jonas asked, ducking behind some of the supplies. At this point, there was enough distance between them and the figure of Kylo Ren that probably couldn’t hear them. He wasn’t pursuing. 

“Do whatever you can to halt his progress, then hang on!” Master Rey said, cursing as she shifted some supply crates out of her way. Her injuries were starting to take their toll. 

There was another blast that shook the entire ship.

“Does that mean-” Jonas broke off as a huge chunk of the ship fractured away. Jonas let out a shout and jumped out of the way of some falling debris. He looked across the gap in the ship to see the stricken face of Master Rey. They had to get off the transport ship- now! 

“Jonas, listen to me, this is too dangerous to fly!” Kylo Ren said, suddenly pacing forward.

“You’re a monster, stay back!” Jonas shouted, swiping his lightsaber wildly. He stumbled as something hit the ceiling directly overhead. He looked up, barely managing to keep a hold of his lightsaber. There was a flash of light overhead and something dark and heavy fell swiftly down upon him. 

Jonas flinched, but the wreckage never touched him. The figure of Kylo Ren appeared, throwing his considerable power between the panel and the boy. Jonas looked up, open mouthed, at the figure of his father, standing over him with his arms raised. The knight of Ren was weaponless and every ounce of his strength seemed to be focused on keeping the torn ceiling panel from falling any further. 

“Get clear!” Ren shouted, gritting his teeth from the effort of holding the wreckage in place. 

“Consider this my resignation!” Kylo grunted, “My master sent me to destroy you all, but I- I can’t.” 

“Why not?” Rey shouted.

“You know why!” Kylo said exasperatedly. He was clearly struggling with the wreckage in earnest now. 

“Say it anyway.” Rey demanded. 

“He’s my son.” Kylo pleaded, turning his face towards her, adjusting his grip to hold the panel in place better, “I can’t kill my son. Or you.” 

“Why can’t you kill him? You killed your father.” Master Rey said clearly. 

“He’s my son!” Kylo shouted, his voice strained. 

There was a flash of anger in Jonas and he saw Master Rey’s eyes flick to him for a second before turning back to the struggling man between them. She watched Kylo Ren in silence until he said in a cracked voice, “I don’t know why I can’t. I can’t understand this, but he’s my son. I can’t kill my son, not even for the Dark side.” 

Master Rey raised her chin, “Hold still.” 

_She’s going to help him!_ Jonas thought.

“Master Rey!” Jonas protested, but Master Rey shook her head, silencing him. She had made up her mind. Jonas reached out in the Force, waiting for the inevitable fear and anger. He expected betrayal, but saw nothing there. Kylo Ren was being honest, which Jonas didn’t understand. 

Master Rey put out hand, supporting the piece of roof, allowing Kylo Ren to step back. As he straightened, Jonas was tempted to slam down the darksider. Kylo Ren glanced at him for a second, then turned his attention to Master Rey.

“We need to move,” Master Rey said, “We’ll deal with loyalty later.”

“Rey-” 

The ship trembled and Master Rey jumped over the gap between her and Jonas. She caught Jonas’s arm in her good hand, watching his face for a long moment and making sure he was okay. She nodded, then stepped past Kylo Ren, “Let’s go.” She demanded. She stomped off the ship, looking around at the scenery outside. 

Jonas ran after Master Rey, “Master, how can you-”

“Focus, Jonas.” Master Rey said sharply, “He’s not lying, we know that. Everything else can be sorted out later.” 

“But Master-” Jonas broke off as bolts rained down upon them. He ducked down, throwing up an awkward and half-baked shield in the Force, even as he and his parents rushed as quickly as they could for the shelter of the cave. He looked over his shoulder to see his father running two steps behind him, hands raised, stopping many blaster bolts in the air. 

“Rey! Jonas!” 

Jonas looked around wildly and saw Master Luke and a few other fighters. He saw a Resistance soldier take aim at his father, but Kylo Ren grunted behind him and suddenly, dust suddenly exploded from behind and above him, which blinded Jonas and engulfed the scene. 

 

*****

Coughing from the dust, Rey looked around wildly, “Jonas?” Her voice was tight and desperate. Shielding his face from the dust storm he’d caused, Kylo put a hand out. He found a shoulder and grabbed hold tightly. When he heard a teen boy’s shout of confusion and pain, he sighed with relief, then couched as he breathed a lungful of dust. 

“I’ve got him!” Kylo shouted, drawing his saber and looking around, “We need to go, now!” 

Kylo saw stormtroopers approaching, and looked over, “Rey, we have to go. Stormtroopers.”

“There’s a ship down this way!” Rey said, pointing down the ravine toward a Resistance ship. They broke into a run as the First Order ship exploded beyond them and stormtroopers started to run through the dust towards them. There was blaster fire past them and Kylo looked over to see Luke aiming at the stormtroopers beyond them. Pushing his son ahead of him, Kylo was thankful for the cover. It wasn’t enough, though, and stormtroopers still pressed closer and closer. 

Rey rushed up the plank of the ship she’d arrived in and looked around the utterly chaotic scene, “Luke!” Rey shouted, ducking as stormtroopers closed in on their little ship. Kylo looked around, trying to find his uncle in the chaos.

“Take the other ship!” Luke shouted, backing up toward his own pad. “We’ll find you later!” 

“Rey!” Luke said, back to back with Tahiri and using his lightsaber to deflect blaster fire. Kylo put out a hand, knocking several stormtroopers against the wall of the ravine. He hoped they were dead. What he was doing was treason. 

“What about Finn and the techs?!” Rey shouted back, shoving a stormtrooper off of their plank. 

“They’re gone!” Luke shouted as Tahiri broke into a run, moving into their ship. 

“Go!” Rey said, “We’ll be fine!” She ducked down, shoving Jonas up the plank of their own ship as the door panel of Luke’s ship closed. Several stormtroopers shot at the closed door and Rey took shot at their back before they could turn on the last Resistance-aligned ship. The stormtroopers fell and Luke’s ship took off. Kylo couldn’t help but smile grudgingly and Rey let out an audible sigh of relief. 

A BANG echoed from their left and Kylo spun wildly to see a missile of some kind launch from the last First Order ship, into the sky, and collided with the Resistance ship. Rey screamed as Luke’s ship blew apart. She stared, horrified, then shook herself, forcing Jonas onto the ship. Kylo’s heart wrenched as he felt all seven lives on the ship blink out. Death had always been necessary, but never pleasant. His uncle, R2D2, and six other people he didn't know were gone. 

The boy’s shout cut through the battle. Rage and pain blasted off of him with such strength it unbalanced everyone and shook the ground. Kylo used this to his advantage, turning his rage and confusion onto the stormtroopers and knocking them all down. Past him, he saw wreckage from Luke’s ship suddenly change direction and slam into the First Order ship, which exploded. 

“Jonas, no!” Rey shouted from Kylo’s right. He heard a scuffle to his right and realized Jonas had tried to run out of the ship, “Jonas, he’s gone!”

“I know!” Jonas said, voice full of anguish, “I know!” 

“Rey, we have to go!” Kylo said, gritting his teeth and trying to hold as many of the stormtroopers in place as he could. One by one, however, the ones farther away were getting shakily to their feet. In fact, without their comrades in front of them, they had cleaner shots. 

“Jonas, focus and shut the door!” Rey shouted over her shoulder, running to the pilot’s seat.

Jonas looked around wildly and Kylo heard his thudding footsteps as Jonas ran over to the button and slammed it. There was a sudden and terrible spike of pain in the back of his head and he felt his master’s fury. Kylo let out a cry of pain and frustration as more and more of the stormtroopers tried to stand. As soon as the door closed, Kylo hit his knees, panting. 

Kylo felt searing pain cleave his skull and retched. Desperate for a modicum of relief, he pressed his forehead to the metal floor, but it did little. 

“Rey, we need to go!” Kylo choked over his shoulder. 

Kylo had always thought of his master’s presence as something foreign in his mind, something that appeared in his thoughts, but this was like something had awoken in his mind and was trying to claw its way out of his skull. He curled up tightly, panting. His skull had to be splitting open. His master was going to kill him, here and now, with sheer pain alone. 

“Master Rey, we have to go now!” Jonas shouted, “Something’s wrong with Ren!” 

Kylo slammed a fist onto the floor next to his head, trying to put enough distance between himself and Snoke to function. 

“Help me to the cockpit.” Kylo choked out, unable to see clearly through the tears streaming from his eyes. He stood up shakily and felt hesitant hands on his arm. Jonas let Kylo lean on his shoulder, leading him through the shio. When they reached the pilot’s chair. Kylo swallowed, tightening his grip on the back of Rey’s chair. 

“There are First Order ships right off planet.” Kylo said.

“Where- I see them!” Rey said and turned sharply to avoid fire.

Digging his nails into the seat to keep steady, Kylo shook his head, trying to clear it. He couldn’t see or think for the pain. He rested his temple against the seat, even as it jostled, trying to find an anchor through the pain. He couldn’t use it for anything, couldn’t think about anything. He was going to die, he was sure of it. There was a bitter and punishing edge to it, “Rey, he’s in my head,” Kylo said weakly. 

“Snoke?” Rey asked tightly.

“Yes.” Kylo closed his eyes, tightening his grip on the seat. He was afraid if he let go, he’d fall. 

“Kylo, you have to shut him out or well we’ll all be in danger.” Rey said, her voice level, clear, and demanding. 

Kylo nodded. He reached far into his own mind, looking for memories, trying to find something, anything, he could use to force his master out. Kylo had been driven by power all his life. How was he supposed to shut Snoke out now? Kylo heard Jonas say something to his mother and Kylo focused on that, listening to the boy as he said whatever it was to Rey. He thought about the boy’s bravery, his strength, and the way he’d put aside power. His son hadn’t inherited anything from him. Jonas, brave and talented, had escaped the legacy of fear and control. 

The pressure in his head eased. Kylo thought more of the determination Jonas had shown, face to face, with Anjat Ren. He shouldn’t be allowed to be proud, but he was grateful. Jonas was nothing like his father.

Finally, Kylo was able to conjure the clear image of Jonas, standing and facing the larger man. He forced himself to focus on that image and that image alone, even as the ship jostled. He had to get Snoke out of his thoughts, _You are weak and cowardly._ His master seemed to hiss into his mind, but Kylo clenched his jaw.

_You. Will. Not. Harm. My. Son._ Kylo thought clearly. 

Finally, Kylo forced the strange and dark presence from his head. Retching, Kylo straightened, taking deep and clear breaths. He looked over his shoulder to see Jonas watching him, hazel eyes wide. Kylo turned his attention to the area outside the ship and felt his heart drop. There were First Order ships raining fire on them.

“Rey, we have to get out of here.” Kylo said clearly.

“I know!” Rey said. She looked at the scanner, dodged another bolt that barely missed them, and reached out for a lever between the pilot and copilot’s seats. Rey took off as fast as she could, “Hold on!” she said, hitting hyperspace. Jonas grunted, landing heavily against the back panel.

“What are you thinking?!” Kylo shouted, clutching his head. He may not have a foreign presence in his mind, but his head still hurt. 

“I’m thinking that I’m going to save our lives, so shut up!” Rey shouted, “You said we should get out of here!”

Less a minute later, the ship left hyperspace suddenly. This threw Kylo to the ground, Rey back in her seat, and Jonas against the planet again. A strange green planet appeared in front of them and Kylo barely had time to register the color before he whirled on Rey, “Why did you leave hyperspace?”

“The ship’s damaged, we can’t sustain it!” Rey snapped back. 

“But the bolts-” Kylo said a second before the ship jerked wildly. One of the bolts from the ships had gotten pulled into hyperspace with them and followed them out. Kylo looked around as they hit the atmosphere. “What happened?” Jonas asked. 

“We’re going to crash!” Kylo shouted. He grabbed the boy by the arm and threw him into a chair and grabbed onto it for dear life. He could feel Jonas’s- his son’s- hands, holding onto him for dear life as he wrapped his hands into the straps he hadn’t been able to tie around the boy. He was probably going to die. He was going to crash, break every bone he had, and die. He desperately tried to reach out in the Force for anything in the world outside to slow their descent, but the pain in his head made it impossible to feel anything. He looked up through streaming eyes and saw a hazy blue figure, calm and untouched in the trembling ship. Kylo’s eyes roamed the familiar vest, shirt, and steady eyes, “Dad.” Kylo choked out, unable to form any other coherent thought. 

He was jerked back suddenly and a loud, metallic crack echoed in his ears, and then he heard and saw nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Character deaths
> 
> 1 CHAPTER LEFT!!!
> 
> More comments = faster updates!!!


	23. None of Us Knows What Might Happen Even the Next Minute, Yet We Still Go Forward

**"None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet we Still go forward." - Paulo Coelho, Brida**

 

The world around him was dark and unfocused. Even as he looked around through the darkness, but couldn’t make anything out. Jonas’s head hurt. There were vague noises and sensations around him, but even as he looked around, he was unable to think or discern anything clearly. Since he couldn’t seem to get any sensory input, he reached out into the Force and tried to find his mother’s familiar consciousness. Jonas felt something brush against his mind and reached out, hoping it was his mother. Relief flooded through him as he found Rey’s familiar wild mind. He tried to make contact, but instead he saw the memory playing through her mind.

 _Rey is laying on her back, cold and metallic hands trying to keep her in place. The light over her head is blinding._ Jonas was confused. He hadn’t known of her having any operations in years. Even the operating room he’d ever seen after Mon Cala didn’t look like this. _Suddenly, a pale face appears over Rey’s. It was Kylo Ren, his hair plastered to his face and his dark eyes wide. He looks younger than Jonas had ever seen him. His face is unlined and there is no gray in his hair, but he also looks more vulnerable than Jonas had ever seen. Jonas had never felt so much fear in his mother. She was injured in the memory as well as real life._

 _The younger Kylo Ren looks down on Rey. His hair is tousled and sweaty, like he’d been running or working or fighting. His dark eyes roam over Rey’s face, full of genuine concern._ It was surreal for Jonas to see his father like this, without any gray in his hair or lines on his face. Honestly, it was surreal enough to see his face at all. 

_“You’re alright, don’t be afraid.” Kylo Ren’s hands keep touching her face, smoothing her hair back from where it has fallen down. Ren holds onto her arms gently, trying to keep her from struggling._

_“You don’t-”_

_“Rey, I know. I can feel it.” His dark eyes are wide and insistent. It is the most vulnerable she’s ever seen him; he looks shaken and scared._ Kylo Ren had been worried for her. 

_“I can’t-”_

_“Rey, I now. It’s scary. Just breath. The medical droids will take care of you.”_

_“What if I don’t wake back up?” Rey whispers, panicked._

_“You will. I can feel it. I’ll be right here. Do you trust me?” His mask is off and his dark hair curls over his forehead and cheek._

_“I trust you.” Rey says weakly, lowering her head back onto the litter. She feels a droid place an anesthesia mask over her nose and mouth. She feels Kylo large and calloused hand on her jaw as he breathes deeply, listening to him slowly count backwards from 100. He is scared, yes, but he is also here._

_“Stay.” Rey pleads._

_“I’m not going anywhere.”_

 

_So, _Jonas thought groggily, _this was the moment._ This was what had changed Ren’s value to her, what had made her love him. If Jonas didn’t know Master Rey and her history so well, he’d be surprised, but now he wondered how he could have expected anything else. Of course the fear of loss and control would worry his fiercely independent mother. And, of course, Kylo Ren’s loyalty, concern, and affection would affect her. __

__This moment was when Kylo Ren had become her family._ _

__Pulling himself out of Rey’s mind, Jonas opened his eyes and immediately winced at the light shined into his eyes from a crack in their ship’s side. Jonas groaned, sitting up groggily. Looking around the cabin, he couldn’t see any pressing danger, but also couldn’t seem to see very far. He tried to move, but couldn’t seem to see or move very far. When he tried in earnest to sit up straight, he found his movements blocked by something heavy. He glanced down to see the dark-cloaked figure of Kylo Ren hunched over him. Jonas blinked, surprised to see Kylo Ren leaning against him._ _

__“Get off.” Jonas muttered, pushing at Ren half-heartedly with one hand. When the taller man didn’t respond, Jonas shoved him. Grunting, Jonas pushed his father off of him. He expected some kind of protest, but Jonas was too concerned for his mother to wonder why his father was silent._ _

__His father didn’t fight him, but instead crumpled to the floor of the ship._ _

__“Master Rey!” Jonas said, slipping from the seat without difficulty. He climbed over Kylo Ren’s probably unconscious form to get to his mother, who was in the pilot’s seat. She was conscious, but blinked slowly at him, clearly disoriented._ _

__“Are you okay?” Master Rey asked weakly, touching his cheek. Her eyes roamed over his face, looking for damage, just as she always did._ _

__“I’m fine.” Jonas said._ _

__“And Ren?” Master Rey asked, slowly sitting up straighter._ _

__“He’s unconscious, but alive.” Jonas said, looking over his shoulder._ _

__“Jonas are you hurt?” Rey put out a hand again and touched his face, watching his expression. She looked exhausted, was in great pain, but he could feel the great relief rolling off of her. Jonas gently touched her wrist, smiling at her. This was a dangerous place, they’d just lost many friends, but they were alive._ _

__“No, I’m okay.” Jonas said, smiling tightly._ _

__“Good, do you think we can get out easily?”_ _

__“I’m not sure.” Jonas said, looking around the ship. There were some cracks here and there, but he didn’t see any gaps large enough to climb out of. He crossed the ship, stepping over the quietly stirring figure of Kylo Ren, and pushed the button to open the back hatch. It let out a piercing grinding noise, but did nothing. Jonas sighed, looking around, then then found a large gash in the side. He pulled his lightsaber from his belt and looked down at the handle. It was his familiar one, the one used by Anakin Skywalker. He rubbed absently at Darth Vader’s saber, just to make sure it was there. Anakin may have wanted him to have it, but he didn’t want to linger on his familial connections to the dark side. He turned on the blade and carefully carved an opening in the side of the ship and peered out. There were in a dense forest, but it seemed safe. Putting his lightsaber away, Jonas crossed quickly back to his mother, who was trying to sit up straighter. When he reached her, she looked up expectantly at him._ _

__For the first time in his life, Jonas felt like an adult. Yes, the woman in front of him was his mother, but she was also a fierce warrior who looked at him with trust in her eyes. She was relying on him and trusting his judgement._ _

__“I made an opening in the back. We’ll be able to get out.” Jonas said._ _

__“Good job, Jonas.” Rey said. She looked down at her left arm, which was out of place, but didn’t do anything about it. She glanced over her other shoulder, unable to see around the chair, even as she heard Kylo stir in earnest._ _

__“How can you trust him?” Jonas murmured._ _

__“I just do.” Rey said simply, brushing her hair out of her face as she sat up. She stood shakily, walking over to where Kylo was trying to sit up straight. Ren groaned, sitting up on his elbows and retched. Kylo’s hair fall into his face and he shook his head as if trying to get his hair out of his face, but them immediately winced. Jonas watched Master Rey cross quickly over to Kylo Ren and kneeled down next to him, touching his shoulder. Kylo Ren sat up slowly, then hunched over, head between his knees, and groaned._ _

__“Take a deep breath.” Rey said quietly. When he sat up, Rey brushed Ren’s hair from his face, hearing him let out a low groan, “Stop whining. You’re okay.” She muttered._ _

__Kylo Ren opened his eyes and looked at her. Jonas couldn’t see his face because Rey was blocking him, but he saw the way her shoulders fell._ _

__“Are you okay?” Rey asked warily._ _

__“No.” Ren slurred._ _

__“Did you hit your head?” Rey asked, her words slow and careful._ _

__Kylo said nothing, but instead seem to sway in place. After a second, he groaned and reached a little. Rey leaned back, but kept her eyes on Kylo’s face._ _

__“What do you remember?” Rey asked quietly._ _

__“Um… I…” Kylo trailed off, frowning. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. After a long and agonizing moment, he just shrugged weakly and looked up. Jonas’s chest tightened as Ren blinked rapidly, squinting at Master Rey, “I… How did we end up here?” He asked._ _

__“We crashed, Ren.” Master Rey said in a soothing voice, “What is the last thing you remember.”_ _

__“Hitting hyperspace.” Kylo said._ _

__“That’s something at least.” Master Rey muttered. Rey looked down at Kylo, who leaned lazily against the seat. He closed his eyes, putting a hand over his eyes and wincing, “We’ve got to be careful. You almost certainly have a brain injury.” Ren nodded, then ran a hand through his hair, then opened his eyes to look at Rey. He blinked a few times, focusing in on her in earnest._ _

__“You’re injured.” Kylo Ren said quietly._ _

__“I am.” Rey said._ _

__“It’s been hours…” Ren said, his voice faint and confused._ _

__“We’ve been a bit busy.” Rey said flatly._ _

__“Here, let me put it back in place.” Ren said. Rey hesitated, but Kylo Ren stood up._ _

__“I’ve done it multiple times. Let me help.”_ _

__Jonas ground his teeth, very wary. He took a deep breath, watching Rey settle into the seat Jonas had woken up in. She looked at Jonas and smiled tightly before she turned her eyes on Kylo Ren, who was carefully pulling her jacket off to get at her arm. Rey winced, closing her eyes and turning her head so it was straight.  
Kylo Ren inspected Rey’s shoulder for a moment, then nodded and leaned over her “Take a deep breath and I’ll put your shoulder back on the count of three, okay?” Ren said in her ear. His voice was more gentle than Jonas had ever heard. It was both unnerving and comforting, like seeing a wild and ferocious animal behaving tenderly with its babies. _ _

__“O-okay.” Rey said, nodding and taking a deep breath._ _

__“One, two-” Kylo shoved on ‘two’, forcing her shoulder back into her socket, which made her curse and shout, “Sorry,” Kylo said, standing up and looking at her.  
“I’m going to go check the outside.” Jonas muttered. Ren was gently guiding Rey’s arm as she tested and stretched her arm. He wasn’t sure if it was because he hated Kylo Ren or because he’d never seen his parents not try to kill each other or because Jonas didn’t know what to make of the steady, peaceful, and searching looks at the two adults kept exchanging. He walked to the back of the ship and stepped through the hatch. _ _

__Jonas blinked in the bright sunlight. He stepped out of the ship, lightsaber drawn, and looked around their landing spot, or crash site, more accurately. They probably could not have landed in a more beautiful place. They’d managed to end up surrounded by tall and leafy deciduous trees. He tried to listen for any wildlife or birds, but heard nothing. He wasn’t sure if this was due to any dangers they needed they needed to be aware of or if the local fauna had fled when a giant ship had crashed suddenly in their midst._ _

__Jonas looked around, unable to do anything but process the sheer quiet of this place. He didn’t know what the standard date was, but he was sure it hadn’t been more than a few hours since the battle. Jonas looked around at the trees. Through them, he could see some rock formations and his chest tightened at the sight. Less than a day ago, Jonas had been standing in a cave with his closest friends. Now, Luke was dead. R2D2 was destroyed. Gida’smoo and Finn were…_ _

__Jonas couldn’t breath. He had no idea what had happened to Gida’smoo and Finn. Jonas leaned against a tree as the adrenaline finally faded and the events of the day washed over him. Tears blurred his vision. Jonas took a deep breath, feeling his throat tighten. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. Master Luke was dead. R2D2 was gone. Tahiri, who had travelled with him and had been best friends with Gida’smoo for years, was dead. He’d seen death before. He’d grown up surrounded by the war between the Resistance and the First Order. He’d lost his grandmother, even though he’d never called her that. This, however, was more acute. This was unbearable._ _

__“Jonas, are you okay?” Rey asked, putting a hand on his arm. Her voice was distant and hazy, like she was calling to him from far away. Jonas closed his eyes, digging his fingertips into the bark of the tree to connect himself to the moment. It felt like he was falling far, far away._ _

__“Luke.” Jonas said, unable to communicate his pain any better._ _

__“I know.” Rey said soothingly, “I know, Jonas, but you have to get up,” Rey said, grabbing his arm and dragging him to his feet._ _

__“Luke…” Jonas croaked, staring at the wreckage of one of the wings, which had landed far away. Rey hauled Jonas to his feet, pulling him back inside the ship. He couldn’t really process what was happening around him. Rey had him. His mother had pulled him inside. He could drown in his grief and exhaustion and let her be responsible. Letting her lower him to his knees on the floor of the ship, he leaned closer to his mother, curling up and letting his grief wash over him. He’d always been told he was a happy baby and a joyful child, one that connected with people easily and brought light and hope to the Resistance, even after disheartening defeats, simply by being there. The General, his grandmother, had called him the newest hope for the galaxy, but he didn’t feel like that now. For the first time in his life, he just wanted to wallow in grief.  
Distantly, he could hear his father’s deep voice, but the words had no meaning to him. A gentle hand touched his face, turning his face towards his mother. Her hazel eyes were gentle, but dry. She hasn’t cried over her old master, apparently._ _

__“Jonas, listen to me,” Rey said, “I know this is too much much to ask of you, but we have to keep moving,” His mother’s hazel eyes were wide, focused entirely on his face, “You have to put your grief aside, just for a little while.”_ _

__“You’re asking a 15-year-old old to put his grief aside?” Now his father’s voice broke through._ _

__“Kylo,” Rey’s tone was the same one she used on Jonas whenever he was getting into trouble._ _

__“He could use his feelings to-”_ _

__“Keep the dark side away from my son.” Rey snapped, not taking her eyes from Jonas, even though her voice was low and firm._ _

__Jonas felt the energy around Kylo and Rey shift, and raised his head a little._ _

__“He’s my son, too.” Ren growled._ _

__“Okay, Master Rey.” Jonas whispered._ _

__“Master?!” Ren stood up shakily and walked over, his feet thudding loudly on the floor, “He calls you _Master_?!” _ _

__“Yes.” Rey said, keeping her voice level. Jonas wondered if Ren had any idea the danger he was in._ _

__“You’re his mother.” Ren said, coming to a stop. He sounded genuinely confused._ _

__“I didn’t raise him that way.” Rey said, “I was Master Rey until he was 10.”_ _

__Jonas looked at his father, who was wearing an expression of bewilderment verging on disgust. Kylo Ren looked from Rey to Jonas, but said nothing, contenting himself and shaking his head and stomping back to the to the pilot’s chair, sitting down there and inspecting the controls, which Jonas suspected had been damaged like everything else. He could feel, distantly, his father’s exhaustion and general confusion, but figured he needed something to do. Jonas looked over at Rey, who gently rubbed her thumb over his cheekbone. She didn’t berate him for crying, but rather lets him slowly settle down. He leaned into her hand a little and took a deep breath. He’d grown up with his mother being a fierce warrior, but he’d rarely seen the soft and tender side of her._ _

__After a long moment, Jonas took a deep breath and wiped his eyes, which finally stayed dry._ _

__“Better?” Rey asked quietly._ _

__“Yeah.” Jonas said hoarsely, clearing his throat and sitting up a little straighter._ _

__After a long silence, Rey stood up and put out a hand, calling her lightsaber to her, she looked at Kylo Ren, who had already leaned forward and let his head rest against the bottom railing of the control panel. He looked utterly exhausted. Rey watched Ren, glancing between him and Jonas as she chewed the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. After a minute or so, she nodded and looked down at Jonas, “Stay with him. I think he has a concussion.”_ _

__“But-”_ _

__“Do as I say!” Rey said clearly, her voice calm, but firm, “Do not, under any circumstances, let him fall asleep. Do you hear me?” The expression on her face told him this was not up for discussion_ _

__“Where are you going?” Jonas asked, looking up from his father, to Master Rey._ _

__“I’m going to look around for any immediate threats. You wait here.” Master Rey said, nodding, “I’ll be back, okay?”_ _

__Jonas nodded, watching her walk to the doorway. She paused at the opening and looked at him, then lowered her head and walking out into the sunlight, leaving him alone with his father and his thoughts._ _

__

__*****_ _

__Stepping out of the hole in the ship, Rey only allowed herself a moment to take in the scenery. She climbed through the trees, looking around. Getting her bearings, Rey walked to the mountainside, reaching out in the Force. As she walked, she allowed herself to explore the scenery, both for potential dangers and for aesthetics. It was a really beautiful place. It reminded her of Takodana, but the trees were older and taller and even wilder than Takodana. Huffing, Rey tried to pull her shift free of the third thornbush in twenty minute and wished she had worn something shorter. _Well, maybe not shorter,_ she thought as a stray thorn scratched her bare skin through her shirt. This was going to be unpleasant regardless, she supposed. _ _

__Drawing closer to the mountain, Rey looked up. It was a massive formation, she realized. Looking around, Rey realized they’d landed in the foothills, sure, but much higher in the hills than she’d realized. _At least we’ll have the high ground, if someone comes looking… maybe,_ Rey thought. She looked around the mountain, hoping for a cavern or cave or some kind, but after a long time of searching, she found nothing. _ _

__Sure, she found some fissures in the rock here or there, but there hadn’t been anything large enough for them to enter. Looking up, Rey frowned. It wasn’t dark, but she realized she had no idea how long a rotation was on this planet. She could have been here for hours and hours and would have had no idea._ _

__Rey sighed, putting a hand out and leaning against the mountainside. She didn’t want to sleep in that ship. Exhaustion settled into her mind, dragging all thought away. She closed her eyes, unable to string any thoughts together. Distantly, she could feel something odd into the corner of her mind._ _

__Rey frowned and turned, one hand still on the stone. There was a great emptiness under her palm._ _

__Hollow. The mountainside was hollow._ _

___Not more caves, Oh Maker,_ Rey thought, closing her eyes and pressing her forehead to the stone. _ _

__Rey felt around in the Force, searching for the boundary of this hollowness. She smiled, reaching a boundary, and kneeled down, searching for any opening. After several minutes, she found a catch under a large stone and pushed it up. Underneath, she found a sealed hatch. Looking around carefully for any seals or triggers, but saw none._ _

__Rey stared at the hatch. Triple checking for any dangers, Ryan opened the lid, holding her breath, _please don’t be rigged please don’t be rigged please don’t be rigged!_ She thought desperately._ _

__It wasn’t. Rey sighed, leaning against a rock as relief settled over her. After a few minutes, she stood over the opening, looking down. Well, this was possibly the shelter she’d been looking for, but it was a giant liability. Could be a trap. Could be occupied by something skilled enough to disguise itself in the Force. Could be perfect._ _

___Only one way to find out,_ Rey thought. _ _

__She took a deep breath and debated whether or not to climb down into the hatch. The place was decidedly empty, but she couldn’t judge the structural integrity or the safety of the place. Rey closed her eyes and sat down in front of the hatch. Reaching into the neutral force inside the hatch, and started poking around. She carefully and systematically went through whatever was inside, trying to get an idea of what was down there. Judging by the places that were solid and where there were gaps, she was looking at a bunker and a pretty extensive one at that. Beyond that, there appeared to be a cave or something on the far side of the bunker._ _

__The place seemed to be sound. Whenever she put any pressure on the walls or beams, it held. After several minutes of this, Rey decided it was safe. Well, at least the place wasn’t going to collapse in on her, but it had been sealed up for years. She really didn’t want to climb down just to suffocate from all the gas left down there. Rey took a deep, calming breath. She needed to find a shelter and this was the best long-term solution they had, especially since there didn’t seem to be anything down there. She reached for the ladder and carefully put a little weight on it, then climbed down into the darkness below._ _

___Don’t let me die today,_ Rey thought, _Please, Marker, don’t let me die today.__ _

__Rey slowly climbed deeper and deeper into the hatch and lit her saber, looking around. It was a bunker and a pretty large one at that. Slowly moving up the hallway. Someone had spent weeks or months carving rooms and hallways in the stone. She saw a dormitory, and walked inside. Rey looked around generally and systematically checked on and under every bed, looking for bodies, just in case. Many of the beds had been stripped, some very hastily, but they were all unoccupied. She knew no one had lived down here in years, but the last thing Jonas needed was to find a dusty skeleton in their living quarters. After she confirmed it was empty, she started looking around at the room itself. There were bags, clothes, shoes, and other random artifacts that had been left behind. Judging by the quality of the room, this place had been abandoned in an organized, but hurried, retreat. She would sort through the objects later, but found herself drawn to a gap in the metal bunkbeds along one wall. She looked at it, seeing ink and scratches on it. It looked like signatures and, when she saw no pressing, she moved on. She carefully explored some sort of armory, a rough med bay, a basic command center, and a simple prison hold. Time passed slowly as she worked her way to the end of the bunker, coughing from the dust she was kicking up. She turned at the end and grinned._ _

___Generators. Excellent._ _ _

__Rey lifted her saber over her head, reading the inscriptions on the sides of the different machines and bit her lip. Everything in her was at least fifty years old, but none of it looked really dangerous or damaged. In fact, Rey wondered why some of these pieces had been left. She looked at the switched and realized they’d all been turned off. Pushing through the generators room and opened another doorway._ _

__It was a landing bay, she was almost sure of it. It was totally empty except for some strategically-stacked scrap metal, but it was a landing bay with a doorway carved into the mountainside with a heavy metallic door closed over it. Rey couldn’t help but smile. This was something real and solid and safe._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know I said one more chapter, but I couldn't get it into 1 chapter, so... yeah.
> 
> Enjoy! Comments lead to updates and replies!


	24. Numbing the Pain for a Little While Will Make it Worse When You Finally Feel It

**“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” - J.K. Rowling, _Harry Potter in the Goblet of Fire_**

After spending what felt like hours watching a beam of light slowly inch its way across the work, Jonas lifted his feet up, wrapping his arms around his legs. After his mother had been gone an unendurably long time, Jonas stopped trying to stop himself from worrying. It was useless anyway. Jonas didn’t bother to try and speak to Kylo Ren, who sat across the ship from him. He occasionally glanced up at the face of the strange, dark figure who had sat in tense silence. He reached out in the Force, just brushing against the exterior of his emotions, and felt the tension and worry in him. He drew back, afraid to see any more or incite his father’s anger. His mother might have found a way to trust him, but Jonas hadn’t. Kylo Ren was still a darksider. 

Jonas took a deep breath, resting his cheek against the chair and staring at the floor. Occasionally, he would hear distant clicks or clatters at Ren moved around the ship. He never left the pilot’s area, but rather seemed to shift from pilot to copilot’s seat, kicking lightly at any exposed or broken pieces of the ship out of boredom. 

Jonas knew he should talk or interact with Kylo Ren, if only just to make sure he didn’t fall asleep. He didn’t want his father to fall asleep and die. He wasn’t exactly excited about living or travelling around this strange planet with his murderous father, but he didn’t want him to die. 

Jonas started to glance repeatedly at the doorway, rubbing at the back of his neck and his ears. He really wanted her to get back. Beyond him, Kylo Ren fidgeted with the control board, which was unresponsive. Jonas didn’t say anything, but kept watching him. After a long silence, Kylo Ren pulled off his dark gloves. His hands were large and pale, like he wore gloves all the time. Ren tossed the gloves onto the copilot’s seat, then went back to poking around the control board. 

As the light faded from the ship, Jonas looked around more and more, starting to feel really anxious about his mother’s continued absence. He was exhausted, scared, and really wanted to make sure she was safe. If she fell or was attacked, he would be left alone with his father in a strange place. He would have no family anymore. 

Jonas was pulled out of his thoughts and anxiety by his father’s low voice. 

“She’s alright.” Kylo Ren said dully from the pilot’s seat.

“What?” Jonas asked, looking up. 

“I can feel her.” Kylo Ren said, gesturing towards the doorway Rey had walked through, “Your moth- your master sorry, is that way. She’s safe and exploring the area to our… whatever our right is called.” He waved a hand vaguely.

Jonas looked his father in the eye, unable to really say anything. He was caught off-guard by how normal Ren’s eyes were. He had dark brown eyes which, now that Jonas really looked at them, were the same shape as his. The color was different, though. He’d always expected his father to have the infamous yellow eyes of a sith lord, but he didn’t. His eyes were the same rich brown color that Leia’s had been. It made Jonas feel like he’d been punched in the stomach. 

He didn’t say any of this, but nodded, looking down. 

“Thank you.” Jonas said quietly, feeling it would be rude to say nothing. He curled up smaller, looking between the door and his father. His mother was alright. She was searching, probably looking to make sure they were safe still. He wanted her back, though.

As time passed, Jonas became more and more convinced that he would go crazy if he sat in this always silence any longer. Since he’d essentially been ordered not to go after his mother, Jonas settled for pacing the floor. After several minutes of this, he noticed Ren watching him. Trying to maintain some sense of cool, Jonas only glanced up at his father occasionally, hoping he wouldn’t be spotted. From the deep, searching way Ren was watching him as he moved, Jonas supposed his father was looking for some familiarity. It was obvious that they looked alike. If it hadn’t been for Ren’s mask and the existence of the suitably-present and plausible Zhet, there was no way Jonas’s parentage could have been hidden.

The idea of living his life publically as the son of Kylo Ren made Jonas shudder.

Unable to stand the fact that he was standing here, in a tiny wrecked ship, wearing Darth Vader’s lightsaber and not ten paces from Kylo Ren, Jonas turned sharply, looking for something- anything- useful to do. Eventually, he settled on packing supplies. Wandering around the ship, which he had partially helped stock in the first place, Jonas tried to put together the bare necessities. If they had to leave the ship quickly and were unable to come back, he wanted to be prepared. Jonas rummaged around the various compartments, putting different objects, clothing and various other supplies into a pair of packs from the crew storage area. He assumed Ren was out of commission, so Jonas and Rey were the only ones carrying any supplies if they had to move. Ren made no move to help him, but also didn’t try to stop him or speak to him again, which Jonas was grateful for. Normally, he’d be able to set aside his worry for Rey, but on a day like today, he thought it would be more effective to just stay busy. 

Jonas sat down heavily in the chair and leaned back, resting his head on the headrest. He closed his eyes and rotated aimlessly in his chair, not even bothering to brush his hair out his face. After several minutes of dull silence, Jonas opened his eyes and moved to rest his cheek on his arm, watching his father. Ren had apparently given up on trying to actually test anything on the panel, but was absently playing with the broken dials. 

Jonas looked over at the supplies again, just to reassure himself that they were still there, then glanced back at his father. Kylo Ren sighed and rubbed his face, brushing his black hair out of his eyes. Jonas reached out in the Force and sensed the uncertainty and exhaustion in Ren’s body and mind. He wasn’t sleepy, which was good, but Jonas could sense the dull pain in Ren’s head. 

Jonas looked up sharply and leapt to his feet. He sensed his mother in the distance and let out a sigh of relief. He looked around the ship one last time before she stepped inside. Jonas sat quietly in the chair he’d vacated. He had curled up just right, able to switch his gaze between his father and the doorway, but now he was staring stupidly at Rey, his hands in his lap. Rey smiled at the sight of him and walked over to him. 

“How is he?” Rey asked, nodding towards Kylo, who was awake, but quiet, as if he was letting them have a private moment.

“He didn’t sleep or anything?” Jonas said, shrugging.

“Did he give you any trouble?” Rey asked.

“No.” Kylo said, not looking up from the dial he was playing with, “He has a head injury, but is not, in fact, deaf.” 

At his words, Rey sighed and walked over to Kylo and looked down at him. Kylo looked up at her, blinking slowly. He kept squinting, then blinked rapidly, and Jonas almost felt sorry for him. 

“How are you doing?” Rey asked.

“Lousy.” Kylo muttered darkly, “My head is killing me and then three of you come up, asking me questions.”

“Do you really see three of me?”

“No, Rey,” Ren said, a clear note of sarcasm in his voice, “but I’m pretty sure my brain is not thanking me for that crash.” 

“I’d expect as much.” Rey said quietly, “Here, I want to look at her head and make sure there’s nothing further wrong.”

Kylo nodded, leaning forward in the chair. 

Rey started reaching out, gently combing her fingers through his hair. She parted his hair, looking for any blood, well, any fresh blood, that is. She felt around for a moment, then frowned. From what he could tell, she’d found a bump on Ren’s head. Jonas was even more sure of that when Ren winced, “You okay? Does that hurt?” Rey asked gently.

“It hurts a bit, yes, but it’s bearable.” Kylo said. He kept his voice low, closing his eyes when Rey let him go. 

“I found a place for us to go.” Rey said, stepping away from Kylo and looking at both Jonas and Kylo. Jonas’s his heart leapt into his throat. If she’d found a place, then maybe there were people or a village in the area. 

“Are there people?” Jonas asked, sitting up hopefully. Rey shook her head sadly and Jonas saw, out of the corner of his eye, Kylo lean back in the chair and sigh, closing his eyes in relief. 

“How far is it?” Kylo asked.

“It’s going to be long and painful for you.” Rey said, “I’m sorry.” 

Kylo grimaced and nodded, “Thank you for telling me, for warning me.” Kylo said quietly. 

“Did you pack these?” Rey asked, looking between Jonas and Ren.

“I did.” Jonas said. He stood up, suddenly feeling like all his efforts were all inadequate and like he needed to explain, “I only packed the necessities, but the others are in the storage compartments, if you want to-”

“No, this is fine.” Rey said, looking at him, “I mean, we’ll have to come back to get the other supplies tomorrow. Good idea, Jonas.”

Jonas nodded, letting out a deep breath. 

“I can take some.” Kylo Ren said, standing. As he straightened, he frowned and his hands immediately went to his forehead. 

“Your job is to make sure you can get there.” Rey said, shaking her head, “I don’t want to drag you anywhere.”

“Fine.” Kylo Ren grunted. He looked around, clearly embarrassed. Shifting his weight on his feet, he looked at Rey, “Lead the way, Master Jedi.”

Rey nodded, hefting on her pack. Jonas walked over to the supplies and pulled on his supplies and watched the pair walked over to the doorway. They paused in the doorway and Jonas stared at them for a moment. It was surreal to see them this way, framed by the light outside. They were warriors, his parents. These were political giants, one of the Light and one of the Dark and they were both here. 

They were both his, in their different ways, as much as he might not wish it was this way. 

When Rey lead them through the hole, Kylo winced, squinting at the brightness outside.

“Force, it’s bright.” Kylo said, shaking his head. 

“The bunker is underground.” Rey promised, touching his arm. Jonas blinked, caught off-guard by the tone of her voice. She was talking to Kylo Ren of all people with the same care that she spoke to him- to her son. His mother’s voice was low and soothing. It surprised Jonas to hear the understanding way she was talking to Kylo Ren. He had never seen her talk to someone in that way, besides him and Gida’smoo. 

Realizing his parents had started to leave his behind, Jonas shook off his confusion and forced himself to keep moving forward. This wasn’t much of a “forward”, however. Making their way was slow. Jonas and Rey were both weighed down with heavy packs and Ren’s movements could not be described as ‘graceful’. The thorns snagged continually on their clothing until finally Rey stepped ahead, lit her saber, and started to clear the brush. 

“Go ahead.” Ren said, gesturing for Jonas to step ahead, but Jonas shook his head. He held his father’s gaze for one single second, then Kylo Ren blinked and walked after Rey, who had started to leave them behind in earnest now.

_Good._ Jonas thought. There was something satisfying about refusing to listen to his father. 

That was about the only thing about this trek that was satisfying. The walk to the mountain was long and arduous, full of stops and stumbles. As they walked, Kylo Ren repeatedly had to stop and take deep breaths. The light seemed to be making nim nauseous. Ren put his hands against one of the trees, his other hand over his eyes.

“Just a little farther.” Rey said gently. She put a hand against his shoulder. Jonas could sense the strength that she was imbuing him with. 

Jonas watched the interaction, frowning. He’d seen Rey do this to fellow soldiers and warriors, but it was stranger to see her like this, one braid thrown over her shoulder and one falling down her back, blowing a little in the wind. He’d seen her do this, time and again, imbuing different soldiers with strength from the Force. The fabric, however, under her her hand wasn’t the familiar brown and green of Resistance soldiers, but the coarse black fabric of the Knights of Ren. 

Ren took a deep breath, straightened his spine, and ran a hand through his hair to get it out of his face. The sweat and concern on his face reminding Jonas of the memory Rey had re-experienced upon the crash. Jonas wasn’t sure how he felt about that, so he just looked around at the increasingly rocky ground. 

Rey led them around a wall of rock and into a crevice in the stone. Jonas took a deep breath as he stepped into the hole. It felt like the walls were closing in around him. He remembered the way the Force in that cave had been tainted with the Dark side and his heart clenched at the memory. In the darkness, he saw Rey look over her shoulder at him. He didn’t say anything, but just nodded obviously enough that she wouldn’t stop for him.

Rey turned her head and moved forward, farther into the darkness. Jonas could feel her concern and hesitation. She was always concerned for him, now that he thought about it. Sometimes, he forgot that she loved him. She wasn’t just concerned about her legacy or his training. She was concerned about him. Rey turned and kneeled down to lift up a hatch in the ground. 

“I’ll go first.” Rey said, slowly climbing into the darkness. After a long second, Jonas saw the glow of her golden lightsaber and released the breath he’d been holding. Kylo climbed down next and Jonas climbed after him. When they reached the bottom of the ladder, Kylo Ren stopped and looked around. 

“Hey, trying to climb down here!” Jonas called.

Ren looked up sharply and moved away from the ladder to get out of Jonas’s way. Jonas reached up and closed the hatch behind him, throwing them into darkness. Climbing down blindly, Jonas reached out into the Force. He could sense his father right next to him and his mother, her face aglow with the comforting golden light he had known his entire life. 

“What is this place?” Kylo asked. 

“Home sweet home, for now.” Rey said, shrugging and gesturing vaguely at the bunker, “It’s a Rebellion-Era bunker. Everything seems sound, although I think it will take a little bit to get the lights up and running. Jonas, did you pack any lamps?” 

“I have a few small ones in our packs, but not enough to light the whole place.” Jonas said awkwardly.

“That is fine. We can center in the dormitory. The lights can be the one of the first things we do. Until then, we’ll live by lamp and lightsaber light.”

“Where is this dormitory?” Kylo asked, his voice tight. 

Rey turned her head, her jaw casting a strange shadow across her face. “It’s this way.” She said, leading the way to a room down the hallway. It was full of bunkbeds. Most of them had been stripped and the ones that hadn’t been were so stale they were unusable. Jonas lit his blue lightsaber when he was in the room, his eyes falling on the painting in the room. 

“What is this?” Jonas asked, blinking and focusing on the wall.

“Old Rebellion hideout, probably.” Kylo Ren said. He lit his red lightsaber, making Rey jump, but Jonas forced himself not to react. This weapon was horrible, but it was only horrible because of what it had done. He would not be afraid of it. 

“How do you know that?” Rey asked, turning to look at Kylo Ren.

“Too old to be Republic, too gritty to be First Order, too old to be ex-Imperials and too mismatched to be Imperial.” He stepped away from the others and focused on the painting and the signatures and carvings, “The only group who would have such a hodge-podge of supplies is the Rebellion.” 

Neither Jonas or Rey said anything, so Kylo turned around to look at them, “What?” He asked, his voice low. 

“I’d forgotten.” Rey murmured.

Kylo Ren turned to look at her, finally able to wrench his face away from the brick, “Forgotten what?”

“I- I’d forgotten how much you know about Galactic history.” Rey said, her voice low and her ears pink. “I forgot how much it interested you.” 

Kylo nodded awkwardly, “This looks like one of Saw Garrera’s old hide-outs.” he said, turning back to some of the clumsy artwork.

“How come you have a brain injury that leaves you completely useless and you still can recognize obscure Rebellion paraphernalia?” Rey asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Before I developed an obsession with my grandfather and the Sith, I read anything and everything I could on the Rebellion. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, the Rebellion wasn’t capital ‘R’ rebellion until the Rogue one mission and the Battle of Scariff. Everything before was disorganized mob of factions, warring groups, bands of conflicting interests and a handful of radicals like Garerra” Ren muttered. 

“Hey, Saw Garrera was a hero.” Rey said, defensively.

“Saw Garrera was a radical. The only reason why we call him a hero now is because he’s dead. Have you read his work? His manifesto? If he’d survived Jedha, he would have been relegated to obscurity, maybe given a medal to placate him.”

“How did you learn all of this?” Joans asked, raising his eyebrows.

“R2. R2D2 has-” Ren stopped, one hand sliding down the brick wall as he seemed to deflate before Jonas. Jonas remembered suddenly that he wasn’t the only one who’s sole childhood friend had been the old droid, “ _had_ \- one of the greatest memory banks in the galaxy.”

“Why did you start looking at Darth Vader?” Jonas asked, trying to change the subject.

“My mother never told me she was adopted.” Ren said, “She always talked about her parents as being Bail and Breha Organa. Then it was publically revealed that her father, biologically, was Darth Vader. She was asked to step down and I was across the galaxy, training to be a jedi.”

“She didn’t tell you?” Jonas asked.

“No. My uncle did.” Ren said dully, rubbing his temple, “But my parents got rid of me as soon as I stopped being useful.”

“How old were you?” Jonas asked, his voice small.

“I was seven.” Kylo said.

“Oh.” Jonas said quietly, unsure what to say. Jonas had learned about the Jedi of old and the age at which younglings had been taken away and raised, but he’d never thought about Luke doing this to anyone. He tried to imagine being separated from Rey at age seven. Not just separated, but sent away. He’d been raised by his masters, sure, but he’d been thought of as an orphan. Thinking about it, he’d been raised by his mother, even though she’d been training him, and she’d been honest from him as soon as she could.

Kylo Ren looked over the wall again. Jonas wondered if he was looking for familiar names from his childhood or from his academic study. When he saw his father run a finger over the symbol of the Rebellion, Jonas wondered if he just missed that part of his childhood. It must have been nice to be part of something so new and so full of hope. Jonas was fifteen and being a part of the new generation of Jedi was terrifying, but it was amazing. 

“What is that?” Kylo Ren asked, frowning and looking from the lightsaber in Jonas’s hand to the one on his hip. 

“It’s Darth Vader’s.” Jonas said quietly, “It was in the cave.”

“ _That’s_ what was in the cave?” Ren asked, looking between Rey and Jonas, “How did it get there?” 

“Tomax Ren.” Rey asked, the corner of her mouth twitching when Jonas sat down heavily on one of the beds and leaned against the frame of the bed. 

“Tomax?” Ren asked, frowning in earnest now, “I- Rey, just explain it simply. I’m too tired to sit here and go through it bit by bit, back and forth.”

So Rey did explain it. She told Ren about the cave, Tomax Ren’s skeleton, the Imperial crash site, the cave in, and her conclusion that Tomax had found the saber and triggered the cave in that ultimately killed him. Hearing that, Ren’s face fell. He sat down heavily, face in his hands.

“Was he obviously injured?” Ren asked quietly.

“No,” Rey said, her voice low, “From what we could tell, he died of exposure.”

Ren groaned and leaned back, “He wasn’t even thirty years old. He was so young.” 

“I know.” Rey murmured. 

When they started discussing Tomax Ren in earnest, Jonas sat against the bars of the bed. His eyes were heavy, but he struggled to keep his eyes open. He watched his parents swap memories about Tomax Ren and some other knights who had died. It was surreal to watch the comfortable communication between them. He had seen other parents with their children and it was almost bizarre to see the fact that they didn’t really have _him_ in common. 

Jonas watched his father, who laughed tightly at a story Rey had told him. He hadn’t expected his father to have a sense of humor, outside, perhaps, kicking baby animals. Except, here he was, laughing sleepily on a grimy old bed, watching Rey imitate some old friend of theirs. Rey looked over at Jonas and sighed, “You should sleep.”

“Should I take second watch?” Jonas asked, straightening. He wanted to sound helpful and capable, but the look on Rey’s face made him feel like a child.

“I’ll take the watches. You need to sleep.” Rey said gently, “Ren and I will handle it.”

Jonas gritted his teeth, looking between them. He didn’t trust Ren, but he didn’t want his mother having to stay up all night. However, he focused on her face and saw her smile.

“We’re both staying awake.” Rey said, looking at Jonas.

“Kylo can’t sleep, not with a possible concussion. I’m going to stay awake, keep watch, and make sure he doesn’t fall asleep.”

Jonas watched his mother’s expression for a moment, then nodded. 

“It’s alright,” Rey said, “Sleep.”

Jonas nodded. He leaned back on the bed, resting his head on the bare mattress. He looked between them for a moment. He thought it would be hard to fall asleep after the day he’d had, but he was already falling asleep. The last thing he saw were both of his parents, looking at him. Rey looked exhausted, but watched him tenderness. Kylo Ren, though, watched him with a concern and carefulness. Jonas's father watched him with a small smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! 
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for everyone's comments and supports.
> 
> There WILL be a sequel, so I will add an announcement to this when I publish it. Until then, everyone have fun and I'll hopefully see you soon!


	25. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add this little blurb in at the end.

The Supreme Leader did not display any sign that he had lost control of Kylo Ren. He was in touch with the dark side, with his emotions, but he also saw some of the advantages of control. The stoicism of the old Jedi Order was misguided and pointless, but there was a use to keeping a blank face. 

Kylo Ren- his pathetic, failed, apprentice, was gone. Either the man was dead or he had hidden himself somehow. The Supreme Leader couldn't understand how someone who he'd been in touch with, someone whose mind he'd had a backdoor into for nearly four and a half decades, had managed to escape his grasp. This concerned him. He'd thought that Darth Sidius's mistake with Anakin Skywalker had been his age, that he'd converted Darth Vader as a man. So, he'd reached into the mind of Ben Solo when he'd been a small child. It had taken more than a decade to get his apprentice into a position where he could train him and control his more efficiently, but it had taken little effort.

The Skywalkers had defeated Darth Vader, yes, but that was due more to Sidious's failures than to the great successes of the family. 

Snoke steepled his fingers, keeping his gaze focused blankly on the wall across from him. His praetorian guard stood, silent and and fixed, beside him. Where had he failed?  
What had happened? After several long minutes, he decided that it was the boy. He had overindulged Kylo Ren on the matter of his son. He should have forced Kylo Ren to remove this threat years ago. Now, he had lost him, either to death or to the Resistance. 

Whether or not Kylo Ren was alive, he had rejected him. Regardless of Ren's status, Snoke had lost three valuable assets. He had lost his two most powerful Force users in one night. He would have to replace them, somehow. Even the Knights of Ren that had the Force lacked the talent that Kylo Ren had had. He would need to replace that talent.

The Supreme Leader meditated for a long moment, remembering the glimmer of power that the young Ben Solo had been. At that moment, he knew his solution.


End file.
